Teaching from campus again. The district has made it seem that teachers are all vaccinated and prepred. I assure you this is not the case. And really. It's just a false sense of security. These vaccinations are not going to lessen the spread, at all. The students aren't vaccinated, and we can't be sure that their families aren't either. I can't belive it.
Students noticed that I was at school and they all responded with "Oh the orchestra room!!" "I miss it." and the like. And I offered to show them how it was and they wanted to see. I picked up my camera to show them that only 12 chairs fit in the room all spread out and nothing like the lilttle half moon shape that kept us close. It's really sad. It sadened them. And they asked me how I felt about it. I told them it made me sad. That I was just waiting for all of them to just walk through the door and "Hi miss!!" and the sounds of them continuing their conversations and the roar of them all opening up their lockers and cases. The tuner just droning on as if any of them can hear it over the noise they make. It took a lot out of me to tell them and not cry. I miss them all so much.
I know that when I get home and I let myself think about it, or later in the week when it starts to get to me; I'm going to cry about it.
I think being back has made me more productive. Not that that is inherently better. My mental health is, not at the best. But I feel like I can't take breaks. Like I have to be ON all the time. Constantly. And I'm exhausted as it is.
This first day isn't even over yet and I am feeling myself numbing out the fact that there aren't kids here. Ther are. two at the most. But it's so empty and so lonely.