heyyy i heard you needed some fluffy requests and I've got one!! Any chance I could get one with sam where y/n is having a panic attack (if you're comfortable writing that) and sam calms her down? If your not comfortable with writing that o totally understand!! love ya!
∶ Summary: While doing an investigation, reader gets a little too freaked out
∶ Warnings: reader has a panic attack, haunted investigation, ghosts, spooky themes, reader gets targeted by spirits, crying, fluffy Sam calming reader down
∶ Word Count: 1.1K
∶ I know panic attacks can be triggering for some, please don’t read if you aren’t comfortable with it. I love you.
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It wasn’t like you to get overwhelmed easy, especially with doing as many investigations with Sam and Colby as you have in the past.
You were always able to hold your own, speak out if something was bugging you. But as soon as you stepped foot inside this house, something was off.
This place was different.
You felt a heavy weight sink into your chest the moment you crossed the threshold. You felt paranoid, like something was always behind you or watching you from a close distance. You kept looking around, wiping your sweaty palms on your thighs every few minutes.
You were scared.
“Hey.” Sam nudges your arm, “Are you good?”
You stare at him, trying hard to hold it together, “Yeah, yeah. I’m good.” You force a smile and he furrows his brows, “Are you sure? You aren’t really saying much.”
You swallow, looking around, “This place.. Sam..” you take a deep breath, “This feels different than all of the other places I’ve been to.”
He furrows his brows, “What do you mean?”
Colby pushing open the door causes you to jump, “Fuck.” You sigh, “I feel more.. on edge here. We’ve only been here two hours and from the time we got here, I feel like I can’t breathe.”
Sam’s face drops, “Why didn’t you say anything? You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”
“I do want to do this.” You nod, more or less trying to convince yourself, “I can do this. I’ll be fine.”
Sam wasn’t one to tell you what to do, he didn’t like doing that. He glanced at Colby and back to you, “If you can’t, don’t.”
You nod, “I won’t.”
Another hour into the investigation and you were worse than before. You felt sweaty. The camera in your hands was shaking like a leaf in a storm. Every time you looked anywhere, you could have swore you seen something move.
You took a few deep breathes, trying to ground yourself, but it just wasn’t working.
As soon as you took a step forward to follow Sam, it’s like someone grabbed your shoulder to keep you from waking. You gasp loudly, whipping your body around, but no one was there.
You were starting to break.
Sam walks up behind you, “what-“
You gasp again, shaking your head as you lay a hand over your eyes, “I-I can’t-“ you look around, your heart beating faster and louder in your chest, you could hear it in your ears, “Out.. I-I..I-i need out.”
You shove the camera into his hands and make your way out of the room. You fly down the steps, running towards the front door.
You struggle to get the door open, but when you do, you pull it open and go. You clear the three steps, landing on your feet and slowly down as you move further away from the house.
Your face was covering your hands, your breathing was quick, shallow. You were sniffling, sobbing on top of it, and your chest felt tight. No matter how hard you tried, it’s like you couldn’t get air into your lungs.
You were having a panic attack, something that hasn’t ever happened to you before. You slid a hand down, clutching your sweatshirt over your chest.
It felt like you were on the verge of dying, and that scared you even more.
“Hey..” Sam whispers, “Hey.” He gently lays his hand on your back, “It’s okay. I’m right here.” He rubs your back gently, “I’m right here.”
You stand up, slowly turning before falling into him. You were sobbing into his neck, arms wrapped around him as you balled up his sweatshirt in your hands. His arms wrap tightly around you, his one hand pressing to your head as he whispers, “It’s okay, I’m here.” He tightens his arms, “You’re safe, sweetheart, I got you.”
You sniffle hard as you try to regain control, only to end up breaking again.
Sam shushes you gently, rocking back and forth as his arms stay snug around your shaking body, “I got you. I got you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
After a few minutes, you were finally able to get a full breath.
You stay within Sam’s arms, that really being the only place you felt safe right now. He hums lowly, his fingers running back and forth over your hair, “it’s okay.”
Your grip on his sweatshirt starts to loosen and his does the same as you teach up to wipe your face. His hand slide up to your cheek as he looks down at you, “Are you okay?”
You nod, “I think so.” You wrap your arms back around him, your voice quiet , “Thank you for doing that.” Sam tightens his arms around you, “Of course, you’re my number one priority.”
“I should..” you take a deep breath, “I should have said something sooner, I just- I didn’t want to ruin it for you guys.”
His grip tightens slightly, “When you’re with me doing these things, you’re the most important thing. I couldn’t care less about getting footage it if you aren’t okay. I should have called it quits the second you said something to me about it the first time.”
You shake your head, “It’s not your fault Sam, I pushed myself when I shouldn’t have. That was on me.” You sigh, “But, if you want to keep going, you can, but I’m just going to go back to the hotel. I think I’m done here tonight.”
“We’re done, too. I already told Colby to gather up the stuff, I’m not doing this, I can’t with knowing that you’re not okay.” He shakes his head, “I’m sorry this happened.”
You tighten your arms around his torso, “It’s not your fault, Sam. I promise.”
He presses a kiss to your head, “I’m going to go help Colby, you get in the car. I’ll be right back, okay?” You nod, pulling away from him. You get in the car, watching as he walks to the house. A minute later, him and Colby come walking out.
Sam gets into the passenger seat, reaching back to lay his hand on your knee. You lay your hand overtop of his, and that’s how it stayed the whole way back to the hotel.
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If you struggle with panic attacks, anxiety attacks, or any other kind of mental health struggles - you are not alone. None of that defines you. It happens to even the best of us. I love you so much. 🖤
Thank you so much for reading, as I said - I love you so much. I’ll catch you in the next one! 🖤
Feeling better since last night and found out from my step sister that it was known as a mild panic attack, not just a serotonin drop which was crazy as it was just random.
One moment I was drawing, the next my eyes teared up with tears falling and my throat felt a bit tight like how my anxiety kicks up at times.
