Two Steps Forward, One Step Back
“There’s no such thing as quiet in the ghoul world.”
Trigger Warnings:
The song “Empty” by Olivia O’brien (currently #82) is about passive suicidal thoughts
Songs #105-#109 are sexually suggestive and, in this context, reference a cannibalism (read: ghoul) kink
Library Card - J Maya (“happy ending's overrated / i'm more used to getting hurt / forgive me if i'd rather stay in my own little universe”)
DNA - Lia Marie Johnson (“i won't be, no, i won't be like you / fighting back, i’m fighting back the truth / eyes like yours can't look away / but you can't stop DNA”)
Behind The Mask - Ivy & Gold (“mother tell me is this where the story ends? do i have to start again? who's the man behind the mask? you wore it well, you had me fooled 'til the last laugh / and were you faking every day? now i can't breathe because you took my air away / you smashed me like a glass against the walls that we had made / walked away, nothing to say / just a debt that has been paid / mother, can't you see that i am broken? mother, mother, how long will my wounds stay open? i can't do this again”)
Heather - Conan Gray (“i still remember the third of december / me in your sweater / you said it looked better on me than it did you / only if you knew how much i liked you / but i watch your eyes as she / walks by / what a sight for sore eyes / brighter than the blue sky / she's got you mesmerized / while i die / why would you ever kiss me? i'm not even half as pretty / you gave her your sweater, it's just polyester / but you like her better / wish i were Heather”)
I’m Not A Good Person - Pat The Bunny (“i'm not a good person / ask anyone who knows me / i'm mean and bitter and a failure at everything that i say i believe / i'm not a good person / ask anyone who loves me”)
Ribs - Lorde (“this dream isn't feeling sweet / we're reeling through the midnight streets / and I've never felt more alone / it feels so scary getting old / we can talk it so good / we can make it so divine / we can talk it good / how you wish it would be all the time”)
Run - OneRepublic (“yeah one day well the sky might fall / yeah one day i could lose it all / so i run until i hit that wall / if i learned one lesson, count your blessings / look to the rising sun and run, run, run”)
People Watching - Conan Gray (“i wanna feel all that love and emotion”)
Version of Love - Will Jay (“books have set my standards high / i guess my type is non-existent”)
Aromantic Moodboard - Maxwell Anthony (“i could write about love / but my heart only responds to caffeine”)
The World We Made - Ruelle (“it's in our blood, in our blood, no escape / can't outrun, no we can't get away / it's in our blood, in our blood, in our veins / this is the world we made”)
Terrible Things - April Smith And The Great Picture Show (“you don't suspect that i could be exactly who i am”)
Love And War - Fleurie (“lover, hunter, friend and enemy / you will always be every one of these”)
Creature of the Night - Air Traffic Control (“you're in a dream and i'm awake / i could lay next to you but I would only shake / and everybody thinks i'm making a mistake / for staying up so late / i'm squeezing extra hours out of days / i may seem crazy, trust me, everything's okay”)
Never Love An Anchor - The Crane Wives (“i am selfish, i am broken, i am cruel / i am all the things they might have said to you / do you ever think of me and my two hands? / and wonder why they never soothed your fevers? / and wonder why they never tied your shoes? / and wonder why they never held you gently? / and wonder why they never had the chance to lose you?”)
Sleeping With The Lights On - Searows (“do you think about dying? i wanna know what you would say / and would you tell me if you're lying? i couldn't stop you anyway / we've been watching different movies / and I've been talking to myself / i'd like to think that you knew me / better than anybody else”)
Someone To You - BANNERS (“i wanna be somebody to someone oh / i never had nobody and no road home”)
Love Don’t Die - The Fray (“if i know one thing that’s true / it ain’t what you say it’s what you do / and you don’t say much yeah that’s true / but i listen when you do”)
I Know I’m A Wolf - Young Heretics (“i've captured you once, but i wasn't quite right / so i'm telling you that you'll be safe with me”)
I Believe What You Said - Dima Lancaster (“i knew it, the one and only answer / i finally found it, the door i was searching for / it slowly opens in front of me now / and i can see it all / it’s all covered in light / the true meaning of everything reflecting in my eyes”)
Everybody’s Watching Me (Uh Oh) - The Neighbourhood (“i told you i would tell you everything you wanna know / you want me to tell you now / you pressure me to shout it, need to hear about it / think that i would count you out / i let you find it on your own / then I found myself alone / uh oh, where can i go? everybody's watching me”)
Shape Of My Heart - Backstreet Boys (“looking back on the things i've done i was trying to be someone / i played my part / kept you in the dark / now let me show you the shape of my heart”)
Ugly Truth - Lauren Aquilina (“this changes everything / i could tear your world to shreds”)
What It Sounds Like - HUNTR/X (“nothing but the truth now / nothing but the proof of what i am / the worst of what i came from, patterns i'm ashamed of / things that even i don't understand / i tried to fix it, i tried to fight it my head was twisted, my heart divided / my lies all collided i don't know why i didn't trust you to be on my side / i broke into a million pieces, and i can't go back / but now i 'm seeing all the beauty in the broken glass / the scars are part of me, darkness and harmony / my voice without the lies, this is what it sounds like”)
