#ooc response.

[vlyuvdova]

👫 but this -> 👭

natasha has done everything possible to have the scars from their surgical face swap removed. this is due in part to the practicality of having no discernible markings in the field, but it is also because she does not want to be reminded of her actions and what they caused. though she would not change what happened, she does regret the lasting pain it caused yelena. when they are together and she sees or feels the scar that yelena still retains, this regret is intensified, though in true homoerotically questionable fashion,  natalya feels a quieter, but deep sense of satisfaction that she has in a way marked yelena for herself.  and though her own scar is no longer visible, she feels the phantom twitch of it when she leasts expects.

she is not afraid to admit that in some areas of sheer skill, they are evenly matched. lena will always fall short in terms of experience by virtue of their respective ages, but she deeply respects the work lena has done to get to where she is now, even if she so adamantly and crudely pressed against it when they first knew one another.

despite the power imbalance inherent to their dynamic that is skewed in natalya’s favor,  she will often wait for yelena to initiate when it comes to intimacy and sex.  this is not always the case,  of course,  and natasha has initiated many a kiss and topped many a time (and has enjoyed the thrill of it),  but more often she will allow lena to take the reins.

after many times of yelena breaking into natalya’s apartment and making herself quite at home, she gives her a key and code to her alarm,  just to make it easier for her. of course, she won’t stop her if lena thinks it’ll be more fun and interesting to continue breaking and entering.

when they’re in bed, natasha will spend considerable time kissing and touching lena in admiration. she finds her beautiful when they are most bare to each other, and lacking the pretenses that they would often put on during the day, even if they do still hold themselves beneath secrets when with one another. natalya could remember and recite every inch of her if she needed to, but that is for herself to know.

@bledyshka - 👫 relationship headcanons.

[espionn-blog]

have you even written here yet at all?

In the 96 hours I have had this blog, I have spent 24 of them studying, 8 working, 8 in transit, 6 in training, 4 preparing meals, 4 working on this theme, and maybe 6 with friends and family. I’m not gonna lose what little time I have left to sleep on this blog, anon. When you’re done fingering yourself let me know.

[vlyuvdova]

What is a fear she won't admit to anyone?

CHARACTER QUESTIONS

while natasha is not afraid of death, per se, and has been vocal about it in the past and will always be, considering she puts herself on the line every day as a spy and avenger, natasha is privately afraid of dying slowly.

she has died four times, and while she only remembers two of those times ( once, being poisoned on a molecular level and quite literally dissolving to death, and second, bleeding out from a slit throat ), both have been slow, and the sheer sensation of feeling the life drain out of her is not one she is ever keen on experiencing again. one of her few recurring nightmares involves being paralyzed, knowing that she is about to die, with no ability to stop it.

[vlyuvdova]

When they’re overwhelmed / upset, what do they do to calm themselves? what could someone else do to calm them?

CHARACTER QUESTIONS

in quieter moments, one of the tell-tale signs of an upset and overwhelmed natasha is her holding / hugging herself. she will bend slightly at the waist, slouch, and if it's something she needs to get past quickly, she'll take a moment to bend forward and lean with her arms and hands outstretched against a wall. it's very much a way to both emotionally and physically contain herself and her emotions lest they become too much to handle.

otherwise, she prefers to get up on rooftops and let the noise of the wind and the city calm her down, or to jump and swing with her widow's line. she hates being stagnant, hates sitting and wallowing in her feelings, so if something is overwhelming her, she's going to want to do what she can to get it all out. being active is the best way to calm herself down in a sustainable way. it's both a psychological mechanism, as well as a physical method to get her heart pumping and trick her body into relaxing.

if she's with someone, other than giving her a moment of quiet or holding her hand / letting her hold their arm ... sometimes the best thing they can do is to give her a long and tight hug, to keep her from feeling like she's breaking apart into pieces.

[vlyuvdova]

If they talked in their sleep, what weird jumble of words would come out?