I was a bit scared as I never had this happened, your kind words and also suggestions for songs to listen to really help, thank you so much everyone! 😊 🫂 🥰 😭
“It's like it was meant to be”- [Part 1] Siblings AU
it was just another day for Chosen and Dark to visit Alan's computer. the animator was on a family trip, leaving everything to the stick figures for themselves, while Chosen and Dark make sure they don't make a mess. Chosen was sitting on one of the computer files watching them playing Minecraft, it was their favorite hobby. Dark was bored and hugs Chosen from behind, "Choo~" he says in a tone of pure boredom, "can we do something fun? please??" he sounds in an exaggerated tone of despair, Chosen just laughs. "when I have time, I can't just not pay attention to my sibling while Alan is gone." This doesn't cheer Dark up, who makes a face of boredom, "but it's so boring!!" Dark says shaking his boyfriend's shoulders, Chosen laughs and takes his lover's hands off his shoulders. "When Alan comes back, we'll go out together and then we'll see if you'll get bored!" he playfully puts his finger on Dark's nose in a sweet way. "That's why I love you!" Dark caresses his beloved's face before giving him a tender kiss.
"Yuck! Get a room!" Blue yelled a little annoyed at the adorable affection between the elders, yellow laugh and Green covers Red's eyes who was clearly annoyed at his sibling treating him like a baby and slapping his hand to admire the cute love between Dark and Chosen with crossed hands. “Blue, come on!" Second defends his brother with his arms crossed, "let my brother and his boring boyfriend love each other! There's nothing wrong with that." Dark gasp feeling offended by the rude comment from his sibling-in-law. "See this Cho!! He's bullying me!!" Chosen laughs again and puts a hand on his partner's shoulder smiling, "he's just kidding" Dark crosses his arms turning his head to the opposite side.
"That's very childish of you sir Dark Lord!" Yellow says making fun of him, Dark gets a little more annoyed, "Look here! You're attacking an adult, who still has powers!! Don't mess with me!!” Dark creates a ball of energy in his hands, Red hides himself behind Second Coming, "don't exaggerate they're just kids, they're just making fun Darky" Dark blushes crossing his arms and sitting next to Chosen. “Woooon, he called you Darky! How cute!" Red says with an angelic look, Green laughs, "yeah, they're cute nicknames between lovers, when two people date they like to give each other nicknames!" He explains to Red who looks at him and Second with an innocent smile, "just like you call Second ‘Sec’ and they call you ‘Greeny’?" The youngest asks with his arms behind his back And a curiosity in the tone, and an innocence in the look. Green and Second both were embarrassed and laughing nervously, Second scratching the back of his head looking to the side and Green giving Red a nervous pat on the head, "N-not exactly like us! Dark and Chosen are boyfriends, and me and Second are just friends!" Green responds nervously looking to the side Second hearing this changes the expression of nervous and embarrassment to one of disappointment and almost sad. Chosen seems to have noticed the change in the sibling's expression.
"well, just don't make out! There's a room right in our house if you want to do that!" Yellow slaps the back of Blue's head in embarrassment, "OUCH!!! why did Yellow do that??" He questioned stroking the location of the beat, "That was a rather inappropriate comment, and you're embarrassing yourself!" Yellow responds coldly, the two begin to argue about it as Green approaches Second. "Sorry for Red's comments, he still doesn't understand much about relationships like Chosen and his boyfriend..." He says still a little nervous scratching one hand with the other looking down. “Hehe, no no, it's okay Grenny– I mean Green…" They for a second mentioned the nickname but excused themselves waving their hands nervously over their shoulders. Both laugh and each goes to their own corner. Second will craft some items on the crafting table, While Green goes, take a look at what he can do with note blocks.
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Chosen approaches the younger sibling, seeing that they was distracted looking at where Green was, in which he was doing yet another music project. Chosen looks at Green and then at his sibling, he can clearly see their expressions. A look Chosen knew all too well, and the one that made him smile with an affectionate look. It was love. Chosen chose to hug the youngest which took them by surprise, "w-wow Cho! What happened??" Second question confused by the action of the older brother. "I'm just happy without! You've finally fallen in love!" Second's face turns into a tomato it's so red and they lets go of ther older one, "w-what??!!” They ask embarrassed.
“W-what the hell are you talking about???" Second was defensive with their faces burning red. "I noticed the way you look at Green." This makes Second even more wormy and he covers his face with his hands giving a muffled scream. "What a shame!! Why did you have to notice??" They cry annoyed. Chosen laughs and puts a hand on their shoulder, "sib Not to want to be ashamed, this is common! I was already wondering when I was going to get a partner!" Second throws useless punches to his brother's chest that do nothing but make him laugh even more. "you shouldn't know!! No one should know!! These feelings are just fleeting! Soon they'll be gone and I don't have to worry about any of that!!!" They say with their hands on their reddened cheeks. Chosen is surprised, "you... don't want to feel like this...?" He questions bow his head, why wouldn't they want to feel something as magical and beautiful as love? "y-yeh, I don't want to feel this way!" They look down with clenched fists. "Loving my best friend... That sounds so wrong!" They joins a fist to Ther chest, "I can't have feelings for him! This is just passing and I'll forget about it in time!" They cross their arms still feeling their cheeks burning. Chosen looks disappointed, "Sec... I'm sure this isn't fleeting..." He says it in a comforting tone but not with a smile on his face, but a rather serious expression.
"You know, I felt this way about Dark before we dated...” Second looks at his brother who leaned against the wall with his arms crossed, "Falling in love with your best friend..." He looks at Green and then at Second with a smile, "It's completely normal..." He shrugs his shoulders in a confident tone and walks over to his sibling. "Maybe it's not the right time now, but when will it be?" He puts his hands gently on Second's shoulders. "Tell me, when did you start to feel like this?" He sits Second in a chair next to them and crosses his arms all ears.
