#personal 2k12

[autopsyturvey]

G'bye 2012!!!!!

2012 was honestly a very painful year.

It had its beautiful, amazing moments and I wouldn't give up any of those memories for anything in the world.

But also sad moments. Plenty sad moments. Too many sad moments for me to count. 2012 made me unbelievably depressed in terms of schoolwork to personal relationships to how I viewed myself. And being blehhh weird person that I am, it's hard for me to explain how I feel to people.

But thank god for friends who are willing to get drunk with me and go on roadtrips with me and buy me cigarettes and play stupid games and take pictures of random strangers at the mall and just talk and talk and talk about things that I never knew were relevant in my life until I started talking about them.

I felt so inadequate this year. I kept comparing myself to people and wondered why I couldn't be as great or as talented or as intelligent or as charming or as beautiful as others. And it took me a great deal of time to realize that comparing myself to people doesn't help me. It doesn't make me a better person. And I am so grateful to those people who talked to me and made me realize that I am not an inadequate person, and that the mistakes I make don't mean I've got nothing important to offer. So to these people that made me see the light in times during times of great self-depreciation, I cannot thank you enough for inspiring me to feel better about myself.

And with that I'm inspired to make sure 2013 is a better year. That I won't obsess over being perfect and just do what I have to do. I will concentrate on being happier, on things like sleeping earlier and being more organized. I'm determined to relax more and  to make more friends and get out of the house and start driving to places other than school and just. Go on adventures!!! Lots and lots of adventures!!!

I'm real excited for 2013.

[autopsyturvey]

I keep telling myself I'm gonna do great things one day but i don't see how that's gonna happen if i can't even bring myself to get out of the house after 5 PM.

[autopsyturvey]

Mikey's List of New Year's Resolutions. Count 'em!

1. EXERCISE MORE GOD YOU ARE SO LAZY. Try jogging or something. I hear gym works.

2. Stop forgetting to drink your vitamins and meds and stuff you seriously need those.

3. practice your photography skillzzz. You seriously have a lot to improve on.

4. post more of your stuff online! build a portfolio! stop being so scared of showing your work to people, gosh, you baby.

5. CLEAN. YOUR. ROOM.

6. no more of that 'i have a crush on so-and-so and i really don't like it' bull. aint nobody got time for that, especially you.

7. schedule things! don't procrastinate as often.

8. GET SOME SLEEP WOW.

9. no more soft drinks. Literally no more. limit it to like. a glass a week. but not five times a week seriously dude you need to stop.

10. be friendly. make friends. i mean it.

11. join an org maybe

12. some of your dreams have finally been accomplished. thats great. so now its time to come up with some new ones and accomplish those next.

13. I'm pretty sure near-max volume on your iPod isn't good for your ears. use speakers instead.

14. open the windows more and get some air! stop being so conscious of the outside world, literally no body cares what you are doing.

15. seriously practice driving. memorize roads, cities, etc.

16. fix your bank account, credit card stuff.

17. stay positive! lots of bad stuff happens, don't let them keep you down

18. be more aware of local pop culture. listen to opm, watch filipino movies, that kinda stuff. some things you will appreciate, some you wont, but it's always good to know more about the local scene.

19. read the newspaper more. online articles are good but newspapers may have more to share.

20. don't spend all your time on plates! find time to actually do projects for yourself. and find time to do all the stuff on this list jeez. relax. plates aren't everything. school isn't everything, enjoy yourself a little. be self-aware and conscious of what's going on around you. be more connected to the world, don't isolate yourself with your schoolwork

21. save money! (new tattoo pls)

22. watch more anime, more movies, more tv series. watch stuff! watch all that stuff you say you'll eventually watch but never actually got to watching.

23. read more books!

24. social smoking only. and only during times of desperate desperate stress. you can't smoke every time you have a problem bro.

25. write more! remember how you used to write a lot in high school? yeah, like that. write, write, write.

26. commute more.

27. broaden your taste in and knowledge on music.

28. seriously care about how you look. i mean it. your skin your hair your clothes your whatever. you look like an actual hobo and while its not the worst you can do its still not that attractive because being comfortable with how you look is beauty and idk if you can forever be comfortable with looking like a hobo literally everywhere you go.

29. organize your computer files. seriously dude it was fine at first but now you have crossed the line

30. maybe you should meditate idk you just seem stressed out all the time dude. or maybe you should take yoga? basically you should calm down more, don't panic all the time, stay positive and whatever happens happens, you have the capability to make the most out of a bad situation anyway. relaaaax.

Yeah that's all I got. Pretty sure Im gonna add to this later on.

30 items. Quite an ambitious number but who knows, maybe I'll actually pull through this time.

Oh 2013 who knows what you'll bring.

[autopsyturvey]

You know 2012 was super great but once december came around its like everyone had to deal with their inner monsters all at the same time. it makes for a very toxic environment and while i really love christmas and i celebrate it with all the happiness i can muster within myself i can't say this was my best christmas experience. it was certainly one of the lesser ones.

And it's not just me, it's the same for a lot of people. For some reason things keep coming up and things have been changing from good to we're-not-sure-if-this-is-bad-exactly-but-it-sure-seems-like-it.

Well whatever these sudden changes towards the end of the year may bring i hope 2013 knows what it's doing. Hopefully we all get through this and that we find genuine happiness in the new year sighs.

[autopsyturvey]

I feel really bad whenever people say they don't feel the christmas spirit. I mean I do understand completely because certain circumstances make life difficult for people. It's just. really sad. like idk call me a shallow person for liking christmas despite how around me people important to me are fighting or school is catching up to me or loved ones are in the hospital like. i really don't care. christmas is like the one day i don't have to care about anything bad, i can visit sick relatives or tolerate bad arguments and all other things because i want everyone to be together for one day and eat together and exchange gifts and just be happy ok i just really love christmas. the way we celebrate it changes every year but it never ceases to be one of the best things i look forward to every year.

[autopsyturvey]

Few more minutes til christmas! Happy holidays everybody!

[autopsyturvey]

Sometimes you have to let go of people because their negativity drags you down.

I should start making my new year's resolution list.

[autopsyturvey]

I really hate how money is so important sometimes aaaargh.

Sometimes money and passion aren't compatible and it completely sucks when you're forced to pick one over the other.