Goodness in brokenness
There is that one moment in your life that you are feeling all things at the same time, you don’t know what you feel, or you are not feeling anything at all. You don’t want that kind of feeling and you really want to get the hell out of that hell feeling, but it is not that easy. If you had a choice not to feel that way, you would choose not to, but a mere choice can’t make you through that feeling. You lose control to yourself. You are numb, lost, broken. And, it’s me!
As far as I can remember, it is not the first time I felt these things that I have mentioned earlier, but this time, it is more horrific, distracting, destructive and deteriorating. It tries to swallow and devour me. It tries to get the best out of me, all my hopes, dreams, and aspirations in life. It tries to kill me. Literally and figuratively. But I truly thank God it didn’t succeed and it will never succeed.
Perhaps, God is using this very moment for me to come back to His presence. It is a great relief that as I sang a worship song, tears have flowed from my eyes. Tears that have flowed out from all pain, fears, doubts, anxieties, failures, guilt and shame through the course of my living. Tears that have flowed, knowing that I am loved even after all the bad and stupid things that I have done in my life. That agape, the love that comes from heaven and went down to me. That moment for me is so magical and wonderful. There is truly a goodness in brokenness.
8 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; 9 persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. -2 Corinthians 4:8-9 (NIV)
Whatever I’m feeling right now, it won’t last for long. This too shall pass. What doesn't kill me will make me stronger.