Jackson knew that Mishka was running himself ragged and while he wanted to step in and say something he knew that would only serve to stress his boyfriend out more. So he simply waited, did his best to offer support and keep in as much contact as possible. Until the day finally came that the other man was off. It had taken a bit of fast talking in order to get the day off himself, but thankfully he was able to drag in a little before dawn to find Mishka sprawled out on their bed as usual. He didn’t bother waking him though, instead just pushing and tugging his boyfriend over before climbing in with him.
Hours later, Jackson was dragged from his sleep only to find Mishka still passed out and curled against him. It wasn’t surprising, but he knew he couldn’t let him sleep forever. He shifted up from the bed and made his way into the kitchen, Dexter at his heels. He fed the puppy as the coffee brewed and a bowl of his boyfriend’s favorite cereal was made up before he carried it all back to the bedroom. “ Pora prosypat'sya, lyubov' moya,” he said quietly as he settled down on the bed next to Mishka’s sleeping form. A hand ran over his back and up to brush through his hair. “ YA prines tebe kofe i khlop'ya. “
Truth be told, Jackson really wasn’t as comfortable or content sitting home alone on his couch as he’d lead Mishka to believe. But he sure knew how to make it sound good. He’d jumped at the chance to get out of the house when the other man had made it clear he wanted to see him, tossing on a clean and coffee-free outfit before heading out the door. Keeping the conversation going as he made his way down the few blocks, he stopped into the coffee shop, glad it wasn’t too busy, and ordered two drinks. Jackson could never turn down the caffeine.
This time, he made sure not to walk and text, stopping at the door of Tall Tales before he sent one last message to Mishka and stepped inside. He looked around the shop for a moment before he caught sight of the other man and gave him a smile as he held out a frappuccino like the one he’d had in his hand earlier. “How’s this for hands on?” he said with a laugh.
Tagging: Jackson Phillips, Anton Mishka Morozov, Chase Olsen
Setting: Jackson’s apartment, Afternoon of Tuesday, April 25th
Summary: Chase comes over to check on Jackson and Mishka comes home from work. Awkwardness ensues and more than one secret gets revealed.
Warnings: None
Jackson had been home for a few days and while he still wasn't feeling great--far from it actually--he definitely wasn't as miserable as he'd been at first. The limitations of his injuries still frustrated him infinitely and for as much as he appreciated Mishka's help, he still had trouble admitting that he needed it or accepting it when it was offered. It was slow going and a learning process for both of them but finally, he'd convinced his boyfriend to go back to work, that he didn't need to be watched around the clock. It was easier said than done, but eventually Mishka had left the apartment for a shift at Tall Tales and he'd gone back to sleep on the couch.
It was a little before noon when Jackson finally woke up and it didn't take long for the urge to do something hit him. But he knew he needed rest so instead, he fired off a message to Chase, asking his friend to come over. What better than time hanging with a friend, not to mention the peace of mind that his burn was healing normally? It wasn't that he'd purposely waited until Mishka was gone to invite the other man over b--okay, yes it was because on top of everything else he was still and would always be worried about being outed. Chase already suspected something and showing up to his one bedroom apartment where two men lived was hard for anyone to sell. Jackson made his way to the front door at the sound of a knock, not bothering to fight his way into a shirt. “Hey, man,” he greeted his friend before stepping back to allow him inside. “I was wonderin’ if ya got lost.”
Chase had already written out the instructions for Jackson after their conversation the other night and had left them next to a box of Thin Mints on his kitchen counter so he wouldn’t forget either thing whenever Jackson asked him to come over. Things at work were chaotic as usual, but Chase thrived off of chaos. It was much easier to throw himself into his work and put all of his focus on that than anything else. He had just gotten home and out of the shower when Jackson texted, quickly changing into clean clothes before he heads over, smiling as his friend opens the door. “Hey yourself. Sorry, I had to get changed.” The brunette says apologetically, holding up the bag he had brought with him as he steps inside, chuckling softly. “I come bearin’ cookies and instructions on how to take care of your arm. Want me to get that look over over with now? It’ll only take a minute.”
“I'm just fuckin’ with ya, Chase. Thanks for comin’ over,” Jackson said with a laugh as he pushed the door closed behind the other man. He couldn't help that his spirits lifted a little at the mention of the cookies and he nodded. “Yeah, just kick ya shoes off and come on in.” As he spoke his eyes flicked down to where his hand pointed at the line of shoes against the wall. After a second, his eyes went a little wide as he spotted a few pairs of Mishka's mixed in with his. Fuck. He hadn't even thought about that since his boyfriend has moved all his stuff in. Maybe Chase wouldn't notice though. He cleared his throat and did his best to shake it off mentally as he turned for the living room. “The couch’ll work, yeah?” Jackson asked.
“No problem, man. Anytime.” Chase replies, kicking off his shoes at Jackson’s request. “Yeah, couch is fine.” Grabbing the pair of gloves he had brought with him from the bag, he slips them on, setting everything else aside before following his friend over to where he sat. “How’s it feelin’? It’ll start gettin’ itchy as t heals, try not to scratch it too hard. You can put some plain lotion on it though if it gets too bad, just try not to overdo it otherwise the skin’ll stay wet and not heal.” The brunette murmurs as he looks Jackson’s shoulder over, being careful not to hurt his friend. “I don’t see any signs of infection - just keep puttin’ on whatever they gave ya at the hospital and bandaging it and it should heal up just fine in a couple of weeks.”
Jackson settled down on the couch and helped the slide the band of the sling out of the way so the bandages could be peeled back. “I mean, it hurts, but nothin’ like it was after it happened.” He hummed quietly in reply to show he understood the instructions and he was more than relieved to hear it looked good. Not that he didn't trust Mishka's first aid skills, but it was just good to have that reassurance from someone with medical training. “That's good to hear. Thanks, bro,” he said as he waited for everything to be shifted back like it was. “Just wish the swellin’ would go down already. I wanna take this damned thing off.” Jackson sighed at his own words though. He wasn't the type to complain this much. “Do I get my cookies now?”
“No problem. You could try putin’ ice on it a few times a day, if the pressure’s not too much.” Chase suggests as he reapplies the bandage, giving Jackson a smile. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll grab ‘em.” Getting up, he tosses the gloves out before going back to his things, grabbing the box of cookies. “I left the instructions for ya on the table. They should be pretty self explanatory, but if ya have any questions, ya know how to reach me.” The brunette says, shrugging as he opens up the Thin Mints, offering them over to his friend. “I’m no doctor, but I’m way better than Google. Google just freaks people out, I swear.”
“Jus’ have to figure out a comfortable way to make the ice pack stay where I put it,” Jackson said. It's something he'd have to get creative with, but it would be worth it if it meant the swelling would go down faster. He shifted around on the couch when Chase disappeared, fidgeting with strap of the sling for a few seconds. He really was over the damned thing but he knew better than to risk having to wear it for longer. Jackson grinned at the cookies when they were opened and held out for him. At least this was still normal more or less. “Oh yeah, have folks thinkin’ they've got some incurable shit,” he laughed as he tugged a few cookies from the pack and bit into one. Before he could say anything else, his phone buzzed and he sat the cookies down in favor for his phone. Fuck being one-handed. Of course that minor irritation was erased once he opened the snapchat from Mishka, the picture making him angle his screen away from Chase until the time was up.
“Try a bag of frozen peas. They’re easier to bend around your shoulder than an ice pack.” The brunette replies, leaning back against the couch a bit. “You can always put the sling strap on top of the ice pack or whatever too.” Shrugging, Chase helps himself to a cookie, chewing it slowly. “Yeah, it’s crazy. I hate it when people call us thinkin’ something is terribly wrong because they’ve looked on Google and then it turns out to be somethin’ real simple.” He replies, shaking his head a bit. “You need to get that?” He asks once Jackson reaches for his phone, brows furrowing slightly as he moves his phone away - not that he was going to creep on whatever Jackson was looking at. “I can go if it’s bad time, the cookies are yours.” The EMT offers, not wanting to get in the way of anything, even though Jackson had invited him over. But Chase knew things came up all of the time, and he wasn’t gonna pick at it and start a fight. At least not with one of his friends. “Earth to Jackson, anyone in there?”
Jackson typed out a quick response to the picture before turning his screen off and tossing his phone down to the couch. “Huh? What? No, no, no,” he said with a laugh, waving Chase’s words off. He knew it had been rude to answer his phone while they were hanging out but he also knew that Mishka would have thought something was wrong if he hadn’t answered back. “Just a snap from my...friend.” Right, because that didn’t sound suspicious at all. The other man had already hinted he knew there was more to his ‘friend’ as it was. “You-uh--ya want anythin’ to drink or anythin’?” Jackson offered as he picked up one of the cookies he’d put down and took a bite.
“Mhmm.” Chase mutters in response, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Jackson was acting cagey, and it wasn’t the pain medication talking. “Nah, I’m good. Don’t trouble yourself, man. You should be restin’. EMT’s orders or whatever.” He says firmly, giving the brunette beside him a look, though he’s only half serious. He really doesn’t want anything though, pushing the sleeve of cookies back towards Jackson. “Don’t worry about me. You eat cookies and relax.”
Boy, was Beckie glad to see him again. Their relationship was purely based off of their profession, but he could tell that managing the store by herself and some newly hired employee hadn’t been easy. The second Anton had walked into work he saw how disorientated a lot of things was, but he was kind of happy for the distraction. It kept him busy for most of the shift and when his last hour was almost up he had been fairly surprised at how non-offending work was today. He had gone in expecting there to be some sort of Hell fire, alright poor choice of words considering the accident that happened recently, but he didn’t walk out of work with a permanent crease between his brows. Which, was a pretty rare thing to come by really.
As Anton walked back to Jackson’s place he texted Wade. His friend sent him that reminder about keeping Friday free and he had to reassure the Brit that he wouldn’t skip out. It wasn’t like he had a choice last time anyways- and even if he did he still wouldn’t have gone out to that art show. Not when Jackson had just gotten home and all of that. By the time he had his keys jingling in the doorknob he was smiling down at his phone. Leave it to Wade to say some stupid shit to try and ‘threaten’ him for the tenth time about not flaking out on the evening plan. “Гребаный идиот,” he muttered to himself as he unlocked the front door. “I’m back.” Anton pushed the door open and stepped inside only to toe off his shoes right away. “Beckie says hi by the way, and I have a thing on Friday to go to.” He pocketed his phone and nudged his shoes over towards the usual spot he left them but found the area occupied. Huh. Weird. Anton did a double take and frowned, but he didn’t think much of it until he went over towards the living room. “It’s an art show that Wa-”
Oh. Oh, fuck. His mouth remained open as he saw who was sitting on the couch. There was Jackson, of course, but there was also someone else that automatically made his stomach churn unpleasantly. It wasn’t because he found Chase unpleasant or anything, but it was more based off of the guilt he hadn’t gotten over. Anton pressed his lips into a thin line as he looked from one man to another. His hands flexed by his sides out of a nervous habit and he avoided eye contact for a moment. “Uh, hey.” It was said in the others’ general direction as he busied his eyes with the lily that sat by the windowsill.
Jackson had been in the middle of explaining how there was nothing left on Netflix that appealed to him when the door opened so he didn’t pick up on it right away and it wasn’t until he heard Mishka’s voice that he was aware they weren’t alone. He nearly choked on his cookie, a bit of panic rising in him immediately. Was his boyfriend home early or had that much time passed without him realizing it? He blinked up at Mishka as he stepped into the living room, his eyes a little wide. Not that he’d been doing anything other than hanging out with Chase, but that wasn’t what he was worried about being caught in. “M-Mishka...D-Did you get off early?” he asked, his voice shaking way more than he wanted it to. “This is my friend Chase, the EMT that bullied me into goin’ t-to the hospital.” Jackson turned back to Chase, trying to gauge exactly what was going through his friend’s mind at the sudden arrival of another guy in his apartment. “C-Chase, this is Mishka, my fr…” Fuck it, he was already caught now. “My boyfriend.”
Chase recognizes Mishka’s voice as soon as the other male lets himself in, and suddenly everything starts to click. The way both males are refusing to make eye contact, the way they’re both stuttering - this was the friend Jackson had been talking about. “Hey. We’ve met, actually. Over at the pool.” He replies calmly with a shrug, not about to throw Mishka under the bus. Obviously the other night hadn’t been brought up yet, and he wasn’t gonna do that to Jackson. “Yeah, don’t listen to him. I was just doin’ my job.” Gesturing vaguely, Chase shakes his head, moving to his feet slowly. “Jackson, it’s fine, you don’t-” He’s halfway through telling his friend that he doesn’t owe him an explanation when the truth comes out, causing him to pause. It wasn’t that he cared if Jackson liked guys or not, because it didn’t matter to him and it really wasn’t any of his business, but the fact that he had almost hooked up with his friend’s boyfriend a few nights ago was enough to cause concern, at least for Jackson. There was obviously more to the story there, but now wasn’t the time to get into it. “Well then I have instructions for ya, Jackson asked me to write ‘em out just to be safe.” The brunette finally adds on, nodding towards the kitchen. “I can go over ‘em with ya real quick before I go.”
He didn’t actually see how surprised Jackson was, but he sure could hear it. Hell, he could probably smell it if he wanted to the same old dramatic self he always was. Except he didn’t feel like that right now. All he felt was this crippling crash of how much of a shitty person he was all at once. It was always there in the back of his mind, but he was good at just going with it. Now though? Not so much. While a part of him was pleasantly surprised that Jackson admitted their relationship out loud, he couldn’t get over the fact that these two men were friends. Just leave it to him to find the one person that was on good terms with Jackson and himself. Anton cursed himself to hell and back internally as he finally sighed, but none of the growing tension in his body was released with the heavy breath. When Anton looked back over to the pair his gaze was tired and strained. The telltale tick jumped on the corner of his jaw as he listened to what Chase said. There wasn’t a reason to freak out, alright? There really wasn’t, but he felt his stomach go cold and his throat threatened to tighten. “Yeah. Yeah, that’d be grand,” he said with a crooked smile that lacked the passive happiness he had walked in with. Anton rubbed the back of his neck as he went over towards the kitchen to see where the instruction were as he tried to keep his breathing steady again. Panicking wasn’t the solution to this, it never was for any situation, but the shitty part of his mind was already spewing crap into his conscious about how terrible of a person he was and the worst part was that he didn’t deny any of it.
Jackson honestly had no idea what had possessed him to introduce Mishka as his boyfriend. It was the truth, obviously and he’d wanted to make it clear that he wasn’t ashamed of that. And Chase was his friend, right? Surely if anyone would understand, it would be the EMT. At least, that’s what he’d thought but it didn’t seem to be the case with the way Chase was suddenly trying to get out of the apartment and how he seemed to pause at the admission. Even Mishka was acting off, but Jackson hadn’t noticed it as much because panic and worry was rising in him. Had he just lost another friend? It was the main question on his mind as Mishka and Chase moved towards the kitchen, the fact that the two knew one another not really clicking in the moment. “Y-Ya don’t gotta leave, Chase,” he called after them, though his voice made it clear he was already sure he’d fucked up. Jackson didn’t even bother to move from the couch, not wanting to make himself look even more ridiculous by trying to chase the EMT down.
Chase can hear the panic in Jackson’s voice and his stomach sinks, mentally cursing at himself. “You go ahead, they’re on the table.” He mutters to Mishka before moving back towards Jackson, offering his friend a smile. “C’mon, ya don’t need me watchin’ over ya if Mishka’s here. We’re good, I promise. As long as you’re happy, Jackson...that’s all that matters to me, y’know?.” The brunette says, trying to reassure Jackson as best as he could in the moment, carefully giving the other male a one armed hug. “I’m gonna go talk to Mishka real quick, do me a favor and take a deep breath or two? Ya look like you’re about to pass out.” Chase murmurs, protective as ever. Jackson was still Jackson, and who he dated wasn’t gonna change how he saw him. Returning to the kitchen, he grabs the paper, giving it to Mishka to read over. “Alright, sorry. It shouldn’t be too hard ta follow, just make sure the bandage gets changed a coupla times a day. I checked Jackson’s arm out earlier, it looks like it’s healin’ pretty well so far.” He says, unsure whether or not he should bring up the other night or not. Mishka was already panicking, and Chase didn’t want to make it any worse. “You have any questions?”
If he wasn’t in the turmoil of staying here in the present then he probably would’ve stayed in the living room to try and smooth things out. There really, really wasn’t anything to be so freaked out about because he knew that the thing that happened between Chase and him was in the past. Things couldn’t settle at just that though. Of course it couldn’t. Anton merely leaned against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. It wasn’t a defensive pose but rather one that was more geared towards making himself smaller. If that actually worked it’d be a damn miracle, but he knew that it’d never come true. He listened intently to what Chase said, finding the instructions a nice distraction from the constant drone that ran in the back of his mind. “No, um, not really,” he said with a fraction of a shrug as he covered his mouth with a hand. The urge to chew on the insides of his cheeks came up but he pushed past it.
“But, uh, yeah if you want to stick around then that’s fine. If you’re into Cinnamon Toast Crunch then we have a ton of that shit here too.” It was a weak attempt to keep himself out of the caverns of his mind and it didn’t much to make him feel any more positive than before. “I’m just, going to go to the bathroom for a bit, yeah?” For what reason? He had no idea, but it sure as hell didn’t have to do with taking a leek or washing his hands. Actually, a shower sounded pretty great but then his mind quickly countered that with that one time where things went to shit in said shower. Anton just continued to smile tensely as he excused himself. He made sure to smile at Jackson as he passed by, and he really hoped that his boyfriend didn’t pick up on how thin his mental state was in. Again. It was downright embarrassing at this point. He had gone several years without a single break but now he was experiencing them left and right. It was a way for his mind to tell him that he needed to quit running from shit, but he really wanted to just deny that and look the other way. Anton got to the bathroom, and instead of leaving the door cracked open like he usually did, he closed it with a soft click. His to-go reason was because of how weird it might be to leave the bathroom door open while a guest over but that wasn’t the case at all.
Jackson had slumped back against the couch, prepared to accept the fact that Chase was walking out because of what he’d just admitted to, but he sat up again quickly when the other man turned back to him. Honestly, he was a bit surprised by what his friend said, having fully expected...well the exact opposite of acceptance. He couldn’t find his words in the moment, so instead he just nodded and pressed back into the half hug slightly, shifting back when Chase moved towards the kitchen. It took a moment, but he truly couldn’t recall a time when he’d gotten that reaction when coming out to anyone that he wasn’t getting naked with. Jackson settled back onto the couch, doing his best to breathe as Chase had said. He heard the pair talking in the kitchen and a few moments later, Mishka was passing him and heading off to the bathroom. The smile seemed a little...tight, but he didn’t think much into it just yet.
“Mishka...” Chase sighs, running his fingers through his hair slowly. “You don’t have to go anywhere, this is your place too.” If anyone should leave, it should be him, but Mishka has already disappeared down the hall and Chase is left in the kitchen staring at the space where the other man once was. Sighing, he sticks the instructions on the fridge with a magnet before walking back towards Jackson slowly, rubbing the back of his neck. He knew he had to come clean about the kiss, especially now that Mishka walked off. “Hey...I gotta tell ya somethin’, okay? An’ I’m not sayin’ it because I want to make things weird or cause any trouble, but because we’re friends and you should know.” Chase says slowly, letting out a breath slowly. “I don’t know how long you guys have been together or anythin’...but the other night I ran into Mishka at a club and we went back to my place. We kissed a little, but that’s it, I swear. He started panicking an’ I got him a car to take him home.” The brunette explains, his eyes trained on the floor. “You know I never woulda done anythin’ if I knew about you two...I’d never wanna hurt ya like that, Jackson.”
Jackson had half expected Chase to head out of the apartment, but when the other man reappeared a few moments after Mishka passed by he just assumed his boyfriend had somehow convinced him to stay. His mouth had opened to make a comment on just that when the EMT spoke up first. And the way he was acting...The mannerisms plus the words were enough to make Jackson freeze before the other even finished speaking. Of course he knew about Mishka going out and picking someone up because his boyfriend had admitted to as much. But he’d never said the person he’d nearly had a drunk hook-up with was his best friend. The confession caught him completely by surprise and for a moment he just...sat there, not sure what to do or say.
Finally, Jackson’s brain seemed to kick back in and he shook his head over at Chase. “I-It’s not your fault, Chase. Ya didn’t know,” he said as he looked over at his friend. And that was the truth. He’d made sure to be so paranoid and secretive about Mishka and whatever they were that there was no way he could expect Chase or anyone to just know how he felt. Not to mention the fact that nothing was official until the day after this...encounter had happened. It still didn’t mean he was thrilled about the revelation, but Jackson knew that at the end of the day, the blame rested squarely on his own shoulders. “Thanks for tellin’ me though.”
“I’m still sorry.” Chase mumbles, forcing himself to meet Jackson’s eyes with his after a few moments. He had wanted Mishka to be the one who was honest with Jackson, but he also hadn’t wanted to lie any longer. Jackson was easily his best friend in Atlanta, and he never wanted to hurt him or make things weird between them. “I didn’t wanna be the one to tell ya, but...I didn’t wanna keep it from ya either.” He adds on, sighing heavily. “Look, you should talk to Mishka. We’ll hang out again soon, okay? I promise. But I should get goin’.” Giving Jackson a small smile, Chase heads towards the door, slipping his shoes back on. “I left the instructions on the fridge for you two. Don’t eat all of the cookies in one sittin’, yeah?” He jokes, chuckling softly as he lets himself out, heading back home.
Jackson would admit that maybe the news hadn’t been the easiest to hear, but he was doing his best with it. He just had to keep reminding himself that he and Mishka hadn’t been together and Chase hadn’t known. Still, he couldn’t help the way his stomach dropped a little and his face fell when his friend continued to apologize and shuffled to leave. He wanted to stop him, but at the same time, he knew Chase was right. He needed to talk to Mishka and there was a good chance that the EMT needed to get out himself. “Alright, yeah. Thanks like I said and I’ll see ya later,” he called as he watched Chase slip out the door. He sat on the couch for a few minutes longer, taking deep breaths and trying to figure out exactly how to talk about this with his boyfriend. Finally, Jackson pulled himself up from his seat and padded towards the bathroom. “Mishka? Baby?” he called out as he knocked on the door lightly. “Is everythin’ alright?”
The only question he had running through his mind right now was how he had gotten so weak. Since when did he let this side of him speak up and actually beat him down? He had always been cynical- at least ever since he had learned what sarcasm was and self deprivation, but it had never.. Hurt like this before. Then again, a lot of things hadn’t happened before since he was usually gone and out of any relationship that actually made him feel something. Maybe the reason was because he only had himself to look out for. He had to force himself to be somewhat calloused person he is today because he didn’t have anyone to fall back on, and now that he could he wasn’t sure how to accept it completely. It was new, everything was too new, and it was a moment of weakness that his self loathing self didn’t’ hesitate to jump on.
Anton honestly didn’t hear what Chase and Jackson talked about. He was more focused on taking deep breaths, holding it in and then releasing it. Most of the time he could avoid an episode by controlling how tense his body was. Right now though? It was a little bit more of a struggle than how it usually was. His hands clutched the edge of the sink as he closed his eyes. All he needed to do was just to breathe and it’ll be fine. He didn’t know that Chase was Jackson’s friend. Hell, he didn’t even know that they knew each other, and he tried his best to beat the guilt out of him. Yet, it was easier said than done. The moment he heard a knock on the door he gripped the sink even harder. His knuckles bled white and he cursed at himself for shaking a little. How could anyone want to deal with you? He honestly didn’t know. And yet here you are, still here about three seconds away from crying. Again. Yeah, yeah he was but he still couldn’t bring himself to just barge out and leave town. There wasn’t a single hint of want to do that anymore. He was just stuck in a rut and he didn’t know what to do. Anton ignored the way he winced from the pet name and made sure to suck in a really deep breath this time. “Um.” Amazing, really intelligent there. He couldn’t push another word out as he tried to mentally coach himself into letting go of the sink so he could at least stand upright.
Jackson waited silently on the other side of the door, doing his best not to fidget. The silence from Mishka was not a good sign. Then again, he didn’t hear sobbing so maybe the lack of sound was better than he thought. His shoulder began to ache out of nowhere and he shifted in his sling, the pain coming from how tense he was. Tense? When had that happened? Honestly, he thought he was handling all this fairly well considering it had come out of nowhere. Sure anger was simmering somewhere under the surface and definitely jealously, but all that was easily missed because of the guilt and the sense that this was all his fault. He should have manned up and handled things differently and then the opportunity for what had happened would never have presented itself.
Jackson’s ear pressed against the door at the mumble, hoping to hear more, but that seemed to be all Mishka had to say in the moment and it worried him. “Mishka, I’m coming in,” he announced as his hand went down to the doorknob. A turn proved the door was unlocked and he pushed it open slowly, wanting to give his boyfriend plenty of time to see him coming. He let out a sigh at the sight of the other man, gripping the sink and looking a bit pale. Immediately, he crossed over, shifting behind Mishka as a hand came up to rub over his arm. “Hey, are you alright, darlin’?”
This had to be the nth time he’s had to tell himself that he’s overreacting but it still didn’t do anything to calm himself down. He heard the door open but he didn’t look over. His eyes stayed closed until he felt his arm get touched. Anton didn’t flinch and he honestly didn’t understand why he even thought that’d be a reaction in the first place. There was a response lodged in his throat but he couldn’t seem to push it out at the moment. So he just proceeded to breathe normally until he felt his throat loosen some. “He tell you?” He asked, voice slightly hoarse from how strained he had been up until this point. There was an awful gnawing sensation in the bottom of his gut from a lot of different reasons that were mashed together, but he tried to keep himself as casual as he could afford to. If Jackson was mad then he wouldn’t be surprised. Actually, he’d be more surprised if he wasn’t mad.
Jackson knew his boyfriend enough to know his tells, knew that he was close to a panic attack and that tears were threatening just from the way his muscles tensed and how his voice seemed almost forced out. His hand continued to soothe over Mishka’s arm as it made it’s way down to close over one of the other’s own that was still gripping the sink with white knuckles. He tugged at the fingers lightly, trying to loosen the hold. “Yeah. He told me he was the guy ya went home with last week,” he answered, his voice calm and maybe even a little softer than normal. Jackson didn’t bother to add in the rest of the details Chase had given them, even if there had been few. Maybe that was for the best because honestly, anymore of a play-by-play would have put an image in his head he wasn’t sure he could handle. It had happened, Mishka and Chase had done whatever they’d done, there was no way around it. And a part of him knew he had no right to be upset about something that had happened in the past before he had a say, so he was doing his best to hold onto that. “But that don’t answer my question. I asked if you were okay, baby boy.”
He couldn’t even try and hold his breath as he waited for an answer since he had to keep breathing unless he wanted to really fall into another break. Just hearing those words come out of Jackson’s mouth sounded so wrong, but he couldn’t help but feel even more sick than before. It took him a few seconds but his fingers started to uncurl from the the hold he had on the sink. Anton opened his eyes a little, just enough to see the physical progress he was making. “Okay enough,” he said after swallowing thickly. Yeah, he was always okay enough. This would pass- it always did eventually and he was honestly so tired of falling in and out of this.