Second inhale and take a deep breath, that's a long story. "It was a few months ago..." They looks to the side, hands on Ther knees and low posture, "I realized how fun he is... I like listening to his music, I like hearing his voice and his laugh, I feel so light when I'm around him..." they looks up with a passionate smile. “But then I remember, he's my best friend..." They lowers his head wistfully, Chosen felt sympathetic, "He's kind, funny, silly sometimes..." They laugh with rosy cheeks, "I like being around him..." They put a hand to their cheeks. “He has his siblings... and I would never forgive myself for taking his focus away from that!" They shake their heads with their hands over their faces in embarrassment. "I... I love him..." They confused, a tear fell from their eye, Chosen wipes away the tear with a finger kneeling in front of Them. "Sec, I know how you feel, I feel wrong for falling in love with Dark at first, but... It's like it's meant to be!" Second sounds confused, raising an eyebrow,"I love him so much, and he makes me so happy! It was really hard for me to accept that, but when he confessed I was so relieved and happy!" Chosen had an excited and happy smile, Second, they swore they could see a tear almost falling from their brother's eyes. "sorry, remembering the best day of my life makes me emotional..." He wipes his tears on his shirt sleeves, Second smiles seeing that their brother is very happy, "Just know, that these feelings aren't bad, tell me more about how you feel..." The older one puts his hand on the younger one's shoulder.
"when he smiles, it makes me smile, when he's sad i want to hug him and tell him it's ok, when he's angry i help him calm down, i don't like to see him angry..." Second seems to feel more comfortable talking about it with their brother, "When I see him I always smile, when he's not around I feel alone, when he wants my company I get very nervous..." They laugh, Each time they spoke, the more they fell in love and the more comfortable they became. "He makes me feel so comfortable and happy... I..." They pause, take a deep breath and look into their brother's eyes, "I want to be with them..."Chosen smiles very emotional and proud, "I want to be a part of his life more than I already am!" He says with a confidence, But soon the confidence is gone and he curls up in his chair, hugging his legs very nervously, "B-but what if I'm not good for him?? I'm afraid he'll reject me! I'm afraid his siblings won't accept us both!! What if he doesn't feel the same???” They begin to fuss, with one hand on his head and the other on his chest he can barely fit in the chair anymore. "Hei hey!! Calm down..." Chosen calmly holds them by the shoulders, tries to calm them down, "You've got to get those insecurities out of your head! He clearly likes you a lot, and would never rudely reject you!" He says in a comforting tone. Second was very nervous, tearing up and hyperventilating very slowly, they take a deep breath trying to calm down. Chosen looks deeply into the younger's eyes before hugging them tight, Second is surprised but returns the hug trying not to cry.
"when you feel ready..." He pulls away from the sibling, "at least try asking him out!" He advises, Second sniffles, wiping tears into his uniform sleeve."ok..." They answer soundly uneasy. Chosen pats them with a gentle smile, As they smile awkwardly The older one moves away a little leaving the younger one behind to think about the current situation. Second looks down and looks at where Green was, he had just finished putting everything together for after finishing writing a new song and heading towards Second. Second aggressively wiped ther tears so that ther friend wouldn't see ther situation.
"Sec? Are you okay?" Green notices his friend's agitation in a worried tone, "a-ah! Y-yes I'm fine!" Second they get up from the chair, almost falling, Green holds them so they don't fall, in Which makes them very embarrassed and quickly moves away from their friend. "are you ok Sec?" Green looked worried about Second's state, "y-yes! I'm great!" he sniffles trying to look away but Green holds his face and pulls him close with half-closed eyes, "you..." Second cam trying to get away from their friend "were you crying..?" Green sounds very worried, noticing a redness around Second's eyes, "Sec, what happened? why are you crying?" he puts his hands to he puts worried hands on his friend's shoulders with concerned. "Second, tell me now, what's going on?" He gently places his hand on Second's face where he bit his lip, closing his eyes and holding his friend's hand looking for comfort. "I just... I don't..." He couldn't say anything and started to rant again, Green pats him on the back, "L-let's get some water and get some rest ok..?" Second nod their heads still having trouble breathing.
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In Second's room, the hollow head sat on the surface of their bed, their themed long shirt draped over the chair next to them and looking tired, they were looking down. Green approaches and gives him a glass of water sitting next to his friend circling their backs with a comforting hand. "Now Second, tell me what's going on.." Green asks in a serious but concerarnd tone. Second takes a deep breath and takes a sip of water, they look sideways at Green and their gaze was very worrying for him. "I... I've been feeling things I don't understand..." They look away trying not to look now Green. "Look at me second." Green almost gets up trying to look into their faces, "N-no! If I look at you I'll just think nonsense!!" Green is confused and stands up and stands in front of Second's face, "Second Coming! Tell me right now what's going on with you??" He puts his hands on Second's face gently. Second can't take it anymore and breaks down in tears, this makes Green even more worried and he hugs second with his friend wrapping his arms around his body.
"Shhh... calm, calm..." Green comforts him in a tight hug in which second didn't want to separate. the hug was warm, and they both liked the feeling, Green pulled away a little with his hands on Second's face, stroking his cheek with his thumb. Second looked deep into Green's eyes, not wanting this feeling to go away. Never, they put their hand over Green's gently stroking it with their thumb. Second closes his eyes and gives a melancholy smile, only the feeling of Green's touch made them calm, Green blushes seeing Second's sweet smile and opens a small smile too. "I hate to see you sad Second..." Green sits next to Second keeping his hands on their faces and approaches them gently. "Your smile, your laugh, your charisma, your kindness..." He starts dictating the Second Coming qualities he loved most, "all this about you gives me joy..." He says with a sincere smile, Second blushes to hear such kind words coming from the person they love so much. "You're someone I care about a lot, and I don't want you to feel sad or bad..." He brought his forehead closer to Second's who was redder feeling their cheeks burning. "You are very special... Sometimes I wonder if you are real." He laughs blushing, "Just because..." He pauses looking deep into Second's eyes, "You're too good to be true...". Green feels the urge to just kiss them, but pulls away, thinking it would be very inappropriate or wrong to do so with his friend in such a state.