CHARACTER QUESTIONS

while natasha is a light and quiet sleeper and knows how to wake herself up when dreams start getting to be too much ( years of deep psychological - somatic training as well as being brainwashed multiple times and in different ways, and having the natural barriers of your pscyhe broken and built up again will help with that ), most of her vivid dreams and mumbling / talking / stirring comes when she is in deep sleep thanks to meds or sheer exhaustion. on the rare occasion she does talk in her sleep, it is always in russian. it is most common for her to say the name of someone she knows or knew ( 'alexei' and 'matthew' are by far the most frequent ), or simply ask a question or give an order / direction.

it is more likely, however, not to hear her talk in her sleep, but to hear her make some kind of sound. she wakes up crying quite often, and while dreaming she can whimper or groan.

[vlyuvdova]

Is your muse good at taking care of themselves? or do they need constant reminders to eat/drink/rest? :)

CHARACTER QUESTIONS

generally, natasha is good at maintaining a routine of keeping herself fed, hydrated, and clean ( if she has the time, she makes a ritual out of bathing / skincare / the like because it's both culturally ingrained as well as a way to help herself relax ). however, if she's busy, fixated on an assignment, or just stressed, she will go as long as she is able without eating. it's a leftover habit from a more difficult time in her life when she both was not able to eat often, nor wanted to, for reasons of various body issues. having a friend to remind her to eat or to make / pick up something for her and eat with her is one of the best ways to make sure she gets fed.

she is huge on water, though. she keeps as hydrated as humanly possible and always has a bottle or canteen with her no matter where she goes.

in terms of rest and general tension, she has gone days without sleep or taking a break. people around her will notice her getting more irritable and snippy, so sitting her down and giving her a shoulder rub is a good way to get her to relax.

[vlyuvdova]

List 5-10 sleep/bedtime related headcanons!

CHARACTER QUESTIONS

in an ideal world, natasha gets into bed around 10-11 pm, and wakes at 6-7 am. as it is, natasha is a freelancer with a schedule paid for by international clients with equally international jobs that necessitate her being on the move and ready to work sometimes well into early morning. so, while she'd love to have a fixed sleep schedule, she doesn't.

natasha has a difficult time falling and staying asleep unless she takes sleeping pills. this has always been the case, and she's been diagnosed with chronic insomnia, and hates taking meds for it unless absolutely necessary ( if she's very obviously sleep deprived and it's getting in the way of her daytime productivity and sharpness ), so at this point she just deals with it.

she's a very light and quiet sleeper, and will wake at even the smallest sound or movement ( given she hasn't taken medication or isn't totally passed out from exhaustion ).

she prefers beds that are of a medium softness ( too hard or too soft will have her aching and grumpy in the morning ), but is able to fall asleep anywhere.

her bedtime routine at home is simple: skincare, stretching, reading, sleep.

she doesn't have a set type of sleepwear - some nights she'll wear nightgowns, others she'll wear a pajama set, or a big shirt and underwear, or nothing at all. it really just depends on what mood she's in, the weather, what guests she has, or where she's staying.

the average amount of sleep she gets is probably between 4-6 hours. seeing as she's not at all a morning person and is very prone to irritability if it's too early or she hasn't gotten enough rest, it's wise to steer clear of her until she's had breakfast.

she sleeps best with a partner, and is absolutely a cuddler. big spoon, little spoon, stack, she'll do it all.

[alghul]

Hello!! I love your psd and I was wondering if you could give some tips of how can I make a psd that doesn't whitewash my fc, please????

Thanks so much! Like a lot of people here my PSD is currently a mash of one or two others, altered to work best with whatever lighting my current scene has. I find that the most important thing to do with PSDs is to go through each and every layer and turn their visibility on and off to understand how they effect the final result. For instance, selective colour layers in red and yellow often drain the colour from anyone browner than a bandaid. I also really like using a black fill layer and setting it to lighten, screen, overlay, or soft light to really bring out warm colours.