DATING 2.0
I think my friend was heartbroken or he had just found love, I am not sure which one, but those are the only plausible explanations for someone listening to Joe Thomas’ no one else comes close on a Sunday morning. Stereotypical I know, the expectation that on Sunday people should listen to some hymns or whatever we consider divine music, but hey, I thought it, am just being real. So real that at the risk of being crucified by some Christians I will admit, I more than like no one else come close and for the entire Sunday I sung nothing else. But this isn’t really about my taste in music; it’s more about the thoughts that occupied my head as I hummed away.
‘I ought to be in a relationship,’ I thought. ‘It would be nice to have a good church girl to send meaningless emoticons during the day’.
Yes I was going through the phase. One that my inhibitions against the relationship thing in the church had smacked me out of. I am really for dating within the church so much that I have not pursued some amazing women by any standard simply because they didn’t have their church going on. That said, dating in church is an entirely different ball game, a more complex version, I call it Dating 2.0.
Relating in the church is like speed dating. People move too swiftly through the dating, to the courting, to the marriage phases, it’s like they are trying to beat the rapture. More often than not, regardless of how spiritual you are, this rush normally means that processes are missed, signs are ignored and ultimately people and sometimes families are crushed. In the words of a certain wise man, “If you are going round a bend that says 40km/hour at 80km/hour, the odds are high you are going to crush even if you are listening to a Christian station and have a scripture hanging from your hind view mirror.”
Sadly, sometimes this rush is fuelled by our driving instructors; our pastors, elders, mamas and papas. Two weeks into a relationship and they are asking when you are getting married. A question by the way, which can only be answered by either an actual wedding date if you are ambitious or ‘soon,’ with crossed fingers hoping the Man of God doesn’t probe. Most people I have talked to in this situation really don’t know. True, the desired end result is to marry the girl or guy, but they honestly don’t know, they are figuring it out. So how about some space to let dating couples discover one another, because let’s face it, Christian or not, dating is like a controlled experiment, sometimes you discover penicillin, sometimes you don’t.
And why do we have so little room for the times relationships don’t end at the end of aisle. Somehow breaking up with someone in church is a sin deserving of some form of disciplinary council. Truth is, however much we love someone, we have to be discerning enough to realize when they are not for us or not good for us, and be mature enough to walk away. I don’t think that makes me any less spiritual now does it?
The reality is, the church is still a hospital for sinners and sometimes God hasn’t made us marriage ready yet. And that right there is the importance of time and trusting the process. We do it for everything else. Take something as momentary as loss. We know that to deal with it in a healthy manner we have to go through the 5 phases; Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance. Why then do we want to skip steps when it comes to finding a life partner?
And if we are blessed enough to make it through the stages and discover our penicillin, it’s important to remember that Christians are not some form of evolved human beings who don’t subscribe to the needs and desires of other mortals. To put this in some form of context before I am misquoted, God is God, not my girlfriend, fiancé or wife. God created pockets in our lives, for family, for friends, for penicillin. (I think this analogy might just catch on). One thing cannot fill another’s pocket. Yes, sometimes God has to step in because whoever is supposed to be in that pocket has decided to drop the ball, but Heshouldn’t have. In a nutshell, sometimes I need a girlfriend and not a prayer warrior, a pastor or demon slayer. Don’t forget to be penicillin.
And that is the last time I use the word penicillin hoping that when I meet that good church girl to send meaningless emoticons to that I will trust the process, the church will be patient and understanding and I won’t be mistaken for some kind of superhuman. And that’s #howdaudiseesit.