"does it show again, just how much I've missed you?" - prompt
for @aksh369 - its not yet what i promised you, but i had an idea and this is within the vague outline of your prompt but mostly its a general love letter to bts and ot7. and it's kookie's bday, so. yeah. i hope you like it <3 [also, @sebsrainbowbicycle i wrote this while your algorithm was indulging me :)]
They're all out. They're all out, finally, and they're free. They're all out, and they're free, and they're - together.
Namjoon-hyung holds his hand and they're both shaking, little tremors that won't be noticeable to anyone who looks at them, another secret for them to keep upon hundreds and thousands of others shared between them. Hyung holds his hand right up until the moment he can't anymore, because they'll be seen, they're about to be discharged and they're about to be surrounded by cameras and fans and everyone.
"It's okay," Namjoon says, and he believes the words because they come from Namjoon, because it's Namjoon-hyung saying them, and all Namjoon-hyung ever did was because of one reason; to take care of them all. "It's okay Tae," Namjoon repeats. "Just a hundred more steps, and forty more minutes, and we are done."
The words are too much and not enough because Namjoon's eyes are empty and clouded both, like they've been ever since they enlisted, in a way Tae hasn't gotten used to seeing yet and doesn't really think he ever will. We are done is a finality that Taehyung doesn't want to think about, because - because they're not done yet, not them, not all of them.
Are we done, he thinks some time later, bowing his head so low it gets stuck in the flowers he is given, their scent too cloying, are we really done, he thinks because Seokjin-hyung is there, he is there and he is discharging them and he is serious but his eyes are so, so gentle and so full of something Tae has always known was there and had missed so dearly when he was crawling through [redacted] because after the photos are done and he's been hugged by Jin-hyung in a way he hasn't been hugged for too long and when it was Namjoon's turn to be hugged, Tae pretended not to hear Jin-hyung whisper, "I got you, Joonie, it's okay now, you're done," and he pretended not to see how Namjoon sagged in Jin's arms and he mostly pretended not to see the haze in Namjoon's eyes lifted, like the fog used to do in the forests of [redacted] during his special training. Instead, Teahyung pretended to listen to what he was being told instead and he nodded distractedly to their manager and smiled and finished the thought - are we done, or are we just finally, finally free?
When Hobi-hyung's text comes [did you change your apt passcode? 🫨🫨 LET ME IN I HAVE FOOD] Taehyung doesn't even care that Hobi-hyung shouldn't be here in Taehyung's apartment just before his last concerts, or that his face is clean aside from the make-up around his eyes that looks hastily wiped, or that his hair is damp from the shower. Taehyung just buries his face into hyung's neck and weeps, for the first time since he came out and since the live finished and since Jin-hyung and Joonie-hyung were gone and since he can't even remember, and Hoseokie holds him and says nothing and just breathes with him and pets his hair and whispers, over and over again, "It's okay, I'm here, just a bit more and we are free, just a bit more and we'll be together, Taehyung-ah, just hold on, it's okay," and Taehyung almost, almost breathes.
Not yet, though.
Jiminie and Jeonggukie are next, and Taehyung feels like he is one huge inhale closer to breathing properly for the first time since Jin-hyung told them he would be enlisting first. He doesn't allow himself to think on how Jimin's hair smells and on how Ggukie's arms feel around him because that was his soulmate and his - his Jeongguk and thinking about them made Taehyung want to scream and wail and laugh, and if he though about it too much he wouldn't be able to get out of bed, or form a sentence, or leave Korea for Europe any time soon.
So Taehyung doesn't think about it, or talk about it, because an inhale is good, it's the best, it's your saving grace when you're drowning and it's the start of something new; but inhale is only half a breath, not a full one.
So he waits, and waits, and sees all of them waiting alongside him. Jeongguk and Jinnie-hyung go off to rehearse for Seokie-hyung's concert, Joonie-hyung is tied in with management, Jiminie is either dancing or sitting on Taehyung's couch and waiting, waiting, like they all are.
Yoongi opens the door to the backstage of Hoseok's concert on the 13th (two years, millions of fans, innumerable awrds, twelve years, one dream, seven of them, seven of them, seven of them) with one eyebrow up, his mask pulled down underneath his chin. "I'm not late," he says, and as Jimin and Hoseok and Jin jump on him, loud and exhuberant, Namjoon takes his left hand - like days before, like weeks before, like months before, like years before - and Jeongguk wraps his arms around him - like days before, like months before, like years, twelve years before - and leans his chin on Taehyung's shoulder and says, too close to his ear, "We're free; we are finally all free." He sounds so happy, it almost breaks Taheyung's heart.
Taehyung exhales on a sob, and hugs Yoongi - his friend, his brother, his Daegu-hyung - and when Yoongi smiles, gums on display, and Hobi screeches at them to go, and Yoongi drags him out so they can take their seats in the audience, Taehyung realises he can finally breathe.
Everybody is talking, including himself, and as they pass the corridors, he turns. Behind him, Jeongguk walks, piercing in his eyebrow, bangs already growing out, bunny smile that Taehyung remembers better than he remembers facts about snails or his flight itineraries.
He slows down until they're walking side by side, personel and managers and his brothers all around. There is a gentleness in Jeongguk's eyes, and Taehyung thinks he might know what it means.
"Does it show," he states softly, slowly.
"What?" Ggukie asks, nose scrunching.
Taehyung laughs, because he's been helpless in the wake of that smile for fifteen or so years.
"Does it show how much I miss you?" he asks, smile so wide his cheeks hurt.
Jeongguk purses his lips. "Yeah," he starts, all efforts to hide a smile in vain, because Taehyung still, still knows him. "But it shows on all of us, so I think it's okay."
Taehyung reaches for his hand. Squeezes, once, twice, thrice. Looks ahead to where Jimin is looking back at them, eyes straight lines with how much he is smiling; to where Seokjin has both arms around Yoongi; to where Namjoon's left hand is holding onto Jin's shirt, his left on Jimin's wrist. Hoseok's voice echoes somewhere behind them, faint but present.
"I think so too," he says, because he doesn't know what else to say.