Jackson was patient as he felt Mishka’s fingers slipping away from the sink slowly and he twisted his own in with his boyfriend’s digits lightly. While he had to admit he hated to see the other man like this, it was getting easier for him to know just what to do for him when it happened. He pressed his body against his boyfriend a little more solidly and his chin dropped to rest on Mishka’s shoulder as he tried to catch his gaze in the mirror. “I’m right here with ya, babe. He’s gone, just so ya know. I-I’m sorry I didn’t know and I wouldn’t a’ had him over if I’d have…” His head shook lightly against Mishka’s shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
It was slightly humorous, in his own shitty reasoning of course, that he felt this bad about what happened. He had gone from sleeping with whoever almost every other night to this single person. The same man that kept easing him out of the current distressed state he was in. He still didn’t understand how Jackson could be this patient and not be fed up with how he acted. The feeling of his boyfriend pressed against him helped. Another deep breath was taken in and he let his eyes close again just so he could try and kick out the shitty feelings and thoughts that had almost dictated his mind. “Not your fault.” It really wasn’t and he wanted to elaborate more on that but he’d get to that later when he could say more than just a few words. “Don’t need to be sorry.” He was the one that should be apologizing but he didn’t want to say that while he couldn’t see. As scary as it could be, he felt like Jackson deserved more than just some half assed apology. His body slowly relaxed as he felt more grounded and stable. The next breath he took ended in a sigh as he opened his eyes all the way. He couldn’t help but look at their reflection. Wow, he looked like shit and he had been just fine a few minutes ago. Actually, that wasn’t true. He always had some sort of facade on whenever he was outside, but whenever he was here, at home, he let all of that fall away. So this was him. The real him and he still wanted to be scared of how open he was being but he let himself ignore it just so he could relax fully. “I’m sorry.” He had said it before but he still meant it through and through.
Jackson had honestly never found himself in such a situation. His boyfriend--of course that being a new situation for him in and of itself--and his best friend having a history together, however brief it was. He knew that he wasn’t willing to let something like a few kisses ruin either relationship and he could only hope the other two men would feel the same. He kept so few people close, relationships were hard to come by for him so the thought of losing any of the ones he had was not something he wanted to dwell on. He shook his head again at the apologies, catching Mishka’s gaze in the mirror finally and holding it as he moved to press his lips lightly against his boyfriend’s neck. “Everybody’s sorry,” he said, his tone almost sounding light as he shifted back to keep from trapping his boyfriend against the counter more. “But it happened and it can’t be taken back. So everybody’s sorry and that’s good. It’s over though, right? You’re not...interested in Chase, are ya? B-Because if you are, then…”
The urge to just melt into Jackson’s hold was tempting but before he could he felt the other pull back slightly. Then a look of surprise slapped the worried guilt off of his face a second later. It probably looked comical with how wide his eyes went but he craned his head around so he could stare at Jackson face to face. “There’s no fucking way I am,” he said with more strength than he had felt ever since he got back home. “You’re the only one I’m interested in- I only did that because I was fucking drunk and being really fucking stupid and honestly.. I was thinking about you the whole time. It’s the only way I could’ve done it and then I-” And then he went into a full on panic attack and just the thought made him suck in a sharp breath, but he didn’t fall apart again. “And then I panicked and got really sick but I swear I cleaned the toilet after.” It was jarring to go from only being able to say a few words to talking like a madman, but he couldn’t help it.
Jackson’s head spun a little with how fast Mishka seemed to turn around at his words and the sudden swing from near panicking to almost offensive had him blinking to make sure he hadn’t imagined it or the pain pills weren’t fucking with his head again. But his boyfriend was always full of surprises like that, zigging when he expected him to zag. Still, there was a part of him that was...hesitant. He was head over heels for Mishka and had been since the day he’d met him--even if he hadn’t known it then. But Chase...Surely he was better than Jackson. He was older and had more experience and...He let out a sigh, doing his best to stop the flood of his own thoughts. His head was never a good place to get stuck either. His hand came up to rest on Mishka’s chest and he forced his gaze up. “I hate it, alright. I know we weren’t official and I know nothin’ really happened...But you’re mine, Mishka. Chase is my best friend and I hate the thought of even him near ya like that but...I-I’m not mad at anybody but myself.”
Anton almost squinted his eyes at Jackson but he just stared with his brows slightly creased instead. It was nice to feel some contact again, and as much as he wanted to look down and visually reassure himself that this was as real as it felt, he held Jackson’s gaze without faltering. He reached up and covered the other’s hand with his own as he listened. It was surprising just how much he didn’t like to hear that ‘they hadn’t been official’ because there was a big part of him that was used to thinking that they were a pair. Which, again, slightly terrifying but he didn’t question it. It felt like his heart did a kickflip against his rib when he was told that he was Jackson’s, which he totally was, and then he only frowned deeper. “I am yours and I promise you that I don’t see him like that. Only reason that happened was because I was too afraid to let myself want you- to want this, but now that I have it- now that I have you you’re the only person I ever think about. Especially when it comes to kissing and that stuff, like I’m not joking when I say that you’re the best I’ve ever had.”
Jackson shifted his hand on Mishka’s chest to twine their fingers together once more and he moved to bring the back of his boyfriend’s hand up to his lips. It felt good to hear those words, a bit grounding. But he couldn’t help that he still struggled to let the weight of them settle onto him comfortably. Despite so many things, his insecurities were great no matter how much he tried to hide them. “You’re goin’ a lil’ overboard there, baby boy. My ego ain’t that big,” he said as he pressed another kiss to Mishka’s hand before letting it drop down a bit. In truth, he knew that his boyfriend was way more experienced in nearly everything regarding other people and relationships, love and sex. It was embarrassing to admit that out loud, though he was sure Mishka would find it out eventually. “Are we done hidin’ in the bathroom now? I really...wanna go sit or lay down.” Jackson hated admitting that he needed the rest, but he didn’t want to push himself like Chase had warned against.
A smile threatened to come to his lips from having his hand kissed but he kept that firm look on his face. “I’m not doing nearly as much justice as I could be,” he said stubbornly. “But you know mine’s the biggest since I’m so vain and all of that.” And oh look, there came the pessimistic and cynical side of himself again but he didn’t feel like he was being dragged down this time. Anton was back to how he normally was with statements like that and he was thankful for it. A part of him wanted to say that they weren’t hiding in the bathroom, but that was exactly what he had come in here for originally. He just nodded and waited for Jackson to take the lead since he was fine with both options.
“Do we need to whip ‘em out and measure right now?” Jackson teased. Mishka seemed to be feeling better and he definitely wanted to encourage that. What had gone down between Chase and his boyfriend wasn’t great, but it was in the past and he wanted to keep it there. Harping on it would just make everyone miserable. He offered Mishka a small smile as he turned for the door, tugging him along towards the couch. It was more comfortable lately because when he hit the bed, the urge to lay down and stretch out was strong enough to make the mountain of pillows he was exiled to more irritating than they really were. Jackson moved the box of cookies from one of the cushions before urging Mishka up as he settled down back in the spot he’d occupied before. “Are ya hungry? We can order somethin’.”
A soft snort escaped him as he followed after Jackson. “Rather whip something else out and measure,” he mumbled out loud before he could stop himself. Anton actually rolled his eyes at himself because now really wasn’t the time for that. It didn’t occur to him that his responding innuendo was what his boyfriend hinted at but he let it drop from his mind as he arranged himself on the couch. “Always hungry for something.” That he should want to have, and god he was going to bang himself upside the head with a frying pan or something. “But, nah I had lunch earlier on break but you want to order then I’ll eat too.”
Jackson was not the least bit bothered by all of Mishka’s innuendoes. If anything it just told him that his boyfriend was relaxing and feeling better. He settled down and tugged the other closer, tossing a bit of a smirk at the implications. Truth be told, sex hadn’t really been on the agenda...since before the fire. Wow, that realization hit him out of nowhere. Not that it bothered him, really, but Mishka’s teasing made more sense now, even if it wasn’t a conscious thing. “Maybe in a lil’ bit then,” he said as he moved to grab the remotes for the tv. The movement was met with a hiss of pain though because for just a moment he’d forgotten he didn’t have that other hand to use.
Anton merely smiled back tiredly as he leaned in close. It hadn’t been intentional but his lack of filter was in the negative numbers now with how scattered his head had been just a few seconds ago. “M’kay,” he mumbled back right before his eyebrows nearly flew to his hairline from the noise of pain. His hand was already lifted to, well, hover since he didn’t exactly want to reach out and touch the injured arm like he would have done instinctively. Anton leaned forward to get the remote and as he handed it to Jackson he turned towards the man to kiss him on the cheek. “What’d you have in mind?” He asked as he resumed his previous position before Jackson had tried to move.
Jackson let out a huff of frustration both at himself and the alarm on Mishka’s face. He’d get his shit together one day, but hopefully he wouldn’t be stuck like this for much longer. He accepted the remote and the kiss to his cheek soothed the irritation for the moment. Shifting around a little to get comfortable again, he clicked on the tv and began to browse through titles to see if anything caught his eye. After a moment, he settled on one of his boyfriend’s favorite movies and clicked play. “This,” he hummed out, tossing the remote to the table before he reached to tug a blanket down from the back of the couch.
He was thrilled to see what they were going to watch and it managed to pull a bigger smile from him even though he felt like he was about a minute away from falling asleep. Dealing with his emotions and mental health was a lot more tiring than any other physical exertion, but he was happy to spend this time together with Jackson. It seemed like there was always something out there to hit them over the head with bad luck so he was quick to appreciate small moments like this. They could use the rest and they were both healing. Well, it was in their own way, but it was fine. Everything was fine for now and he left it as that.
Tagging: Jackson Phillips and Anton Mishka Morozov
Setting: Jackson’s apartment, Early morning of Friday, April 21st
Summary: Jackson comes home from the station to finally have a face-to-face conversation with Anton before he’s called back in to work.
Warnings: Mentions of death
What the fuck. Just what in the actual fuck happened? There was an actual answer to that of course, but what the hell? Anton remembered everything that happened last night- that he did last night and he honestly couldn’t have felt worse in his damn life. There was the literal sense in that statement since he had been retching his guts out all morning. He hadn’t slept, too consumed by the aftereffects of his panic attack and his guilty conscious. His phone had been forgotten completely as Chase helped him through the episode, which was completely embarrassing but he felt bad for leading the man on like that as well. He never thought that he had his life together before this incident, but now he definitely knew he was a complete shitshow. It might’ve even been worse than how he had treated these types of situations before. At least then he had removed himself from the other person’s area of residence, but the thing was that he didn’t want to move. That much was clear since he fucking came back to Jackson’s place.
His head hurt from the mix of dehydration and the nonstop buzzing in his head. When he could remove himself from the toilet without feeling overly nauseous he took a shower, got his phone from his discarded pants and laid on the couch. Pathetic wasn’t it? He didn’t even want to go over to the bed. It hurt to sigh but he let one drag out from the depths of his lungs anyways. The second he pressed the home button he saw the amount of texts he had gotten. Half of them were from his ex, of fucking course, and the other half was from Jackson. His chest squeezed at that. He was tempted to just ignore them but he had made this much of a mess of himself already so why not actually own up to his shitty mistakes for once in his damn life? Anton read through everything and texted back.
Mishka: Hey, sorry about yesterday. We need to talk.
Jackson had a bad feeling. Well, he’d had the feeling for a few days, but it had steadily grown stronger with each short text or a complete lack of reply, with the way Mishka had gone back to his own apart. With the way the other man seemed to be shutting down and pushing him out. He knew that Mishka struggled with some mental health things, but this...This seemed less like that and more like a genuine loss of interest and Jackson found himself spending the long hours at the station--that would normally have been filled with texting Mishka--trying to figure just what he’d done wrong. In truth, it was probably the way he’d pushed. The other man had dropped hints from the beginning that he was only interested in the sex, but Jackson had just kept pushing and trying to insert feelings into everything because apparently he was too weak to keep that shit to himself. He’d never had trouble in the past, but then again, he’d never met anyone like Mishka in the past either.
More and more Jackson felt like Mishka was trying to go ghost on him, judging from the way the texts had seemed disinterested and slowed to the point that he hadn’t talked to the other man in damned near twenty-four hours. The thought hurt, more than he would admit, but he took it all in silence. And though the urge to blow Mishka’s phone up or leave the damn station and just drive over to the other man’s place was strong, he fought it. No. If Mishka wanted to be done with him, he wouldn’t be that pathetic ex fuck buddy that made the mistake of catching feelings and then chasing after him. He’d been doing his best to just force himself to sleep when his phone buzzed. And the text waiting for him seemed to confirm everything he’d been tormenting himself with. If Mishka wanted to do this though, he wanted him to do it to his face, Maybe that would make it more real.
Jackson: Trying to catch a nap. Can it wait until tonight? I’m off around two.
He should really get up and drink some water. His mouth felt like all sorts of disgusting but he didn’t have the damn energy to get his tall ass body off of the couch. At least he had showered. God, he was such a mess. If Jackson didn’t respond within the next few minutes he probably would’ve tried, for the nth time, to get some shut eye but his phone buzzed on top of his chest. Anton was almost afraid to look. What if this was a mistake? What if Jackson wanted nothing to do with him? He honestly wouldn’t blame him from the way he’s been acting. All of these what if’s were stifling and he hated it so fucking much. Anton called himself a wimp and then forced himself to pick up his phone and see what the message said. It wasn’t from his ex thankfully, but he stared at the response for a minute before he got his thumbs to work again.
Mishka: Oh, sorry. Yeah, I’ll be here.
Jackson: Alright. Should I come to you or would you want to meet somewhere?
Mishka: I’m at your place. Rather be here to talk about it.
Jackson: Oh, you’re back at my place.
Jackson: Alright, well, like I said, I’m off at two so I should be in around two thirty or so.
Mishka: Yeah, sorry. Okay.
Jackson wasn’t quite sure what to make of everything now. Mishka was back at his place and wanted to talk. That could either be really good or really bad and considering how his luck had gone for most of his life, he was leaning towards the latter. He tried to put it out of his mind, tried not to think about it, but the harder he tried, the more it became all he could do. Any traces or hopes of a nap melted away as he spent the next hours running things over in his head. Of course that meant he was even more exhausted when the clock hit two in the morning, but once he was off duty and in his car with the windows down, the cool air seemed to wake him up. Even if it couldn’t get rid of that knot in the pit of his stomach as he got closer to home.
Jackson stopped by a coffee shop because he was sure he was going to need the pick-me-up to fall back on with how he was expecting this to go. He grabbed Mishka his favorite as well even though a part of him had tried to argue against it, pointing out that his constantly paying and spending money on the other man was probably part of the reason he’d gotten fed up and was going to walk away. It wasn’t meant as an insult or anything negative, but he could understand now how it seemed that way. Still, at two forty, his key was turning in the lock and Jackson walked into the apartment with coffees and a bagel in hand. He slipped off his shoes before turning to lock the door and stow his keys. “Mishka?” he called out as he made his way into the living room in search of the other man.
Things after that were.. Well, actively slow. It was a weird way to describe it, but that’s how it went. There were times where he felt somewhat fine and then he’d be going to the bathroom to puke again. He didn’t actually eat anything until five and even then he still felt like shit. His head pounded, the pain pills weren’t working and it felt god awful to swallow anything. To make matters worse, he didn’t catch a wink of sleep either. His head took up too much space and time for him to really knock out completely. Between the hungover heaves and constant state of fear and second gusses he hadn’t realized how fast time had gone. Well, it felt extremely slow to him since he felt like he had the worst flu possible. Actually, that would’ve been a lot better than this probably. Anton swore that he wouldn’t drink for a month straight after this.
He had himself hydrate somewhat properly and he even managed to stomach some coffee. The only place he frequented was the couch and when the clock slipped past midnight he dragged his sorry self into the bedroom so he could get some clothes on him. After he was done shoving clothes on he flopped back onto the couch and thought about how he would go about this. For starters, he had to establish that this something he had never done before. He even took a moment to cry about it a bit, because it hit him that he really hadn’t talked about the subject of commitment with anyone. Not his parents, not his aunt and definitely not his exes. He always ran away before it could get that far. Still, he tried to plan things out. Things to say, things not to say, and things that might get said just from word vomiting. It was cringe worthy, really, and it was downright nerve wracking.
He had realized that it was almost time for Jackson to get back until he heard the man speak up. It startled him, almost caused him to flail his limbs off of the couch but his body ached too much to do that so he just let out a surprised noise that burned the fuck out of his throat. “-ere,” he croaked from the couch and immediately grimaced at how shitty he sounded. It sounded like he had gargled a boxful of nails, but that was similar to throwing up stomach bile all day he guessed.
Jackson spotted Mishka on the couch, his brow instantly drawing down at the startled reaction. Well that was a great way to start this off. And it didn’t help that the other man sounded like Jackson felt. “Sorry I’m late. Stopped for...coffee…” He moved slowly, careful not to bump into the feet that hung off the end of the couch and he sat the frappacino and the bag with the bagel in it on the end table closest to Mishka’s head before sitting down on the coffee table. There was no promise the thing would hold his weight for long, but the other man was stretched out on the couch and honestly, he needed to be here with a clear cut escape route because for as much as he’d prepared himself for this, there was still no promise of how he’d end up handling it. “You--uh…Said ya wanted to talk?” he asked, immediately taking a sip of his coffee.
Anton watched in silence, bubbling with anxiety and boy it’s been a good while since he’s felt it this bad. He swallowed thickly, winced and then sighed silently. “Um, yeah.” He barely spoke over a whisper as he started to sit up. Every single muscle in his body protested and when he was sitting upright he had to slouch over and hold his head in his hands. This is what he fucking got for downing 4 11th hour shots and then a shot of tequila. There had been so much rum in it and- focus, Anton. He let the silence stretch for a moment longer, just so he could finalize what he was start off with before he tripped over his feet. “What are we?”
Jackson’s expression didn’t change much as he watched Mishka shift up on the couch. If anything, his face only drew in more, concern written in every line as he looked over at the other man. Was he sick? Or just upset or…? Was there some other reason Mishka had been avoiding him that had nothing to do with Jackson himself? A dozen new questions flooded him, but he forced his tongue to stay still as he waited. The other man had been the one to say he wanted to talk so he was going to let him have the floor first. Another sip of his coffee, but the question caught him completely by surprise and Jackson damn near choked on the hot liquid he’d just started to swallow. What were they? After a moment, the query had him biting his lip. Jackson had thought that part had been obvious. They’d been having sex, texting constantly, spending time together. He was buying and paying for things for Mishka and Mishka was staying at his apartment, and well...Wasn’t that what a relationship was? “I-I--um…” He licked over his lips and looked around for a few moments, silently searching for what to say. “I-I thought we...Um...Were a thing?” he answered finally, the words obviously more of a question than an actual statement.
Anton was glad that he was covering most of his face now. If he had heard that and didn’t have some sort of barrier he would’ve been crying. Just right there on the damn spot, but he didn’t meet Jackson’s eyes so he just closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. Again, he didn’t speak right away. His mind was reeling, going over the question he had asked and the answer he had received. The doubtful side of him wanted to laugh it off and ask again, like Jackson hadn’t been genuine with his answer, but the other side of him was.. Well, experiencing a lot of things at once and it was hard for his body to comprehend what the fuck he wanted it to do.
A deep, shaky breath was taken in and he didn’t even try to blame how raw his throat felt. It was because of how scared he was. How on edge he’s been since the beginning of this week and how he felt nauseous all over again but he knew he didn’t need to actually vomit. It was years worth of repressed feelings and thoughts that had nothing and everything to do with Jackson all at once. “Are we.. A thing?” There, that’s what he settled on it, but oh god what if that was taken the wrong way? Then again, he didn’t even know how he felt about this all but he felt his gut twist into knots and tangles of something bad and he couldn’t just stop there. “Like, dating. Dating as boyfriends and..” Anton nearly blanched and he actually did choke up, which was just ridiculous. It was just one fucking word and he couldn’t say it. He hadn’t been able to say it ever since his aunt passed away, but he should be able to say it now.
“Jesus Christ.. I don’t know what to say. I just- I’m tired. Not of you, god not of you just myself, you know? I’m just a bag full of shit and I can’t even fucking come face to face with my own feelings. It’s fucking ridiculous.” He dragged his hands over his face and decided to stare at the drink and bag. “I need to hear it, because before this I wasn’t.. Still not sure what we were and I should’ve told you a long time ago, well, there are more things that I should’ve said but I have issues with…” Just fucking say it. Anton felt his throat tightened involuntarily and he had to clear his throat in the most pain filled way ever. He could feel his heart ram into his chest and he filled with anxious nerves. “I’m, sorry, just.. Please.”
Jackson regretted his words almost as soon as they were out of his mouth and Mishka’s reaction to what he said only seemed to confirm how wrong he was. How stupid he’d been to think that’s what this was between them. Naive. He’d known the other man was way out of his fucking league but he had been doing his best to just ignore that part, caught up in finding someone that he clicked with so well. He’d never really had a relationship, anything more than just hooking up when time allowed with the same guy over a period of time but....Clearly that’s all Mishka had wanted and here he was trying to put feelings with and boundaries on things and. God, he was so ridiculous. A part of him wanted to get up right then and walk out of his own apartment. Just bolt because he was so embarrassed and moreso the fact that all this was right there in front of him, the fact that he’d been that guy to catch feelings that weren’t returned.
“Ya don’t have to apologize for anythin’,” Jackson said, his hold on his cup tightening a little. His jaw clenched after a second, the set of it furthering his determination to just stay put. He wasn’t going to run, he couldn’t. And the last thing he was going to do was let Mishka think he was taking this as hard as he was. It was enough that he’d fucked up like this, he couldn’t add on looking like a weak emotional mess over it on top. “It was my fault in thinkin’ ya were lookin’ for...somethin’. But I get it a-and I’m sorry for...gettin’ confused on it.” Damn it, he’d almost had it.
What? There was a bit of shock that stuck with him as he looked up sharply. The action caused his neck to creak and his vision to swim a little, but it took him a second to realize that it wasn’t caused by the hangover. He had started to tear up without knowing, but he was trying to piece together what Jackson had just said. “No- holy fuck no, Jackson. Holy shit no, please don’t- well, it’s just-” Anton wanted to scream at himself for how bad he was tripping over his words, and how it was so difficult for him to just make one goddamn coherent sentence.
“Listen I.. I won’t lie and say that I was just looking to mess around, alright? But not even that’s the fucking truth because I’m a fucking coward when it comes to shit like this, okay? Relationships? They scare the shit out of me, and I’ve been in a few of them, but I’ve always been the one to run first. I’ve always been the person that would dig themselves into a fucking hole and when it finally hit that things could get more serious?” His lips twitched up into a pained smile as he clenched his jaw. “I ran. I couldn’t take it. I’ve never really.. Commitment scares me. But when we started to talk, when I realized that you’re this really amazing guy that I couldn’t stop thinking about I got scared. Fuck, I’m still scared, but I pushed past it for awhile. I realized how great it was to just.. Let go a little. To not just bolt when things get too sweet or feel too nice. I’ve had people leave me before. It wasn’t their fault, it really wasn’t but I was so young that I guess it impacted me a lot more than I realized, and when I did realize it I didn’t want to face it. So you? I really fucking like you and I’m scared out of my mind with just talking about this, because I’ve never actually had a conversation like this before. Never, um, went to see counseling or anything to talk about how bad this freaks me out or even to my only friend, I’ve- I’ve never..”
He sucked in a breath and wiped his eyes even though the tears had started to fall down his cheeks. A small laugh escaped him, the dull sound almost distant to his ears as he shook his head. “This whole past week has just been hell. On Easter.. God that was the best fucking day ever. The one time I spent an actual holiday with someone that I like and just.. And care about I just had to have to get fucking ruined. My, um, my ex started to talk to me again and the fucking bastard wouldn’t stop. I know how to work my way around shit by blocking and everything, but he knows just as much as I do and our relationship was.. It was my fault. It was all my fucking fault because I- I left and didn’t say anything after my aunt di-” His mouth snapped shut almost hard enough for his teeth to clack together. It was getting harder to breathe but he didn’t want to stop. He had said so much already he just pushed on with it. “After my aunt passed I couldn’t take it and the relationship I was in was.. Fuck it was toxic, but I just went with it because I wasn’t right in the head, but now he’s been texting me, telling me that I’m the last fucking person on earth to ever consider anything serious ever again, and I mean he’s right, isn’t he? I fucking ran and I’ve been- surprise, I wanted to run again because things felt too good. You’re too good and I- I fucking went out last night, got wasted and went back to someone’s place because I thought that if I didn’t leave town for good then maybe I needed to prove to myself that I’m really the shittiest person alive. And I did. I really fucking did because we got there and I didn’t know what to think. I- I mean we kissed but then I immediately started to panic and I felt so sick, and I still do, and if you hate me now I don’t blame you. I really don’t and I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.”
Jackson hid behind his coffee after he’d spoken, purposely taking little sip after little sip as if it was too hot simply to be able to avoid having to say anymore. He was trying so, so hard to just be the bigger man about it, to not let Mishka know that the thought of what he felt not being returned hurt because the last thing he wanted was for the other man to feel bad. Even being told things were over wasn’t stopping him from putting Mishka first and if that didn’t scream pathetic, he didn’t know what did. The other’s immediate response didn’t grab Jackson’s attention right away as he was still focusing on breathing and getting through this with as much of himself intact as possible--or at least as much of the him that Mishka knew. He was as ready as he could be for the whole ‘it’s not you it’s me’ thing and honestly...That’s what it sounded like he got.
Once Mishka’s mouth opened it seemed like he just couldn’t stop and there was no way in hell Jackson was going to speak up and stop him. So much was thrown at him so fast, it was all rushing out that a lot of it was hard to grab onto before something else was in the mix, but no matter what, it all just sounded like Mishka trying to convince him not to want him. Like that would make it better somehow. Jackson knew how he felt. He was falling, had been falling, hard for the other man. Attachments and feelings and all of that messy stuff that he’d never really had to deal with before and now he was practically fucking drowning in it. It was far too late to try and talk him out of anything.
The last part though...The ex and the going out...It explained so much, so fucking much. Mishka had been busy texting an ex and that’s why he’d turned cold towards him. That hurt, but Jackson did his very fucking best to remind himself that apparently they weren’t a thing so it shouldn’t have fucking mattered. But it did. Not nearly as much as the revelation that instead of sleeping last night, Mishka had ignored him to go out to a bar and pick up a stranger. Kissing was all that had happened--or at least all the other man was willing to own up to--but it...Jackson knew he shouldn’t be focusing on that given everything else that had been thrown at him, but that was the reality. He’d been sitting there in...love, at work and missing Mishka and the other had been avoiding him in favor of an ex and drunken encounters.
Jackson was silent for a very long time after the words stopped tumbling from Mishka’s mouth, a million things running through his mind, a thousand different responses or reactions. His head was a mess which, when added on top of his exhaustion and general unease of the past week, was not a good thing. His coffee was placed on the table and he reached over to grab the cup and bag he’d brought for Mishka. “Ya need to eat somethin’,” he said simply, pushing the things into Mishka’s hands even if he wasn’t too eager for them. And then he shifted up from the coffee table. It wasn’t to run though, and instead of heading for the door, he made his way towards the bathroom. “I’m gonna take a shower.”
It honestly felt like his innards were going to come falling out of his mouth at any second. His lungs felt painfully tight and he was already crying so there was no point in worrying about that. The part of him that had been yelling at him to get the fuck out and leave so he could protect him just got louder. Then it all stopped. Anton froze in place, his mouth slightly open as his hands took whatever it was that was given to him. Then Jackson left. Yeah, this.. This is what he was afraid of happening. This was his worst fear manifesting into reality and he wasn’t sure how to take it. He felt like crying harder. He felt like getting up to just leave and not look back. He felt like screaming at nothing and at everything at the same time. He felt so fucking stupid to let things get this far, because that’s always been the deal. There hadn’t been a way for him to control his past. The death of his parents and aunt weren’t something he could change, but he could change relationships. He could have a say and the last word with them. He could just disappear like he had in St. Louis and no one would be the wiser as to why he left. It hurt. It really did fucking hurt to know and be reminded that he didn’t have anyone. There wasn’t a family to go back to. No siblings, no relatives.. He had Wade but this shook him so hard and deep that he wasn’t even sure he could bring himself to keep in contact with his friend.
