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Le prophète: A (Somewhat Tongue-In-Cheek) Synopsis

(With a lot of references to the 2017 Toulouse production, which I highly recommend. I’d be more than happy to send links to anyone interested!)

Setting: Various locations in Holland and Germany; the 1530s (or in this production, what appears to be sometime…I’d say circa 1870.)

Act 1:

Gooooooooooooood morniiiiiiiiiiiiin’, Dordrecht, Holland! Except it’s not a good morning if you’re a peasant under the rule of the Comte d’Oberthal, who is a bit of a douchebag. In any case, the peasants are doing their early-morning-work thing and we meet Berthe, one of their number, who’s excited that she finally has a chance to get the heck out of Dodge and head off to marry her beloved Jean. Jean’s mother, Fidès, shows up to accompany her to their home in Leiden, and Berthe tells her they’ve got to get permission from Oberthal for her to leave and marry Jean (you would think they would have already done that, but nooooooooooo). On their way to the castle, they run into a trio of creepy Anabaptists who are dressed in 16th-century clothes despite the fact that literally everyone else looks like they’re from a Courbet painting or a Flaubert or Zola novel or *insert 19th-century French realist of your choice*. The Anabaptists do some creepy Latin singing and then basically start talking about how awesome Communism is and how the peasants need to overthrow their overlords. The peasants are down with this, but Oberthal isn’t and he comes in on the fakest horse to have ever fake-existed on an opera stage and yells at everyone for a bit. Then Berthe’s all like ‘hey, can I leave and marry this guy who saved me from drowning?’ and Oberthal’s like “NOPE I’M TAKING YOU FOR MYSELF because I can do what I want and I’m totally not a douchebag” and he arrests Berthe and Fidès and takes them back to his castle as the peasants stare at the audience like they’re on ‘The Office’.

Act 2:

Obligatory choral waltz at the inn in Leiden! We finally meet Jean, the innkeeper, Mr. Popular-With-The-People, good Christian boy, leading tenor who looks very cute in a Fluffy White Shirt, etc., and he’s looking forward to his mom and girlfriend coming back. Meanwhile the Anabaptists are there in 19th-century clothes because why not and they’re like ‘whoa that innkeeper dude looks like the David window in the cathedral in Münster so obviously we have to get him for our cause’ because that’s totally how picking religious leaders works and Jean sends everyone off to bed. The Anabaptists are all like ‘can we chat?’ and Jean decides to tell them about a prophetic dream he keeps having where he gets crowned, and then voices start cursing him and there’s destruction but then the voices start asking for mercy and the Anabaptists interpret this as ‘obviously you should be our leader it’s not like anything bad will happen’. Jean only wants to marry Berthe and live out his days in the countryside with her and his mom, though, and in what’s probably the last sensical decision anyone makes in this opera, he sends them off. Meanwhile, Berthe and Fidès have escaped, and Berthe shows up begging Jean to hide her, which he does. Oberthal shows up and questions Jean; Jean denies knowing anything; Oberthal reveals that his soldiers have captured Fidès and will kill her if Jean does not give Berthe back. Jean does Standard Tenor Indecisiveness Angst for a bit but decides to hand Berthe over, much to both women’s dismay. Fidès tried to make Jean feel better in a very cool aria and fails; the Anabaptists show up again and ask him to join them, saying he can get revenge on Oberthal. After more Standard Tenor Indecisiveness Angst, Jean agrees, and they sneak off while Fidès is asleep.

Act 3:

Three different places in the Anabaptists’ camp in a German forest.

Scene 1:

It’s winter. Life sucks, especially if you’re one of the Catholic nobles whom the Anabaptists have captured and are about to sadistically torture and/or rape, then execute. That happens. Mathisen, one of the Three Anabaptists, comes back and is like ‘yo, you should’ve waited until we got ransom money and stuff.’ At that point, a group of farmers and ballet dancers skates across a nearby pond and shows up with food and tutus for the Anabaptists (who don’t know what to do with the tutus, it’s rather amusing). Then the ballerinas dance and everyone thinks it’s the coolest thing ever. End scene.

Scene 2:

Oberthal has decided that the best course of action is to infiltrate the Anabaptist camp disguised as what appears to be a Wild West prospector because sure why not. He overhears the other two main Anabaptists, Jonas and Zacharie, decide to attack Münster with the hope of taking it over, and waltzes in (not literally) saying he wants to join them. Jonas and Zacharie, not recognizing him, pour drinks and make him swear to respect the poor but rob and kill all the nobles he can find (translation verbatim from the text: “Massacre! What a pleasure! Tra-la-la!”) Eventually, Oberthal takes his hat off and the Anabaptists immediately recognize him because of course and they seize him and demand he be executed. Jean comes in to investigate, and Oberthal reports that Berthe has escaped again and he has been told she is in Münster. He wants to go there and seek her forgiveness (yeah, suuuuuuuuuuuure). Jean decides to let him go.