Second lays his head on Green's shoulder, one hand hugging him. "Thank you Green..." he whispers in a tearful tone, "thank you for being such an amazing friend... I... I love you..." They finally said it! They said it! Green feels his face getting hot, cheeks reddened, he tries to push Second away but realizes he's asleep on his shoulder. Green was now the one who was iperventilating He swallows and gently lays Second down on the bed, careful not to wake them up. Green's heart was racing, he couldn't accept that the person he loved most loved him back, he couldn't believe that Second felt the same way he did! He tries to calm himself by inhaling and breathing He tries to calm himself by inhaling and breathing, “they love me...?" Green whispers in shock still holding Second's hand tightly, “did they Just said they love me??" He covers his mouth closing his eyes and kneeling before Second sleeping. He was tearing up trying to process what had just happened, his cheeks rosy at the thought of finally knowing how second si felt about him. He looks at Second on the bed, an awkward smile and wiping the tears with his hands, he gets up and sits down beside them. He strokes Second's head gently, they turn calmly in bed feeling the gentle comfort of Green's hand touch them, they smile angelically.That sweet smile made Green's heart sing, he knew his feeling was mutual, and that was all that mattered to him. He bends down to give his beloved Second Coming a kiss on the head, "Sleep tight Sec..." He says patting their head gently.
Green leaves the room they look back at second which he remembered to cover with a very comfortable blanket, they still had a calm and adorable smile, Green couldn't resist smiling too Closing the bedroom door.
It was farily simple, he thought. Making the jedi kill a hardly innocent but unarmed sith was neither fun or sporting, or by any chance entertaining, and less than anything Lumis cared about the Jedi Order. Yet he couldn’t help but feel a glimpse of hope that this one will survive long enough to grow up and see the error of his ways.
Darth Ekkage was dead, after all, and the rest didn’t matter.
The sudden hissing of an opening door promised new trouble, but he couldn’t even imagine what was waiting for him. Until he saw who came in.
“Good, I was worried I was going to miss all the fun, but you’ve left a jedi for dessert”, Lumis felt his blood go cold, his heart missing a beat in chilling fear. “You’ve done well... son.”
There must have been something in his face, or in his eyes, or in the way his every muscle tensed, fingers clutching on the lightsaber so tight that a bit more pressure would make the metal crack. Whatever it was, even the jedi kept silence.
“Leave.” The word came out dead heavy.
The jedi opened his mouth, going to protest, but Quinn - smart, knowing, obedient Quinn grabbed him by the elbow.
“In case your hearing is damaged, my lord told us to leave.”
“What’s this about?”
“Leave.” Lumis repeated, sending cold shivers up Quinn’s spine. “This is personal.”
“Are you letting the jedi go? It’s called treason, my son.”
Victis, despite that, was stone calm. Lumis knew he didn’t actually care.
“It’s a calculated risk,” he said on reflex, cursing himself for the answer. After all these years he was still making excuses, fearing the judgment and what comes after. “And this... this is between you and me.”
His father laughed quietly, amused by ridiculousness of his words. Lumis had to force himself not to flinch and to stay in place. The sight of Quinn disappearing brought him both relief and discomfort: they were alone now. Just what he wanted. Just what he was afraid of.
“The only thing between us is blood and how it ties us,” Victis said, taking a step forward. “My son, flesh of my flesh, my descendant, now an Emperor’s Wrath!”
His voice was ringing, vibrating with pride so strong that it could crush an insect, which all other people were to him. But Lumis had no illusions. Darth Victis did not care about family. For him it all was only a proof of unquestionable, acknowledged purity, the greatest honor a sith could have.
The Emperor was the purest, and he was standing closer to him than anyone.
Victis was circling him like a nexu waiting to attack.
“I am pleased to see that all my efforts to make you a proper sith were not wasted. You should be grateful. And still, after all I’ve done for you, you chose to run to that pig, Baras, and lick his boots. Have you ever thought where it would’ve led you if our Emperor did not choose to gift you with his grace?”
Lumis choked on air, forgetting how to breathe in anger. It all came back to him in a moment - flashes of the past, cuts and screams, and pain, and torn flesh, and the crunch of an old cathar’s neck under his fingers slick from tears, the thick smell of blood and burned meat, the feeling that the time is no more. The dreams, haunting him every night. The name, cursed among the sith, feeding his will to live. The overseers’ fingers on his skin, disgusting and greedy, always greedy. Hungry spirits, whispering into his ears, waiting for the moment to devour, to erase him from existence. The splash of water above his head.
And he should be grateful for that?...
And suddenly, he was not afraid anymore. He was furious.
“I should be grateful?” he repeated quietly, knowing how little separates him from ripping out his father’s throat.
“I made you worthy of the Emperor’s attention.”
“You ruined my life!”
“I am your father. Your life belongs to me.”
Anger was filling him to the brim, leaving him speechless, still, like a ticking time bomb.
Victis stopped pacing.
“I have tolerated your childish attempts to rebel, knowing that you will crawl back eventually after your ‘master’ betrays you. And you would have, if not for the Hand. Now it’s time to unite with the family once more.”
Lumis didn’t listen.
“I am supposed to thank you?” he hissed, shaking with anger. “For what? For that tomb? For Jarak? For all these scars?? For things the overseers did to me?! For making me kill the woman who was like mother to me?!”
Each sentence, each pained question came out louder than previous. Victis’ face was a grimace of scorn - he never saw aliens as living beings.
Lumis did not see it. His vision was blurred from rage, blinding him, the non-existent smell of blood driving him mad, father’s words ringing in his ears. Gods, he kept it in for so long...
“If you do not understand the importance of that lesson, I am highly disappointed.”
Lumis lit his lightsaber.
“You dare raise your weapon against me?” Victis spat out. “I should have not bothered and left you for inquisitors to toy with.”
Years ago, his words, his expression, the power he emanated would have filled Lumis with terror.
The time for it was over.
“You will pay for everything you did to me,” he barely said, voice trembling with pain and fury.
And then - he attacked.
His father was strong and frighteningly powerful - but now so was Lumis. He’s learned his lessons. He built himself from dust and blood and durasteel and fire, and and ocean of pain, and he could not afford to lose.
It was strange, fighting father like that. A part of him was blind and barely saw what’s happening, and the other part tracked every move, every hit, knowing when and where to strike, to cut, to push, to use the Force. He reveled in his long-suffered hate, splashing out all the pain and anger and bitternes that was stored in him his entire life, yet his mind chose to steal it all, hide it in the depths of his memory. All that was left - mere flashes.