Strange Sight - KT Tunstall (“you are a strange sight / some new kind of wonder / with good hidden under / i’m sure that it’s true / strange / how your dark doesn’t faze me / no i won’t give up on you”)
I Believe What You Said - AmaLee (“a door will open upon the answer / to all our questions that we have searched for now / i watch it open / to lead us at last / into the light it cast / we will find truth beyond the lie”)
I Want It That Way - Backstreet Boys (“but we are two worlds apart / can’t reach to your heart”)
TRINITY - Snaggletooth (“i want to find you / i wanna find everything / everything about you / i want to know you / i want to know everything about you”)
Eyes Open - Kurt Hugo Schneider (“the tricky thing is yesterday we were just children / but now we've stepped into a cruel world / where everybody stands and keeps score”)
Sax Rohmer #1 - The Mountain Goats (“and I am coming home to you / with my own blood in my mouth / and I coming home to you / if it's the last thing that I do”)
Red Eye - Vance Joy (“won't you come through my door asking 'how was your day?' / well you know that i'm still a dog / and i'm trusting my nose / will it show me the way?”)
Heavy Is The Weight - Memphis Is May Fire (“one life, one chance, it's all i have / wouldn't matter if the whole world hated me / so i move on, forget the past / and let 'em go back to thinkin' they made me / they only see what they want to see”)
Willard! - Will Wood (“you know i couldn't hurt a fly, my friend / i'm not the type to step on ants / i've nearly cried for moths that die at porchlight lamps / more for the plights of mice than men / see i myself have been stepped on so many times / it's started to feel like my place / i've failed to fit in into those nests that scrape the sky / is there room for me in your cage? / animals are people too but these people are animals / hunt in packs and act as though that proves we can't survive alone / and i guess we just evolved disgust for prevention of infection though / shame was an invention made for prisons, pales, and pest control”)
Fight Song - Will Stetson (“i wanted just a normal, plain life”)
The Good Side - Troye Sivan (“but i sympathize / and i recognise / and baby, I apologize / that i got the good side / the good side of things”)
Monster / 怪物 / [Kaibutsu] - re:TYE (“all my regrets, i’ll eat them up and try to soar / in this world for you i’ll make sure in the end / you’ll laugh and you’ll smile again / i won’t hurt you or anyone / so i’ll be stronger and stronger, i’ll try to grow / so that i can stay and keep the monster away”)
Monster / 怪物 / [Kaibutsu] - AmaLee (“so tell me is it right to live just as i am truthfully? or tell me is it better to live when i have to deceive?”)
怪物 (Monster) [kaibutsu] - Yoasobi 「清く正しく生きること・誰も悲しませずに生きること・はみ出さず真っ直ぐに生きること・それが間違わないで生きること？ありのまま生きることが正義か？騙し騙し生きるのは正義か？僕の在るべき姿とはなんだ？本当の僕は何者なんだ？教えてくれよ！」 (“To live a clean and tidy life / To live without make anyone sad / To live on the straight and narrow without standing out / Is that how you live without making any mistakes? Is it right to live how you are / Or is it right to live a deceitful lie / Just what type of person should I try to be? Just what type of person am I really? Please, tell me!”)
Bones - OneRepublic (“that kind of comfortable you cannot replicate / you feel like home”)
Cop Car - Mitski (“i get mean when i'm nervous like a bad dog”)
Bite The Hand - BoyGenius (“who do you think you are? who do you think i am? what do you want to say? what do you think will change? maybe i’m afraid of you”)
Monster - Skillet (“i feel it deep within / it’s just beneath the skin / i must confess that i feel like a monster”)
Cold-Blooded - Beth Crowley (“i've seen things / that would break most people / but i'm not most people”)
I Am… All Of Me - Victor McKnight (“black-hearted evil oh / brave-hearted hero oh”)
Heathens - Twenty One Pilots (“it looks like you might be one of us”)
The Kids Aren’t Alright - Fall Out Boy (“and in the end / i'd do it all again / i think you're my best friend”)
Animal Impulses - IAMX (“i’m tired of this human duet / no civilizing hides / our animal impulses”)
Jaws - Sleep Token (“are you watching me with eyes of a predator? as you move towards the door / show me those pretty white jaws / show me where the delicate stops / show me what you've lost / and why you're always taking it slow / show me what wounds you've got and show me love”)
Too Late For Me - Beth Crowley (“strip me down and lay me bare / cross your fingers / something's there / can't see what's underneath / the darkness runs too deep / i just keep on hoping that it's not too late for me”)
Bad Intentions - Digital Daggers (“i am not what i've done / what i've become”)
Le Zoo - Yurika 「君の寝息に、柔らかな時が過ぎる・壊さぬように、傷をつけないように・鋭い爪を、掌に仕舞い込んだ」 (“Gentle time passes along your sleeping breath / So that I won't destroy you / So that I won't hurt you / I hid my sharp claws inside of my palm”)
Safe & Sound - Taylor Swift (“you'll be alright / no one can hurt you now / come morning light / you and I'll be safe and sound”)
Sleep Well - D4VD (“i know i'm not the perfect guy / but i think i'm doing just alright / it doesn't matter what you thought of me then / but what you think of me now / we haven't always seen eye to eye / but right now won't you look at mine? don't be scared there's no such thing as fear / when you sleep just know that / i'm here for you still / and even if you don't think that I'm near / i'll still be right next to you my dear / and the way you make me feel / has the power to make the whole world stand still / who's to say that our love ain't real?”)