Anton was just frozen in time. His body refused to move as his brain tried to sort itself out and understand what just happened. This was what he had wanted though, right? This is why he went out last night with the intention to get laid. To show himself that he wasn’t attached to Jackson, and maybe even the fact that it was better off for him and everyone else to be distant. But if that was all then why was he still here? He didn’t have any trouble with getting out before so why was this time so different? His eyes fell down to the drink and bag, but he couldn’t bear to touch either one of them. They were just set back onto the table and his hands felt empty. His entire body felt so painfully empty, but hey at least he could still think and feel. If that numbness had kicked in then he knew that it might’ve really been too late, but maybe that would’ve been better. He wouldn’t have to feel like he got kicked in the head, or have to deal with the feeling that he had been left alone. Again. This time by someone that mattered to him. It was surprising that he hadn’t moved on impulse or panic. He had been panicking for the entire night and day, but now that he had said everything.. Fuck, he guessed that was it. Anton knew that he should probably leave. Maybe that was Jackson’s way of telling him to get the fuck out, because he’d admit- that was a lot to just launch on the other, but he couldn't move. His body remained unresponsive, almost as if he didn’t move then the moment wouldn’t end. Like there was some fraction of hope that maybe, just fucking maybe things wouldn’t end like this. Or maybe it would. He didn’t know. He didn’t want to think but he had to anyways.
Jackson just...couldn’t. His whole life he’d been the strong one, a good man in a storm and the one to step up and handle things, take care of everyone around him. And he was trying, fuck he was trying. But it...hurt. So the only thing he’d been able to do was walk away, walk away so that Mishka couldn’t see that part because that would just make it worse. He hadn’t meant to just leave the other man sitting there without a word, but it was for the best that he escaped before he opened his mouth because Jackson knew himself well enough to know how close he was to just breaking. Everything the whole week had been nudging him closer and closer to the edge and now there he was just...looking--or more like hanging--over the edge like a cartoon character that’s about to have a most unfortunate accident after running on air for a few hilarious moments. Those few moments before the realization of the fall was what he took to get to the bathroom and he pushed the door closed with a quiet click.
Back against the door, Jackson’s hands came up to rub over his face and he blew out a breath, one that ended in a choked sound he hadn’t meant to let bubble out. He thought...He’d thought this had been the real thing, that for once things were going right and he’d done everything he’d thought was right and he’d fucking wrecked it. Typical Jackson, never could get anything quite right. He stood there, braced against the door and just tried to breathe. But the breaths didn’t stay deep and calm like they should and he couldn’t even get that fucking right before another sound was slipping out and he pushed away from the door, moving to turn the shower on to make sure the other wouldn’t get suspicious. If Mishka was still even out there. He honestly wouldn’t have blamed him if he’d left. Just walked out because why not? He deserved it.
Jackson’s mind was spiraling and he could feel his grip on pretty much everything start to slip. So he forced himself to strip down and get into the shower, the hot spray from above doing absolutely nothing for him. But it had to because it was his only option. Eventually he forced himself to just focus on that, on the water falling down and the monotony of a shower routine. Grab that bottle, open it, squeeze some out, replace it. Lather, rinse, repeat it all again. He could do that. Slowly things seemed to calm, even if he was still completely unsure of how to actually handle everything at least it didn’t seem so...heavy.
Once he was clean, Jackson opened the bathroom door, steam billowing out behind him as he stepped out with a towel wrapped around his waist. He was torn for a moment, wanting to go back and see if Mishka was still here, but the other side of him knew he couldn’t handle seeing that empty couch. But he’d been coward enough so he bit his lip and forced one foot in front of the other. And to his surprise, the other man was still sitting right there where he’d left him. “Mishka,” he called out, making sure to keep a tight control on his voice. “C’mon. Let’s go lay down.”
Alright, so, maybe he was kind of numb but it wasn’t as.. Crushing as it had been in his past. Back then it suffocated him. It stole his ability to feel and comprehend emotions correctly, and it had honestly been a damn nightmare. There was just something highly unsettling to be able to go on with his daily life and act like nothing big had happened. He could still smile, hold small conversations, be good at his job but he couldn’t feel, and.. Oh, maybe that was worse than this. Or maybe this was just his way of trying to protect his mind from succumbing to whatever the fuck that period of time was called. He wasn’t sure. He wasn’t sure of anything anymore.
He had gone into this feeling awful about everything. The lack of communication, the past baggage he felt like he had, the shitty way he coped and dealt with things that scared him, the semi hookup.. There was just so much and he wanted to laugh. Anton honestly wanted to just laugh and let the tension melt away, because he could do that. He could take this and just understand the weight of it while he acted like it didn’t hurt or affect him. Yet he didn’t. Anton sat there, unable to move a single muscle as his body seemed to disconnect from his mind. It might be for the better actually since the thought of leaving was still at the forefront of his mind. Except the dumb side of him wanted to stay. He didn’t want to leave and give this up. Was he stupid for feeling like that? Probably.
He had his face buried in his hands again by the time he heard the bathroom door open. The noises from the shower hadn’t even reached him, but Jackson’s voice sure did. It was crisp and clear. It made him flinch and had his stomach plummet to his feet at the same time, but it also tightened the grip on his lungs and heart. Anton cleared his throat without the intention to speak as he rubbed his face. At least he could move his hands now. That was a start. He took a deep breath in and saw the way his hands shook. How it felt like a whole lot of his body shook, but he wasn’t sure if that was just something that he imagined or not. He ran his hands over the top of his legs, almost as if it would magically make them responsive again before he started to pick himself up. Eventually he got onto his two feet and he chanced a look at the other’s general direction. So Jackson still wanted him here? Or was this just something out of.. He wasn’t sure- pity maybe? Anton felt his shoulders sag, all of the energy he hadn’t had to begin with just bleed out of his body. Without a word he shuffled over, unsure what to make out of this so he just chose to go with it.
Jackson waited silently, patient as it seemed Mishka was thinking over his words. Or maybe deciding whether or not he wanted to stay. Honestly, he wouldn’t have blamed the other if he wanted to leave given how much of a mess this all seemed to be turning into and Jackson held his breath for a few seconds when Mishka shifted up off the couch, only releasing it when he turned towards him. He hadn’t exactly expected actual words, so he took Mishka following him into the bedroom as the best agreement he was going to get. He waited until the other man settled down on his side of the bed before turning towards the dresser to dig out some clothes. That’s all he could do for now, breathe and get dry and dressed. Simple actions, those were so much easier than dealing with the situation at hand. The towel was untucked and Jackson brought it up to dry himself again before he began to tug on the pajama bottoms he’d tugged from a drawer. And once he was dressed, the towel was hung up to dry out before he had to turn his attention to the still quiet man on the bed.
The sight of Mishka hit Jackson hard. Either he hadn’t really looked at the other since walking in--which he didn’t think was the case--or else Mishka had fared even worse since he’d gone to shower. A quiet sigh escaped and his hand came to rub up over his face, still not having any clue how to sort through all this. He didn’t know what to do or say to fix this but it’s all he wanted, to fix things and make the other man feel better. Jackson shifted up onto the bed and stretched out on his side, facing Mishka. He reached out, a hand smoothing over the other man’s back. “Lay down. Please?”
He was still here. He wasn’t just on autopilot. He hadn’t fallen that far and he was grateful for that. Anton sat at the edge of the bed, still unsure if this was the right thing to do or not. As much as he wanted to just curl up and either pass out or just.. To talk things through he was still too scared to. Actually, he was pretty sure he’d hang onto that fear for a long ass time, but he couldn’t be too harsh on himself he guessed. It was either that or the fact that he was just so drained. A car could come crashing into the goddamn room and he wouldn’t bother to move.
Anton kept his gaze away from the other. Just looking at Jackson for longer than necessary did things to him. It made the knots in his gut tighten and loosen at the same time, and if he wasn’t already sure he wasn’t actually about to vomit he would’ve been occupying the bathroom right about now. He seemed to have zoned out again since he hadn’t noticed Jackson lay down next to him. Anton blinked in surprise, but he didn’t flinch or pull away from the sudden touch. His mind might be shot but his body knew what it wanted. He leaned into the touch subconsciously as his brain jogged to catch up with what was being asked. A hand was ran through his hair and down his face again as he nodded. Anton eased himself down, ignoring the way some of his bones popped from how stiff he had been for.. How long has it been? The thought just made him sigh internally as he rested his head against the pillow. His eyes burned but the tears had stopped thankfully. Anton shifted an arm up so he could rub them and he hadn’t realized that he reached out blindly to try and find Jackson’s arm until he felt his hand come into contact with it.
Jackson was grateful that Mishka didn’t startle with the touch as he had with his arrival earlier, nor did the other man pull away, instead pressing back against him. His hand didn’t move until Mishka did, only withdrawing once the other shifted around and down onto the bed facing him. It could seem sort of odd, laying down together given the things that had been said out in the living room but it was...easier for Jackson, easier for him to think through and handle it all so long as he had Mishka close. It was stupid, maybe, but it was physical reassurance that the other man wasn’t going to run out on him. The unbidden touch caught him off guard, but it was a good sign and he reached out, his hand coming up to cup Mishka’s face with his thumb dragging over where tears had been falling.
Jackson was silent as he looked over at the other man, a million things running through his mind. But none of them seemed to make it out of his mouth, his throat actually tightening a little whenever he did try to speak. “Are you done now?” he asked quietly. “Done tryin’ to convince me you’re no good? ‘Cause it’s a little too damn late for that.”
The itching to his eyes only made them burn more, but fuck it he was tired. Anton cracked his eyes open and was forced to look at Jackson. He knew that they were close to each other, but seeing made it that much more real. Or was it unreal? The feeling of his cheek being touched was grounding. So yes, this was real and he could feel himself finally relax. All of the gusto and spur of energy was long gone now. “No,” he answered truthfully, “I’m never really done. Doesn’t have to be said.” It’s what he’s done for almost all his life anyways. The only difference was that he was admitting it out loud. “But.. I’m just sorry.” He almost felt defeated with the last word. He fucked up last night and it only made it worse that he had been conscious about his choice, but he couldn’t go back and fix that event.
Jackson felt when Mishka relaxed a little, muscles going lax and even the bed shifting a little as the other man allowed himself to sink into it more. That was a good start, but the words coming out of Mishka’s mouth made it clear they weren’t there yet. He shook his head a little, damp hair rubbing against the pillow as he looked back over at him. “No, I don’t want your apologies. Not anymore,” he said simply. And he truly didn’t. No matter what it was Mishka was trying to say he was sorry for, it honestly didn’t matter because it would only keep all these issues alive and in the now. Jackson wanted to go forward and not get stuck.
He was quiet for a moment, but his thumb pressed against Mishka’s lips to make it clear he didn’t want him to speak just yet. Because he was thinking, debating, working things up and given where the other’s head was right now, Jackson was almost sure any response he had wouldn’t be a good one. “What I want…” His words paused as the pad of his thumb brushed over the other’s lips for a moment lightly. “Is you. I want you to be mine, to be a thing. I want to be your boyfriend, Mishka. No more exs or drunk hookups, no more running and hiding.”
He felt his brows draw together slightly from actually being hushed with a thumb. That was probably a good move though since he was already thinking what he would’ve said back if he was able to. It was the complete opposite of what Jackson said at first, and he wondered if this wasn’t just about what had happened last night. The urge he had to just keep apologizing could’ve tied into all of the other people he had left behind in a less than civil manner than what was happening now. And he was sorry, he really was, because now that he was caught in this with strong feelings he was coming to terms with just how shitty of a person he really was. It might’ve been okay if he had done it all by mistake but had been on purpose.
Still, as he continued down that train of thought it came to a screeching halt when Jackson spoke up again. Before he could even think about answering back verbally he felt his eyes water again. He would’ve taken the time to laugh or joke about how tiring it was to keep crying but was too taken back to deflect. People have asked him out before, well he’s always been the one asked actually, but he’s never felt this.. Ready. That didn’t mean there wasn’t a sick clench in his stomach from the thought of being in an actual relationship where he actually meant everything. His feelings, his wants and needs.. It was almost too much, but it wasn’t enough at the same time because he wanted this. “-’m too big to hide anyway,” he said in a weak attempt to make use of his poor defense mechanism, but he didn’t smile this time. “But yeah. Yeah, I do too.” His lips quivered and he reached up to cover the other’s hand with his own.
Jackson would never admit to the amount of courage it had taken to get those words out, and he was proud that they didn’t stammer or get mixed up. That was a first for him. Even being here behind closed doors and curled up in bed, asking someone out was something he’d never really done, let alone to actual be in a relationship. Sure he’d hinted at sex or hookups on occasion, but that was different and completely removed from this. Well, not completely because their sex as amazing, but that wasn’t his motivation.
The attempt at humor did little for Jackson in the moment, so he didn’t bother to respond to it. Because if he had, he would have pointed out that running back to his own apartment and dodging messages was just as much hiding as anything physical. But that comment seemed counterproductive. They both had their issues and bad habits that needed to be worked on, but fuck, he wanted that chance, wanted to work on things together. And then Mishka agreed and Jackson smiled as the hand came up to rest on his own. “Then to answer your earlier question, we are together. We are datin’. You’re my boyfriend and there’s nothin’ you can do about it now.”
The tears might’ve still been falling but the laugh he made didn’t feel hollow. “I think it’s the other way around,” he said at the thought of how there was nothing he could do about their relationship now. Now that he had gotten past all of the initial fear and execution of explaining, or trying to explain, himself he didn’t want to do anywhere. Plus, he felt honored to be Jackson’s boyfriend, and he almost choked up again at the thought of how much progress this was for him personally. He was crying anyways so it didn’t hurt to squeeze a few more drops out for some deeper, and off to the side thought, right? Because it was mildly depressing to think about the stereotypical ‘meet your parents’ sort of deal when he didn’t have anyone to share that with. Still, he couldn’t have asked for more at this moment.
And there were the tears again. At least this time Jackson was fairly sure they were the good kind, he hoped so, and the laugh seemed to give him that peace of mind. “Stop, stop,” he said lightly, his thumb moving to brush away the dampness of Mishka’s cheek again. “No more cryin’ tonight, baby boy.” Legs shifted on the bed, tangling with the other man’s to bring them even closer together, give them that much more contact. It felt amazing to look over at Mishka and think that he was his now. But also more terrifying than he wanted to think about. He’d never been in a relationship before and everything so far had just been on instinct and urges and what felt right. But what if that wasn’t enough? What if he fucked it all up? Not to mention the fact that one of them was out and proud and Jackson was perfectly wedged in his closet. How long would it be before Mishka got tired of that? Of always having to hide their relationship?
An apology was hiding just behind his lips again but he just let himself get pulled in closer instead. It must've been tiring to hear him blabber his remorse this many times and that just made him want to apologize again. But he didn’t. Anton just slotted himself again the other fully, and it was almost as if his body sighed on its own. There was that nickname again but instead of turning him on he just felt comforted by it. He pressed his face into the crook of Jackson’s neck and relaxed there. “Okay,” he mumbled against the other's skin as he looped an arm over Jackson’s middle.
All that worry melted away though the moment that Mishka’s face nuzzled against him just like he always had, like he belonged there. Because he did. Jackson let himself relax as the other man’s arm draped over him and his own stretched out to wrap around Mishka, hand resting against his back and fingers tracing little patterns in the fabric of his shirt. While normally, he would have pushed to seal this sort of decision with a bit of action, it was clear they were both so fucking exhausted for their own reasons and a part of him had to admit it was a good thing. He didn’t want to start this out based on sex--not that he didn’t have plans to get right on that as soon as they woke up of course--but it felt good to just hold Mishka, curl up with him and sleep. Jackson wanted to hold onto this feeling because he knew it wasn’t going to be easy from here on out for either of them but in the moment, everything was good.
This felt right. This was what he had been wanting for the past half week. Not an empty bed or some random drunken attempt at a one night stand. The moment Jackson looped an arm around him and held him close he felt content. The embrace did wonders to get rid of the last few remnants of stress and worry. Now he felt safe and far away from the fear that had haunted him for the longest time. The rise and fall of the other’s chest reassured him that this was real, that he could finally fall asleep because this was what he had missing so much. “I missed you,” he murmured, lips faintly pressed against the base of Jackson's throat.
Jackson’s lips curled up slightly at the corners at Mishka’s words and the press of lips against his skin. “Missed ya too, baby boy,” he hummed out sleepily, shifting just enough to brush a kiss to the top of the other man’s hair. That seemed to be about the sum of what he had left in him though because he stilled after that and it wasn’t long before he was slipping under. Jackson wasn’t sure how long he was out, but it wasn’t long enough before something was tugging at him to wake up. A sound. A...ringing? Fuck, his phone. He stirred in the bed at the sound, lifting his head to make sure it was really what he heard. Before he could find the motivation to get up and dig it out of wherever it was, the ringing stopped. Fuck it, he’d call them back when he woke up. Only that wasn’t an option because moments later it was ringing again. Goddamn it. With a groan, he unwrapped himself as gently as possible from Mishka’s sleeping form and shifted up from the bed to find the damned thing.
The smile stayed on his face as he closed his sore eyes. Anton hummed back in response but it wasn’t long until the both of them fell asleep. He was usually a light sleeper but the past day had been more than just trying on his mind and body. The ringing that had woken Jackson passed right over him as he slept soundly. It wasn’t until he felt some movement did he start to rouse. A soft noise came from him as he tried to still the disturbance. That only meant that he tightened his hold around Jackson’s waist as he started to pushed his head underneath the space between their pillows. “-ive more mins,” he mumbled groggily, still not awake enough to comprehend what was going on.
Jackson let out a long huff as he dragged back into the bedroom, phone in one hand as the other came up to rub over his face. All he’d wanted to do was sleep, but apparently that wasn’t in the cards. “Go back to sleep, babe. I gotta...go back to the station,” he said, his voice making it clear how not thrilled he was about the fact. He’d wanted to stay curled up right there with Mishka in their warm little bubble, wake up next to him, and go out for breakfast. But Callahan’s wife had gone into labor and they were a man short. It was never good to be short on a weekend, and Jackson’s name had been next on the call list. He shuffled towards his closet, tugging clothes out almost on autopilot.
That woke him up. Or well, it got him to actually open his eyes at least. His hair stuck up at odd angles as he squinted in what he thought was Jackson’s general direction. “Huh?” His voice scratched deeper than usual from overusing it the day before. “D’you have to?” Anton rubbed his eye as he broke out into a yawn. He didn’t have that much of a filter when it came to whining to begin with, but now he had absolutely no restraint. “-’s.. Only way too early t’ go back in.”
Jackson was struggling into his work clothes as Mishka finally seemed to stir awake enough to be aware of what he was saying. “Yeah, babe, I gotta. Can’t leave ‘em short on a weekend. I promise I’ll try to get home soon as I can. And I’ll make it up to ya.” Once he finally had the jeans buttoned and his shirt over his head, he crossed to the bed to press a kiss to Mishka’s sleepy lips. “Just go back to sleep and rest for me, alright, baby boy?”
He didn’t even have to think twice before he was sticking his bottom lip out slightly. The sun wasn’t even up yet and now he had to sleep in their bed alone? Not. Fair. “Yeah, y’can,” he huffed back as he began to prop himself up a bit. Despite his whining he still leaned into the kiss. As much as he wanted to just drag Jackson back down and into bed he knew that the other had to leave. Anton grumbled something under his breath and plopped back down onto the pillow. “Be safe,” he mumbled tiredly.
“Always am. Sleep some for me and text me when you wake up,” Jackson responded, leaning in to press another kiss to Mishka’s cheek before forcing one foot in front of the other to grab socks and head to get his shoes on and his shit together. He really didn’t want to go back in, but it was all part of the job. And this time when he walked out the door, he knew that his boyfriend would be waiting for him when he came home.
Tagging: Jackson Phillips and Anton Mishka Morozov
Setting: Moondogs and Jackson’s apartment, late night of Thursday April 13th/early morning of Friday April 14th
Summary: Jackson goes to see Anton at work and gets jealous before taking him home where things don’t go exactly as planned.
Warnings: NSFW, Panic Attack/Mental Health Triggers
Jackson had been so fucking happy to see the clock hit four a.m. on Thursday morning that he’d nearly run out the door of the station without punching out. It wasn’t usual for him because most of the time he did everything he could to keep from returning home, but the past four days on duty hadn’t been the same. Because Mishka had been at his apartment without him. And all he wanted to do now was to get home to be with him. Things had happened fast between them, but he couldn’t find it in himself to hit the brakes. It just...felt right. It felt good and they clicked and there was no way he was going to deny himself how happy he’d been.
Coming home to find Miskha curled up in his bed was a sight Jackson hadn’t realized he’d needed until he was drinking it in. He’d laid down next to him, kissing, touching, and whispering but ultimately, he didn’t try to wake him up. Even if he did want more, he knew that Mishka needed his sleep. Instead, he’d taken a quick shower and climbed in bed once more, falling asleep with his arms around the other man. A few hours later, he’d been stirred from his dreams when Mishka had gotten up for work, but he’d been too tired to really interact and ended up falling back asleep. Finally, Jackson had joined the land of the living after the sun had gone down, his eyes widening at the number of texts waiting for him from Mishka. It made him smile though.
Though it wasn’t by design, Jackson had slept through Mishka’s breaks and by the time he’d actually dragged himself out of bed, the other man was already clocked in at his second job. He wasn’t too big a fan of bars for more reasons than one, but he decided that he really didn’t want to wait to see Mishka again, even if he did have the next days off. So after a cup of coffee and the last bit of cereal that was left in the cabinet, Jackson got dressed--maybe putting on something that was on the nicer end of his closet--and headed out for Moondogs. The bar wasn’t a terrible walk from his place and he made sure not to give his intentions away via text, tucking his phone into his pocket as he stepped inside. Even over the crowd, his eyes were immediately drawn to Mishka behind the bar. Smile in place, he walked over and took one of the empty stools, waiting patiently for the other man to notice him.
So.. Funny story- apparently he had two places now. Technically, he was only only paying for one, but he had literally lived in Jackson’s place for the past few days. He had invited himself over and every time he got off of work he would go to Jackson’s apartment so he could catch a few z’s before he’d have to go to another shift. It was convenient and that was it. It wasn’t like he felt a little disappointed when he heard that Jackson wouldn’t be off duty for four days. Not at all.
Anton just went on with his life like usual. Tall Tales during the day and Moondogs during the night. His energy was slowly being depleted and he found himself slowing down on being socially active. By Wednesday he was almost dead on his feet. The bags under his eyes were a tad more prominent, but he was still trucking on. After he was done with Tall Tales he just went back to Jackson’s instead of going out to the club. He was off from Moondogs and he wanted to just relax instead of getting drunk off his ass and end up in someone else’s bed. It wasn’t that rare for him to bypass an opportunity like that though. Especially since it had been about three weeks since he had last gotten a decent night’s sleep.
All he did that night was grab something to eat and then watch Netflix until he decided it was time to sleep. He got into bed around midnight and passed out right after his head hit the pillow. Normally he was a rather light sleeper, but he was gone then. He hadn’t woken up when Jackson got back, but he wasn’t terribly surprised when he woke up with another body curled up next to his. Okay, so he knew that friends don’t do this. They don’t sleep all cuddled up with each other, but hey- maybe he was being a part of normalizing platonic cuddling and all of that. Right? Yeah, sure, that was right.
Anton denied the fact that he stayed in bed for a few minutes longer than needed, because he totally needed that time to actually wake up. That was totally the reason why. After he untangled himself from Jackson he got dressed and went to work. Any sort of domestic feelings he had were scrubbed from his mind once he walked out of the front door. That didn't mean he skipped over texting his friend though. As he made it through the day he kept sending messages whenever he could. His day shift wasn’t horrid but he was still tired as hell when he had to go to Moondogs. Anton got dressed and settled in the familiar setting easily. He kept on texting Jackson whenever he could, but once the rush started he wasn’t able to touch his phone.
After two hours on shift he was sweating and his hair was starting to deflate. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, and he kept his professional smile on without wavering. Even if he felt completely exhausted and really didn’t want to be out in a crowd at the moment. Faces came and went, but when he was called over to the other side of the counter he nearly tripped over his own feet. He had forgotten about texting Jackson back, but it seemed like that wasn’t needed. A wide, slightly gummy smile was on his face instantly as he spotted a familiar face sitting at the bar. “Well hello there stranger. Is this the part where I ask if you come here often?” He drawled, voice heavy with amusement even though he was still ass tired.
Jackson couldn’t deny the way he lit up when Mishka approached him, but he did his best to keep it cool, act casual. It was clear just from the look of the other man his night was not going the best and things seemed pretty steady so he had a while to go. But he wouldn’t point that out. Instead he rolled his eyes at the words and laughed. “Maybe if you were on this side of the bar with me,” he replied, his voice barely carrying over the sounds around them. He was more comfortable around Mishka, definitely, but still...There was a crowd and the other guy worked here. “Sorry I’ve been asleep most the day. It was a lot harder to rest after like, eight this mornin’.” There was a slight smirk to accompany his words, but he left it at that. “But I’ve got the next three days to catch up on stuff, so I thought, why not celebrate with a drink?” In truth, Jackson wasn’t much of a drinker because he and alcohol typically didn’t mex well, but fuck it. He’d wanted to see Mishka again.
He all but beamed when he heard the other laugh. Sure, they didn’t flirt back and forth too much in person (not that it stopped him from hitting on Jackson), but he was starting to pick up on a few things. The other’s seemingly nervous and shy demeanor in public was slightly endearing, but he knew when to push and when not to. Or well, he was still learning at least. “I could be on my break,” he said with a waggle of his eyebrows. His break wasn’t too long today since he wasn’t here until closing, but he still meant it. “Well, I know I would’ve loved to stay in bed all day instead of being out here. It’s all busy and hot and stuffy..” Anton sighed as he adjusted his collar. It wasn’t an intentional thought but he rubbed over the side of his neck. The array of bruises there were nearly gone. The dark marks had faded to a slightly darker tone of his skin. “What can I do you for though?” Yes, he chose those words on purpose, but he also meant it. As much as he wanted to talk to Jackson there was still a crowd to tend to.
Jackson swallowed hard, dipping his head only a bit when Mishka started to flirt. It wasn’t as hard as the other guy could go, he knew that for a fact, but it still didn’t mean he was unaffected. At least his complexion remained the normal color for the time being. He had to admit that the thought of Mishka in bed with him all day was a bit like heaven but he did his best not to dwell on it because that would only make him want it more than he already did. Jackson had opened his mouth to say something, but then Mishka’s hand was brushing over his neck where the marks were all but faded out and his teeth dug into his bottom lip instead. He was going to have to fix that. Now that he knew the other man had no problems walking around baring his marks, he would keep them there. A little sign of attachment and ownership. Most of that was fairly uncharted territory for him, but he was just going with what felt right at this point. He smirked at the question. “Belyy russkiy, pozhaluysta,” Jackson ordered, locking eyes with Mishka as he spoke.
His eyes didn’t miss the lip bite and that only made his smile turn into a smirk. Except when he heard Jackson say that it was suddenly a bit harder to breathe. Only a little bit though. Anton still donned on the smug look and he nodded back in return. “Kak khotite,” he said back before he winked at Jackson while he turned around to make the cocktail. Which, on a side note, he shouldn’t have found it surprising that this particular drink had been ordered, but it still made his mind run at five miles per hour with all of the things Jackson could have insinuated. Jesus he wanted to get off of work already. Anton passed by another patron that had been waiting for a while, and after he was told what the lady wanted he started to mix up both of the cocktails. The stranger’s was passed off first since she was closer to where he stood, but when he neared where Jackson sat his smile grew more genuine. “One White Russian. Creamy, strong and something that I don’t often get to make.” His tone was sly, but there was truth in it as well. He really didn’t make this cocktail that often, but as for the innuendo.. Well, let’s just say that the only person he wanted to pass himself off to was sitting right in front of him in a terribly well fitted button up that did the man way too much justice.
