2016
Oh hey Stephanie, where the heck have you been?? What have you been doing? You certainly have been doing a stellar job writing on your blog!
Yeah.....let's be real honest for a minute, it was a very well intention-ed idea to want to blog this experience but I knew it was a long shot that I would actually get on here and write frequently. Regardless of regular access to electricity and internet.....But I set it up for the off chance that I did want to write something down so that's something.
As we are now 3 days into the new year, I'll at least write one entry so we can all pretend my new years resolution is to write on here more but don't get your hopes up too high.
So really what have you been doing.....? Well, I've made it past the 6 month mark here in the Philippines and I honestly can't even believe I've been gone half a year. PST seems like a life time ago. I've been in Ifugao long enough to have my travel ban lifted and I've even taken my first vacation in the Philippines to Dumaguete. A trip that involved (there and back) an 8 hour freezing cold bus ride, some possibly sketchy (though thankfully okay!) taxi rides though Manila and a one hour flight. Apart from one flight, I was all by myself! I am 27 years old and like to consider myself fairly independent but the thought of traveling around the Philippines terrified me a little! But here I am alive and well and grateful for a week of hot showers, air con and good company. Don't take that for granted America!
I am continuing to try to figure out my community and the people in it and what exactly is my purpose here. One thing I'm becoming more grateful for is my quietness and introvertidness (that’s not a word! but just go with it), which I know sounds like the opposite of "getting to know my community and integrating" but it's working for me. I still have to deal with Americans that constantly draw attention to it : "You're so quiet!", "Why don't you come out and party at night?" etc, etc. But for the most part Filipinos seems perfectly okay with it. I think the fact that I'm not so "in your face" helps make me more approachable. Don't get me wrong, there are still people that are too shy to come and talk to me and I hear "nose bleed" more times a day than anything else but slowly people are warming up.
I've been quietly observing and getting to know my community through watching and listening, the two things I do best! I know a lot by the things I see but I keep it quiet! haha You can learn so much about people and I find that I see and hear things the most extroverted person will never see. So if you're reading this trying to decide if you should do something Peace Corps-ish but tell yourself "I'm not the kind of person that does that" or " I could never do that" you're wrong my friend! It takes all kinds!
I feel like I'm finally actually living in the Philippines and not just on vacation. I felt for the longest time that this wasn't real and I'd be going home soon. Now, I have a bit of a routine, things I do every day or every week. I'm slowly figuring out how to bring pieces of me into my new life here. Thanks to things like holiday parties and weekly Taebo, I feel like I'm building some relationships with Filipinos and it's starting to not feel like I'm a lonely American living in the Philippines!
While the good far out weighs the challenging, it's not all been sunshine and rainbows.
As a person who has done nothing but talk about leaving Wisconsin for more than a decade now, it pains me a little to admit I've thought about going home more times than I'd like to admit. I finally get out and just want to go back? What's your problem?!
Missing holidays, birthdays (seriously why is everyone born in November/December?) and huge life events of people I love back home has been really hard on me. Nothing is more painful than having your 4 year old niece tell you shes not the Philippines' number 1 fan and misses you and wants you to come home or watching your best friend's baby bump keep getting bigger and knowing you won't even see this baby in person until shes a year and half. I've had a lot of time to reflect, I spend most of my life waiting in the Philippines- nothing is quick here, and I've realized that all those things I'm missing out on are just people living their lives. I can't stay home and not live mine just because I'll miss a few Christmas parties, can I? No one has stopped living their lives because I'm not there after all. Here's the crazy thing too, I'm over here living a life they can't be apart of either.
I'm not a resolutions person. I applied to the Peace Corps because I wanted to do something different. I walked into this experience with no plans and no idea what was in store for me and so far it's been the most positive I've done for myself in a long time. Good for the body, mind and soul! So, I'm walking into 2016 the same way. No plans, no goals and no resolutions. I'm just going to see what happens.