Love Me Or Leave Me - Three Days Grace (“will you love me or leave me forever? i have to ask cuz i need something to last / too many times i've been left behind”)
I Of The Storm - Of Monsters And Men (“are you really gonna love me when i'm gone? i fear you won't”)
Morally Grey - April Jai (“they say he's morally grey / what can i say? grey's my favorite color”)
Be Nice To Me - The Front Bottoms (“you’re a killer / and i’m your best friend”)
Ally - We The Kings (“for every step forward take two steps right back”)
It’s On Us - AJR (“nobody knows what you're going through, so you just be you, and i'll be that, too”)
I Dare You - Kelly Clarkson (“even if you're hurt and you can only see the worst / even if you think it's not enough / oh i dare you to love”)
Masterpiece Theatre III - Marianas Trench (“i’d be so good to you / because they don’t know you like i do”)
Come Alive - Beth Crowley (“you are a blinding light / a darkness courses through my veins / and somehow you chose me / refuse to let you down / so come here a little closer / i’ll love you past the breaking point / you're what i never wanted / but now i have never wanted something more”)
眠れる本能 (Sleeping Instinct) [nemureru honnou] - Yurika 「味わいたいな・ありのまま晒さらしてみたいな・否・奪ばってしまいたい・助けて、傷つけたくない」 (“I want to taste you / I want to expose you / No / I want to steal you / Help me, I don't want to hurt you”)
Inside - Mother Mother (“lover don’t you touch me / i am a danger to you / but oh i hunger for you / i want you / i crave you”)
Stargazing - Myles Smith (“take my heart don't break it / love me to my bones / all this time i've wasted / you were right there all along / you and i stargazin' / intertwinin' souls / we were never strangers / you were right there all along”)
But Not Kiss - Faye Webster (“we're meant to be, but not yet / you're all that i have, but can't get”)
Dark Star - Jaymes Young (“now i don't love like i used to / but i've got stories i could tell you / if i want to”)
Human - Of Monsters and Men (“breathe in, breathe out; let the human in”)
The Kiss - Karmina (“i know we don't belong / everyone says it's wrong / we come from different ways / so i tried to erase everything that i felt / that i felt / then you kissed me and suddenly i don't care anymore / something in me tells me you're the one I'm looking for”)
Fear & Delight - The Correspondents (“running the distance i’ve been advised to keep / i trot to the wolf as a doting sheep”)
Inside - Chris Avantgarde & Red Rosamond (“if i were you i’d run / if i were you i’d hide”)
The Grey - Icon For Hire (“i don’t wanna look you in the eyes / you might call me away”)
Man or a Monster - Sam Tinnesz (“you can't take back the damage you've done /oh you can hide but you can't run / no you can't take back the damage you've done / afraid of what you might become / a man or a monster”)
Never Fade - Zayde Wolf (“one thing i believe / is that i’m always gonna stay”)
Running Up That Hill - Placebo (“is there so much hate for the ones we love?”)