Him smashing father into the wall so the stone cracks.
Cutting off his arm.
Using the Force technique he’s learned a long time ago - hundreds of tiny force-needles piercing Victis’ lungs, making him choke on blood and suffocate.
Ripping off skin like peel off a muja fruit, spurs bone-light against blood and muscle.
Quinn’s face from afar, paper-white from horror.
For Victis, no matter how powerful he were, it was over before it started.
Lumis kneeled beside him, sipping pleasure in this sight - father wounded and helpless, dependant on his mercy alone... yet he was still struggling.
Lumis had one last weapon before the end.
“Your bloodline will end on me,” he said, making sure father will hear him. “I will make sure that your fucking legacy will fade and be forgotten, along with purity you’re so obsessed with. Your fortress will rust, your slaves will be set free, your relics will be thrown into flames, and no one will remember your name. I promise you that.”
Victis laughed - and spat blood in his face.
Lumis pushed him off the edge, right into the lava.
And there he stood, still like a monolith, drinking the sight and screams until they faded and the feeling of death warmed his nerves.
And it was wrong.
It was... not enough.
He did what he longed for, he made his father pay, he was supposed to be different after that, he was supposed to be free...
Yet he did not feel free.
He felt the irrational fear crawling up to him, a first harbinger of a panic attack. The smell finally reached him and the air suddenly became mountain-thin, making him suffocate. His head was spinning, heart racing, thoughts jumping like Brownian particles, rotating around only one. He caught himself whispering frantically. “Why isn’t it different? I killed him I killed him I did it why it’s not different did I fail what did I do wrong”
“My lord...” came from behind quietly.
Lumis turned around bluntly, looking probably crazier than people at the Dark Temple, pupils hardly visible, eyes glowing bright with Force and panic. Quinn recoiled, but Lumis caught him by shoulders.
“Why it’s not different??” he repeated blankly, not seeing anything.
“My lord...” Quinn was almost begging, clearly not knowing what to say. “Time..”
And it flashed into his head.
“Yes... Of course, yes.. of course...” he kept whispering to himself. “Not enough time... I should’ve tortured him for years, that’s why it’s not different... that’s... that’s why...” He made a strange sound, something between a sob and a chuckle.
He could hardly breathe.
He let Quinn go and sat right there, on the ground, and hid his face in his palms, hiding from the world like a wounded child.
At some point Quinn - poor, devoted Quinn - found enough bravery to inject something into his shoulder. Lumis didn’t even notice. But apparently, it helped enough to calm down a bit and leave the cursed place.
He had to meditate for an hour and take two tranquilizers before contacting the Hand. But when he did, he was calm. He was fine.
He definitely didn’t want to disconnect.
“Was Darth Victis of assistance?” Sevant One asked in the end. “We sent him to aid you on your mission.”
The words he said next were the easiest lie in his life.
“Unfortunately, he didn’t survive the encounter. Darth Ekkage killed him.”
If they sensed it, they did not tell.
“It is a pity. He was a loyal servant of the Emperor and would have been a good asset. But this death served the Emperor as well, thus it was not vain.”
Lumis pressed his lips into a thin line.
“Indeed.”
For prompts: 1, 33, and 35 - ‘wounded’, ‘death’, and ‘insomnia’. Some cheery choices there, Anon!
I thought about writing three pieces, but then in a stroke of inspiration at 4:00AM, I kind of had an idea to do all three prompts in one. Set somewhere between ‘Lion’s Triumph’ and ‘Lion’s Rise’. Content warnings for torture and panic attacks.
Unbroken
Auriana dreamed.
She was somewhere cold and dark; a place that the light had never truly touched. Blood - her blood - seeped into the cracks of the rough stone floor, mingling with the stained tears of a thousand prisoners before her. Her entire body felt as if it were burning and freezing all at once, and she could barely move an inch in any direction without a wave of seething agony ripping through her body. Worst of all, arcane shackles bound her wrists, cutting off the flow of her precious magic and leaving her entirely without hope of respite or escape.
In a strange way, the loss of her magic hurt Auriana more than the physical pain. Without it, she felt hollow; an empty shell instead of an actual living being. Her magic was light, and life, and everything about her that was worthy or special, and the sense of loss that hung over her was enough to break her heart as she cowered lost and alone on the cold stone floor. The arcane shackles had revealed the truth of her; had revealed the dark terror that lurked in the very depths of her soul, and she had nearly worn her wrists down to the bone in her frantic attempts to get free.
But no matter how much Auriana struggled, no matter how much she fought, or screamed, or begged for the sweet release of death, the pain never ceased. It lay over her like a dark shroud; a cruel and eternal companion who refused to leave her side. Everywhere hurt - from the flayed skin on the tips of her fingers to the vicious slashes across the delicate tendons of her ankles - but worst of all was the grotesque, ragged hold in her chest, just above her heart. Auriana didn’t know how she could possibly bear such a wound and still be alive, but there it was; a giant, gaping hole of darkness that could never, ever be filled….
You will always be wounded…
Auriana jerked upright, awake, her hand reflexively closing over her mouth as she bit back a scream. Her thunderous heartbeat was so loud in her ears that she was sure the entire Keep must have heard, but the night air around her was as still and silent as the grave. Her lungs ached as if she had just run a hundred miles, and yet her limbs shook with the kind of desperate energy that made her feel as if she must run a hundred more.
Beside her, Varian stirred, grunting slightly as he rolled onto his stomach. He was a tangible link to the real world, a stark reminder that Auriana was safe in their bed and not bleeding out in a torturer’s dungeon, but in that moment, it made little difference. She could have woken him, she knew, but she hated to see the look of fear and helplessness in his eyes as he tried his best to comfort her. It was not his fault that she still had nightmares.
It was not his fault that she was so utterly damaged.
Try as she might, Auriana could not fight back the choking panic rising in her throat. For a lesser nightmare, she might have simply curled up against Varian’s side and allowed the steady rhythm of his heartbeat to lull her back to sleep, but tonight was different. The room around her felt suddenly stifling, as if the walls were closing in from all sides, and Auriana found herself in the grip of a powerful, inexorable instinct that screamed at her to get out.