Scene 3:

A few days later, the Anabaptists return from the attack on Münster, which has failed. The Anabaptists all blame each other, the people are upset, and they start to do what they do best-rebel. Jean gets pissed and makes them all pray, and then he has a vision of God leading them to Münster. Everybody gets super-excited and they decide to attack Münster again.

Act 4:

Münster.

Scene 1:

The Anabaptists’ second attack was indeed a success, and the Anabaptists have set up a government with Jean as prophet and unofficial leader. The populace of Münster is understandably not happy about this. Fidès has also shown up in Münster, having been led to believe that Jean has been murdered by the Prophet. She begs passers-by for money to pay for a Mass for Jean. Berthe and Fidès spot each other and are like ‘OMG IT’S YOU’. Berthe is like ‘I HEARD YOU CAME WITH JEAN WHERE’S MY BOYFRIEND’, Fidès is like ‘DESPITE NOT HAVING ANY REAL PROOF HE’S DEAD BECAUSE THE PROPHET KILLED HIM’, and the two get depressed for a bit but then decide they’ll take matters into their own hands, do the obviously-logical thing, and kill the Prophet. Berthe decides to go to the Prophet’s palace, find the Prophet, and kill him, and Fidès goes to the cathedral to pray...for Berthe’s success, I guess?

Scene 2:

As it so happens, Jean is about to be crowned King of Münster in the cathedral. There’s a big march, book-burning, a hymn, etc. Fidès prays while the Anabaptists do their thing. Eventually, Jean shows up and declares that he is the Son of God with no mother and Fidès is like ‘OMG YOU’RE ALIVE WTF I AM YOUR MOTHER” and everyone else is like “WTF” and Jean is like “oh no oh no” and the Anabaptists threaten to kill Fidès. Fidès starts going OFF about how she’s Jean’s mother and she loves him and everyone else is even more like “WTF” and then Jean’s like “WAIT SHE’S OBVIOUSLY INSANE”. He tells the Anabaptists to kill him if she says again that she is his mother, and then he does a weird pseudo-exorcism thing and asks her again if she is his mother. Fidès, not wanting her son to die, renounces her claim. Everyone else is like “OMG HE IS THE SON OF GOD HE CAN DO MIRACLES AND STUFF”, and the Anabaptists arrest Fidès.

Act 5:

Jean’s palace in Münster.

Scene 1:

In an underground prison, the Three Anabaptists learn that Catholic forces are about to take the city back and that they will be safe if they hand over Jean; they decide to betray Jean. Meanwhile, Fidès is dragged in and she has a Lot of Conflicting Feelings about the current situation and her son. An official announces that Jean wants to see her, and Fidès decides to forgive Jean with conditions, and prays that she can redeem him. Jean shows up and Fidès offers him the deal: she will forgive him if he renounced his titles, wealth, power, and followers and agrees to leave with her. After much Angst, he eventually agrees. Berthe, who has a long-lost relative who happens to be a palace worker, shows up and says that she is about to set some underground explosives she learned about from said relative on fire and blow the Prophet, his followers, and the palace up. She recognizes Jean and the three of them have a happy ‘let’s run away and live in the country together’ moment, and they probably could have done it had the official not shown up again at that moment. He’s all like ‘uh...Prophet, the Catholics are going to attack us and those three creepy Anabaptists are going to betray you.’ Berthe is VERY PISSED to learn that Jean is the Prophet, and she curses him and then commits suicide. Jean is like “WELL FML THEN” and decides to do what Berthe planned and suicide-bomb the palace. He tells a couple of Anabaptists to get Fidès out of the palace ASAP because he’s a mama’s boy at heart. They leave, and then he sets off the explosives.

Scene 2:

The people (who, in the Toulouse production, are wasting away), celebrate the Prophet at a grand banquet. Jean shows up and orders all the doors closed (which doesn’t happen immediately). He sings about how awesome wine is and it’s essentially a big “YOLO” moment until the Catholics (many of whom look vaguely like Santa because why not), led by Oberthal, show up. Right after that, the doors are finally closed, and Jean declares that everyone is under his power now (“I AM THE CAPTAIN NOW”). There’s an explosion, and a wall collapses. Fidès comes back and says that she will die with her son. At that point, everything starts to catch on fire and everyone unsuccessfully attempts to escape, but there are more explosions. Fidès and Jean declare they will finally be redeemed. The palace collapses and LITERALLY EVERYONE DIES. THE END.