Of course Jackson could have ordered something else to flirt back because it’s not like the names drinks had these days made it hard or left anything to the imagination. But he wasn’t quite there yet and besides, he really did enjoy the drink. Coffee was his thing so mixing it with alcohol was always a win. He settled down on his stool a little more, arms against the bar as he watched Mishka go to work. Jackson had to admit that it was a bit impressive to see how effortless the other man made it look, everything polished and practiced almost looking like muscle memory. His smirk was back in place as the glass was placed in front of him, the faintest hint of heat blossoming across his cheeks at the description. “Mmm, sounds perfect.” Without hesitation, he picked up the glass and took a sip, humming as the mixture went down. “Almost the best Russian I’ve ever had.” He was trying, okay. He really was and hopefully it would be enough for Mishka. He had a lot to make up for given how their last time together in public had gone. “Can you open me a tab or do I need to pay now? I plan on being here a while.”
“Damn right it is.” Oops, did he just say that? Yeah, he definitely did, but it wasn’t like it wasn’t out of personality to do so. Being boastful was one of his annoying traits, but he knew damn well that he looked fine and was great in bed. So sue him if he took pride in himself for those few things. It wasn’t like he had much else he could be confident about. “Almost?” He couldn’t help but ask. There was a bit of curiosity and, dare he say it, jealousy in his voice. “Yeah, I can keep a tab open for you. Who had the best White Russian out there though?” There was no way he was going to let that go. Which, was really dumb of him because it wasn’t like he should care about what Jackson meant. If the man was talking about the drink itself then that was fine. If he was talking about some other Russian guy that he had slept with then that should be fine too and he had to mentally remind himself of that right away.
Jackson barely stifled a chuckle at Miska’s reaction, not at all bothered by the vanity. Sure, he’d had more than his share of those cocky asshole types, but that wasn’t Mishka. His confidence was...well, it was sexy and a definite draw. He took another sip of the drink, brows knitting together at the question. Was the other guy serious? Or was he just looking for validation. Either way, Jackson didn’t mind stroking his ego a little more. “This bartender,” he answered, waving his hand vaguely as if it wasn’t important. “He’s about like 6’1, 6’2...Blue eyes. Oh and this little penguin tattoo on the back of his left leg. You probably don’t know ‘em. But his…” Jackson smirked over the rim of the glass. “Is the best I’ve had.”
Maybe the proper reaction was to be taken aback or even bashful about it, but Anton, being the man he was, was downright smug. His chest almost puffed out from the knowledge that Jackson was talking about him. Also, he was hearing this out where there were plenty people about. It might not have seemed like a huge thing to anyone else, but he felt he had achieved something that was worth a small fist pump. He didn’t actually do that, but boy was he patting himself on the shoulder in his head. “Might not know him but he sounds like the devil himself,” he said with a sweet smile, almost as if he was trying to act innocent- which they both knew that he was far, far away from that. “Give him my regards though. He must’ve done a damn good job to have you think so highly of him.”
“YA bol'she sklonen verit', chto on angel,” Jackson replied without even thinking about it, another sip of alcohol chasing his words. Glancing up as he sat the glass down, he laughed lightly at the smugness he could practically see radiating from Mishka. Good, good. He was on the right track. “Oh, I’m sure he knows how I feel, but I’ll tell him whatcha said,” he grinned. This wasn’t so bad, wasn’t so hard. So long as he continued to pretend they weren’t smack dab in the middle of a busy bar, a fact that was made clear when he looked past Mishka. “I think you’re bein’ paged, darlin’,” Jackson said, nodding his head towards the customer that seemed to be trying to get the other man’s attention. “Go ahead. I’ll be right here. Just enjoyin’ the view.”
“Eto zabavnyy sposob skazat' demona,” he said back with a crooked grin. He might try to feign innocence, but he never once thought that he was anywhere near being an angel or anything pure and holy. Nothing drastic had been done in his past, but he just didn’t believe that a man like him could be something that wasn’t corrupt. Wait, why was he even thinking like this? It was an immediate thought he had in response, but all he got from that was evidence that his extroverted flow was ebbing away. Anton looked over in the direction that Jackson had motioned to and it brought a scowl to his face. “Most common etiquette at a bar is to not be an ass and flag the bartenders down like you own the place,” he couldn’t help but grumble. It didn’t matter if he was taking his time with Jackson right now, because everyone else could go fuck off for all he cared. “Let me know if you want a refill or another mix.” He flashed the other a smile again before he went to talk with the other customer.
It seemed like he had been so absorbed with Jackson that he hadn’t noticed the sudden influx of people. Okay, it wasn’t that bad, but it was enough for him to be swimming with orders all over again. His movements were fluid and the way he spoke and laughed with the other patrons were well practiced. There were times where he used a bit of his charm to sweet talk someone into buying more drinks, but he just reasoned it as a way to keep the business alive. Even if he used that one smile that seemed to melt the pants off of people, or the slip of innuendos that he exchanged every so often.
Jackson only nodded at Mishka’s words before he walked away, not wanting to keep him from his job. It was clear though from the grumble that he’d been right about it not being the best night for the other man. He definitely noticed the way it seemed to get more crowded, the extra bodies gathering around the bar making him a little glad that Mishka had walked away because he knew himself well enough to know that he wouldn’t have been able to keep their banter up that much longer with the crowd. So he sat, watched, sipped his drink. It was definitely a lot different than most any other time he’d been at a bar because he’d always gone out in a group of other Marines. And that had rarely ended well. Or well, depending on the definitions there…
Jackson was so focused on Mishka and watching as he worked--and the rest of his attention being used to keep from being so obvious about it--that he didn’t immediately notice the person that took the stool next to him. He also paid no mind to the words--at first. Blinking away from the grin Mishka was giving a girl that was leaning over the bar towards him, his gaze turned to the man that had apparently been talking to him. And asking to buy him a drink. Jackson’s mouth opened to turn it down because he had a drink, but then his eyes fell on the empty glass in front of him. Well fuck. “I-I’m tryin’ to pace myself, but thanks,” he said, trying to brush it off. The guy sitting next to him pressed again though, clearly not the type to take no for an answer.
Oh, so this chick had it in her to slip him her number. Cute, but a waste. She was short, had a terrible fringe cut and was not his type at all. Sure, he was bisexual but he leaned towards men more than the ladies. Plus, he was super picky about the women he slept with, and this stranger didn’t fit the bill. Anton still took the napkin though, just to be polite, but as he laughed at her god awful joke he shifted his hand down and tossed the crumpled thing away with a slight of hand. The napkin could’ve been put in his pocket for all the stranger knew and he liked to keep it that way. But now that he gave her the ordered drink he was happy to move right along.
Except when he did he just so happened to glance over at Jackson’s direction, and nope. No sirree, not today, not in this place, he was already up to his ears with exhaustion and he really, really wanted to take that person by the hand and drag their face through the goddamn mud. Clearly being as tired as this wasn’t a good thing since it made him snippy, and he refused to believe in any other reason as to why he felt a pang of jealousy stab his chest. The professional smile he had on brightened, but the warmth didn’t reach his eyes as he made his way over to Jackson and that other person. “You know, there are a lot of people here that are just waiting to get some liquor in their system, and all of this?” He motioned to the other’s general direction, “could be directed at me. I know he’s a looker, but I promise you that my mouth’s not just good with words.” As much as he hated to do it, Anton winked at the other man while he braced his hands against the counter. If anyone knew him and looked close enough they could see the way his jaw ticked slightly and how his smile was just a little bit too sweet to be anything near genuine. Also, sure, flirting with patrons isn’t advised, but his to go tactic is to draw away the sleazebag from the one person he actually enjoyed being around and have their attention honed in on him. Worse comes to worse he’ll get security to drag the idiot out for some reason he made up, but he was giving this man one chance to get the fuck away from Jackson before he pulled those strings.
This guy just didn’t seem to be getting the hint. Either that or he was ignoring it on purpose and Jackson was moments away from just straight up blurting out that he wasn’t gay to get the guy to fuck off. But then Mishka appeared in front of them. Relief sprang up to soothe his irritation. Not that he needed to be saved because he could have handled it himself, but he wouldn’t say no to some help, especially since Mishka was the one behind the bar and held some authority here. But the relief turned to...something else when he began flirting with the idiot that was hitting on him. Sure, it may have been for a reason, but that didn’t mean Jackson liked it and his jaw clenched just a little as he did his best to keep his mouth shut.
Of course, Mishka had been flirting and laughing and smiling with plenty of people as he worked, but that was different. Necessary and whatnot, Jackson wasn’t stupid. He’d been to enough bars to know that’s just how things worked. But right here in front of him. He didn’t like it. The guy sitting next to him did though as his attention turned from Jackson to Mishka and he purposely turned around on his stool, directing his attention literally anywhere else. The urge to actually get up and walk away hit him and after a moment, he decided it might be a good idea. Shifting up from his seat, Jackson turned back to the bar and caught Mishka’s gaze. “YA vernus',” he said before he was moving towards the door.
As the shithead turned towards him and remained there he was glad. As glad as he could be with how gross the guy actually was. Actually, this man could’ve been drop dead gorgeous and he still wouldn’t have liked him. There was still that ugly feeling coiling in him, but when he saw Jackson get up he didn’t hesitate to look over right away. A small frown threatened to tug at his lips, but he just nodded before he turned his attention back to the man in front of him. The heated jealousy turned into something colder, less potent as he began to wonder why Jackson upped and left like that. He could only hope that the other meant what he said, but as of right now he talked to the source of this whole issue.
About another minute in and he quietly caught the attention of one of the bouncers. If he hadn’t worked at this establishment for as long as he did he would’ve never been able to achieve such a thing, but he knew the man that was on shift. When he ran his hand through his hair, which he hated to do, it was enough to have his coworker come over and ask what was going on. The sweet and flirtatious act he had put on instantly switched into annoyance and even disgust as he spun the tale of how this man refused to pay for his drink. The same drink that Jackson had finished, but everyone else was too preoccupied to be a witness to his fluke. There was a small squabble, but the stranger ended up getting shoved out of the street after he had paid for the White Russian. Good riddance to him even though it was for a complete lie. Whatever, he’s done worse before, but there was still a metaphorical bad taste in his mouth. Instead of focusing on it he just cleaned up the bartop and lingered around to see if Jackson would come back or not.
Jackson pushed out onto the sidewalk still in a bit of a huff. It was stupid that he was acting and feeling like this, he was aware of that much. Mishka had just been trying to help. But that didn’t change the fact that he’d felt jealousy well up, bringing with it the strong urge to shove the guy off the fucking stool to get him away. He couldn’t argue with the fact that he had a temper, but he’d lived with it long enough to learn how to control it. Alcohol didn’t help said control, but thankfully he’d been nursing only one drink and had been smart enough to just walk away. Glancing around, he noticed a group of people standing around, phone in one hand and cigarette in the other. That was what he needed. Nicotine. Not that he was a smoker really. Unless it was paired with drinking. Jackson walked over and managed to bum a cigarette from one of the girls and he handed back the lighter with a thanks.
He’d just stubbed the cigarette out and pushed the butt into the little can sat outside for just that when the doors popped open and the guy that had been the cause of all this was more or less shoved out in front of him. Well that helped some. Jackson shot him a look as he brushed past to enter the bar again. As he approached, the crowd seemed to have thinned a little and there were less people around the bar now. He ran his fingers through his hair, doing his best to try and regain that cool of before as he shifted up onto the stool once more. Mishka had his back turned, dealing with another patron, so he simply waited, glancing around at the different bottles on the shelves behind the bar as he tried to think of what exactly to say.
As more people decided to leave he honestly felt like the air wasn’t as thin anymore, or maybe that was just him getting a chance to slow down for once. His whole body ached from standing all day, but he knew that it was because of the minimal amount of sleep he’s been getting that made it worse and more prominent. God, what he would do for a hot shower right about now. As Anton chatted with a customer he glanced down at his watch. After he got the lady’s order, mixed that up and then handed it to her he went over to the other bartender on duty and whispered in her ear that he was taking his break now. She gave him the okay and he was more than happy to get the fuck out from behind the bar.
He scrubbed a hand over his face and had the intention of going to the bathroom to fix his mussed up hair, but when he spotted Jackson back at the counter he changed his mind suddenly. “Hey.” Anton rounded the end of the island and plopped his ass down onto the stool next to the others. “You alright?” That seemed to be a question that he asked at least once every time they hung out in public. Not that he minded it though. Something just ended up worrying him and he’d always try to help if he could.
Jackson looked over as Mishka took the stool next to him, but his eyes had barely made it over the look on the other man’s face before they were falling down, gaze lowering before drifting away again. “Yeah. I...Sorry about that,” he said, his fingers flexing and moving idly against the top of the counter. So much for making up for the way he’d acted in the deli. “Seemed like you were gettin’ busy so I didn’t wanna be takin’ up space.” It was a lie, of course. But it sounded nice and like something that could pass for true if no one looked at it hard enough. It didn’t take a second glance over at Mishka to know that he was tired and sort of just done with everything and here he was making shit more difficult. That hadn’t been his intention at all. Yet here they were. “Finally gettin’ to sit down for a bit?”
His shoulders seemed to sag, or well his whole body did now that he was sitting, and the loopy smile was back on his face again. “Yeah, yeah I finally am. When I get off I’m just going to, I don’t know, fucking levitate myself out of here. Walkings overrated anyways,” he said with a light chuckle as he reached up to rub the side of his face. He felt as fresh as some rotting wallpaper right about now, but it wasn’t in a bad way anymore. Jackson was still here so he made things bearable for once. “You’re not taking up space though. Actually, I think that everyone should fuck off so I can make you some more of those White Russians, yeah?” He lowered his voice a bit so the other customers wouldn’t hear, because boy that would’ve been bad. Anton dropped his hand and tilted his head to the side a bit as he just looked at the other man. He blamed the lack of energy for how the gears in his brain turned, but that was exactly the reason why his lips curled more. “Listen, I have to go powder my nose and all of that. Fucker had me mess with my hair and I hate it that shit, but I’m feeling kind of faint and I’m sure that my coworkers would appreciate it if someone came along to make sure I don’t drown in the sink or toilet.”
Jackson shook his head at the mention of another drink. “Not so sure that would be a good idea,” he replied. Not that he could blame everything on the alcohol, especially considering it had only been one drink, but he was sure that adding more on top of it would be asking for trouble given how he’d already acted. And he’d been doing so well. It seemed that Mishka was just as exhausted as he’d guessed and finally he turned to look at him, face softening a little as he took a break from being stuck in his head at how stupid he’d been. “You do? Never said anythin’ to me,” Jackson pointed out, pausing for a moment before sliding off of his stool. He didn’t need to be told twice and even if it may have looked a little odd since guys didn’t really go to the bathroom together he honestly wasn’t too sure he cared at the moment, the earlier irritation suppressing his paranoia a bit. “Well, I have no idea where it is, so…”
“Yup,” he said back with a loud pop to the ending syllable. “Running on not a lot of sleep can do that to a guy.” Anton got back onto his feet and motioned for Jackson to follow him. Even though the crowd thinned down a bit he still had to excuse himself when he had to get past a literal barrier of people. There was even a line for the girl’s restroom and he couldn’t help but feel bad for them. They probably needed to actually use the room while he just wanted to go in and fix his hair. Anton pushed the door open and immediately looked around to see if there was anyone else in it. Nope, not a single person in sight. That seemed to ease the last of the tension in his body. The lack of bodies in here was rather refreshing, and yeah, he was definitely flipping sides. He stopped at the far end of the counter so he could fix his hair, but he didn’t sway where he stood or anything. He felt just fine, but when he was done with his hair he straightened out his outfit and paused near the collar. Huh, it was just normal skin there and he had forgotten to take a look at it this morning to see if it needed to be covered up. Not that he really cared, but it was a little unprofessional to have around all the time. “Been awhile since I could touch this without it being tender,” he thought outloud as he prodded the base of his neck a bit.
Jackson fell in step behind Mishka, following him as he made his way through the crowd. The place seemed to be emptying out more which could only mean that it was getting later in the night, or earlier in the morning, depending on how one looked at it. He let the other man get a bit ahead of him, still not wanting to seem too obvious that he was following him into the bathroom and the door had already swung closed by the time he made it past the line of women waiting for their bathroom. Stepping inside, he looked around, checking and listening for anyone else but they seemed to be alone. Jackson reached out and clicked the lock on the door. Not that he had any motives, really. It just made him feel better. He leaned against the counter, hands wrapping around the edge as he watched Mishka fix himself up silently. His eyes were drawn to the other man’s neck at the comment, noticing in the better lighting that the marks really were all but gone. “You’re the one that asked for it,” Jackson replied. “And you know I aim to please.”
Anton looked over at Jackson from the corner of his eyes as his lips slipped up into an amused smile. “True. Can’t say that I didn’t, but if I remember it correctly- I didn’t ask for it. I begged for it.” He let his hand drop and went to turn around so he could lean against the counter. With his arms folded loosely over his chest he angled his upper half towards the other. “You know.. I just had another idea come up that I’d love to try.” Maybe when he wasn’t this sleep deprived, but the thought was still very much enticing. “And, I didn’t get the chance to say this before, but you really shouldn’t wear shit like that. If I had more time to be idle I would’ve been trying to hide behind the counter a lot more.” He squinted his eyes a little as he reached out to feel tip of the other’s collar. “It’s almost sheer, like, what are you expecting me to do? Look the other way without staring?” That ended in a snort because there was no way in hell he’d do that.
Jackson’s tongue darted out to lick over his lips a little at the mention of Mishka begging, the sound popping back into his head for a moment. He pushed it away though, not wanting to get lost in his highlight reel right now. Looking over at the other man propped up next to him, his eyebrows raised at the mention of wanting to try something. “I am not fuckin’ you in this bathroom,” he said, giving Mishka a look. Mostly because he didn’t have a condom on him. But also because he still kind of felt like an ass. And Mishka was tired. And it was a bar bathroom. Eyes flicked down to the fingers tracing over the collar of his shirt, his lips tugging up a little. “Maybe I wore it just for you,” Jackson mused as he shifted up from the counter to stand in front of Mishka, his hands immediately wrapping around his hips. “I’m...sorry about earlier. I just…” He shook his head. “I know you meant well, but I still couldn’t sit there and watch you flirt with another guy.”
Normally he’d roll his eyes from the assumption, that was very much right by the way, but he didn’t have it in him do that. So he did the next thing that came to mind and it was to pout. He was going to ask why the hell wouldn’t Jackson fuck him right here and now, but he had enough sense left to actually listen to the other finish talking. And when it was over he could feel the pout slowly dissolve into a shit eating grin. “Jealous?” He asked slowly, rolling the syllables out as Jackson grew closer. “I know I already used that mouth one on you before, but hear me out, okay? I was going to say that we should totally fuck in front of a mirror so I can see how much I love getting the ever living shit fucked out of me, but you don’t need to apologize. I should.. probably be the one doing that, but the guy’s gone, the door’s locked and I just really want to kiss you right now, alright?”
Jackson would be lying if he said the pout forming on Mishka’s face didn’t affect him and make him want to lean forward and kiss it away. But he resisted, his eyes rolling a moment later at the tease. “Shut up,” he mumbled, not wanting to outright admit to the feeling that had been burning through him and was still ebbing somewhere in the background even now. An eyebrow arched at the suggestion and he couldn’t deny it stirred his interest, his hips shifting a little against Mishka’s as he pressed into him a little more. He leaned forward, one hand slipping up from the other man’s hip to cup his cheek instead. “Kak khochesh', angel,” he breathed out against Mishka’s lips before his own were pressing against them, his tongue pushing into the other man’s mouth without hesitation.
He breathed a little deeper as Jackson leaned against him a bit more, and it definitely didn’t help him stray from wanting to have sex right now. It wasn’t a major turn on but it still made him want to take off that stupid button up, and if he did that then his self control would surely slip away. Their faces had been so close yet so far at the same time, but it seemed like all he had to do was ask. Which was a delight for him because the kiss he received was exactly what he needed. It lacked the heated drive that took place the last time they had fucked, but this actually suited the current him better. Anton’s lips parted easily as he tilted his head slightly to deepen the kiss. His hands felt along the other’s waist, but he made a small displeased noise from the feeling of fabric.
Jackson kisses Mishka slowly and deeply and while there was definitely passion behind it, it was a different flavor from the one the night of their first encounter. It wasn't desperate and hungry, it was determined and craving. His other hand came up so that he could cup the other man's face fully as Mishka tilted into his lips, an almost chuckle sounding at the noise made at his shirt. He knew what the other man wanted and if he were honest he definitely wanted the same fucking thing. But not here, not now when Mishka was so clearly tired. Jackson pulled back just enough to let teeth graze over the other man's jaw lightly, lips spreading kisses further down over his neck. “Patience, baby. Let's get you home first,” he hummed out. “That way I can take my time givin’ ya exactly whatcha want.”
If he was forced to admit his honest thoughts right now he would’ve ran right away, because the feeling of Jackson cupping his cheeks was so nice, so intimate that it scared him a little. It wasn’t even something he thought about. There was that instant click of how sweet and gentle the man was being, and he didn’t deserve that. What he deserved was something quick and rash just like the way he let his impulses take over with little to no thought. This was why he usually kept people of interest at least at arm’s length away, if not more, but he felt so drawn to this one man he knew he was treading in dangerous territory. He was trying so hard to not think about how much he craved the soft attention, because it reminded him of how easy it is to get attached.
If he thought about it, though, he shouldn't have expected to be treated the same way as most people did when it came to Jackson. Sure, he knew that his friend acted differently in and outside of the public eye, but he had a feeling that he was more observant than most. Why else would he be refused of a quick fuck when he felt like he desperately needed it to ground himself? At least that’s what he reasoned it as since he was so caught up with feeling so damn tired. Speaking if which, that was the exact reason why he felt his lips tremble slightly. Usually it took a few seconds for him to get a gauge on how things would turn out. Kiss or no kiss, his gut was telling him that he wouldn’t be getting dragged through a mindless orgasm anytime soon, and that impacted him a lot deeper than it should have. When Jackson pulled back he had to take in a deep breath. He hoped that passed off as something he did to restrain himself from being the sex fiend he typically was, but his emotions were rolling around in his stomach and he felt so incredibly weak all of the sudden. “Yeah,” he said quietly, and he denied the fact that his voice cracked a little at the end. He denied it so hard the he couldn’t even look at Jackson in the eyes, and eye contact was something he never had an issue with.
Jackson honestly wasn't thinking so much as he was just acting on what felt right. And even given where they were, being gentle and sweet was what his mind seemed to go with. Mishka was tired and even if he was trying to get sexual, he was pretty damn sure it was less actual interest and more just muscle memory. Or because he assumed it's what Jackson wanted. And of course, it wasn't like he'd ever say no to sex with Mishka but it wasn't his main motivation at the moment. Taking care of the other man was.
Mishka's response through, the way his voice cracked and how he avoided his gaze had Jackson's brow furrowing as he leaned back a fraction more to really study him. It could be exhaustion to blame, but he couldn't help but feel like it was something more. “What's the matter, darlin’?” he asked, thumb brushing over Mishka's cheek lightly.
The space between them was already at a minimum, but when he felt Jackson pulled back a little he didn’t think and clung to the front of the other’s shirt. He still didn’t look at Jackson. Actually, he tried even harder to look at anything but man. Suddenly the paper towel dispenser was so much more interesting, but his resolve almost crumbled when he felt that gentle touch against his cheek. Anton wanted to say that he was fine, that he was just emotionally and physically exhausted. He wanted to laugh it off like he usually did, but it seemed like his shitty defense mechanism was out of commission right now. It didn’t help that he was called darlin’. It was too much- holy fuck it was slightly overwhelming and it did wonders to the growing emotional splurge he was trying to keep bottled up. “Um, nothing- it’s..” Anton sucked in a sharp breath and cast his gaze downwards. “Can we please just..” He paused before he would say anything else. Just what was it that he wanted to do? If he said that he wanted to go back with Jackson he was almost sure he’d end up breaking down, but the more selfish part of him wanted to say fuck it. He wanted to indulge himself with the other’s company. He didn’t want to let himself fall into the space of his own mind, because that was so much more painful than being occupied. So he didn’t say anything. He just looked at Jackson feeling a lot more vulnerable than he wanted to admit.
The change in Mishka’s demeanor wasn’t lost at Jackson at all. But rather than make him pull away, it only encouraged him to press against him more, especially when he felt hands grabbing his shirt. He wasn’t exactly sure what the problem was, but he was just chalking it all up to being tired. And why wouldn’t the other man be so? Working two jobs like he did, maybe sleeping a few hours here and there? Jackson knew that he himself couldn’t do it. He’d had his turn with working like that and he had no desires to go back. “Do you want us to go home and lay down?” he asked, though the question wasn’t exactly expecting an answer. Mainly because Jackson had already decided that was what was going to happen, but he would listen if Mishka truly wanted to protest. “I know you have a little while longer to be here, but…” He shook his head as he looked over at the other man. “I’ll take care of it, yeah?”
The lack of space between them was very much appreciated, but he couldn’t voice it out loud. Anton just ran a hand over his face as he tried to think how he would answer this. It only took him two seconds to make up his mind, but he wanted to double and triple make sure that he was actually okay with what might go down. He wasn’t, not fully at least, but he also didn’t want to be alone so whatever. “Yeah,” he eventually said as he let go of Jackson’s shirt so he could cover his face. God, he swore he could feel the dark circles under his eyes at the back of his skull right now. Anton just gave a nonchalant sound and didn’t even bother to ask how Jackson was going to ‘take care of it’. He just dropped his hands and stared at the other man without any sort of fight in him left to make his own decision for the time being.
It seemed like Mishka just didn’t have much fight in him left, definitely not the usual because the other man seemed to get some sort of thrill out of arguing and pushing back against Jackson. In the fun way, of course. That wasn’t the case now though and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little glad. “Good,” he hummed out as he leaned forward to press a kiss to his lips before pulling away fully, albeit a little reluctantly. “I’m gonna go out. You just...stay here and play along. I’ll be waitin’ for you outside though, I promise.” He didn’t really want to give away more of his idea just in case Mishka decided to argue or pick it apart though because he was sure it would work. Of course, he could have gone the stand-up route and just asked to go home, but most places weren’t that laid back and he didn’t want to take the risk of the boss saying no and Jackson having to get loud. He offered Mishka a small smile as he moved for the door and unlocked it before tugging it open and stepping out of the bathroom.
The kiss was nice, but felt too drained to really enjoy it as much as he knew he could have. He didn’t try and cling to Jackson this time. Anton just nodded in response and sighed as he watched Jackson leave. When he was alone, truly alone with just him and himself, he felt a surge of so much shit rise up to his eyes. Tears, they were tears of course, but damn him to hell he started to cry right now. He grunted and chided at himself for being such an idiot. If he had been smarter he could’ve avoided all of this, but he had been on the run nonstop between jobs and whatever the fuck it was he had going on with Jackson that he just forgot to check in with himself. That sounded funny though now that he had a chance to just think. Anton rubbed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. This time he didn’t make a fuss about fixing it. It had only been a few minutes since he had gone in here, but boy did it feel like it had been an hour had passed by. Sudden influxes of emotions were great, but that was just his crappy defense mechanism kicking back into gear again.
