#parenting pro tips

[notasecunit]

The especially horrible thing about teenage survey interns is that they are always learning. Speaking as a former teenager and now-sometimes-teenager-wrangler; there are no backsies once you teach a kid how to pick locks, which is going to make it way harder to lock said kid in secure safe areas in the future. Good job, third mom. (This sketch is from Network Effect, when Amena follows Murderbot into the possibly-contaminated shuttle in order to bug it with questions about it’s feelings. Amena might be my favorite teenager ever written since she’s both not dumb and still a spaz.)

[parentingprotips-blog]

Pro tip #5

For parents who live in high risk fire areas:

During fire season, frequently leave your kids home alone with instructions to grab a wool blanket and run away if they see fire. This will teach them good fire safety skills for when they grow up!

[parentingprotips-blog]

Pro tip #4

When you and your child are in conflict, adopt a hysterical air and refuse to listen to any suggestions for compromise they may have. Just remember, whatever happens, you are right, and their protestations are meaningless.

This is a good for them later in life as they will learn that the only way to deal with conflict is to not deal with it at all.

[parentingprotips-blog]

Pro tip #3

Make comments about your daughter's friends' make-up, clothing and body shapes whenever you're alone with her.

In this way, you will make it clear that your preferences in make-up, clothing and body shape are the only valid ones. If you're lucky, you may even be able to instil a lifelong fear of getting "fat" in her.