X @calamitcs // wesley & angel
this wasn't how it was supposed to go. it was a line wesley had told himself like a mantra. he'd told himself the same excuse so many times they didn't even feel like words anymore. just sounds that fixed nothing, excused nothing. for all the scrolls about prophecy, fate and destiny, nothing was truly aligned. they made their own choices, their own ruin, in the end. the only man who knew perhaps even better then wesley was the man who stood before him. "angel." it felt like whiplash. he'd known angel was out there, something that was heavy on his mind since he'd come back from the dead as a monster. but seeing the other man for the first time brought about the gravity of what he'd done. what he hadn't done.
"i..." how did he even start? i'm a different version of a monster now? a DARKLIGHTER, someone dragged out of hell and surviving at the cost of other souls, living amongst the shadows bathed in in blood and death, never contacting his loved ones, telling them that he was back. wesley, in moments of skin deep loathing, assured himself that keeping away was the best for them. he had been the source of so many bad decisions, so much death, so many roads leading to nowhere but torment and hell itself more then not. the biggest mistake of all was, perhaps, not accepting the well deserved fate in hell.
even in this moment, the thought to let angel believe he only just came back from the dead, flashed through his mind with temptation. for all the lies he was happy to live in in the past, wesley couldn't bring himself to utilize this one. he and angel had a long history after all, complicated as it was. more then once wesley pondered if angel had even mourned him.. perhaps the man had felt relief. he still wasn't certain if that thought was fear, paranoia or a logical conclusion. "it is me, angel. i'm not a vampire." a soft pause before continueing. "i am still dead, however." because that was probably the best place to start. "just... a different variation."