She stumbled out of bed, shivering as her bare feet met the cold stone floor. It was a chilly night, but Auriana did not care. All that mattered was the seething, sickening pressure devouring her heart; the uncontrollable sense of dread threatening to drown her from the inside out. Her chest seized, as if being crushed by an invisible hand, and she fled for the door.
Varian dreamed.
He was standing on a battlefield, somewhere, though he could see no landmark that he recognised. The air was thick with blood and sweat and the screams of soldiers, and Varian knew instinctively that this was a battle that had been lost. His muscles ached with fatigue, even though he couldn’t remember fighting, and Shalamayne’s blade ran red and sticky with blood.
Torn Alliance battle standards were scattered all across the field, though Varian could see no flag or sigil that may have indicated who they had been fighting. Discarded weapons lay everywhere, alongside what remained of several once-mighty siege engines, and he had to watch his footing carefully to avoid tripping over the debris.
Curiously, it seemed that Varian was the only man still standing. Soldiers lay dead and dying as far as the eye could see, but not a single one had managed to regain their footing, or even sit upright. It was not only their wounds - and indeed, most were horrific - but also that a pervading sense of dread hung in the air, crushing spirits and forcing even the bravest of warriors to accept defeat. Even Varian could feel it, leeching away at his strength and sense of purpose, and yet he grit his teeth and pressed doggedly forward.
He could not have explained why, but he was driven to move; driven to pick up his feet and continue even when his every other instinct implored him to lie down and surrender to the darkness. On and on he walked, past weeping men and severed limbs and scattered bones, despair growing in his heart with every step. Varian was a hard man, but even the hardest man in the world could not possibly remain unmoved by the the sight of so much death and destruction. Each fresh cry of agony all but broke him, but Varian thought that if he could just keep going, if he could just keep moving, he could perhaps find some last lingering bastion of hope…
And then he saw her.
If not for the fact that she were laying in the midst of a slaughter, Auriana might have looked like a painted fairytale maiden, sleeping on her back atop a throne of scattered rubble. Her hands were folded neatly across her stomach, and her dark hair tumbled over her shoulders in a dark, delicate halo. She was completely and utterly still, too, as if she had been carved from stone, and never in his life had Varian seen something so pale, and perfect, and timeless.
There was nothing perfect, however, about the monstrous, gaping wound in her chest.
Varian let out bellow of sheer, unrelenting agony, and the sound was so loud and so raw that it felt as his throat had been torn out. He charged forward, his limbs suddenly suffused with a frightening energy, and he tripped and stumbled his way desperately up the mound of debris to Auriana’s side.
Up close, the damage to her chest was far worse than it had appeared from, and Varian let out a low, keening howl as he staggered to his knees before her. Shalamayne tumbled carelessly from his fingers as he fell, the metal of the blade clanging loudly as against the rubble, but Varian could hear nothing save for the roaring of blood in his ears.
Auriana’s body felt as limp and lifeless as a ragdoll as Varian pulled her into his arms, and clutched desperately at the pale skin of her wrists and throat. It couldn’t be real, he thought, she couldn’t possibly be dead; not her, not his fierce, precious mage…
But there was no life there, no hope; only the ice cold, clammy skin of someone long since dead. There was no healing to be had, no escape or trick that might bring her back. Auriana was simply gone, her brilliant light extinguished from the world as thoroughly as if it had never been. She had died alone, and in pain… and Varian’s heart broke as he realised that he had once again failed to protect a woman he loved.
You can never save her from death…
Varian’s eyes flew open, and he let out a strangled cry as he came crashing back to reality. The room around him was almost pitch black, lit only by the faintest beam moonlight streaming in through a gap in the curtains, and yet Varian saw movement and threat in every shadow. His back and chest were slick with perspiration, his body thrumming with enough energy to fight a thousand battles, and while he could no longer smell the sickly, metallic reek of drying blood, he found himself practically choking on the heady musk of his own panicked sweat.
The bed, at least, was firm and real beneath him, as were the soft cloth sheets tangled around his ankles, and it was by focusing on those small details that Varian managed to regain some sense of control. He was in Stormwind Keep, he reminded himself, in his chambers, and most certainly not standing on a desolate battlefield with Auriana’s corpse laid out before him. She had fallen asleep in his arms, wonderfully warm and alive, and all he had to do was reach out and touch her…
Instead of the comforting softness of Auriana’s flesh, however, Varian felt a fresh wave of blind terror overtake him as his hand found nothing but rumpled sheets and emptiness. He sat bolt upright, his every instinct screaming as he peered into the blackness, but she was nowhere to be seen. Varian was alone, and in a dim part of his mind he wondered whether he had always been alone, and whether Auriana had never been anything more than a figment of his desperately lonely imagination.
In his panic, it took Varian a few moments to realise that the bed beneath his hand was still warm, suggesting that she had been there not too long ago. He glanced towards the heavy door, noting that it was still closed - though realistically he knew a door meant very little to a woman who could reappear on the other side of the world with a mere thought. He also could not think of a reason why Auriana would feel the need to vanish in the middle of the night without a word, though admittedly, it wouldn’t have been the first time.
Of course, in the end the reason mattered very little. Auriana was gone, and all Varian really cared about was finding her and bringing her home. He very much needed to hold her close, to feel the warmth of her skin on his and the precious beat of her heart thrumming beneath his fingertips, and he would not be able to rest until she had been returned to him.
With a shaky sigh, Varian swung his long legs off the bed, and reached for the loose linen pants he kept hidden beneath his matress. He generally preferred to sleep naked, though he always had a pair nearby in case he needed to wake unexpectedly during the night. He now yanked them on with little fanfare, and had just started to make his way to the entrance of his chambers when he heard a very faint sob echoing toward him from somewhere outside.
His brow furrowing in concern, Varian turned away from the door, and took several tentative steps towards the balcony. Most unusually, the door here had been left open, and with a short sigh of relief he realised that Auriana must have been a lot closer than he had initially feared. The sound of her crying was decidedly less comforting, however, and he quickly stepped out into the night to find her.
