#outoftheshore

[jabberwockis-lupus]

// me: man i wish i had a nanami i could rp reserve course verse with

me, remembering my AU’s equivalent of the reserve course verse is downright depressing and heartwrenching:

[bxrnwiththesun]

( like if you read. )

// question: if i ever came back here, should i remake this blog by creating a new one or simply changing the current one’s appearance, editing pages, etc.?

[bxrnwiththesun]

// (please like this post if you read)

sorry for not being here ... practically for the entire month, guys. i’ve just come to the realization that roleplaying in tumblr is being harder than i thought it’d be. after what happened last year, i’ve grown more sensitive towards things, and i’ve kind of locked myself up in my comfort zone even more, to the point that other people’s opinions on things i consider close to my heart literally trigger me. because when you’re traumatized, your brain starts creating connections with things that were said or happened before, during and after the trauma. i’ve become icky with many things across my dashboard, i’ve grown more judgamental of what both i and other people write, and inspect every tiny thing so i make sure it fits into my comfort standards. i loathe the things that traumatized me so much that i don’t want to see or read about anything remotely similar to that.

i can’t just lean out to my dash and tell everyone to stop writing whatever the fuck they want though. that’s not how it works, that’s never how it works. i’m aware that, just like i have my blog and can write whatever the fuck i want in it, everyone else is in the same stance. however... i realized that people simply don’t read my blogs’ rules. in the span of the few months since that happened, i’ve had

several blogs that used z/////’s art following me; basically one of the biggest infractions to this blog because the sight of their art, even when it’s just people talking about it, sends me into a state of anxiety and panic. proving that they care enough to follow but not to give a shit about the person behind the blog’s mental health.

people joking/shitposting about ra.pe, abusive relationships and shit like that, OOC or IC.

people posting z/////’s art without tagging it, thus forcing me to look at it when all i want is for it to be tagged so i can blacklist it and keep my mental health at bay.

this may sound very egocentric, but i also can’t stand when people say things like ‘(character that i don’t consider uk.e/se.me) is a se.me/uk.e’. or HELL, when they use the words ‘ts.unde.re’ and ‘ya.nd.ere’. all these words remind me of abusive shit, and i hate when people use them, which sucks because everyone, including me, has used these terms at some point, and a lot of people keep using them because they’re kind of japanese loan words. if you know me well enough you already know what i think of these terms, especially the latter two. this also ties with the fact that i just can’t see certain characters as bottoms, and others, i can’t see as tops at all. the mixture of it all basically shits all over my comfort. 

i’ve had to unfollow close friends because of tiny things that don’t matter. yes. it’s gone to that point. when i said i’ve gotten stupid sensitive, i wasn’t joking. for almost a year my brain has been a hot pot of paranoia and discomfort, to the point that i see double meaning everywhere. i still love my friends, i still talk to them, but my discomfort and paranoia is so great that i can’t re-follow them out of fear. it’s contradictory and stupid but, that’s depression to you.

i love my muses. i love the universe i created for them. i loved and i still love all the threads i’ve had along the way, cause it helped me with my character development and world building. i love tumblr’s format, the structure itself is perfect. but i hadn’t had the guts to return as of late both because of my depression and because i’ve grown more fearful of this site. even of my own friends, all because i don’t want to get hurt. i have muse, but i don’t feel safe. i’ve not even drawn in a while for the same reason, aside from the fact that certain fuckos from other sites have tried to call me out on ‘stealing art’ just because they were bored and thought that poking fun at someone who’s done nothing will please them. 

i don’t know when i’ll return exactly. i know i’ve been away for a long time but this isn’t something i can easily grow out of. i need time and i need a lot of it. but over all i need comprehension.

[bxrnwiththesun]

// -whispers-

like this post for a starter with a verse at random. ( no capping. )

[bxrnwiththesun]

‘ STARS DON’T DISSAPEAR / THEY KEEP BLAZING / EVEN WHEN THE NIGHT IS OVER ... ‘

// wow, we did it guys! after 2 years-ish, we finally hit half a thousand followers, and honestly ? i’m so proud of what this blog has become. true is, i’ve not been active as much as i used to due to personal problems that have arised, and the community is quite dormant at the moment, but whenever i find an opportunity to roleplay, as slim and small as it is, i’m glad to be able to use it when i can. i poured a lot into this AU’s lore for longer than this blog has existed to begin with and whenever i have the chance to bring it some life, it makes me feel accomplished; rewarded after a lot of hard work.

however ... i’d like to make a special mention to someone from the rp community whose name i will not mention. the reason? well... after summer, i was given the news that they PASSED AWAY by their own means. i was shocked and even today i still feel slightly shaken up, but honestly ? i was awaiting the day this blog would hit 500 followers. not only because i consider it a personal achievement, but also because i wanted to use this post to pay tribute to this person’s now resting soul. 

thank you for the experience you shared with me. i really enjoyed our roleplay together, and i’m deeply saddened that i never got to tell you from the bottom of my heart. i’m happy i got to give you an entertaining experience, and i hope you had as much fun with me as i did with you. may your soul rest in peace among the stars.

as for the rest of you, i thank you for the experiences you give me when we roleplay and speak OOC. to those willing to explore the universe i created with me, and develop it to further extents... you’re the best and i hope you find the hope you so much deserve ★

SPECIAL MENTIONS (no particular order; list might be incomplete):

@king-zetsubou @mystxryious @of-filigree-and-machinery @b0ukyaku @shsl-hopemobile @mind-of-a-tool-heart-of-a-girl @wasureppoidesu @hopeanimator @inoccentgamerboy @shymaru @reunities @unluckxter @apocalypticgenocide @mikantsumikiwi @multi-muse-dorms @xnadzieja @30-percent-accuracy @ultimate-impostxr @ultimatebabyfaceyakuza @malchancevilain @hopefulnaegi @comforterchihiro @animamachine @chichifujisaki @inretivit @resfebear 

[bxrnwiththesun]

// fun fact: tonight and tomorrow we have what is referred to as a ‘wolf moon’: a full moon during the first night of the year. to top it off, it’s gonna be a supermoon.

hinata and izuru are gonna have quite a blast.

[bxrnwiththesun]

// it’s way past midnight over here so  happy new year everyone !!

[bxrnwiththesun]

// holy shit guys ... does anyone want a starter with pupper izuru ?? whether he’s still a project, or a remnant, or been rescued by the FF. i just need some joyful fluff in my life--