#palis delon

[1llusionmachine]

Uploading the full scene of Julian and Miles in 'Armageddon Game' 2x13

(mainly bc Julian looks so pretty)

[reigen131]

palis' redesign for this year's updated 47 digits :)

[antagonistic-sunset]

"Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and I think to myself, 'Will I ever find someone that wonderful again?'"

I didn't want to hijack this great post about Julian maybe never having been engaged but I feel like we don't talk about Palis enough. She must have been an amazing person. I haven't seen anyone villianize her yet (thank gods), but she must've been so cool. Julian was (I interpret) a jumpy, bubbly, all over the place cadet. An upcoming medical star with a bright future. A thousands paths ahead of him, a thousand voices clamoring for his attention.

And he almost, almost chose a calm, easy one?? For this person! He came so close! He looked at all these options and then looked at her and saw happiness. It wasn't enough, and that's tragic and maybe it was for the best, because he obviously couldn't imagine ever being completely honest with her. But to be fair, I don't think he could've imagined that with anybody. Hell even on DS9 it had to be dragged from him, and that was after considerable character development.

But Palis must've been amazing. She must've been smart and fast and driven and delighted by life and maybe she was none of these things and actually super introverted and gave Julian a place to pause, to stop running. But we don't know, because Palis is a footnote in the glamorous life of one Julian Bashir, powerful doctor and influential figure on Cardassia (or something).

Well maybe he's a footnote in HER'S and she's revolutionizing modern ballet or a fancy second career and we don't know because no one on DS9 is cultured--

[walkingstackofbooks]

cw: previous partner abuse, continuing sexual trauma, survivor not realising that anything is wrong

--

Season One Julian who's preoccupied with sex, because even though he's had it before and it's been fine, he knows he's not exactly the best at it - no matter how hard Palis had tried to teach him. And he can't expect anyone else to be as patient as Palis, of course, especially if it's just a one night stand, but also it doesn't feel fair to try and find a relationship, either, since he knows he'd be a lot of work, not to mention the everything else that comes with being not just a Starfleet officer but the Chief Medical Officer...

And he knows it's a silly sort of hang-up to have - it's not like he's entitled to someone else's touch, and he can live perfectly well with what he gets - but the fact that it's so small and silly makes it even more frustrating. If this wasn't weighing on his mind, he can imagine being perfectly content all the time. He loves his job, and he's good at his job; his colleagues are starting to respect him and he's certain that if he keeps making the effort to reach out, they'll eventually like him too; for the first time in his life, he doesn't have to even worry about his parents unexpectedly showing up at his door!

But he just can't shake how much he misses Palis, and lying down next to her, the feel of another body close to his, even though it's been months now. And he feels kind of guilty that it's not really, exactly, Palis herself that he's missing - or, at least, it is a little bit her, but far more it's the presence of casual, everyday touch that he really can't stop thinking about. And he's a CMO now: he's got the job of his dreams, and he'd always known he could have the job or the relationship – and he had made his peace with that! The fulfillment he gets from doing his job in the stars and meeting so many people and genuinely changing lives... He couldn't give that up. Not for anything. He's the happiest he's ever been.

(And isn't that just further proof that it would be wrong for him to get into a relationship? Because Palis was wonderful and wise and witty and as amazing as anyone could possibly be - and yet he still feels like he's fallen deeper in love with Deep Space Nine than he ever had with her.)

He just wishes there was some sort of way to, you know... to be able to ask someone if they'd like to go back to your quarters and uh, just hold each other, for a bit? But he knows that's not how it works. He'd asked Palis, once, if they might be able to skip the sex that night and go straight to the hugging, and she'd told him that was kind of a crappy thing to ask her, because sex is a big part of relationships, and you don't get to simply "skip" these things just because you're not in the mood - and hadn't he thought about how undesired and confused his question would make her feel, if he's saying he doesn't want to have sex with her?

No, he's well aware he can't just go around asking people that. There's a nagging question at the back of his mind if it might not work differently in alien cultures, but he can't quite bring himself to ask. It's a small station, and if he's wrong, and if word gets around that he's not all that interested in sex - well, he'd lose any chance of getting a date, wouldn't he? And it's not like he dislikes sex, it's not as if sex isn't worth it for those hours of closeness. Anything would be.

So he goes on dates. He has sex. He wonders if he'll ever get close enough to Jadzia to ask her a Trill's perspective on this - and he tries not to let on how much her brief hugs mean to him, because he knows how perceptive she is. He really does like her, though, and he's both terrified and thrilled at the idea that she might one day accept his advances: he's assiduous about making sure she knows he hasn't changed his mind, just in case.

And he tells himself that he's fine, because he is. He really, finally is.