No Matter What They Say - SVRCINA (“i'm not leaving without you now, no matter what they say”)
Cross My Heart - Marianas Trench (“take me with you / i start to miss you”)
Alone Together - FOB (“i don't know where you're going / but do you got room for one more troubled soul? i don't know where i'm going, but i don't think i'm coming home”)
Rule #8 Otherside - Fish In A Birdcage (“take me with you / take my life / take me with you to the other side”)
Please Take Me - Beth Crowley (“if you’re gonna leave / wherever you go please take me”)
Love Me Normally - Will Wood (“and i'd rather be normal / yes so normal / i suggest that we keep this informal / cuz a normal human being wouldn't need / to pretend to be normal / to be normal / well, i guess that's the least that i owe ya / to be normal in a way i couldn't be yeah / c'mon, c'mon, and love me normally”)
Empty - Olivia O’brien (“i wonder if i’m good enough / or maybe i’ve had just too much / to drink, to smoke, to swallow / i’m drownin' up my sorrow”)
Trenches - Beth Crowley (“you tell me i don’t know what its been like inside your head / but i never claimed i did, no / help me understand / how did it get this bad”)
Monsters - Timeflies & Katie Sky (“you won't like what you see / if you were in my head and had to hear my pleas”)
Used To The Darkness - Des Rocs (“yeah, would you take my hand and take a life? i'm too damn young to give up on the light / i'm used to the darkness”)
I Didn’t Ask For This - Beth Crowley (“i'm sinking down / if you only knew how hard it is / for me to climb out / i'm kicking and screaming / but no one can hear me / so what happens now?”)
Not Strong Enough - BoyGenius (“not strong enough to be your man / i lied, i am / just lowering your expectations”)
Not Meant To Be - Theory of a Deadman (“i can't give you what you want, and it's killing me”)
I Guess - Mitski (“i guess this is the end / i'll have to learn to be somebody else / it's been you and me since before I was me / without you, I don't yet know quite how to live”)
Come For You - Nickleback (“i finally know just what it means / to let someone in / to see the side of me / that no one does or ever will”)
Hunger - Of Monsters and Men (“hungry for the kill, but this hunger, it isn't you”)
Distance - OneRepublic (“i’m so good at walls, good at lies, putting up my fences, oh, yeah / i’m human as it gets when it comes to you, oh, yeah / looking in the mirror, seeing a man with a million faces, ooh, no / but every single one, they know the truth / but i ain't gonna keep my distance from you / yeah, I already know what distance can do / if I let you get away, bury me today / yeah i ain't gonna keep my distance from you / i’ve run so far, been so high / i’ll chase the sun 'til i die”)
Against The Kitchen Floor - Will Wood (“i just haven’t learned to be human as you are yet”)
Trying - Cavetown (“please be here for me, dear, cuz i’ve never needed a friend more”)
Vagabond - WILD (“caught in a place that is in-between / who i once was and what i wanna be”)
Power Over Me - Dermot Kennedy (“ i need you to see / you got that power over me, my, my / everything I hold dear resides in those eyes”)
Start Again - OneRepublic (“i feel like everything i've done before is different now / but i can see clearer than ever from a distance now / every day i do it, i been goin' through it / but you never knew it 'cause i never showed you / you gave me the world, so i feel i owed you / but i been lookin' through the mirror, that's the old you imma get it right now / don't know how / but I promise that we're gonna make it somehow / i'm all in, it's from the heart again / open up your mind and maybe we could start again”)
Clarity - Kurt Hugo Schneider (“if our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy? if our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?”)
When Somebody Needs You - Will Wood (“how dare you love me when you should despise me, you should be scared of me”)
Don’t Deserve You - Plumb (“you never give up, when I'm falling apart, your arms are always open wide, and you're quick to forgive, when I make a mistake”)
Yours - Seuco & Bea Miller (“i’m just a fan, you’re a fantasy / the only one that can handle me”)
Warrior - Beth Crowley (“won’t let myself believe / that what we feel is wrong / i finally see what / you knew was inside me all along”)
House Key - Scott Helman (“it's late, I don't wanna go back home / cause its cold and you don't wanna sleep alone / you look like you need a hand to hold / if I go we'll just end up on the phone”)
Moonlight - Dhruv (“i’ve been planning this out in my notebook / since i was a little boy”)
You Are In Love - Travis Atreo (“one night he wakes / strange look on his face / pauses, then says / ‘you're my best friend’.”)
Kill For You - Gigi Perez (“so go easy on me / i still love you, baby / i'd still kill for you / i would kill for you / tell me, what do you need? tell me who I should be / who I'll kill for you”)
Teeth - Aviators (“cinematic thrills of dating / we'll get a hard R rating / done up and fancy for a horror showdown / too much love to inhibit / hungry like nature's own exhibit / you wondered often but you'll know now”)
Desire - Meg Myers (“desire / i’m hungry”)
The Pit - Silversun Pickups (“i'm sure you recognize my noise and you heard about the Pit / been told to be afraid of everything that lives within / but it's much worse where you are / so will you go for it? i have a feeling you might”)
Bruises & Bitemarks - Good With Grenades (“you're in a place for fear, lips are for biting here”)
Flesh - Simon Curtis (“this is not the way into my heart, into my head / into my brain, into none of the above / this is just my way of unleashing the feelings deep inside of me / this spark of black that i seem to love / we can get a little crazy just for fun, just for fun / don't even try to hold it back, just let go”)