Jackson really didn’t want to leave Mishka behind. Actually, he’d wanted to just pick him up and carry him out of the damned place but he knew that wouldn’t exactly go over so well. So a little...subterfuge was in order. He made his way back up to the bar, leaning on the surface until the other bartender noticed him. At first, he made an attempt to pay for his drink but that ended when he was told it had been paid for. Hmmm. “Oh, well, alright then. The other guy had said he was startin’ me a tab, but I ain’t gonna argue,” he said with a laugh, tossing the woman a smile. “But speakin’ of him, I just came out of the bathroom and I dunno if he just had one too many shots or if he’s got some kinda bug, but…” Jackson made a face and shook his head. “I mean, somebody might need to go check on ‘em.” He left it at that though, the look on the other bartender’s face telling him it sounded legitimate enough and after a ‘goodnight’, he walked away, heading for the door to wait for Mishka outside just as he’d said he would.
Hopefully, he wouldn’t get shit for this. It wasn’t like he skipped out on work a lot or left early. Actually, he’s probably one of the very few employees that didn’t try to come up with some lame excuse in order to not come into work. He was the one that usually volunteered to pick up any shifts that his coworkers couldn’t make, and he rarely minded staying a bit late to help out. At least that’s how he was until he met Jackson. He did skip that one time, but he thought he deserved that. Look at him now though. Anton had gone in tonight knowing that he was slowly going quiet, but he hadn’t expected it to go this fast. It was frustrating and definitely a nuisance. After a while he contained himself enough to actually think again. How long had it been since Jackson left? Hell if he knew, but after taking a look at his phone he saw the time and sighed again. Was it okay to go outside? His questions were answered soon enough though since the bathroom door swung open suddenly. He was half expecting to see Jackson but when he saw his coworker he just stared at her all dumbfounded. The other bartender was going on and on about if he was okay or not, and he just said that he wasn’t but he avoided being terribly direct about the reason why. Whatever Jackson had said worked. He just gave him a sympathetic nod and told him to go on and head home. Anton flashed a tiny, miserable smile at the other before he walked out. He saw Jackson right away and quirked an eyebrow at the other but said nothing as he motioned that he was given the clear to leave.
Jackson had managed to bum another cigarette from one of the other people standing outside the bar. Not that he really wanted it, but it seemed like a good idea so he didn’t look so obvious just standing there and loitering. He was fairly sure it would work and he took the time to hail an Uber as he pulled on the cigarette and waited. Normally, he wasn’t the type to encourage skipping out on work, but it was clear that Mishka needed it. And okay, maybe he was being selfish in that he wanted the other man at home in his bed where he belonged. Jackson had just dropped the cigarette butt into the can when the door opened and he looked up to see Mishka. Yes, good. He offered him a small smile and walked over. Before he could open his mouth to say anything though, the car meant for them pulled up. His hand moved to the small of the other man’s back for a second and he leaned over. “Come on, baby. That’s us. Let’s get home, alright?” he said in a low voice before he moved towards the car and tugged the door open for him. Normally, he would have walked but he had a feeling that would be asking too much of Mishka right now.
Again, if he wasn’t in such a shitty mood and condition he would’ve said something about the pet name. Anton just went with it though. He was tired enough as it was. No questions were asked as he leaned into Jackson’s touch without thinking. He got in and strapped himself in the backseat. The driver greeted him, but he just muttered a quiet ‘hello’ in return. Obviously he wasn’t up for that much conversation and he could only hope that this person wasn’t a fucking chatterbox. If that was the case then he’d probably try to climb out of the car even if it was in motion.
Jackson slid into the backseat after Mishka did and greeted the driver, buckling his own seatbelt as he offered up his address. The man upfront gave him a bit of a look when he heard how close the destination was, but it didn’t phase him too much. Surely it made sense seeing as how they’d been picked up outside of a bar. He closed the door and waited until the car was in motion before he turned towards Mishka fully. He wanted to say something, but wasn’t sure what, especially not with ears around them, so instead, after a moment he reached over to drag the other man’s hand down against the seat as he laced their fingers together. Out of sight, but it was more than he was normally comfortable with out in public. For the moment though, Mishka’s well-being was taking precedence over his paranoia and he hoped it would help. Thankfully, the driver didn’t seem interested in chatting or even paying them an ounce of attention until the car was pulling up to the curb outside of his apartment.
It was dangerous to let himself get too idle. Especially when he was in this predicament, but he was pulled out of his head when he felt his hand get taken. Anton hadn’t even realized that he had started to blank out, but he was grateful for the distraction even if the gesture was rather intimate. It wasn’t like he hated it or anything. He actually liked the feeling, and he didn’t let himself second guess it at the moment. His eyes were kept on the window though and he had honestly forgot just how close Jackson’s apartment was. All it took was for a slight slip of his mind and he was able to forget something like that. Amazing. As the car stopped he withdrew his hand and undid his seatbelt. As much as he liked to hold Jackson’s hand he’d much rather get out of this damn car. There wasn’t even a reasonable explanation for it, but the longer he sat here the more anxious he started to feel. A quiet word of gratitude was said to the driver before he got out. A deep breath was taken in when he was standing outside of the car, and he waited until Jackson got out before he followed after him again.
It was quickly becoming more and more clear that it wasn’t simple exhaustion taking its toll on Mishka, but something more. Not that Jackson was going to call attention to the fact, at least not yet. He made a face at the loss of contact, but it was only a brief expression and it was gone by the time he’d looked up at the driver. Even though he’d paid with the app, he still handed the guy a bill as a tip before slipping out of the car and pushing the door closed. He looked around for a moment as the Uber pulled away to see they seemed to be the only ones out and about, not surprising given the time of day it was. Wrapping an arm around Mishka’s waist, he moved to lead him inside. “Almost home,” he hummed out, managing to unlock the front door with one hand because he really didn’t want to let the other man go. Jackson continued on into the building and ushered Mishka onto the elevator. “Are you hungry at all?”
He wasn’t exactly expecting to stay close to Jackson but he wasn’t about to complain about it. Contact was exactly what he needed and he was mildly surprised that he got it so easily. Again, he shouldn’t have been surprised, but he couldn’t really blame himself. Jackson was the one that usually shied away from this much contact out in public. Though it was fairly late and the only people outside were Jackson and him so it made sense he guessed. Even though he didn’t answer right away he knew what to say. The only problem was that he felt himself choke up out of nowhere and that was troubling. He didn’t make a noise or anything though, but it took him a second before he could actually move his vocal chords again. “I dunno,” he said with his eyes cast downwards so he could see where he was stepping even though he just ended up staying still in the elevator.
Jackson nodded at Mishka’s response, biting his lip a little as he tried to think of what to say. He didn’t want to push or just take over completely, but it’s what everything in him was telling him to do. “Well there is still some cereal left if you decide you want to eat,” he said, making sure the other man knew he wasn’t going to push him. The elevator dinged and he moved to steer them out and down the hall towards his apartment, pausing long enough to unlock the door and push it open. Once he’d tugged Mishka inside and pressed it closed, his arm pulled back so that he could lock up and take his shoes off. “Do you feel like a shower, babe? Or do you just wanna lay down?”
Anton just hummed back in response to the cereal. The hardcore love he had for that specific brand couldn’t even shake him out of this. Wherever Jackson went was where he followed. Well, he was being lead around by the waist more like, but technicalities weren’t important right now. Once he was inside he somehow managed to remember about the shoe thing. It had become a habit anyways since he was here so often. With that taken care of he looked around like this was the first time he’s been here. “Shower maybe,” he said after a bit of thought. He knew that he needed sleep the most but maybe, just maybe getting clean would help ease things for him.
Jackson nodded, glad to get some sort of response out of Mishka. Not that he couldn’t handle this at all, he just didn’t want to do the wrong thing and upset him. He’d...struggled with issues of his own so it wasn’t hard to know what was happening. What had triggered it exactly, he couldn’t say, but it didn’t seem like the time to be pressing the other guy for questions. This side of Mishka was nearly the polar opposite of the loud, bratty sex fiend he’d come to know but it didn’t put him off in the slightest. How could it when Jackson himself had different sides that seemed to contradict? Without a word, his fingers tangled in Mishka’s again and he lead him to the bathroom. It was small but he knew contact was important. At his best the other man seemed to enjoy it and he hadn’t pulled back or shied away from it yet so he was going to keep rolling with it. Jackson released Mishka’s hand finally and moved to start the water in the shower.
It was surprisingly easy for him to just follow. He could go on and on about how he wouldn’t normally do this or that, but it was getting repetitive to think that from an out of body point of view. He was still here, very much so, but his mind was starting to detach. If only his feelings would go with it. Anton tightened his hold on Jackson's hand as they went to the bathroom and he almost sighed when his hand was dropped. This was kind of troubling, but it also didn’t make sense. Or well, it wasn’t hard to make sense of it if he could think rationally but all he knew for now was that he wanted to stay close to Jackson while he got through this task. It shouldn’t seem like a drag to shower, especially since he liked being submerged in water most of the time, but it seemed like it would take so much effort. As the water was turned on he leaned against the wall so he could support himself. Despite how out of it he seemed to be he had learned from past experiences how compromised his balance could be in this state. He fumbled with the buttons on his front and by the time he was able to shuck the damn thing off he didn’t want to even try to remove his pants. Maybe taking a shower half clothed wouldn’t be so bad. No, it definitely would be but he couldn’t bring himself to care.
Jackson had moved to grab a few towels down and lay them out after he’d adjusted the water but as he turned around, he saw Mishka leaning against the wall and struggling with his shirt. It seemed the other man’s downward swing was fairly debilitating, but that only encouraged him to step up a little more. Crossing over to Mishka, he offered him a smile as his hands fell to the other man’s pants. “Let me do that,” he hummed out, trying to make it sound a little flirty even though there was no intention behind it. The last thing he wanted was for Mishka to think he was trying to get laid or that he was trying to patronize him. He popped the button and dragged the zipper down slowly until his hands were moving up to push the fabric down from Mishka’s hips. “Do you want me to get in with you, darlin’?” Jackson asked.
He could still shower with his pants on, and he probably would have tried if he hadn’t been sure that the water was still cold. That was something he wanted to avoid at all costs. At least until he felt a bit more solid. His attention shifted to Jackson, and oh well that was another way to get unclothed. It didn’t take much thought for him to lift his hips a bit more so things could be easier for the other, but seeing Jackson undo his pants sparked something. Familiarity. It was faint but it still appeared and he wanted to reach out and grab it before he could feel so disconnected again, but he realized that he had literally done just that. His fingers were wrapped around Jackson’s wrist as if he wanted to stop but that wasn’t the case at all. Anton parted his lips to say something but his body denied him the access he needed to his head and moved for him. He leaned forward to press his mouth against the other’s. It wasn’t harsh or shy. It just settled in between and close lipped. The kiss didn’t last long but when he drew back he felt more focused. Specifically focused on the one thing he believed that could bring him back into his body. “Yeah,” he said as he released the grip he had on the Jackson’s wrist so he could try and work on the other’s button up. There seemed to be more clarity in his movements as he pushed at the fabric once it was all undone. He was back to how he had felt when this whole transition first started. Desperate to feel something besides his own thoughts, or lack of at this moment, because he really didn’t know what else to do.
Jackson paused when Mishka grabbed his wrist and he blinked up in question at the other man. But instead of words, he was met with a kiss. He returned the pressure against his lips of course, but he didn’t push for more and his brow furrowed a little when Mishka’s fingers began to work over his shirt. He hadn’t been serious with the comment, hadn’t been trying to turn things sexual but it seemed like that was the way it was taken. Shrugging off his shirt, Jackson captured Mishka’s hands, stopping them before they could move down to his pants. “You know I don’t expect anythin’, right, Mishka? I’ll give you whatever ya want, but you don’t have to do anythin’,” he said, his words gentle. He wasn’t saying no, by any means, but he wanted to be clear and needed to know that the other man understood him.
A small, irritated noise left him when his hands were stopped. He saw how Jackson was looking at him and it should’ve made him feel, oh he didn’t know, ashamed or something but he had accepted the fact that he used sex as an escape for most of his problems. It worked most of the time so why shouldn’t he do it now? Why couldn’t he just let himself fall apart physically so he could focus on that and not on the shambled state his mind was in? The answer was clear but he wanted to ignore it just like how he had ignored most of his honest thinking when it came to himself. “I know,” he said in a slightly curt tone. “I’m not just doing this because..” Because Jackson had hinted at it was what he wanted to say, but the words never made it out of his mouth. Anton knew that this was all based on consent and he fully believed that Jackson wouldn’t take advantage of him. He wasn’t sure where that faith came from, but he didn’t question it. He had more pressing matters to concern himself with. “I need you,” he said in a softer tone, knowing full well how that would affect Jackson. Anton locked gazes with the other and tugged against the other's hold. “I need this, I need to feel something- I need you so please.” His eyes were almost wide and pleading but there was still something lacking. It was like he was about one third of his way back into being himself, but the catch was that he wasn’t completely sure if this would be the fix he needed.
Jackson wasn’t too convinced when Mishka tried to say he wasn’t doing it because he wanted it. The sentence hadn’t been finished, of course, but the meaning had been implied. He was always about consent and even if things had been focused heavily on the sexual side with them, he wasn’t that guy. The one that only wanted the naked hook ups and dirty sexts. He genuinely liked Mishka and the more he got to know him, the harder he was falling. And he couldn’t find it in himself to stop. Honestly, it was taking the will of a saint to be unaffected by the fact that the other man was standing there naked in front of him now, but it was easy when he reminded himself that Mishka needed something other than a fuck. Or maybe he did need it? The words hit him harder than they should have, the tone snaking under whatever armor he’d had on mentally to push buttons better left alone in the moment. But it seemed Mishka didn’t want to stop, he wanted to push the buttons. He wanted Jackson, needed him and there was no way he could say no to that. After all, he’d just told the other guy he’d give him whatever he wanted and his words had been sincere. Jackson released his hold on Mishka’s hands, one of his own coming up to cup his cheek as he had earlier. He leaned forward and captured the other man’s mouth in a kiss. “Get in the shower and quit wastin’ all my hot water,” he said as he pulled back, his hands moving again and down to his own pants this time.
There was some memory of how that remark was supposed to be funny, but it didn’t quite reach him. He did smile though. It wasn’t much but it was more than he had done since they had left the bar. Anton didn’t waste anymore time and did as he was told. He was already pretty obedient when it came to things like this, even more so when Jackson was involved, but he would literally do anything he was instructed because he sure as hell couldn’t control himself. He needed someone else to do it for him and Jackson fit that position just fine. Once he stepped in he felt the hot spray of water wash over him. He automatically dunked his head under the shower head and slicked his hair back when he leaned out of the water. His face was wiped with a hand so he could see, but instead of just relaxing there he turned around so he could see Jackson.
The smile caught Jackson by surprise but it was definitely a good sign, something that made him feel a little better about things. He was still worried about Mishka, still concerned and felt the need to take care of him. It seemed the other man wanted that care in a very physical way, though it wasn’t his place to turn it down because maybe it would work. Or it would blow up in his face. Either way though, Jackson just wanted to give Mishka whatever he wanted. He finished stripping down as the other man stepped into the shower as told and he followed behind him a moment later, wanting to waste exactly no time if it could be helped. He clicked the glass door closed behind himself but rather than move towards the spray to get wet, he turned to Mishka, hands smoothing up over his torso as he urged his back into the wall of the shower. Jackson pressed his body against the other man’s, hands settling on his hips. “I missed you,” he admitted quietly, resting his forehead against Mishka’s. This was really the first time they’d been truly alone since he’d come off duty so he hadn’t been able to hold the words in.
Oh fuck. No, scratch that, there wasn’t any fucking going on so he should’ve thought of some other phrase, but dammit this wasn’t what he needed. Hearing those three words just knocked him back down a peg and he was about to fumble with the thin grasp he had on staying in the present. He knew he couldn't feel as much as he should be able to but holy shit did he feel that. It made want to choke up again, which he was getting really tired of already, but he did his best to evade it. “Please,” he started off with as a small shiver ran down his spine. “Less talking, more touching. Need to feel.” As a way to emphasize his point he ran his own hands up the other’s body and he gave a low appreciative groan from what he felt. The body underneath his hands was solid. It wasn’t soft and squishy like he felt in his head and he needed that to replace the sore weakness he was experiencing. “Need to feel you. Been so long.” Which, wasn’t a lie. They hadn’t done anything since the last time and that was awhile ago.
Jackson’s head lifted from Mishka’s at the response. He’d expected the sentiment to be returned or acknowledged at the very least, but it seemed the other man wasn’t interested in such at the moment. Maybe he was pushing too much, so he did his best to push the feeling away, something that was easier and easier to do as he felt Mishka’s hands slipping up over his body. The groan and the words were hard to not fall victim to and Jackson was not so lucky. He leaned forward again, but brushed past Mishka’s lips in favor of letting his mouth trail over his neck as hips rolled into him. It was impossible to ignore the way his cock was already hardening because there was just something about Mishka that did him in every single time. “I love hearin’ you beg,” he mumbled against the other man’s neck as he grazed teeth over the curve, not biting down yet.
He was good at ignoring things. Especially good when it was in regards to himself but he was decent at it with others too. So why in the world was it so hard to ignore the way Jackson leaned back in surprise. It was for the best, he told himself, it was all for the sake of keeping his sanity in tact. Even if that meant he had a good chance of having this turn around and bite him in the ass later ironically enough. Once he realized that Jackson was going back in and past his lips he instinctively tilted his head to the side. The action was immediate, like he had been ready to bare his throat since the second they had gotten in the shower. The slow drag of teeth against the sensitive skin of his neck caused him to nearly stammer with his breathing. Anticipation sluggishly rose from the depths of his head and he fell into kudy feeling instead of thinking. That’s right, he was good at turning his thoughts off during times like this, wasn’t he? Anton swallowed thickly as he held Jackson close, already working out a small whimper as he pressed against the other’s hips. “Need more, they're all faded please- fuck, mark me.” His voice wasn’t as demanding as it could be. It came out as a low whine and he hadn’t realized just how much he had missed the bruised spots that had been on his throat until this very moment. He vaguely remembered feeling grounded whenever he would press against them, the dull pain of the hickies reassuring him that he was still here.
The tease of teeth had been intentional on Jackson’s part of course. He couldn’t say he wasn’t dying to put his mark back on Mishka’s body ever since he’d noticed how the previous ones had disappeared, but he’d also remembered the offhanded remark the other had made in the bathroom back at the bar so he hadn’t wanted to force it. It didn’t take much to make Mishka break though, to beg for more and he would be lying if he said it didn’t turn him on. It didn’t make up for the fact that his words had been more or less snubbed, but it made it seem not important anymore. At least not now. The other man had seemed to come back alive now that sex was on the menu, so he would do whatever needed to keep Mishka there. Jackson pushed his own thoughts aside and focused on the other man, teeth finally sinking down into tender flesh. Hands slipped from Mishka’s hips to tangle their fingers together and he slowly moved his arms up until he had him pinned against the shower wall. His released the newly marked skin as his mouth dragged down to the other’s shoulder, hips rocking against him more insistently.
A sharp hiss was blown out as he felt a flare of pain spike right on the middle of his neck. His eyes widened but the rest of his body seemed to relax oddly enough. More awareness came to him but he was careful with picking out what he wanted to be more conscious about. He didn’t fight back or struggle against the way his arms were pinned. It gave him the sense of restraint that he was so willing to give to the other man. Anton kept flipping back and forth between wanting to give everything up, to let everything go but he was also terrified of the consequences of doing that. All he had to do was just shut up and go with this. He’s done it before. He’s gone out during these periods just so he could delay and maybe even avoid the oncoming depression, dissociation or whatever the hell it was called. So why the hell was it so hard to do now? He had even told Jackson to speak less and to just act more, but here he was being a goddamn hypocrite of his own plead. The friction between the two had him openly moan as he felt Jackson trail his mouth lower. It felt good, but not good enough to have him be guilt free.
Jackson kept Mishka pinned and his hips grinding forward, the moan causing him to bite down again and leave another mark in the fair skin. He forced all those annoying little thoughts and emotions to the back of the line, letting his mind instead focus on nothing but what he was feeling and what was expected. Even his words got vetoed as he let out a low hum of his own. Another mark left lower on Mishka’s collarbone stood out darkly and finally, he let his mouth move back up but again he avoided actually kissing the other, nipping at his jaw instead. Slowly, he released Mishka’s hands, fingers untwining and shifted his body back a little. “Turn around,” he said simply, dipping his head back for just a moment to let the water run through his hair.
Maybe it would help to close his eyes. He’s done it before when all he wanted was to forget everything besides the bodily pleasure he felt, but he also knew that it was probably physically impossible for him to not look at Jackson. True, he had done it earlier but for the entire duration if this? He’d give himself the fucking Nobel Prize if he could ever manage that. Now Anton was three marks in and without contact again. He blamed the slight haze that was still wrapped around his head for the way he stiffly complied.
Remember when he had to balance himself in order to just get his shirt off? Yeah, the same lack of balance still applied but he was so zeroed in on following what he heard that it had slipped his mind. It was a simple movement to do, really, but he pushed up and off of the wall to turn and for a split second his vision blurred. It wasn’t from the water or any dryness from his contacts. That would’ve been more reasonable, but it was actually from the lack of self care he had been putting upon himself as of late. He felt himself start to tilt before his eyes and mind could actually catch on, and his body reacted by shooting an arm out to steady himself. The wall was what he had aimed for but he grasped onto the nozzle that controlled the temperature of the water instead. If life just paused right there he would’ve bitchslapped the amount of bad luck he was having, but the only thing that got that treatment was himself because within the next few seconds he felt the water turn cold. He wasn’t even completely in the spray, but one of his legs had backed up enough to feel the warm water drop in temperature.
Oh shit. Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. Every single nerve within him seemed to freeze instantly. He wanted to yank the nozzle back into the hotter area, and he did somehow, but he was also getting thrown out of his own body at the same time. Freezing water, shitty mood. Freezing water, poor coping mechanisms. Freezing water, and he suddenly didn’t feel like he was here at all. His mind locked down just as his breathing sped up. All sense of arousal was erased as panic and fear kicked into high gear. Anton could joke about how many things ‘triggered’ him all day and night, but this was actually one of them. He wasn’t in Jackson’s bathroom anymore. He was met with a half lucid recollection of something that he had experienced before that had been traumatizing enough to have him get thrown into a full on panic attack all because of a few components that came into play. The lack of sleep, the descent of mood and now this.
Jackson leaned up from the spray, wiping the water from his eyes just in time to see Mishka stumble. He hands shot out to catch him, but it didn’t seem to be in time to avoid knocking into the temperature control. The hot water turned to ice and he couldn’t help but let out a shout of ‘fuck’ as he tried to scramble back from it. Mishka pushed the handle back to hot, but the cold water had already ruined it for him. He’d been struggling as it was to get out of his own head and fall into that mood to give the other what he’d wanted, but the sudden shock of the water pulled him away from any arousal he’d been feeling building up. Looking over at Mishka, he opened his mouth to say something, but it was immediately clear that something was wrong. More wrong than it had been earlier.
“Hey, it’s okay, Mishka,” Jackson said, thinking maybe the sudden slip up had upset the other. “I’m alright. But I think we may need to move this to the bedroom.” As he spoke, he stepped forward to shut the water off before something else could happen. And maybe once they were in the room he could try to find that mood he needed. “Mishka?” Jackson said again, reaching out to touch the other’s shoulder. “Come on, let’s get out.”
Blood was roaring in his ears, it was thrumming quickly through his veins as he went into shock. That’s what this all was. Shock. Anyone would’ve naturally yelped or froze at a sudden change of temperature, but his was more than just a physical reaction. Anton stayed where he was, eyes wide and glassed over as he lost all sense of reality. His hands were gripping the wall hard enough to have his knuckles turn white and his pulse was skyrocketing. He wasn’t here, he shouldn’t be here. He couldn’t even remember the exact memory that refused to let him go, but he could still feel it. The fresh wave of hopelessness, the numbing crash of repression that nullified most of his senses. He was devoid of the present as he struggled with the past.
Anton couldn’t hear Jackson speak. All he could hear was the heavy fall of water that fell from a shower head. He was wet from head to toe, staring at his hands and feet. They felt cold, he had lost the connection to them awhile ago as he just stood there waiting. Waiting for what though? His lips parted and he was trying to suck in air but his lungs didn't want to cooperate. He could feel the ache set in his neck from how he was straining it but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t stop it and he couldn’t stop the overflow of tears that spilled onto his cheeks. The only sound he made was a tiny strangled noise that came from how quickly his body tensed. He wanted to curl up and leave. God, he wanted to leave so bad but he was stuck and he didn’t know a way out. The only solution the actual him knew about was time, but wasn’t prepared for this.
Jackson’s hand fell away from Mishka’s shoulder, his brow furrowing when the other didn’t respond. It was like he couldn’t hear him. Honest to God, he had no idea what was going on. Mishka was just...staring. Staring and holding onto the wall. And then he started to cry. Oh fuck, what had he done? His mind began to race even as he shifted back and popped the door of the shower open to grab a towel. “Mishka?” he tried again, though it still didn’t seem like the other was paying him any attention. He reached up to bring the man’s arms away from the wall as he tried to wrap the towel around him, realization dawning on him what was happening. Not the cause maybe, but clearly something had set off a panic attack. Tugging the towel around him tightly, he tried to urge him forward, arm wrapping around Mishka. “Come on, baby. You don’t need to be in here. You’re okay, just try to breath and come with me.” He’d seen guys snap before, have breakdowns of all kinds. It happened in the military way more than the public ever knew about so it wasn’t like he was a stranger to this. Granted it had never happened to someone he happened to be involved with and certainly not in the middle of fooling around, but that didn’t change anything.
It felt like he couldn’t think but he knew he was at the same time. Everything was so overwhelming all at once and he didn’t have the time to give any sort of warning. Fear was the main dictator here and it did a damn good job of stealing his attention away. He faintly realized that he was being moved out of the shower, but his ability to grasp anything other than that was gone. This was the breakdown that he had been so afraid of. It wasn’t the one he experienced that often, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt as much. His chest felt constricted and he couldn’t pull himself out of it enough to try and regulate his breathing. All he could do was just stay in his head and in the blurry, confusing mix of emotions and sensations. He didn’t flinch away from Jackson as his body mechanically stepped out. He didn’t try to fight for space even though he felt like he suffocating. If anything, he clung to the other man again except this time it was in pure desperation that was driven by fear. Anton drew in as close as he could. His body trembled, and oh how he had forgotten how bad the shaking was. The constant tremors had nothing to do with the surrounding temperature his body felt. It was all in his head. He was still stuck in that shower, painfully numb and frozen in the same spot. “Ne ukhodi,” he grated out. “Pozhaluysta, pozhaluysta, ne ukhodi.” It felt like his mouth was speaking on its own. Almost as if this was a cry for help even though he wasn’t all here still.
Jackson did his best to keep his cool--which given the situation--surprisingly wasn’t as difficult as it may have been for someone else. That what was his whole life had been more or less. Taking a deep breath and keeping his shit together to do what needed to be done no matter what. He was calm even as he felt Mishka start to shake, his only response to rub the towel over the other as he lead him into the bedroom. The way Mishka clung to him was definitely different than any other time--scared and like he was worried Jackson was going to disappear. That fact was made clear when the Russian slipped from the other’s lips and he furrowed his brow. “YA pryamo zdes'. YA nikuda ne poyedu. Obeshchayu,” he reassured him, his voice calm but strong. Slowly, he urged Mishka to sit down on the bed and he shifted down in front of him to look up into his eyes. “Ty v bezopasnosti, Mishka. Ty v nashey kvartire, i ty v bezopasnosti.”