[keodraws]

im so so normal about julian bashir so so normal dont look at my ds9 art im so so sonormal.

i love inflicting both physical and psychic damage with my artworks

[maluron]

headcanon that Julian Bashir can dance quite well but only if his partner takes the lead

when they went out Julian and Palis would dance tango or acrobatic rock or the like and Palis always led because she knew how to and Julian let her because he's good at following rhythms and for all his insecure macho posturing he found her competency sexy and they made a game of putting his flexibility & tonus to good use to see just how far she could dip him (and they never got arrested for public indecency because technically they weren't breaking any laws but it still sure looked like it)

[flippetyfloppity]

some more from this universe:

“Ah, Ms. Delon!” 

Oh, yes, it was him! Dr. Bashir jogged over, waving goodbye over his shoulder to his fellow residents, to meet me where I had perched to juggle my bags. He surveyed the many cheerful gifts that had made it into my hospital room. “I see you were well missed. Congratulations on your discharge.”

I set down my sweet stuffed rabbit and held my hand out to him. “I have you to thank,” I said. 

He ducked his head. “Ms. Delon–”

“Palis,” I said, more firmly extending my hand out. I caught his eye again, a challenge; a dare. “You should accept the gratitude.”

Dr. Bashir tongued at his molar, and licked his lips. He tilted his head as if to say alright, against my better judgment, and took my hand to shake it. His fingers were lovely and cool and made me wish he would take my pulse again. When he spoke, it was with the air of someone admitting to a prank. “My attending would be less than pleased.”

I leaned in. “I can keep a secret,” I whispered.

He looked at me then, and I am still not sure what he saw. His own face was open and blank, what I would later come to know as a quiet show of fear, for Julian. I would think about that moment later, many years later. Silly, given it was just a moment, a matter of one or two seconds at most. Perhaps I dwell on it more, knowing what I know now. 

He dropped my hand and gestured towards the table. “May I?”

“By all means,” I said, and handed him a bag and the heaviest vase, the one with all the lilies.

“Quite the statement,” Dr. Bashir said, rotating it in his hands.

I lifted the rabbit and wiggled its white ears. “All my many admirers,” I joked. We began walking towards the exit together.

“From your company?” he asked. 

“No, from my father.”

He picked up on my tone. “A welcome gift?”

“More or less,” I said, watching the doors open for us. “I think some of it is guilt, professional guilt. Most of it I am sure is because he was worried and loves me – oh, fresh air! Do you smell it?”

“Not as often as I’d like,” he smiled. He tilted the vase towards me. “Do you think the flowers smell better out here?”

“Let’s see,” I said, and closed my eyes again, bringing my nose close to breathe in the lilies, feel their petals on my cheeks. My mother always considered them stuffy and funereal, but to me they are rich, a smell born of known elegance, bold and thick. They filled my nose and made me smile. “Yes,” I sighed, “they do.”

And what a thrill it was to open my eyes and find myself the object of Dr. Bashir’s attention. It was electric. 

Suddenly, he laughed, and shifted the vase into one arm. “Ah, hold still? You have a bit–” He reached out his hand and brushed my cheek a few times, so gently. He showed me his fingertips powdered brown with pollen. “Natural blush,” he said.

That grin! I could not keep quiet. The bold lilies seemed to push me forward, to say, Yes! Try! You should at least try! And so I did. “Would you consider coming to have coffee with me?”

“I…” Delight parted his lips in a moment of surprise. It was as if the day became brilliant and alive all at once. I watched as, in the course of a breath or two, he made an effort to fold the light in his face back down under the gentle professional mask I saw him use with my family. (But not all; some still broke through.) “I’m not sure that would be appropriate.”

“Appropriate?”

“Ms. Delon,” he said, with soft distance. “You were my patient.”

“Palis,” I corrected. “We are both adults with work. I happened to meet you at your work.”

“There’s an uneven–”

“Authority? Power? What power do you hold over me?” I asked. “My surgery is complete, I have recovered well. You caught something even my own father could not. Did not! You saved my career, my life.” Say it! “You’re handsome. I like you.

“And,” I continued, “if this is somehow the result of the former confusing my feelings, I will discover this quickly enough and that will be that. Until then, I would like to have coffee with you, and will be disappointed if you present me with another excuse."

He smiled his apology. “I don’t think I can.”

“Then,” I started, surprising myself with how I searched for a reason, something else to which I could invite him. “At least come see us rehearse. Yes, come for rehearsal! I will be back on stage by tomorrow afternoon, at the university’s main theatre. And the day after that in the morning. We’ll be even. You can interrupt me at my work.”

I waited in that electric tension as long as I could before trying one last time. “You won’t regret it, Dr. Bashir. Julian.”

“Alright. Alright, tomorrow,” he said, and then, smiling: “Palis.”

[searchingforserendipity25]

The way I hunger for more Palis Delon...information and headcanons and fics and beta canon and canon and even just a few more throwaway lines. Anything.