The air outside was bracing, but in a way, Varian welcomed the cold. The chill breeze did much to slake the fearful heat surging through his veins, and provided him with a much-needed shock of clarity. The moon above was also so huge and so close that it almost seemed to be perched atop the spire of the Stormwind Cathedral, bathing the entire city in a soft silvery glow. Another time, Varian might have paused to admire its beauty - but tonight was not a night to be distracted.
He found Auriana sitting with her back against the balustrade at the very end of the balcony, her knees curled up to her chest as she rocked back and forth. Her entire body was trembling violently, and her eyes were squeezed firmly shut as if she were trying to block out the world. Of greater concern, however, was the fact that her slender arms were ablaze with light as she clutched frantically at her own knees. It was an instinctive, defensive reaction; but also one that could potentially have very dangerous consequences for the people around her.
Evidently, Varian was not the only one who had been having bad dreams.
“Auri…” he murmured, keeping his voice low and calm, “Auri, look at me…”
Varian was keenly aware of his size as he crouched down beside her, and how easily he could appear threatening if he were too move too quickly, or in the wrong direction. This was not the first time he had found Auriana breathless and distraught after a horrific dream, and he was sadly well practiced in dealing with the aftermath. He moved with glacial slowness, and it was only after she opened her enormous blue eyes that he dared reached out to place a careful hand upon her shoulder.
“Auri…” he repeated softly, “Can you hear me?”
His own nightmare seemed distant and unimportant in the face of her visceral distress, and he banished his own fears to the back of his mind as he focused entirely on her. She needed him, and as far as Varian was concerned, that was the only thing in the world that mattered.
“V-varian…?”
Auriana was clearly struggling to focus, though she let out a strangled gasp of recognition as her hazy gaze found his. She reached for him blindly, her nails scratching against his bare chest as she made an awkward, fumbling attempt to pull him close. He caught her gently by the wrists to prevent her from doing him any real harm, still moving slowly so as not to send her spiralling downwards into a further panic. Even then, she started at his touch; though she nevertheless allowed him to slide one hand around her waist so that he might lift her off the ground.
Auriana’s legs were shaking wildly with fear and effort, and she staggered as her bare feet found purchase on the cold stone floor. She was utterly freezing, her flimsy little nightgown offering little protection against the chill air, and Varian vaguely wondered how long she had been outside, weeping alone in the dark. It hurt him like a physical blow to see her in such distress, and he gathered her swiftly into his arms in the hope that the warmth and strength of his body might provide her with some small measure of comfort.
“That’s right, Auri, it’s me,” he murmured, stroking the length of her back and burying his face into the silken tangles of her hair. “I’m here. You’re safe with me, I promise you…”
The words rang somewhat hollow, in light of the utter failure Varian had suffered in his dream, but it seemed that for once, he had said the right thing. Auriana pressed herself tightly against him, and her tiny hands gripped his body with the desperate strength of someone three times her size. Her body was both rigid with tension and alive with magic, and it wasn’t long before her quiet whimpers devolved into harsh, racking sobs.
Varian felt almost as if he were trying to hold lightning in his arms, such was the strength of the arcane power coursing through Auriana’s body. His skin prickled everywhere they touched, and he couldn’t quite shake the ominous feeling of being only inches away from a very powerful explosion. She was not actively channelling, but he knew from experience that she was holding an enormous amount of magic in reserve. At this distance, Varian also knew he would be vaporised in an instant if she were to lose control - and yet oddly, he felt no fear. He trusted Auriana absolutely, and if she needed to cling to her magic in order to feel secure, then he would not deny her.
It was only once her shaking had fully subsided, many long minutes later, that Varian attempted to talk her down. He very gently prised her away from his chest, and ran his hands along the lengths of her shining forearms.
“Auri,” he whispered. “You can let go.”
For a moment, Varian thought she might resist. A brief flash of rage flickered deep within her eyes, as if she thought he were a threat to her magic, but it vanished as quickly as it had appeared. She shook herself ever so slightly, and for the first time since Varian had found her on the balcony, she seemed to truly remember who and where she was. She took a deep, shuddering breath, and as she exhaled, the fierce glow about her arms and eyes slowly faded away into nothingness.
“Auri?”
“I… I’m a-alright,” she muttered hoarsely. “I’m in c-control.”
“What was it this time?” Varian asked, though he suspected he already knew the answer.
“Foundry.”
She didn’t say anything more. She didn’t have to.
A spark of anger kindled in Varian’s chest for all the pain she had suffered, and if not for the fact that Blackhand was already dead, he might have been inclined to charge off to Draenor to avenge her agony. Such a thing would do very little to soothe the trembling woman in his arms, however, even if it may have made him feel much better, and he instead settled for comforting her with soft touches to her cheeks and neck.
Moments like these always made Varian feel helpless and somewhat awkward. He wanted to help Auriana with every fibre of his being, but he could never quite shake the feeling that he just wasn’t very good at it. He wasn’t as naturally empathetic as Anduin, and often had a hard time expressing his more intimate emotions. He wasn’t as wise as someone like Velen, nor eloquent like Jaina. Hell, he’d even caught Genn Greymane, of all people, being soft with Mia in a way that he wasn’t quite sure he could imitate.
For some unfathomable reason, however, Auriana had chosen him, and he was fiercely determined not to disappoint her.
“Auri… I…”
“Am I broken?” she asked roughly, cutting Varian off before he could say anything more.
She turned her head away, unable to look him in the eye, and he could tell that she was still fighting back tears.
“I th-thought it would pass with time,” she confessed, “But some nights it’s like it happened yesterday. I can feel it in my bones. I can feel what they did to m-me…”
Auriana’s voice cracked on the last syllable, as she buried her face into the crook of Varian’s arm once more. Her suffering cut into him like a thousand knives, and his desperate hold on her became so tight that he was sure it had to be suffocating. She was so brave, and brilliant, and capable, and yet there would always be a part of him that wanted to lock her away somewhere she could never be hurt ever again.
