My dad got hospitalized last week after getting brain infarction while driving. I’ve been kinda on autopilot since then, in this weird semi-emotionless state. He somehow didn’t get injured so he must have had time to hit the breaks while going off the road, so that was pretty damn lucky. Also if he’d been at home it might have been days until someone found him... hate to think about that. He’s still at the hospital and can communicate simple things verbally and move around by himself but he can’t use the shower and his short term memory is effed up. So he’s not going home anytime soon. Pros: - dad is alive fuck yeah - not a potato, reacts to stuff and speech is improving - is getting treatment
Cons - slow process, will take 2 years to see to what extent he will recover - fuck my life shit the bed what the fuck even what the flippity flopping fuck i was not ready can’t deal with this shit
Also grandma’s health has declined so much that she can no longer be in home care, but we can’t tell that to dad right now obviously. My aunt is dealing with that stuff right now. I was mentally prepared for grandma’s situation but not for all this and my last teaching practice period at the same time. There’s a LOT going on and I’m still kinda trying to deal with the shock and trying to make sense of everything. I just hate this waiting and uncertainty. My second oldest brother and I have been dealing with this shit and both of us have other poopoo going on so while trying to be alert and taking care of dad’s stuff there hasn’t been really any time to deal with the whole concept of ‘something bad happened and we almost lost dad and he might never be the same’. This post has been my first attempt at dealing with the stress and figuring out what I’m feeling.
Cons - I’m very tired and sad - holy fuck what the hell
Pros - I have amazing friends and my roommate gets a cool badge of honor for dealing with me in close range. - I still get to hug daddy and he recognizes his kids and grandkids