Panic attacks were disorientating enough as it was, and it definitely didn’t help that the trigger was some incoherent memory. Everything bled together and he couldn’t figure out where he was or what was happening for the life of him. His hands were dreadfully pale, the tremors shook his muscles and he felt so cold. So, so impossibly cold that his skin rose with goosebumps. He still couldn’t hear Jackson, but if he could he would’ve started to calm down some. Yet all he heard was the cascade of water, the uneven, stammered breathing that echoed so loudly in his own ears. He couldn’t see the tears because they mixed with the water, but he knew he was crying. He knew that he was so terribly broken, but he couldn’t remember why and it was equal parts frustrating and terrifying. The image in his head was so real he swore he could feel the cold porcelain enameled steel under his feet even though he was actually walking over carpet now.
“Ne ukhodi. Prosti. Prosti, chto ne pomnyu. YA dolzhen pomnit', ya znayu, chto dolzhen, no ne mogu. YA dolzhen byl byt' tam, mne ochen' zhal'. Mne tak, ochen' zhal'.” He tripped and stumbled over his words. He wanted to scream and shout at himself because none of this was real. The rush of water, the bone chilling freeze wasn’t real, but he wasn’t strong enough to snap out of it. Not right now at least. His grip on Jackson’s arm tightened as he clenched his jaw to shut himself up. A part of him was aware that he was speaking, but he couldn’t figure out who he was speaking to. Actually, it was a wonder that he could even talk at all since his throat usually refused to work whenever he broke down.
Jackson stayed where he was, crouched in front of Mishka, hands on the other man’s thighs as he waited for...something. A sign that the man he knew was in there. But it was pretty clear that Mishka wasn’t hearing him as he continued to ramble on in almost broken Russian, eyes looking through Jackson like he wasn’t even there. Well, one of them wasn’t and clearly this wasn’t working. He knew everyone was unique, handled things differently and needed certain things when something like this happened and for a few seconds he was at a loss. But one thing Jackson knew about Mishka was how much the other craved touch--or at least how much he seemed to need to always be touching him. It was worth a shot and if not, he was sure he could handle the reaction.
Jackson didn’t even bother to speak as he shifted up from the floor and onto the bed because he knew Mishka wouldn’t even hear him, let alone understand. He reached down and snagged the other around his middle, dragging him back as he laid them both down with heads resting on pillows. He paid no attention to the fact that they were both still fairly wet from the shower because damp sheets were the least of his worries in the moment. With the contact, he could feel the goosebumps on Mishka’s skin and while he knew the trembling wasn’t due to the temperature for the most part, it probably wasn’t helping either so he grabbed the blanket and tugged it up over them. His arms went around Mishka and Jackson pulled him close, settling the other’s head on his chest as he held him close. “Ty v bezopasnosti. U menya yest' ty, khorosho?” he hummed out quietly.
As his body was redirected and laid out on the bed he continued to fight with himself. It was tiring to be seized with so much fear, but he couldn't force himself to stop. That time would come eventually. All he had to do, and could really do was just wait it out. Anton didn’t know how much time passed as he rode through the episode. The coldness he felt in his body started to thaw. The chill started to become artificial, and once it clicked that he wasn’t in that shower or submerged in cold water, he started to come back again. His breathing edged away from the quickened pattern as his subconscious took over the function of his lungs for him. In 5, hold 7, out 9. It was a gradual process, but he eventually started to wind down. Life came back to his eyes as he started to blink the remaining tears away. Awareness of reality felt solid again and with it came the realization of what had just happened.
The first thing he did was loosen his jaw. The sides of his face and neck burned from how hard he had been straining them. Next, he carefully observed his surroundings. Which, wasn’t much right now since he couldn’t see much. It was kind of dark, but he knew what he was pressed again. Or who more like. He didn’t pull away or scramble to his feet when he acknowledged that he was pressed against Jackson. The other’s presence helped him get over the remaining bit before he was completely lax. All of his muscles went slack as he closed his eyes, but he didn’t rest. He couldn’t rest when he felt.. God, he didn’t know how he felt. “How long?” He asked quietly, voice croaking some as he remained in Jackson’s hold.
Jackson laid there, still and murmuring quietly in Russian from time to time as he held Mishka in his arms. The other hadn’t fought against him and slowly it seemed as though the contact was helping. So he was just sticking with what was working because he didn’t have much else to go on. He still had no idea what exactly had happened, what had triggered Mishka to have a breakdown in the shower, but he didn’t bother wasting time in trying to figure it out for now because his focus was on the other in the present. Mishka’s breathing began to even out and bit by bit he felt muscles loosen as he relaxed against him more. And then the tears finally stopped. Jackson didn’t stop though, staying consistent in his quiet reassurances and strong hold until he heard the other man speak.
Blinking over at the clock, Jackson was silent for a moment as he tried to do the math. Not like time had been any concern of his but he vaguely remembered the display. “Forty-five minutes. Maybe an hour,” he answered, his voice still calm and easy. Still, he made no moves to release Mishka, that protective side of him out in full force now. “How are you feelin’?”
Typical. If he was lucky the episodes would be over in half an hour, but most of the time it was like this. Anton kept his eyes closed and kept with the breathing exercise just in case anything spiked again. It happened once before and he never wanted to repeat that ever again. A ragged sigh was pushed out through his nose as he closed his eyes. “Sorry.” That was all he said in return, voice barely above a whisper as he tried not to think too much about it. He might’ve felt scared, sad or pissed but he still felt that guilt. The reason behind it changed, sure, but the heavy weight in his chest didn’t leave him. The last person that had seen him like this and actually stuck around had been.. No, he wasn’t going to touch on that right now, or anytime soon for that matter. He just listened to the steady beat of the other’s pulse and tried not to think about anything. With the lack of thoughts in his head he felt the slow cover of slumber start to takeover.
Jackson honestly wasn’t expecting much of an answer to his question if one at all. He knew that just because Mishka was speaking and seemed to be back to reality didn’t mean he was feeling chatty. Or that he could even process anything at the moment. The apology made his face pull down into a frown, but he bit his tongue, not wanting to launch into the reasons of why he had absolutely nothing to be sorry for when it would fall on deaf ears. Instead, his arms tightened around Mishka a little more, wanting to keep him even closer and hope the hold would convey what he didn’t think words could accomplish. Jackson let the silence settle over them, content to allow the other whatever he needed, but it wasn’t long before Misha’s breathing changed again and his body relaxed against him even more. That little sound he’d come to know that told him the other was asleep. That was probably for the best. No doubt it had taken a lot out of him on top of being exhausted. Maybe sleep would be the best way to recover.
There were lights that needed to be turned off and things to be picked up in the bathroom, but the door was locked so Jackson forced himself to just try and ignore them. He hated it, hated things being out of order, but even that wasn’t as strong as the urge to protect Mishka in the moment, so he closed his own eyes as he pressed a kiss to the other man’s hair and tried to fall asleep.
Tagging: Jackson Phillips and Anton Mishka Morozov
Setting: Jackson’s apartment, evening/night of April 7th
Summary: Mishka skips out on work to spend time with Jackson. Pizza, Netflix, and making good on all their flirting.
Warnings: NSFW
The look he got from Beckie would’ve been hilarious if he wasn’t so damn eager to get out of the shop as fast as he could. He was thorough when it came to locking up the bookstore for the night, but he was in a bit of a rush today. Thankfully, Beckie understood the reasoning for it. Well, it wasn’t that hard to understand since the two of them had been working alongside each other for the past two years. All it took was for them to make eye contact and she knew. He sent her a silent word of gratitude as he got all of his stuff, which only consisted of his wallet and jacket, before he was out of the door and next to Jackson again. There was a wide smile on his face, and he was almost sure that it’d stay there whenever he was around this man, as he draped his jacket over his shoulder. “So where to, Houdini?”
Jackson couldn’t deny that he was excited. Excited and maybe way more nervous than he could bother to show. There was also a pang of guilt mixed in there somewhere over the fact that he’d gotten Mishka to call out of work, but that was easy enough to ignore given everything else. When the time came close to closing, he’d paid for his books and done his best to avoid the questioning looks from the girl behind the counter. He’d spent his entire time there following Mishka around and he’d have been hard pressed to come up with a reason that didn’t sound as fake as it would be. Slipping outside, he’d been tempted to wander over to the coffee shop again, but didn’t want to chance missing when the other man finally came outside.
Jakson rolled his eyes a little at Miskha’s question, doing his best to steel himself for this. It wasn’t that he didn’t want it, he did. He so fucking did. But the fact that he was leading some guy he’d just met back to his place for sex still weighed on him because that just wasn’t him. “This way,” he said as he turned on the sidewalk in the direction of his apartment building. “I’m only about six blocks from here, if you don’t mind walkin’? I walk everywhere I can.”
The roll of eyes just made him grin more, but he pipped down on his nicknames for the time being. Anton fell into step easily, but when he heard the distance they needed to cover he merely shrugged. “It’s fine, I usually drive but I took marta today so I would’ve had to walk anyways.” He wouldn’t have to walk that far, but six blocks wouldn’t kill him. Plus, the distances between each block weren’t incredibly lengthy either. “One of the good things about Atlanta is that you can do that without needing to pack for a damn hike.” It wasn’t like Saint Louis where he had to do that a few times before, but that was neither here nor there.
Jackson nodded a bit in relief when Mishka agreed to the walk. The mention of a hike grabbed his attention though because he’d definitely enjoyed doing that when the locale allowed for it. “I take it you aren’t a fan of hiking?” he asked, feeling his phone buzz in his pocket. He reached for it and slid the screen to check the message. Confirmation for the pizza he’d ordered as he’d waited. The other guy had mentioned it earlier so he’d ran with it. Tucking the phone back into his pocket, he looked over at Mishka. “You know, you never told me where you’re even from,” Jackson said when the realization hit him out of nowhere. Blurting random thoughts out. Way to go, buddy.
“What? Nah, I like hiking enough. It’s a good way to get a change of scenery when you get sick of the cityscape. I’m more of a swimmer than a hiker or runner though.” And he has the build to show it too. Anton looked over in mild surprise, and if it seemed like he got a little uncomfortable he chose to ignore it. “I was born in Russia, but I moved here and lived in Saint Louis until two years ago. Now I’m here in ATL groveling my days away. What about you?” He kept his answer as short as he could, and he hoped he wouldn’t get asked about the reasons why he had moved from one place to another. Even if Jackson did ask he couldn't blame the guy for it, and he should honestly be used to it by now. Yet he wasn’t. Not completely at least.
Jackson couldn’t help the way his eyes drifted down over Mishka’s body at the mention of being a swimmer. Those always had a certain build and while it wasn’t big and visibly muscular as himself, there was power there. And that was definitely a draw for him, almost as much as the fact that the other man was his same height give or take an inch or two. He usually ended up with someone much smaller and while that could be fun in and of itself, there was definitely something to be said for someone that could match him. “Znachit, vy tozhe govorite po-russki?” he asked, the words rolling off his tongue with a practiced accent. Jackson was feeling a little more confident in showing off given how Mishka had responded to the ‘hidden talents’. “I grew up a few hours south of here, but I’ve moved all over because of the military.”
That shouldn't have been that sexy to hear, but here he was all ready to urge Jackson to walk faster so they could be alone. It’s been a good minute since he’s spoken in his native tongue so he had to think back on what it was that he wanted to say. “YA by ne byl russkim, yesli by ne mog,” he said with the same smile on his face but it wasn’t as bold as before. It wasn’t overly noticeable, but he looked away a second after. “Oh, so you’re a native to Georgia then? I’ve heard about the trails up North, and the apple picking shit. Have you ever been?”
Jackson laughed lightly at the reply, being bold enough to lean over a bit to bump into Mishka’s shoulder. “Fair enough,” he replied, not wanting to show off further for the moment. He kept an eye on the buildings as they passed calculating that they were about halfway to his place. The realization caused nerves to threaten in the bottom of his stomach, but he pushed the feeling down, refusing to let it get the best of him. “I am, but I’ve never been up there. Much closer to Florida. I don’t think I ever actually even made it up here to Atlanta except for once on a field trip or somethin’.” Jackson shifted the bag containing his books from one hand to the other as he glanced over at Mishka again, having trouble keeping his eyes off the other man. “Surprised my accent didn’t give me away,” he tried to laugh.
The odd touch to his smile faded away when he was bumped into. “Accent? I mean, I wouldn’t know what a Floridian accent would sound like.” He might’ve practically grown up in America, but the different accents within the states were still a bit hard for him to pinpoint. Anton was relaxed, probably a lot more than Jackson was, but he pretended to not notice. “I’m surprised that you haven’t asked where my ‘Russian accent’ is. It’s usually the first thing people ask when they find out I’m from mother Russia.” The last two words were said in an overly thick drawl as he schooled a serious expression. That lasted for another few seconds before he melted back into an easy smile.
“Well, considerin’ that I spent over a year learnin’ it and even more time listenin’ in, I’m used to all kinds of accents, comrade,” Jackson shot back, a bit of teasing in his voice. His own accent was easier to hide once he’d started to pick up other languages, but it still managed to creep into his speech, especially if he was drunk or pissed or tired. He realized after a moment, he’d stopped paying attention to their course and he reached out, grabbing Miskha’s arm to stop him. “We are passin’ my building,” he said with a laugh. Clearly it wasn’t hard to distract him lately. Phones, cute boys. Jackson looked down at his hand before pulling it back with an awkward laugh. “Sorry, just didn’t wanna have to backtrack.” He turned them to the left and lead the other guy up to the building, unlocking the door for them.
The mix of accents threw him for a loop or two, but he was thoroughly enjoying it. “Well, I’m still just as impressed as before and if I’m allowed to be completely honest- it’s really hot.” He grew sly with his words, but fell short when he was stopped. Anton looked around and committed their surroundings to memory just in case he would need it for future reference. Just in case, right. He almost reached out to stop Jackson from dropping contact, but he realized how desperate that might seem. He was needy but he wasn’t that bad. “Don’t need to apologize,” he said happily as he trailed after Jackson again.
They were close to his apartment, but still not inside the safety of the four walls so Jackson was still on fairly high alert. He was trying, he really was, but old habits were hard to break. Mishka seemed to be making it easier to forget about his worries though, for a few minutes at a time anyways. He pushed the door open and lead them inside, moving towards the elevator to save the other man the four floor climb up the stairs. “I should warn you,” he said, looking over as the doors slid open and he stepped inside. “My place isn’t...big or fancy or anythin’.” Nerves were rising with a vengeance the closer they got to being behind closed doors but he was trying so hard to cling to that boldness that seemed to spike some in Mishka’s presence.
“It’s all good. If you had like some suite or something I think you’d have to help me pick my jaw off the floor,” he joked lightly as he stepped into the elevator. The area wasn’t that bad so far, but then again it wasn’t like they were in the shitty parts of downtown like he was. Well, no, that was an exaggeration since he was on the borderline of the good and bad there.
Jackson laughed lightly at Mishka’s response, but the sound didn’t quite convey humor as his nerves crept into it. It wasn’t like he couldn’t afford something like what the other man was talking about, but it just seemed...wasteful to him. Growing up poor had instilled certain tendencies in him and even now that he had the money, he still couldn’t bring himself to spend it. Especially considering his place wasn’t somewhere he spent much time. The elevator dinged a moment later and he was stepping off even before the doors opened fully. The move may have made him seem eager, but it was nerves driving Jackson as he made his way to his apartment. “At the risk of sounding crazy, can you--uh...take your shoes off when you come in?” he asked as he unlocked the door and pushed it open for Mishka. It was small and weird and stupid, but shoes in his place bugged the fuck out of him, it always had.
He was curious to see what Jackson’s place looked like. Surely it wasn’t as bad as he was making it out to be? Guess he would find out soon enough. Anton walked behind the other and quirked an eyebrow in a silent question but he just shrugged. “Yeah, sure. You want me to stop there though?” Alright, he knew that he should probably stop the slew of flirting but he couldn’t help it. Once he stepped inside he toed off his shoes and bent down to pick them up. “Anywhere you want me to put them specifically?” He wasn’t trying to poke fun at the request, and he hoped he conveyed that by his expression as he stood there for instructions.
Jackson bit his lip hard at Mishka’s insinuation, trying not to let his mind wander to where it was so obviously being directed. But they were inside his apartment now and he pushed the door closed to make that more tangible. Alone, just the two of him. There was a bit of a struggle inside him at the thought, a part of him wanting to just do what he’d been feeling and the other part still choked with nerves. “Make yourself at home,” he answered, willing to leave it at that. His own shoes were toed off and nudged in line along the opposite wall with the rest of his shoes and he nodded his head towards the other end of them. “Over there is fine. Sorry if I sound crazy. It’s just a thing.”
He waited patiently and followed after Jackson. His shoes were put next to the other’s and he’d admit that it was a bit weird, but there wasn’t any harm being done. With that out of the way he turned his attention to the space before him. “It’s honestly not as bad as you made it out to be,” he mused as he looked around. It was minimalistic at best and there didn't seem to be anything out of place or extra. “You know.. It’s kinda weird that my place is almost like this except for a few things.” His own apartment was tidy and he didn’t have too many belongings. Nothing more than he needed at least. Anton went over to the couch and plopped down. A soft noise left him as he rested his arm on the side of the couch. “Definitely see why you were so relaxed with Netflixing earlier,” he said with a loose grin as he leaned back into the furniture.
It seemed Mishka took his words to heart and Jackson watched as he settled down on the couch, trying not to notice that little noise so much. The more they learned about one another, the more they seemed to have in common which was...odd. He was used to being the weird one, the guy that everyone just kind of tolerated. Even his ‘relationships’ had been based less on mutual interests and more...well. It wasn’t on things like similar tastes in books and coffee and things like that. He shifted into the living room, dropping his bag of books and grabbed the remotes from the coffee table, holding them out in offer to Mishka. “I’m not here too much, honestly. But yeah, now you see what I gave up to bring you coffee?” His words were teasing of course, but maybe he wanted to drop the hint that he’d done so because he’d been eager to see the other man again too. “Do you want something to drink?”
He was making himself quite comfortable with where he was at. Anton tucked his legs up as he curled in against the corner. For a man with his height it was comical to see him fold in on himself like this since his limbs weren’t short oro average sized. “I really do,” he said as he took the remotes from Jackson. It took a bit of fiddling but he got the TV turned on and started to flip through Netflix. He wasn’t looking at what sort of things Jackson had been watching. Not at all. Anton sported a crooked smile and looked back over. “What ever can I do to make it up to you? That coffee saved my ass, but the only thing I’d like to drink a tall glass of you,” he said with just the same amount of confidence as before.
Jackson couldn’t help but smile at the way Mishka curled up on the couch, the movements oddly...endearing and served to make him look smaller and almost harmless. Not that he was fooled by that for a second though. After the remotes were handed over, he’d started to move towards the kitchen, ready to grab whatever was requested but the response had him stopping in his tracks. His face didn’t flush this time, at least not noticeably, but he shook his head as he turned back into the living room. “Don’t be so sure it’s safe,” he said, his voice low as he bent down from behind the couch to bring his mouth close to the other man’s ear. In the next moment though, Jackson had straightened back up and turned back to the kitchen. “And while that’s cute, I’m tryin’ to be a good host and all that.”
He was about to look back at the screen, but he stopped short when he suddenly felt Jackson’s presence right by the side of his face. Oh shit. Anton automatically swallowed dryly just from the dip in the other’s voice. It was just a slight peek into whatever it was that Jackson was hiding, but boy did that make things even better. The lopsided smile remained on his face as he finally stared at the TV before him. “Cute? And here I was thinking that I was being clever. Water’s fine, but I’m not taking back what I said before.” Maybe he’d regret saying that, but he was willing to take that chance anyways.
“I wouldn’t expect you to take it back,” Jackson replied easily as he shifted into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from his refrigerator. He snagged one for himself after a moment before moving back into the living room, glancing at the screen for a moment to see what Mishka was up to. His nerves were settling, slowly and he looked back at the man on his couch as he held out the bottle. For a moment he was struck by how Mishka looked just like he belonged right there, comfortable and curled up on his couch while browsing Netflix. But Jackson shook his head to dislodge the thought. Talk about crazy. “Find anything interestin’ yet?” he asked with a smile. Before Mishka could respond though, there was a knock at his door and even though he’d been expecting it, he still tensed a little. “Be right back.”
Oh, so he was a lot more cheeky than he had let on originally. That was definitely something he could get on with. Anton kept browsing until he came across a show he hadn’t touched on in a while. With his interest caught he leaned forward a bit and squinted his eyes. Damn contacts were starting to dry up again and it irritated the hell out of him. “Uh huh,” he said absently as he rubbed his eyes for a moment. When he was done itching his eyes he blinked a few times and looked over. He took the bottle and was about to say thanks, but was cut off by the sudden knock. Unless Jackson was expecting some other company he was almost sure that it was the pizza delivery.
Jackson snagged some cash from his wallet on the way to the door and tugged it open just enough for the transaction to take place, making sure to keep himself situated so that Mishka couldn’t be seen on his couch. It was stupid, yes, but he was so almost conditioned to be secretive at this point in his life that it wasn’t even a voluntary thing. He made his way back into the living room, pizza in hand and sat the box down on the coffee table in front of the couch. “I hope meatlovers is alright,” he said, not missing the irony of his words. “Do you need any ranch or anything?”
Food and sex was probably the top two things he valued in life. It wasn’t like he had anything else to concern himself over, like family for instance. Didn’t have them anymore so he just indulged himself in his two top not so guilty pleasures. By the time Jackson turned around and came back with the pizza he was all eyes and ears on the box. It was great that someone like Jackson was carrying it, but he was a whole lot more inclined on getting his grubby hands on a slice first. “Meatlovers is my favorite actually,” he said to the side as he rearranged how he sat. Anton reached over to open the lid and shook his head. “Nah, only thing I need is this right here.” A slice was taken, but he paused for a second as he just stared at the pizza. “Actually, I take that back, ranch would be great,” he said as he glanced at Jackson before he took a bite.
Jackson just watched the way Mishka seemed to come alive at the sight of the pizza box and he couldn’t help but laugh at the reactions. If he could find someone to look at him the way the other guy was staring at that slice, he’d be set for life. Another laugh and a shake of his head and he turned back for the kitchen. He poured the ranch into a bowl and grabbed a few napkins, placing them in front of Mishka on the table before moving to take a seat himself. “Is it good?” Jackson asked, arching a brow and looking over at the other man as he reached for his own slice.
Anton resumed his previous position as he ate. He was tucked away again and a content sigh left him as he tried not to inhale the first slice. Normally he would’ve been on top with his eating schedule, but, well, he had someone distract him today. Said distraction came back with the ranch and he beamed at Jackson over his mouthful. He hummed back in response as he worked his way onto the crust. When his hand was empty he untangled himself again and reached over for a second slice. This time he dunked the end of the pizza into the bowl and didn’t bother to curl up again. Anton just sat leaned forward with his elbows propped on his legs. He took a bite and felt some of the ranch smear onto the side of his lips, but he pretended to be more absorbed into the TV to notice. The first episode was put on play and he kept on eating, still very much aware of everything else around him.
Apparently food--or at the very least pizza--was a thing for Mishka and Jackson paused his own eating to watch the other man for a second. In an odd sort of way, he felt like the fact that Mishka was tearing into the pizza was a bit of a win or a point in his own favor. And Jackson could definitely use all of those he could get. He glanced over at the screen a few times as he ate but for the most part, his attention was focused on the other man on his couch. This was...comfortable and nice in an almost domestic sort of way. And honestly, it was a bit of a relief that Mishka hadn’t tried to jump him the minute they’d walked in the door. Not that it would have been horrible if that were the case, but just...Jackson wasn’t about those quick hookups and honestly, he felt like the other guy was worth more than a quick fuck, or even a long one. Jackson noticed the smear of ranch and opened his mouth to say something, but decided against it. Instead, he reached over and swiped his finger over the streak of white, taking his time before drawing his hand away and pushing it into his mouth to suck it clean.
He was caught between a snort and a laugh from what showed on the TV, but the noise sort of died in his throat anyways when he felt the side of his mouth get touched. Anton was looking over in a heartbeat and God that wasn’t fair. He had enough sense in him to finish chewing so he could swallow, and when nothing was in his mouth he let his lips part slightly as he watched Jackson with narrowed eyes. “If I get ranch on some other part of my body would you do the same thing?” He asked out of pure curiosity and nothing else- he swore on it. The rest of his slice was forgotten as he kept his attention on Jackson even though his stomach was yelling at him to just cram the food into his mouth already.
Okay, so maybe Jackson didn’t need to suck his finger that long or in quite the way he did, but he couldn’t help but give Mishka a show, especially given how the other guy had been talking so much shit and practically molesting straws in his presence. The finger fell away and he chuckled light, offering only a smirk before he was biting down into his pizza to ensure Mishka had to wait that much longer for an answer. He was more relaxed now, more comfortable, and his guard was coming down to let some of his more natural self out. So far, the other guy had managed to make him feel like it might be okay if he did. “I think I’m capable of making enough of a mess of your body without the ranch,” Jackson replied, his smirk settling easily as he reached for his bottle of water.
He honestly couldn’t say it enough but holy fuck. All of this confidence and flirting was going to make him run for his money at this point. His mouth hung open a bit more and his pizza was completely forgotten for the time being. There was a feeling that he was either going to end up terribly frustrated or just wrecked, but it was invigorating nonetheless. “That so?” He asked, voice a little airy as he dragged himself out of it. Anton cleared his throat and looked away so he could take another bite from the slice in his hand. “Care to elaborate or?” He trailed off as he murmured around the mouthful, but he kept an eye on Jackson while he chewed.
Jackson’s smirk only grew at Mishka’s response and it only helped to bolster the little bit of boldness he was running on. It felt good, honestly, and it was a kind of good he hadn’t felt in...well, a very long time. He lifted one shoulder lightly in a half shrug and took a sip of his water. “I told you, I’m much more of a ‘hands-on’ kinda guy,” he commented before finishing off his slice of pizza. He leaned forward to reach for another, unable to stop a bit of smugness from creeping up at just how well he was handling this. Surely Mishka had just assumed he was some blushing and stuttering mess, but oh how that was so wrong. At least behind closed doors. That kind of attitude hadn’t served him well during military school and it definitely wasn’t the temperament that had pushed Jackson through the Marines. Hopefully Mishka could appreciate this real side of him just as much as he seemed to enjoy the shy idiot he was most of the time.
He actually had to take the time to close his eyes and almost pray for there to be a time and way for them to fuck. Don’t get him wrong, he loved how this was playing out. It totally blindsided him, but it was one of those really great surprise that he wouldn’t cash in for the world. Anton didn’t choke on his food by some miracle, and he was done with the second slice a few moments afterwards. “Uh huh. Seems to me that it’s more of a watch-me-and-hands-to-yourself’ sort of thing.” Was he complaining? Oh yeah, he was definitely getting to that whiny stage, but who could blame him? What Jackson executed since they had gotten inside was so well done. It’d be a fucking blessing if he didn’t pop a boner anytime soon.
Jackson rolled his eyes at Mishka’s words, hearing the complaint loud and clear. But he was feeling more and more in control of things as they went so he wasn’t going to let the other guy take it back that easily. He would have to fight him for it. Granted, that thought opened up so many other more interesting ones, but he pushed them away for the moment as he took a bite out of his pizza, a few bits of meat falling into his lap without his notice. “Patience, darlin’,” Jackson replied once he’d swallowed down the food. “I’ve gotcha all night, don’t I? Unless you’d rather go into work instead?”
