#p.jo

[outlawlor]

i want to be okay

with myself with the way you say my name

[outlawlor]

i can see the light. getting closer to it the more i let go

never imagined myself here. i’m so angry at myself for refusing myself the joy of speaking my truth for so long. for accepting abuse, for accepting bare minimums from friendships, for accepting unrequited love from partners just for those bits of moments of bliss. i should’ve spoke up in moments when i wasn’t happy. i’m upset that i didn’t say i love you enough, for not saying that i didn’t want a life without them in it when they stood there looking in my eyes for that reassurance that i’m still here. i imagine a different alternative and saying what my heart was feeling in each moment. wonder where i would’ve ended up. how would it have ended. would it have ended?

as sad as i am, i am also divinely protected and blessed for everything i have in this moment. i speak so loudly. i am learning about myself everyday. helping myself learn healthy habits and learning how to honor my past experiences no matter how difficult they are has helped greatly

no more staying quiet when my heart screams to be heard