Of oppositeness, distance, and bestfriendship
We are not the same anymore. And when I say we, I am not just saying it as you and I. I am saying it as we. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, they say. And I believe it is true if, and only if, distant is how it naturally is, and not how it has been made to be. Geography is an important factor, of course. But as they say, again, if there's a will, there's a way. And I also believe that, with us, there really was and is a way. There's a way for us to be connected still. To treat the miles as if they were a special rope that would only make us closer and tighter and inseparable as ever. To not let not-seeing-each-other ruin the each-other part. We just didn't find it. Or worse, perhaps we did not bother to make a way ourselves. In our case, it is we who have created the distance. I have been denying it all these years, you see. I have been pushing the thought away ever since I found it making a home in the deepest untouched corners of my mind. It had always been here. And I felt that the same creeping thought had found its way into your lovely mind too, way before it did into mine. I remember us spending the last nights of high school flopped on your clean girly bed as we talked about what college would be like. How we would only date guys who owned cars. Rarely did we utilize my bed because as opposed to yours, it had so much clutter in it for it to even fit the both of us. That's the thing about us, babe. We were so much opposites. Everybody, including us, knows this. You'd be the one to listen while I talk endlessly. You'd be the one to cheekily crush on celebrities and fictional characters while I pursue the boys in class (although you did have your secret picks of the litter.) You always had your hair effortlessly well-kept while I had to struggle with mine to at least look like freaking hair. You were the shy type while I was the *insert random everything* type. And so much more differences that this writing space could not hold. We were so much different and yet we were so much alike. Alike in ways only best friends would be alike in. And as much as we wouldn't want to admit it we have grown apart. We have grown apart in ways only best friends could grow apart in. We tried not to though. Remember the first weeks of actually being miles apart? We thought that we can make it; that four hours and 150 pesos of travel every week is a piece o' cake. We were superhuman like that, honey. But we failed, like how ordinary humans do. We were drifting apart and no one wanted to say it out loud first. Once in a while, especially in the whiles when this heart of mine gets lonely or broken, I would click on your name on my chat list, send you a late night tweet, or post on your timeline. I would call you by the pet name we always called each other and act as if we had always been talking when in fact, we hadn't been. I would semi-beg you to leave the highlands and see me in the city for a moment. I would remember you and call for you, because somehow, I know that it was your ears that can handle my blabbering; it was your heart that can connect with mine. But for most days, it was not like that. We were okay with no contact for weeks and with not knowing each other's friends. We were okay with not updating each other on our GWA's and happy crushes and sick days. We were okay with being acquainted strangers. We waited on the next heartbreak or mini-tragedy for us to dial the best friend hotline again. It always took a while. Apology is not what I need right now, even though it is the first thing your mouth would probably blurt out as soon as we meet after you read this. But no. Hush. No apologies. No crying. Let's save our tears, okay? The time we've been apart, even while together at times, is not worthy of regrets and baby cries. It is worthy of more memories, more laughter and more of us. There is no need for us to fill the gaps. We only have to commit to what's ahead of us. And I am willing to. I am willing to break the silence and cover the distance and create the memories we should've created all these years. I am willing to swallow my pride, admit my faults, and be back by your side. I am willing to go beyong the name-calling and really, really be yours again. The question now is, are you too?
