Sometimes I have this feeling that all the things I want, the life I want for myself and the woman I want so deeply to become are just fantasies and they exist outside the realm of my possible lives, my possible selves. So often, I dream of the life I want, I plan out in excruciating detail the kind of person I want to be and the kinds of experiences I want to have. But I know when I do this that I’m breaking my own heart, that in essence I’m not planning my future life, I’m planning my future sadness and disappointment. I wish I could let go of my compulsion to daydream and plan for a future that is unattainable. I want to be practical and mindful and live out every single moment of my life without thinking of the future