He huffed as he reached for another slice and he ate that in lighthearted grumpiness. There hasn’t been a time where he was one for pet names or nicknames in general, but hearing Jackson call him darlin’ just added onto the unfairness level that was being played out right now. It made him frown and shoot the other man a look before he looked back ahead of him. “I already sat my fat ass down and got comfy. I’m not about to leave any time soon and deal with drunk assholes who’ll try to get me just as drunk and hungover again.” Well, he didn’t get hungover every single time he took a shift at the bar, but when things got busy he didn’t have the time to hydrate himself properly. “Plus, I like pouting and shit so unless you kick me out you’ll have to deal with it.”
Jackson’s brow arched at the mention of Mishka’s ass, but rather than comment, he took another bite and chewed slowly as the other guy continued to gripe. Sure he was complaining but it was cute in a weird sort of way, especially when he admitted that he was pouting. It was a bit of a change from the demeanor Mishka had shown him before, but he damn sure wouldn’t complain. And he really had no room to given that he wasn’t exactly the mess he’d shown either. “I can deal with it. I promise,” Jackson said simply, tossing Mishka a look without bothering to explain his words further. Let him read it however he wanted. Another sip of water and he was finishing off the crust, debating on another slice as he picked up the bits of meat that had fallen onto his lap.
Anton just rose an eyebrow in response. There wasn’t a smile or a frown on his face now. His lips were in a neutral set, but he made sure to keep that bit in mind. He was already cracking his knuckles in his head since Jackson had said that he could deal with his grousing, and who was he to hold back on that? He kept his eyes trained on the show, but he was more preoccupied with what else he could complain about. In the midst of his thoughts he ate through his third slice and when he was empty handed again he sighed softly. After he wiped his hands with a napkin, Anton leaned back and draped his arms over the back of the couch. He tilted his head back and closed his eyes for a moment just to rest his retinas, and Jesus when did he get this tired? Oh, right, ever since he woke up this morning.
Jackson almost laughed at the sudden silent treatment Mishka was giving him but he didn’t. He didn’t point it out or draw attention to the fact, instead he took a few more sips from his bottle of water and pretended to train his eyes on the show that he absolutely had not been paying attention to. Once it was clear the other man seemed to be done, he shifted up from the couch and began to clear away their mess, knowing he would focus on it if he didn’t do it now. And he wanted to give Mishka his undivided attention. “You’ve not touched the drink I worked so hard on for you,” he said with a teasing smile, handing the bottle of water to the other guy once again before disappearing into the kitchen to deal with what was left of their meal.
Honest to God he was just resting his tired ass eyes, but he wasn’t that honest to begin with and he certainly didn’t believe in God. Anton cracked open an eye when he heard Jackson start to move. A soft hrmph left him as he took the bottle as the other left the couch. He leaned back up and opened the bottle so he could take a few gulps. The bottle was capped and put on the table while he rubbed his eyes again. Still not a word came out of him as he settled back into the couch again. He could keep this up all day and night. He’s done it before and it certainly didn’t seem like he was leaving anytime soon.
Jackson finished up in the kitchen and washed his hands before returning to the living room to find Mishka curled up on the couch again. Glancing over, he noticed the water missing from the bottle on the table and he smirked to himself, glad to see the other guy had done as he’d wanted. A light clicked off in the living room before he moved to settle back down on the couch, stretching out and getting a bit more comfortable than he had before. Jackson looked over at Mishka. “Are you actually watching this? Or can I find something else?”
He glanced over at Jackson when the other spoke up, and he really regretted doing that. The play of light from the TV and windows were fucking with him. That had to be it, because the way Jackson looked right now was way too inviting for his liking. Or well, his stubborn liking more like. Anton looked back at the screen and frowned again. He reached forward and over his legs to snag the remotes. He still didn’t say a word as he offered them out to the other with an eyebrow raised and a stubborn set to his jaw.
Jackson had hoped his question would get Mishka to speak but as the remotes were handed over, it was clear that wasn’t going to be the case. Oh, he was stubborn as fuck. But he admired the dedication. “Thank you,” he said with a smile, pretending as if nothing was out of the ordinary as he took the remotes and turned his attention to the screen. It took a few moments to find what he wanted, but finally Jackson clicked play and sat them down on a side table. Casually, his feet lifted up to rest on the coffee table and hands came up to cross behind his head as he settled in to watch the show. After a moment, he shifted around in the name of getting more comfortable and ignored the way the hem of his shirt rode up just enough to show a patch of skin and a hint of his toned stomach.
He wanted to grumble back but he just looked away again. This time he really did try to pay attention to whatever show it was that Jackson picked. It’d help him stay in line with this whole stubborn thing he had going on even though it was petty as hell. He was getting into the groove of the show before he noticed Jackson moving. It was a habit to just look at whatever moved around him, and now was no different. Except when he looked over and saw the expanse of skin that was washed over by the light from the TV he wanted to straight up bang his head on the table. Oh, what he would do to get his hands on that- much less his lips because he was about to salivate by just imagining what the rest of Jackson’s body looked like. After another second he tore his eyes away and went back to the screen again as he tried his hardest to keep his mind away from the other’s image.
Jackson was actually paying attention to the screen for the first few minutes of the show, perfectly content to let Mishka sulk in silence. Why exactly he was sulking, he couldn’t say, but he wasn’t going to interrupt it. Eventually, he leaned forward to grab his bottle of water from the coffee table and his shirt rode up even more, a good part of his back being bared for a few seconds until he leaned back. As he tipped the bottle up for a drink, he made the wise choice to try to glance over at Mishka. And water spilled down onto his shirt from the slight change in angle. “Fuck!” he exclaimed, the bottle finding a place on the end table as he looked down at his shirt. It just seemed to be Jackson’s day for spills. And he’d been doing so well. With a heavy sigh, he shifted up from the couch. “I’ll be right back,” he informed the other guy, not expecting a response as he moved around the back of the couch and tugged his shirt over his head.
He was getting back into the lull of the show when Jackson all but scared the shit out of him. Anton flinched from the curse and looked over with wide eyes. For a second he felt worry flare, but when he realized that it was just another spill accident he calmed down. Not enough for him to say anything though. Anton just leaned back into his side of the couch again but he couldn’t help but stare at Jackson when the guy all but took his shirt off. This time he let out a whisper of a groan as he tried to make himself watch the show again. That lasted for half a second before he was peeking over to where the other had gone. His head was already rested against the side of the couch so he just craned his neck a little bit more so he could watch Jackson change. That sounded really fucking creepy, but he was already ogling at the other anyways.
Jackson barely made it into his room, wet shirt in hand before he realized he was missing the show. Turning on his heel, he crossed back into the living room, his words almost dying on his tongue when he saw the way Mishka was craned around and staring at him. He managed to hold in the laugh, but the smirk lifted the corners of his lips. “Hey, can you pause it for me? I don’t wanna miss anything,” he said, trying to sound as casual as possible. Of course he could have easily skipped back when he settled back down, but where was the fun in that?
“Uh huh.” That was all he could really say at the moment. His mind was pulling a blank as he drank in the sight before him. No wonder Jackson did modeling on the side. The amount of detail on the other’s body were doing things to him and he had to actually slap himself mentally so he could stop staring like an idiot. Anton blindly groped for the remote but when he missed the second try he gave an irritated noise and looked over so he could grab the damn thing and press pause. He also has to shift his position a little bit more so he could easily rest his arm over his lap, because something was starting to rear up all thanks to Jackson’s tactics. More of a hands on guy my ass, he grumbled to himself as he looked away from the other again.
Jackson’s smirk grew wider at the almost grunted response, but hey, it counted as speaking in his book. A small victory, but he wanted a much bigger win than that. He waited until the screen paused and Mishka looked back at him, purposely loitering for effect. “Thanks,” he said, flashing the other man a bright grin before turning around and heading back into his room. He rummaged around in a drawer for a few moments before he pulled out a tank top and tugged it over his head. He considered changing his jeans out for something else too in order to be really comfortable but decided against it for the time being. Jackson headed back into the living room and stopped behind the couch again. “Do you need anythin’ while I’m up?” he asked, hands coming down to smooth over Miska’s shoulders as he spoke.
He was back to frowning again, but this time he had on a faint scowl. Usually he was the one throwing the shots, and even during the times where he wasn’t there wasn’t this much teasing involved. This was like some form of torture. He was sure of it. If he was an actual sleazy asshole he would’ve tried to do a lot more than pout, but he didn’t roll like that. Anton almost flinched again when he felt Jackson touch his goddamn shoulders. It wasn’t skin on skin contact, but this was the closest he’s gotten so far. You, was what he wanted to say but he kept his lips pressed into a thin line as he looked back. It was a bit of an odd stretch from the angle he was at, but completely ignored how his head bumped against one of the other’s forearm as he glowered at the man.
Jackson looked down when Mishka’s head tipped back to look at him and he waited patiently for a response, letting his hands move from the other man’s shoulders down over his collarbone and across his chest. But again, it was clear he wasn’t going to get a word out of him. That was fine then. His hands moved again, retracing their path backwards until he pulled them away. “I’ll take that as a no then,” he said with a light laugh as he withdrew completely, acting as if everything was completely normal. He crossed back around to the front of the couch and settled back into his spot. Glancing over, he spotted the remoted in Mishka’s hand and reached over into his lap to tug it free. “Thank you,” he hummed out, leaning back to his side of the couch slowly as he clicked play again.
This was at the top of the chain of being so goddamn unfair. He tried not to give into saying something snippy back like how the only thing he wanted while Jackson was up, which the man was not, was to get his ass back down on the couch so he can purge his mind with the TV show. The laugh just made him huff again, and he was just tempted to fall apart completely when the remote was taken from him. Sure, he could just remove his arm and spread his legs out. Not like there was a forming bulge in his jeans or anything. As if. Anton just ran a hand through his hair and didn’t give a fuck if it messed with how he had styled it this morning. Now it stuck up at random places but, hey, he was frustrated alright?
Jackson wasn’t stupid. He knew full and well what he was doing and that little huff just confirmed that he was doing it well. And the way Mishka kept his arms in his lap when he’d been stretched out before told him he was definitely on the right track. His eyes trained back on the screen but it wasn’t long before he was glancing back over and biting back a laugh at the ways the other man’s hair stuck up. “You alright, darlin’?” he asked, still sticking to the act that nothing was out of the ordinary. Rather than go back behind his head, Jackson’s arms stretched out to drape over the back of the couch as he smiled over at Mishka.
He was being fucked with, he knew that very well, but it wasn’t in the right way and Jesus how long was this going to play out for? It was a constant battle of flipping between giving in and staying stubborn as fuck. It was exhausting, really. Anton squinted back and sniffed lightly as he looked away from Jackson. Now the show had his undivided attention and he was set on keeping it that way. Unless Jackson did something like get up and stand in front of him of course, but if that happen it would snap the last of his efforts and open the dams of everything he’s been wanting to say since he went quiet.
Jackson knew he was just dragging it out at this point, but he couldn’t deny how much he was enjoying how stubborn Mishka was being. And he had to give him credit for sticking to his guns the way he was. For as fun as it was though, he couldn’t lie and say that he wasn’t slowly getting near the end of his patience. His hand came down from the back of the couch to slip under Mishka’s arm in his lap and he rubbed lightly over his thigh, giving it a squeeze. “You’re awfully quiet over there. Is my show borin’ you? Or are you still poutin’ that I haven’t pinned you down and fucked you yet?”
Wow, this show was so interesting and so much better than the fucking chiseled ass guy that was sitting so fuckign close to him. Definitely a lot better than Jackson. No doubt about it. God he was going to grind his teeth at this point. All of his senses were on extra high alert just from how tense he was, but when he heard and felt Jackson’s arm get moved he just tossed all of his self restraint out the goddamn window. Anton looked over with blatant surprise on his face with an actual whine unfurling from his throat a second later. “I’ve been fucking waiting for ages and you just fucking tease in the most goddamn excruciating way, but I’d be a fucking liar if I said I hated it,” he said in a rush as he moved his hand to hold the other’s wrist. He was sure that if things came down to it he’d get his ass handed to him in a fight, but now that Jackson was actually touching him below his torso he was not letting that go easily.
That fucking whine hit Jackson where it hurt, slipping right past his defenses and completely under his skin. It hadn’t been his goal exactly but that was only because he hadn’t know it had been an option. Mishka’s words brought a smirk to his lips and the way the other man’s hand wrapped around his wrist--not stopping but almost encouraging his touch only added to it. “All you had to do was say somethin’, darlin’,” he replied easily. Jackson’s tongue darted out to roll over his lips as he shifted over on the couch, turning to press against the other man. One hand braced on the arm of the couch as the other pulled away from Mishka’s thigh in favor of wrapping around the back of his neck as he brought his lips down to claim his mouth in a kiss.
All he had to do was ask? He wanted to call it bullshit, but before he could say anything else he was sucking his breath back into his goddamn lungs. His space was being crowded in the best way possible, and just the look the other gave him was enough for him to release his hold on Jackson’s wrist. Finally, fucking finally they were going somewhere. He could’ve wept in joy, but he was too preoccupied by the pair of lips that were pressed against his. A pleased noise left him as he all but melted into the other’s attention. Anton reached for Jackson, needing to get his fill of contact on that body. His hands met solid, warm skin and he was in heaven. That was it. He could make amends right now and pass on without any regrets. No, wait, he took that back because this was just the pre-warmup of what was to hopefully come- which he direly hoped would be Jackson and himself in the near future. His lips parted as his tongue peeked out to run along the seam of the other’s lips, asking silently to deepen the kiss as he felt along the man’s chest and arms.
Jackson hummed in pleasure at the feeling of Mishka’s lips against his and the way the other man seemed to melt beneath him. His mouth opened easily at the press of tongue, his own pushing forward to get a better taste--something he’d been dying for since the moment he’d met him if he were being honest. His hand moved from the back of Mishka’s neck, slipping down to wrap around his thigh and tug, encouraging him to shift around to make this better for both of them. Now that he’d finally bit the bullet and kissed him, there was no way in hell he was letting the other man leave here. At least not without something to show for the time spent.
The second the other’s lips parted he delved in without another moment’s hesitation. He was so damn eager to lick and taste, and that was exactly what he got. His hands were just as hungry as his mouth was it seemed like since he was trying to feel everything that was within reaching distance. When he felt a tug at his leg he complied without needing to think. In the back of his mind he knew that he’d get cramped up if he stayed in this weird half curled position so he straightened his limbs out. Anton took some amount of effort to make sure he didn’t knee Jackson or anything. It took a few moments, but he had the kiss to keep a part of him busy. With his legs straightened and his body practically spread out underneath Jackson he was completely content with how their bodies slotted against each other. There was no hiding the rise in his pants at this point, but he was sure that there wasn’t a need to cover it anymore. Not that he really could now that they weren’t just dancing around each other.
Jackson was quickly getting lost in the kiss, in how hungry Mishka’s mouth and hands seemed to be for him. It was perfect and exactly what he wanted and needed, to feel like he was craved and desired just as much as he felt for the other man. He shifted around as Mishka moved with his tug, settling down on top of him finally. A groan sounded as he felt what the other man had been trying to hide press against him. Not that he was the only one now, Jackson’s own pants growing tighter and he rolled his hips down, offering them both some much needed friction. His lips dragged away from Mishka’s finally, his mouth moving down to nip over his perfect jaw. “Good boy,” he hummed out, fingers tangling in his hair as his lips dragged down to his neck. The words slipped out without thought so he didn’t even stop to worry how they would be received as teeth grazed the skin. “This what you want?” Jackson shifted again, an expert rock of his hips down into Mishka’s.
Oh, that was really nice to hear. The deep, throaty groan had him wanting more, and he had no reason to hold back on that. Anton was greedy as fuck and he loved to take during times like these. He also made sure to give back just as much as he took as well. The grind against him had him pitch in his own opinion of how it felt as he moaned into Jackson’ mouth before the kiss broke. His eyes opened halfway and he preened at the praise. A lazy yet heated smile graced his face as he looked at Jackson through his lashes. Another moan slipped past him but this time it was a lit more airy as he gripped onto the man above him. “Fuck yes,” he said without a single care in the world if he sounded completely wanton right now.
The sounds that he pulled from Mishka, the way the other man clung to him as he rocked down against him, it was intoxicating and Jackson was very quickly losing his grip on that whole self-control thing. It had been months since he’d even kissed anyone and actual sex? It took more thought than he cared to put forth to remember the last time that had happened. His nips at the other man’s neck turned a little harder, teeth pressing in more urgently but still seeking permission before leaving an actual mark. His hand squeezed between them and he raised his weight just enough to allow it in, fingers tugging at the waistband of Mishka’s pants before his hand was pushing inside, unable to be slowed down by things like buttons and zippers or even underwear. Immediately his hand wrapped around the other man’s cock and he stroked over the length, thumb teasing over the tip to draw more delicious sounds from him. “Stop me,” Jackson breathed out. “Stop me if you don’t want it.”
“Oh, fuck.” Those two words seemed to be his go to now, but in his defense it was rather hard to form a long and coherent train of thought when he was descending into something like this. The blunt pressure against his neck had him automatically tilt his head back to give the other more access. Hickies weren’t something that he obsessed over, because they were evidence of some sort of connection that happened. Be it purely physical or not, he usually strayed away from it unless the other person was just dying to it. Now, though, he was craving it. He wanted to feel that short sting of pain again and again, and all over his neck- hell, even his whole body if he could help it. Having Jackson reach down and bypass the barrier of his pants and boxer briefs made him suck in a sharp breath before he hissed out in pleasure. “The,” he paused to let out a short pleased noise, “fuck?” Anton tugged at the back of Jackson’s hair so they could make eye contact. “I never want you to stop. You hear me? Fucking mark me everywhere. Make me fucking limp around when we’re done. Do whatever the fuck you want with me ‘cause holy shit I want it. I fucking need it.”
Consent was a very, very big deal to Jackson and he didn’t care if it broke the mood or the moment to get it. Of course Mishka had talked a lot of shit--they both had--but that didn’t mean anything now that they were actually getting down and dirty and he wanted to make sure the other man knew he had an out. He almost froze when his head was pulled back, but he met Mishka’s gaze, and bit back an honest to God growl at the words. There was nothing about any of it that didn’t make him want to just rip the clothes out of his fucking way, but no, no. Calm, he’d get there. Without a word, his mouth was on Mishka’s neck, lips sealing and teeth digging in as he tongue worried a mark into the skin. His hand worked over the other man’s cock a little faster as his hips rolled down to press his own achingly hard length into his thigh, wanting to give Mishka a tease of what he was in for. Jackson was a big guy, tall and broad and muscular and he knew he was well proportioned. His mouth dragged down only to leave another mark before he forced himself to stop for the moment and instead, he claimed Mishka’s mouth in a deep kiss. “Fuck, I want you,” he mumbled against the other man’s lips. His words paused as he kissed him again. “Naked and spread out on my bed right now,” he finished, his tone making it clear he wasn’t asking so much as ordering.
He was ready to bask in whatever it was that Jackson wanted to give him, but he honestly didn’t mind telling the other what he wanted. It didn’t make the moment any less heated in his opinion, because in more cases than not people tend to like how needy could be physically and verbally and he knew that. So, yeah, he was more than pleased to have Jackson go straight for his neck when he was done talking. It pulled a small groan from him before he tumbled out a longer and filthier noise not just from the quickened strokes around his cock, but also from feeling Jackson roll against him. He felt the size of the other against his leg, and fuck that just made him that much more excited. Anton let Jackson do as he pleased. It didn’t matter if the man was trying to suck bruises onto his neck or if he was trying to kiss the living daylights out of him- he wanted it all with such a desperation it even surprised himself a little. To be fair though, he had worked damn hard to get here so he felt fairly justified with how he was acting. When the kiss broke he almost chased the other’s lips, but his brain managed to halt his body since Jackson didn’t move that far away. For a second he just stared at the other with his eyes blown with lust before he simply smirked. “That all you really want?” He asked with a small hum and he was proud of himself for not sounding too out of breath, because holy shit he wanted that too but he didn’t make a move to get his ass over to the bedroom just yet.
Was that all he wanted? Jackson would have laughed at the question if he hadn't already been far, far too distracted by the pure want pounding through him. Another crash of lips and roll of his hips and he was pulling his hand free of Mishka's pants, shifting himself from on top of the other man. Of course every single cell in his body screamed in protest at the broken contact but he ignored it, sliding down to his feet and reaching down to all but snatch Mishka up. Hands were around the other man's waist, slipping down to grip his hips and his mouth found his neck again. They were never going to make it to his bedroom at this rate but Jackson just couldn't fucking help it. Finally though, he forced himself back and away from Mishka. Fingers slipped into the other man's hand and he tugged him forward without a word towards his bedroom.
He was half expecting Jackson to keep up with stating what he wanted, but he sure as hell wasn’t complaining when it never came. What he did whine about was the loss of touch down below, but he just switched his attention back to what the other was doing to his. There were definitely going to be big ass marks there later, but fuck if that didn’t just rile him up even more. When Jackson got off of him he didn’t complain even though he was tempted to pull the man back down, but remembered that it might be easier to maneuver around on a bed instead of a couch. So he shut his trap and followed after Jackson without any other sort of prompting.
Thank God for his apartment being small because Jackson wasn't sure he could have waited the time it would have taken to get Mishka back to his bedroom otherwise. Given both their heights the couch really wouldn't have ended well. Not that he would have been too upset about knocked over or broken furniture but still. As soon as they were over the threshold, he was turning and tugging the other man into him, hands going for the hem of his shirt as he captured his mouth in another kiss. Touch, contact, he needed it constantly it felt like and Jackson wasn't going to hold back so long as Mishka was willing. Breaking back from the kiss to pull the shirt off, his hands wasted no time in going for the other man's pants as his teeth found his shoulder. Mishka had said he wanted marks everywhere so who was he to deny him that? Pants and underwear were loosed and shoved down and without giving the other man a second to even breathe, he pushed him down onto the bed as his hands went to discard his own tank top.
This was like the best goddamn roller coaster he’s ever been on. Weird comparison, but it’s always been his sort of thing to think of. There was the incline, the brief moment where everything stands still and then the drop. Sometimes there was another hill to go over, and he knew that if this ride was an actual thing it would be pitiful, but he was having a blast right now. The incline had been so torturously long, but now that they were starting to edge over into the drop he felt exhilarated. His need for close contact was just as desperate as the other’s and damn it felt good to know that they were on the same page. All of the shyness from before dissolved from Jackson and he wasn’t sure which part of him he liked better. Anton let the other undress him and he worked out another groan when he felt teeth bite down on his shoulder. Not long after that he was tumbling down, but he wasn’t complaining. He got to witness Jackson take off that offending tank top right on top of him and he swore that he was about to drool from the sight.
Jackson bit his lip hard at the sight on his bed, his eyes locked on Mishka’s naked form as he stripped off the rest of his own clothes. He wasted no time in climbing up on the bed and pressing down into him again, bare skin sliding over bare skin. The sensation was amazing and enough to pull a low sound from the back of his throat as his lips found the other man’s again. He’d have been lying if he said he hadn’t been anticipating this, but the reality was so much fucking better than even his imagination. Hips rolled down again, letting their lengths slide together as his teeth scraped over Mishka’s bottom lip roughly. Jackson wanted to go slow and take his time, but the desire was too strong and his mind seemed to be set on one track at the moment.
This was wonderful, simply amazing, and he didn’t hide the fact that he was all for this. Anton kissed Jackson back with just as much vigor, and he would admit that his breath hitched slightly when the other ground down against him. His hands were back on Jackson instantly, and as nice as this was, he had a sudden desire pop up into his head that couldn’t be ignored even if he tried. Not that he wanted to anyways. He might not know how to fight properly, but he knew a few tricks here and there. When his lower lip was bitten and tugged he felt a spike of arousal go through him. It was enough to spur him into flipping their positions with seemingly practiced ease. Well, it was definitely practiced from all the times he’s slept around. He didn’t even break the kiss, but now it was his turn to get a view from above. Anton leaned back slightly only so he could latch his mouth onto the column of the other’s neck for a moment before he began his trek downwards. “You remember what I said about how good I am with my mouth?” He murmured in between the pauses where he would worry over a new area of skin. “I’d be more than happy to show you what I meant.” Anton smoothed his hands over the other’s thighs while he scooted further down so he could settle in between Jackson’s legs. “If you wanna fuck into my mouth then by all means-Ne ostanavlivaysya.” He flashed a brief smirk before he pressed his lips against the base of the other’s cock. A long stripe was licked up to the tip where he then wrapped his mouth around the swollen crown. Anton sucked lightly as he swirled his tongue around before he dipped into the slit slightly. He hadn’t even gone down completely and he started to moan in appreciation. It just goes to show how much he enjoyed to go down on a guy he supposed. After a few more seconds of sucking around the tip he started to inch downwards until he felt the back of his throat get nudged. Instead of gagging like his body instinctively wanted to do he just forced himself to relax so he could take in a bit more before he pulled back up with his cheeks hollowed. He set a decent pace as he bobbed his head, never letting up on the sounds of pleasure he felt by doing this.
Jackson had been just about to reach down between them to wrap his hand around Mishka’s cock again when out of nowhere he was being rolled and flipped onto his back, lips still connected when they settled with the other man on top of him. Okay, well that was impressive as fuck and it had been a while since he’d met anybody that played dirty that way. His hands had smoothed down to settled on Mishka’s hips, a part of him considering rolling them again to regain his position on top but then there were lips on his neck, teeth pressing down and the thought was lost. His head titled to the side instinctively and a moan was pulled from his lips at the feeling of a mark being returned. He would have stopped Mishka if he’d been thinking about it, his fear of being discovered just that great, but in the moment, he wanted it. Wanted more. And more seemed to be exactly what the other man was going to give him.
Jackson shifted up on his elbows slightly as Mishka’s mouth began to move down his body, watching and letting out a quiet hiss of pained pleasure at each little mark being worried into his skin. He was getting more turned on by the second--if that were even possible. It seemed to be the case though and he let out a low sound at Mishka’s words. Fuck his mouth? He hadn’t gotten an invitation like that...ever actually. But fuck if he would say no. He watched, breath hitching when the other man’s lips finally pressed against his cock, and he did his best to resist the urge to rock forward at least for the moment because he wanted to see just what Mishka was capable of. It was barely seconds later that a loud groan fell from his lips as his tip brushed against and then went past the back of the other man’s throat and holy fuck. Jackson’s fingers threaded through Mishka’s hair as he braced himself up with his other hand because there was no way he was going to miss a sight like this. Slowly, his hips began to arch up, pushing his cock into the other man’s mouth and while the movements were almost unsure at first, it wasn’t long before the pleasure of the moment overtook him and Jackson began to thrust forward, using his hold in Mishka’s hair to control him as he fucked into his mouth. “So good, fuck,” he breathed out, his eyes searching to meet the other man’s as he set up a rhythm. “Your mouth is perfect, baby.”
Normally, he hated it when people messed with his hair. The back and lower parts were fine, he supposed, but when people decided play with the part where he took the time to style it every morning.. That’s where he had an issue. Except that pet peeve flew out of the goddamn window now that he had a dick down his throat. He was in seventh heaven, especially when Jackson got on board with letting him deepthroat like the whore he was. It was twice as good when the other started to fuck into him like he had wanted from the beginning. He was constantly groaning and moaning as he sucked in earnest. The other noises he made were wet and sloppy, but when he heard Jackson speak up he instantly looked up at the other. Anton felt so fucking smug about the clear pleasure the other man felt, and he keened at the praise. He didn’t let up on the rhythm and after a while he shifted his body a little bit so he could play with the other’s balls.
