#parent loss

[bl00dfroma-fairy]

[mothhauntedbyblame]

[anderwater]

"Sure, you could try to understand, you can sympathize but until you feel that loss..."

THE BEAR 3.05 'Children' GREY'S ANATOMY 3.12 'Six Days (part 2)'

[frederickchiltonsdivacup]

I know that most people have never experienced this but there's 100% something to be said about that feeling when you're doing something, eating something, talking about something, watching something, making a joke about something, or making a face in response to something, and the whole time you're thinking that this is something that you do, something that you came up with, something that is completely and entirely yours, and then your mom or grandma walks by and says "Hey, your dad used to do/say/eat/enjoy that. We always thought he was weird for it. How did you know about that?" and the truth is that you didn't. You didn't know about it. You started doing this thing on your own, and now you have to accept the fact that the phrase "gone but not forgotten" isn't an observation about memory; it's also about genetics and habits and hobbies and facial expressions and preferences and feelings. As a child of death, you always thought that you were more independently shaped by your loneliness and your experience with pain rather than any parental influences, but you were wrong. Your father is still there.

If that makes any sense. Idk though.

[maggierosem1980]

The last gift my dad bought my mum was this orchid, it hasn't flowered since he died in 2020. To see it flowering now swells my heart, it may not be the prettiest of orchids but it was my father's gift to my mum so too precious ❤️ 🥹

[sheymaaaaa]

grief is honestly the single most crippling emotion.

[glorydioxide]

Things I will never forgive my dad's caretaker for:

purposefully fucking up his strict medicine taking schedules, which caused his dementia to progress aggressively

denying him any opportunity of activity if given a chance, leading to severe deconditioning

trying, at any time, to strip him of any dignity and grace, as well as play the victim (while being paid for the job!) and blame him to his face for being "difficult", too disabled for her to be comfortable working with him

daring to say TO MY FACE that she, the other caretaker and my dad were "more of a family" than me and him were

^while shaking the small amount of money I owed her out of me the very day after he died

calling him, again, TO MY FACE, a "living corpse" while he was still alive. After me saying that was unacceptable and something I would not want to hear, responding with "WELL HAVE YOU THOUGHT HOW DIFFICULT IT IS FOR ME"

pitting my sister and myself against each other by telling lies and half-truths shaped in ill faith behind our backs

just as well behind our backs bullying other caretakers that actually started to raise inconvenient questions our of working with us

likely not even calling an ambulance that took him on his last hospital trip before my sister demanded so

Hindsight is 20/20. We were dependent on social aid that provided caretakers, we were blind to so many things, and for that, I will never forgive myself, either. I lost my dad to dementia, old age and chronic illnesses, but just as well I lost him to caretaker neglect and abuse.

If you are reading this and you lost your loved one this horrible way as well, I am so sorry.

If you are reading this, knowing disabled/elderly people who are currently in care, please check in with them.

If you are reading this and you're abled, please advocate and stand up for for disabled people. Help make our voices heard. Call out on the abuse, the neglect and the bullshit from healthcare and caretaking systems.

If you're also consumed with rage, and regret, and the feeling of total injustice - I see you.