Such a thing was not possible, of course, as much as it may have pained Varian to admit. As he had learned from Anduin, seeking to control those he loved would only serve to drive them away. It was a difficult thing to do, given that Auriana was obviously in such a hurt and needy state, but Varian had long ago sworn to himself that he would be a better man - both for her, and for his son.
You cannot control her, he told himself firmly. You can only support her.
He closed his eyes, and with a great effort, he forced himself to release some of the painful tension in his hold upon her body.
“You’re not broken, Auri. You’re strong,” he whispered fiercely. “The strongest person I’ve ever known. I don’t know anyone else who could have survived the kind of things you have survived with such… grace. I certainly couldn’t have done it.”
Auriana sniffled quietly, and she turned her face even further into the safety of his chest. Her frantic breathing had at least slowed, however, and while she had given no outward sign, Varian knew she was listening.
“For what it’s worth… I’ve spent a good part of my life wondering the same thing. Wondering whether I was… damaged. Fractured beyond repair…”
He rested his chin on the top of her head, and stared out at the twinkling lights of his city below. There was always something comforting about Stormwind at night. The city was peaceful and at rest, and it reminded Varian that for all his flaws, he was a king who protected his people. Maybe not the king they deserved, but a king who would keep them safe.
“But… I don’t think that’s true,” he added, letting out a long sigh.
“No?” Auriana mumbled. “What changed your mind?”
“Anduin has made a great deal of difference. More than he knows,” Varian explained. “He’s so… good. If he’s my legacy to this world, then I can’t have been all bad, don’t you think?”
The faintest ghost of a smile crossed his face as his thoughts turned again to his son, and he felt some of the heart-rending pressure in his chest lessen.
“And then… there was you.”
“Me?” Auriana asked, the pitch of her voice rising in surprise. “What did I do?”
Varian paused for a moment, unsure how to put his thoughts into words. He knew exactly what it was Auriana had done for him, the many ways she had changed him and made him better, but he found it a difficult thing to express out loud.
“You… you saw me,” he began slowly, “Not just Varian, or Lo’Gosh. Not half of me. You saw the gladiator and the king, the good and the bad… and you saw me whole. Unbroken.”
He caught her chin between his long fingers, and turned her face upwards so that he could look her in the eye.
“You and I are of a kind, Auriana,” he whispered. “We were forged by fire. We bend. We crack. But we never break. It isn’t how we’re made.”
For a long moment, they simply stared at one another in silence, neither blinking or even so much as breathing as a thousand unspoken things passed between them. Auriana was luminous beneath the light of the full moon, and despite the pallor of her skin and the unshed tears glistening in her eyes, Varian thought she looked beautiful. More than that, she was still alive, and safe, and his.
A low growl rose in his throat, and he lowered his head to capture Auriana’s mouth with his. There were no words for the things he truly wanted to say to her, but in kissing her, in holding her, he could give her all his strength, and his courage, and his love. In a single, breathless moment he laid every part of himself bare, the passion of his embrace silently urging Auriana to take whatever she needed from him.
When they finally pulled apart, Varian’s cheeks were damp with Auriana’s tears, though her expression was no longer quite so haunted. He knew from past experience that it would take some time her to fully recover from her nightmare and the subsequent terror that had gripped her heart; but for now, at least, she was calm.
“It’s cold,” she murmured, hugging her arms around her body against the breeze. “We should go back inside.”
“Agreed,” Varian said, nodding, “Though I don’t think I’m going to sleep again tonight.”
Auriana frowned, and rested a gentle hand on his forearm.
“You never told me what woke you. Did you have a bad dream, too?”
“Yes,” Varian said stiffly.
He once again saw Auriana’s pale, unmoving corpse in his mind’s eye, as clearly as if she were laying right in front of him, and he shuddered.
“I take it you don’t want to talk about it?” she observed.
It had taken Varian some time before he felt comfortable showing Auriana any vulnerability whatsoever, and even after all they had been through, it was still not something that came easily to him. Deep down, he had always feared that she would scoff at him - or worse, pity him - but he had come to learn that she would offer him nothing less than quiet understanding. Tonight, however, there was something about his dream that left him far more shaken than usual, and he had no desire to relive it a second time. Not even for her.
“Not tonight,” Varian muttered. “You’ll have to forgive me.”
“Varian… there’s nothing to forgive,” she said softly, reaching up to caress his scars. “I just… worry about you sometimes, is all.”
“You worry about me?” Varian snorted.
“Always.”
Auriana tilted her head to one side, and a small, tentative half-smile pulled at the corner of her lips. Varian could still see the strain of her nightmare lurking behind her eyes, but it seemed that she was determined to be stronger than her own fear. It was one of the things he loved most about her, and he more than willingly allowed her to pull him down for another slow, tender kiss.
“I’m no healer,” she murmured, her breath warm against his lips, “But I think I know something that might help with your insomnia…”
“Oh…?”
Auriana brushed the last tears from her eyes, and nose crinkled shyly as she stared up at him through wet lashes. She then looped her finger through the drawstring of his pants, and took an inviting step back towards the warmth and comfort of their bedroom, away from the cold and the lingering echoes of their nightmares.
“I need you,” she said simply.
“I need you, too,” Varian admitted, his voice low and throaty. “But…”
“Please don’t argue with me out of some kind of sense of gentlemanly obligation. We both need this,” she countered.
She slipped her hand into his, and stared up at him with eyes like fire.
Kohaku wasn’t sure what was going on as his chest suddenly felt tight, he didn’t know where he currently was nor why he was brought to this world.
The jewel shard embedded in the back of his neck resonated with his emotions as he tries in vain to calm down the reaction, his pupils began to shake. This was bad, his emotions were becoming an issue.
His heart pounded so loudly and strong that it felt like it would just jump out of his chest, he propped up against a nearby tree as he wondered if his emotions were due to home sickness.
He couldn’t tell as he stayed where he was, his vision slowly becoming blurry as his left hand stayed rested on his chest.
Beads of sweat trickled down from his forehead as he could faintly hear noises all around him, his eyelids beginning to feel heavy.