The sounds Jackson was pulling out of Mishka were like literal music to his ears and the vibrations that went through his cock as the other man moaned and groaned around him were only adding to everything, pushing his pleasure higher. And then they made eye contact and a loud rumble was pulled from deep in his chest. It might have been an odd sort of thing but he loved it. To look back in someone’s eyes and see just how deep under they were and how much they loved it and wanted more. And that’s definitely what he saw gazing back at him from between his thighs. Mishka had been whiny and pouty before and it was translating perfectly now. Everything felt so fucking good and the attention to his balls has Jackson’s hips bucking. But it had been a long time since he’d been with another person and it was so good that it was no surprise that already he was feeling that heat pool low in his stomach. No, no, not yet. Not only would that have been incredibly embarrassing to go out so quickly, but highly disappointing considering everything he still wanted to do to Mishka. So his hips stilled slowly, ignoring the way his body protested as he backed off of his orgasm and Jackson tugged his mouth away, using his hold in the other man’s hair to guide him back up so that he could capture his lips once more.
As a thought to the side, not that he could really think that clearly right now unless it pertained to the activity at hand- or at mouth more like, he wondered how long this would go on. Call him prideful, but he knew that his deepthroating wasn’t something that usually lasted long. Not because of the chances of him getting lockjaw or anything, but because of how great it felt for the other person. He felt like he had every right to be confident in this skill because he had worked damn hard to get to this point, and he could honestly suck Jackson off for a long ass time. Their locked gaze was practically electrifying and he was thrilled to see just how blown the other’s pupils were. Eyes were the window to the soul and whatever else the saying contained, and this just meant that he was doing a mighty fine job right now. As Jackson pulled him up he didn’t hold back the wet pop that sounded when his lips left the other’s cock. There was a whine just waiting to be breathed out from the loss of weight in his mouth and on his tongue, but he was happily silenced when they started to kiss again. Anton used an arm to support himself against the bed as he got lost within the kiss. The noises he made were deeper now from having his throat used and he absolutely loved it.
Jackson kissed Mishka deeply, his desire coming through loud and clear with the way his lips and tongue moved against the other man’s. Hopefully it was enough to distract from the possible realization on Mishka’s part that he’d been just that close to ruining all their fun before it had even begun. “It’s my turn now,” he hummed out against Mishka’s lips, breaking the kiss and pushing the other man back down onto his back in one fluid motion. Granted, he’d never bragged about his oral skills, but he was pretty fucking confident in what he could do. He barely waited for the other man’s head to settle against the pillows before he was shifting around between his legs and dipping down to run his tongue up his length, root to tip with one teasing stripe. Jackson looked up, capturing Mishka’s gaze as hands soothed up his thighs. Of course, he could have drawn it out and teased the other man but given how long he’d tortured him before this, he felt that would have just been cruel--not to mention that it would take more time denying what he wanted too. His mouth sank down around Mishka’s cock, pushing a good ways down the shaft before pulling back to swirl his tongue. Deepthroating my not be a skill of his, but he didn’t let that stop him as he set up a good pace, pushing down and slipping back up with a practiced twist of his head.
If he could purr like how felines did it he would’ve been rumbling like a fucking machine. There was hardly any space to breathe right, but he wasn’t complaining one bit. Anton let out a soft noise when he was pushed backwards, but he was all putty when his back was fully on the bed. Especially since he was getting the same treatment he had just given Jackson. He took a sharp breath in before it dissolved into a wanton groan. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment, but when he saw that Jackson was looking at him he made it a point to hold the other’s gaze. There wasn’t really a thing for him to keep eye contact during intercourse or sex, but he swore he was falling deeper and deeper into the other man’s gaze. What was a thing for him was watching how he was getting blown. There was just something about the spit slick lips and the hollowed out cheeks that got to him. He couldn’t explain it and he never really bothered to anyways since no one asked. Anton reached out and carded his fingers through Jackson’s hair as he mimicked the other’s position from before when the roles had been reversed. One arm was used to prop himself up onto his elbow so he could watch the other without straining his neck. “Fucking shit,” he breathed as he tilted his head back just a tinge from how good this felt.
Jackson drank in Mishka’s reactions, the sounds and the fingers in his hair. In general, that wasn’t a thing, allowing someone else to control his head as he worked, but he didn’t fight against the other man’s fingers as his head bobbed up and down. For as much as he was loving it himself, this wasn’t his main goal and after a few more strokes of his head, his mouth slipped away, replacing the sensation with his hand and using the spit left behind to pump over Mishka’s shaft as his tongue trailed down, teasing lightly over his balls. Jackson let out a hum as he shifted down a bit more, his tongue slipping over skin until it was teasing over the other man’s hole. His eyes flicked up again, almost asking for permission as he licked again, pressing the flat of his tongue over Miska’s entrance, his hand still working his cock over at a steady pace.
In all honesty, he liked to give blowjobs more than receiving them but he just couldn’t find it in himself to complain. His voice actually felt a bit rough and he could only imagine how it’d sound by the time they were fucking. Just thinking about it made his toe curl slightly, but the temporary thought was pushed away when he didn’t feel wet heat around his cock. It wasn’t like he couldn’t see what Jackson was doing, but there was a small lag time in his head. Once it clicked, though, he was grinning as he worked out a small whine. He couldn’t help it- how long had it been since he got rimmed? Far too long if he couldn’t think of an answer right away. Anton canted his hips upwards for better access and a silent urge to get on with it. “You planning on.. Making this a huge tease for me too?” He asked as he cut his laugh in half when he bit down on his lower lip. If Jackson actually wanted to drag it out he wouldn’t hesitate with begging. Anton knew the number he could do when he widened his eyes and pleaded with a voice like this.
Jackson couldn’t even try to deny that he loved doing this and could honestly say that he’d never had any complaints. Being a natural top, it was his favorite way to make his partner fall apart while getting them prepped at the same time. He smirked a little when Mishka shifted around, giving him better access to what he wanted and he only hummed in response to the question. He had absolutely no plans to tease the other man, not with this. He enjoyed it too fucking much to hold back. Pushing his face even deeper, he broke the eye contact and let his eyes slip closed as his tongue darted out to drag up over Mishka’s entranced again and again, each press becoming harder and more insistent. Another hum of pleasure sounded as Jackson pushed the tip of his tongue into the tight ring of muscle just a tease before his free hand was slipping down. He stroked Mishka’s cock a little faster as he sucked his finger, slicking it up before the tip pressed against his hole, slowly easing inside of him.
It was to his delight, and relief, that there wasn’t any prolonged teasing. He might’ve wept if that had been the case- not that it would’ve been the first time he’d done so. Anton kept watching Jackson even after the man broke eye contact, but he couldn’t keep his head straight for that much longer. The moans were being pulled out of him as he got opened up with clear skill. Heat was coursing through his veins as he let his head fall back and his eyes close so he could just focus on what he felt rather than what he saw. The more Jackson loosened him up the more breathier his moan got. There wasn’t a hiss of pain or discomfort when a digit was slipped in. He just wanted more and he was almost tempted to move himself down lower to show it. Actually, scratch that before that was exactly what he did anyways. Anton rocked himself down a fraction, unable to help himself as the itch to be filled grew bigger and bigger.
Jackson knew he was hitting his mark, maybe even beyond that with the sounds that Mishka was making and the way he fell back onto the bed. But he fucking loved it. His tongue continued to tease even as his finger pushed into the other man, doing his best to go slow and be gentle. But rather than being tense or reacting as if it hurt, Mishka shifted and pushed down, almost like he was begging for more. And he was quick to answer that plea, sliding the digit in faster, not stopping until his knuckle was pressed against Mishka’s skin. Rather than waiting though, he pulled back after only a few seconds, dragging back just to push forward again. Jackson’s tongue rolled down, adding a little more lubrication as he began to press a second finger into Mishka’s hole. He probably could have gone slower, but the further in he went, the more he wanted, his hips grinding down into the bed for relief as he worked the other man over.
“Good fuck,” he breathed from feeling Jackson slide in deeper. There wasn’t as much of a gentle touch now and he was glad that his silent request had been answered. He had no qualms with making his thought known verbally, of course not, but he was more preoccupied with the knowledge that he’d more than just fingers hopefully sooner rather than later. His moans got louder when another digit was added in. Now there was a slight burn, but he relished it. Pain might not be his thing outside of the bedroom, or just outside of sex in general, but he absolutely adored it. Especially when it was done like this. The feeling was grounding and it definitely helped him stay somewhat focused as he rolled his hips downwards a little once again.
Jackson moved with the way Mishka rolled his hips, pushing down for more. If there had been a question as to whether or not the other man was used to bottoming, it was erased now. Not with the way he moved, it was too needy and perfect and it only managed to drag a groan from his lips at just what he was in for. A third finger pushed inside Mishka and he did his best to ease the sting with his tongue and the way his other hand stroked over his cock. Jackson didn’t want to drag this out, not at fucking all, but he wanted to be sure the other man was ready for him because once he started….It would take an act of God to make him stop. “Tell me you want it. I wanna hear you beg for my cock, darlin’.”
He was angling his hips while Jackson kept at it, and the timing of it all was too coincidental in his opinion. A shock of pure pleasure shot through him as he all but gasped. His eyes opened and he looked at the ceiling while he gripped the blanket below him. Tension bunched throughout his body for a quick second before he was pushing against Jackson with renewed vigor. “Fucking shit--” It was hard enough to say more than a few words at the moment, but now Jackson wanted him to form complete sentences? Challenge accepted even though half of his attention was on getting his prostate rubbed again. “I fucking want it so fucking bad. How much longer are you going to make me wait? Three fingers in. You’re three fucking fingers in- just fuck me with your cock already. Fucking make me feel stretched and if I can feel my ass and legs when we’re done I’m not letting you fall asleep or any of that shit. We’re going at it until I’m fucking sobbing.”
Jackson should have known when he told Mishka to beg that he was in for a treat. The other man had already shown just how much of a mouth he had on him in more ways than one. But every single word was perfect and damn near sent a pang of pure want straight to his cock. He let his fingers curl slightly, pressing against that sweet spot inside of Mishka before he dragged them out slowly and shifted up on the bed. “Good boy,” he hummed out with a smirk as he leaned over to his nightstand. Jackson wasted no time in tearing open the condom and rolling it on, adding a bit of lube from the small tube on his nightstand too for good measure. And then he was moving and leaning down, supporting his weight with one hand at the side of Mishka’s head as the other wrapped around his cock to guide it in. He couldn’t be bothered with words in the moment, his mind far too focused on what he was finally finally about to get to spout out some line. So instead, Jackson kissed Mishka, tongue pushing into his mouth roughly as his tip pressed against his entrance and he began to push in.
That seemed to do the trick and he would’ve been proud of himself if it weren’t for the deliberate slide over the bundle of nerves that had him hitching his breath again. There was the ghost of a keening noise that got stuck in his throat, but he was sure that there would be time for that to expand fully soon enough. Anton felt almost painfully empty as Jackson prepped himself, but he didn’t whine anymore. He was more geared towards the anticipation that danced around in his gut from seeing the condom get taken out. Then his gaze moved up to the other’s face before he was pressed into another kiss. His lips parted instantly and the blunt press against his hole was what made him groan all low and filthy. Anton spread his legs wider, needing Jackson to be inside of him already even though he knew it’d be better if he got the chance to adjust, but he didn’t care for that right now. He just wanted to get fucked into the mattress already.
Everything else seemed to fall away as Jackson’s hips pushed forward, breaking the kiss to let out a groan as his cock sank slowly, inch by inch into Mishka. The relief and the pressure, tight walls squeezing around him was so fucking amazing and he had to resist the urge to just snap forward. He wanted to give the other man time to adjust because three fingers or not, this was a lot different. Finally, finally, he buried himself in Mishka’s ass, their bodies meeting and another lower sound was pulled from the back of his throat. “Fuck, you’re so tight,” Jackson groaned out. His free hand smoothed down over the other man’s leg before wrapping around his thigh and tugging to encourage him to wrap around him as his hips began to pull back. His mouth found the unmarked side of Mishka’s neck and he bit down to add another sting of pain, nearly pulling all the way out before he was thrusting forward with a little more force.
The sound of them both enjoying this moment in unison was a lot hotter than necessary. His eyes were half lidded again as he felt himself get filled. It was mind numbingly delicious, and he wanted more of it. So much more, but the rational side of him appreciated the restraint Jackson had to let him relax a bit more before things could move on. His ass would thank that notion later even if he was beyond that reasoning right now. “Damn right I am,” he gritted out as he swallowed thickly. His legs wrapped around Jackson’s waist after the hint, and he made sure to cling to the other from this point out. Again, he tilted his head to the side as the other worried over an unmarked part of his neck. The combined feelings almost made him wheeze, but a more appealing sound was put forth instead thankfully. “Fuck yeah. Don’t go all soft on me. Fuck me like you fucking mean it.”
Jackson melted a little as Mishka’s long, long legs wrapped around him, the other man clinging to him and causing that wave of feeling needed to wash over him again. It was nearly as intoxicating as the man himself and only heightened his pleasure in the moment. His hips moved and stirred, wanting to really feel just how tight Mishka was and he was on his way to setting up a pace, his teeth showing no mercy as they found the other man’s collarbone. But then of course Mishka’s own mouth opened and he let out an almost growl at the sound. Jackson’s forward push stopped and instead he arched back, letting his cock slip free of the other man completely. His head lifted up and he locked eyes with Mishka. “I’m sorry but it sounds like you’ve forgotten just who the fuck is in charge here. This ass?” he said, shifting to press his tip against the tight ring of muscle in a tease. “It’s mine and you’ll take whatever the fuck I give you and you’ll fucking love it.”
He was desperate, alright? He hadn’t felt his damn good without a drop of alcohol in his system in months. Usually his hookups and one night stands were when he was completely inebriated. Most of the times he remembered everything that happened, but there were a few times where he did not remember. This though? This was something he’d remember until he was rolling in his grave. There was another word on its way out before he sucked it back into his goddamn lungs. He was empty again and this time he flat out whined. It wasn’t quite a whimper since there was strength in the sound, but holy shit that was fucking hot. To see Jackson get all bossy like this? Oh yeah, definitely going in his spank bank for later. It was involuntary but Anton leaned his head back even more when he felt Jackson press against him slightly., almost as if he was trying to steal the other’s attention away just by the sole image of the mess that had become of his neck. The spatterings of deep reds and forming bruises probably looked like a goddamn masterpiece, but it wasn’t that simple. “Ponyal“,” he said, more blown away by how turned on he was right now than anything else. If he had the chance to step back and reevaluate what he had said just now he would’ve been beside himself. There hasn’t been a time where his tongue slipped like that, or well, there had been but the other person had asked him to speak Russian.
The whine that sounded hit Jackson right in his weakest point and he damn near gave in at just the noise. He wasn’t sure if Mishka had already figured out he loved it that much and was doing so on purpose or if it was just the other man’s natural self. Either fucking way, he was getting lost in it. Whiny, needy, clingy, greedy, desperate and demanding. He was eating it up. And especially the way that Mishka gave in to him. “Khoroshiy mal'chik,” he purred without hesitation. There had been a handful of times other languages had slipped out when he was lost in a haze of sex, but usually he was far too distracted make much sense. Not that it mattered but it did now because he knew it was Mishka’s native language. Without further hesitation, his hips shifted again and he managed to like up with the help of his hand and he pushed back inside the other man, the slow or even gentle movements gone as he sank down, fully burying his cock in that perfectly tight ass again. Jackson couldn’t hold in his groan at the feeling because even if he was making it clear he was in control, he could never deny his own pleasure in it all. His hand slipped down to grip at Mishka’s hip, almost holding the other man in place as he pulled back and thrust into him again, his pace picking up as he fell into a hard and fast rhythm.
Again, that shouldn’t be that hot, but here he was, already fucking keening from hearing that roll off of Jackson’s tongue. Who knew he had a thing for different languages during sex? He certainly didn’t, but he sure as hell knew now. His lips fell apart a bit more as he felt the push in, and after that it was all gone. More specifically- he was gone. The way Jackson pushed back into him made the previous motion sheepish almost. Anton grew in volume with the sound that was dragged out from what felt like the depths of his fucking soul. They fell into a harsh pace right off the bat and he was living in it. His mind was going numb as his body coursed with absolute pleasure. Soon enough he wasn’t even aware of the things he babbled a litany of nonsense. All of which were directed towards how fucking good this felt. How good Jackson felt and how wonderful he felt as well. It wasn’t even to his knowledge that he was speaking in Russian, but that seemed like such a small thing compared to the bruising hold on his hip kept him down as his ass was pounding into.
Jackson’s ego was stroked with every thrust of his hips, but even he wasn’t immune to the heat of everything. And seeing the mess Mishka was dissolving into beneath him. Whines, whimpers, moans, half words, mixed Russian, the other man was literally coming apart it seemed and he fucking loved it. His lips crashed down to still the flow of words for the moment, needing that connection, needing more as he slammed his hips forward, like he was trying to get deeper with each movement even though he’d already gone as far as possible. He was feeling that need and desire, craving every last bit of Mishka that he could have and in the moment he couldn’t care less at how aggressive he was being to get it. It was a slippery slope though and the further he fell, the more he wanted. Jackson forced himself back up and away, shifting back on his knees more as both hands gripped at Mishka’s hips, jerking the other man forward a little into a better angle. His hips never stuttered, never faltered and he looked down, drinking in and drowning in the sight beneath him. “Stroke that cock for me, baby. Wanna see how much you love this dick.”
God, he could feel that slow, heated tension start to build, but he didn’t have the sense to do a count down. Not that he thought he really could since Jackson had been pulling out surprises left and right since the second they met. He felt his teeth clack against the other’s when he was silenced with a bruising kiss, but fuck that felt oddly good. Or maybe he was already that far gone to connect it with the rest of his brain. Whichever reason- he was still panting from how merciless he was getting fucked. Anton was jarred from his absent thinking when the other leaned back. The sight shift had him punch out a sharp, strangled noise and he all but scrabbled for some sort of purchase. One hand found Jackson’s wrist while the other automatically did what he had been told to do. Anton worked over his cock at the same pace as he was getting rammed into by the other, and he was sure he’d be seeing stars really fucking soon. His mouth hung loose as a shameless moan was punctuated by each snap of Jackson’s hips.
Jackson wasn’t as immune to all of this as he hoped he could be. Not that he didn’t want to get dragged down and lost in the moment, it was that he wanted it to last. He wanted to last. But again, that heat was coiling tighter and tighter low in the pit of his stomach with each snap of his hips. Mishka’s hand around his wrist managed to ground him a little, his focus pulling a little from his own pleasure to the man beneath him and fuuuccckkkk. “That’s it. Fuck...Просто так,” he encouraged, teeth digging into his bottom lip in an attempt to hold in his own moan. It failed of course, the sound forcing its way out anyways as he felt Mishka’s walls tightening around him. “Cum for me, darlin’. I want it right now.”
He almost wanted to tell Jackson to shut up, because could only do so much with how he was getting rammed into. It was too much to hear him talk like that, but that’s exactly what the other wanted apparently. His breaths turned shallow but his grip on Jackson’s write didn’t falter. It grew tighter if anything and he was close. Jesus Christ he was close. His neck and chest strained as he pressed his head back against the bed. The command did things to him, but he didn’t climax right away. It took a few more tugs around his own cock before he lost it. He didn’t just get pushed over the edge. No, he fucking got slam dunked into the goddamn floor with the force of the orgasm. Anton came with a shout that could’ve passed as Jackson’s name, but he’d find that as a miracle since it felt like his mind was short circuiting as his body locked up. He spilled over his hand and onto himself, but the release of it all winded him so thoroughly he almost thought he forgot how to breathe for a second.
It was if Jackson could see his words taking a physical effect on Mishka and he fucking loved it. The way the hand around his wrist tightened, the other man pressing back against the bed almost as if he was trying to fight it and hold off. But he couldn’t and it didn’t take long until he was tensing, Jackson’s hips having to push that much harder to keep up his pace as Mishka clenched around him and cum spilling and splashing down over skin. That was nearly too much, but it was the sound of his name, nearly hard to miss as it mixed with the moan that did Jackson in. His hips pumped wildly as he chased his own orgasm. Everything tensing and tightening until finally, finally it just snapped and his cock was throbbing and spasming as he came. There wasn’t exactly a name for the sound that tore through him as he emptied himself, the pleasure crashing down over him, relief after having gone so, so fucking long without it. A few more thrusts, stutters of his hips before he was stilling his movements, his body coming down to press into Mishka’s and paying no mind to the mess between them as he claimed his lips in a surprisingly sweet kiss.
He, for one, didn’t do the whole cuddling thing after sex. The afterglow was fine, he supposed, since he was usually too worn out to fucking move. Well, that was if the sex was mind blowing, but he actually found himself curling his lips into a content smile when Jackson laid on top of him only to plant a kiss that lacked the heated need they were winding down from. His entire body felt heavy as hell and almost all of his energy had been sapped away, but God had it been worth it. Anton kissed back in languid motions as he draped his arms around the other. This was good. This was comfortable and he honestly couldn’t care about the mess on his stomach right now. He was still floating along for the euphoric ride, and it’d be a bit before he came back down.
Jackson kissed Mishka slowly, almost like they had all the time in the word, and the pace was nearly the complete opposite of only moments before. But he didn’t care. He was riding the high of everything for as long as he could. Granted, he wasn’t much used to having time to cuddle or come down because most of his experiences had been hurried moments of opportunity, so maybe he was soaking this up as much as possible. It didn’t seem the other man minded though as arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer it felt like. Eventually, he broke the kiss and pulled back. “Come on, baby. Need to get cleaned up before the feelin’ good fades and it hurts to move,” Jackson said, reluctantly pulling away. The comment could have been taken as vain almost, like he was just that damned good, but it hadn’t been meant that. And either way, he knew he was right because he definitely hadn’t taken it easy on Mishka.
If he was being honest with himself, unlike how he was ninety percent of the time because of his ties with being in denial a lot, he’d admit that this was nice. He wasn’t comparing Jackson to his exes, mostly because none of them came close to what just happened, but there was the phantom of an idea of how domestic this almost was. It should’ve put him on edge. It should’ve had him find a reason to leave so he could go home and sober up from the endorphins that were clouding his mind, but he didn’t. Anton stayed right where he was and only grumbled when he was urged to get up. The only reason why he followed after Jackson was because of the fact that this wasn’t his bed. If it had been he wouldn’t have given a shit if he got the sheets dirty. Well, that and also because he got to get an eye full of the other’s ass as well.
Jackson lead Mishka into his bathroom, trying to push the blissful afterglow from his mind enough to be responsible. It wasn't that he was worried about his sheets so much as how their bodies would end up sticky and he'd rather deal with it now than live with the uncomfortable regret later. A shower was what came to mind, of course but he wasn't sure it was a good idea to push for it, especially considering how it would only serve to make him want another round and it was already unbearably late. So instead, Jackson pointed out where everything useful was and left the other man to his own devices, snagging a towel to clean himself for the immediate moment as he headed for the refrigerator.
His heads were still stuck in the clouds and pull from the remnants of the orgasm. It was a wonder that he wasn’t spouting something since his mouth almost never stopped moving. A small noise of appreciation as he was left alone. Anton cleaned himself up and padded back out into the bedroom, already feeling incredibly sluggish. He didn’t try to look for where Jackson went since the bed was right there. Anton fell down and sighed happily as his body sagged into the blankets and pillows. The question of if he should stay here for the night came up, and he knew he needed to ask but his body refused to cooperate. So he remained face down and starfished on top of the bed as he fought off the lure of slumber.
Jackson heard the bathroom door open and made his way back into his room, laughing lightly at the sight of Mishka spread out on his bed, face down. God, that ass was so perfect. “Careful now, or I'll take that as an invitation for a round two,” he teased as he crosses over and settled down next to the other man's head. He held out the bottle of water in offer. “I was right, huh? You don't wanna move now, do ya?” Maybe there was a hint of smugness to his voice, a bit of teasing on his tone as he looked down at Mishka, his other hand coming up to smooth over his back. Of course, he couldn't pass the opportunity to run his palm over that amazing ass either.
As tired as he may be, he still found it in himself to jerk his head up and look over with squinted eyes. “I mean, I never turn down another round unless the fuck was just that bad, but I’d never say no with how I’m feeling right now.” The smile he gave was lopsided as he tracked Jackson’s movements. “Unless you want to haul my ass all the way home then I’m not going anywhere,” he said with a small huff as he took the water bottle. Anton propped his upper half up with the help of his elbows and he couldn’t help but grin smugly at Jackson when he felt his ass get touched. “Now I see how you’re more of a hands on sorta guy.”
That in and of itself was plenty of an ego stroke, the fact that Mishka said he'd not turn down another round. Of course, the idea got tossed quickly because it was late and they were both clearly exhausted. Jackson's brow quirked slightly when the other man said he planned to stay, a part of him not stupid enough to get his hopes up for such. He shook his head and laughed as Mishka shifted up and snagged the water. “Looks like you and your amazin’ ass are stuck with me for the night then ‘cause I don't think I could be convinced to put on pants, let alone actually leave.” He let his hand continue to trail over Mishka's skin, smirking at the comment. “Told ya not to doubt me, didn't I, darlin’?”
“Streaking’s a thing you know,” he said absently as he drank a bit of water before he capped the bottle. “Uh huh, sure did, but it would’ve been great if you showed me, you know, sooner.” It was a clear complaint but he didn’t hold any malice in it. Anton just rolled over onto his side with a low groan. The water bottle was left near Jackson in favor of burying his face into the nearest pillow. “I don’t know about you, but I’m like.. A minute away from passing the fuck out. Feel free to join, or not, I’m sleeping anyways.” His voice was getting groggier and his body was already trying its hardest to shut down. Going off of three hours of sleep from the night before could do that to him sometimes.
Jackson only rolled his eyes at Mishka's teasing and complaints, not wanting to put forth the necessary effort to argue or snark back. He grabbed the water bottle when the other man turned over and took a drink as he shifted up from the bed. “Yeah, I'll be right back. Gotta turn everythin’ off.” Of course the only thing he wanted to do was crawl right up next to Mishka and pass out too, but one of them had to be the adult and it was his place. “You better not be a blanket hog,” Jackson teased as he disappeared into the living room to finish getting the apartment ready for bed.
When Jackson got off the bed he let his eyes slide shut. There was a slight burn from just how tired he was, and he knew that his contacts would give him hell in the morning, but they were made to be slept in. Anton just mumbled back a quiet noise as he remained still. “I don’t like blankets,” he said, already halfway gone from being conscious. If he was awake he would’ve gone on about he got hot way too easily under a lot of blankets, but his mouth was already closed so he kept it that way as he started to doze off.
Jackson made quick work of turning everything off in the apartment, not wanting to leave Mishka alone in his bed for too long. God, when was the last time he’d thought that?...Or maybe even the first time? Even for as much as it sounded as if he’d lived, here in Atlanta was his first time having a place of his own. And Mishka was the first person to share his bed. The thought hit him out of nowhere, but it was far too heavy to hold up given his exhaustion, so Jackson brushed it away as he clicked off the last light and made his way back into the bedroom. He climbed up onto the bed, head falling against the pillow as he tugged up just the top sheet over them.
There was only a shred of consciousness left in him when Jackson got into bed. He stirred a little just to make a noise to inform the other that he knew that the man was beside him. No mind was given when he felt something get put on top of him. It’d probably be off of him by the time he woke up, but for the time being he just said fuck it and finally succumbed to the sleep that he had desperately needed.
Jackson settled in and looked over at the quiet noise Mishka let out. The other man really hadn’t been kidding about how tired he was. It was cute though and he knew at least a part of the exhaustion was thanks to him. He lay still for a moment, but it just wasn’t quite comfortable, so Jackson turned to his side facing Mishka as his arms slipped out to wrap around him and tug him close. Arm draped over the other man’s waist, he pressed a kiss to one of the marks on his neck before nuzzling in and burying his face against the skin wordlessly. There, that felt much better. Jackson’s eyes slipped closed and moments later, he was joining Mishka in a comfortable sleep.