Baby Come Home (Part 2)
Aerion Targaryen x f!reader - modern AU (part 1 here)
Warnings: angst, yearning, emotions, talks of pregnancy and post complications.
The email came on a Thursday in early autumn, when the leaves were just beginning to turn and Maekar had learned to say "no" with the kind of imperial finality that proved, beyond any doubt, that he was a Targaryen.
Aerion was in the kitchen, trying to convince a seventeen-month-old that mashed peas were, in fact, edible, when his phone buzzed. He ignored it. Maekar had perfected a move where he accepted the spoon into his mouth, smiled angelically, and then let the entire contents dribble down his chin and onto the tray. They were on round four of this particular battle, and Aerion was losing.
His phone buzzed again. And again.
"Fine," he said, to no one in particular. "Fine. We're taking a break. You've won this round, you tiny tyrant."
Maekar banged his spoon against the high chair tray in triumph, smearing peas across his cheek like war paint.
Aerion wiped his hands on a dish towel and picked up his phone. Three new emails. The first was from his assistant, something about projections. The second was from his sister, a link to an article about sleep training that he absolutely did not have the emotional capacity to read. The third...
The third was from you.
He sat down hard on the kitchen floor, which had become something of a habit over the past year. His hands were shaking. The subject line read: Coming home.
Aerion Targaryen, heir to a multi-billion-dollar empire, a man who had negotiated hostile takeovers and stared down boardrooms full of men twice his age, had to read the first sentence four times before the words resolved into meaning.
I'm coming back. I'd like to see you. I'd like to see our son. If you're still willing. If you're still there. I'll be in the city next Tuesday. There's a café near the old apartment. The one with the terrible scones you used to pretend to like. 2pm. I understand if you don't want to come. I understand if you've moved on. But I've been in therapy, and I've been working on myself, and I think, I hope, I'm ready to try. I'm sorry it took so long. I'm sorry for so many things. I'll understand if you can't forgive me. But I wanted to ask. For a chance. Just a chance.
He read it again. Then a third time. Then he looked up at Maekar, who had abandoned his spoon and was now attempting to pry the suction cup off his tray with the focus of a safecracker.
"Your mother," Aerion said, his voice coming out strange and thin, "is coming home."
Maekar looked up. "No," he said, for no particular reason.
"Yes," Aerion said. "Yes, she is."
He didn't sleep that night, or the night after. He drafted and deleted thirty-seven responses. Too eager. Too cold. Too desperate. Too formal. Too much, always too much, the Targaryen instinct to overwhelm, to consume, to possess.
In the end, at three in the morning on the third night, he wrote:
Tuesday. 2pm. I'll be there. We'll be there. Take all the time you need. I'm still here. I never left.
He sent it, then lay awake until dawn, staring at the ceiling and trying to remember how to breathe.
Tuesday arrived with the kind of crisp, golden weather that made the city look like a postcard. Aerion dressed Maekar in the outfit he'd agonized over for three days, a soft blue sweater that brought out the purple in his eyes, proper trousers, tiny shoes that would probably be kicked off within minutes. He dressed himself with less care, which was to say he changed shirts four times and then put the first one back on.
The café was exactly as he remembered it. Slightly shabby, perpetually understaffed, with scones that could double as hockey pucks. You'd discovered it during your university days, before him, before everything, and you'd brought him here on your third date. I know it's not much, you'd said, but the coffee is good and they don't care if you sit here for hours. He'd taken a bite of a scone and nearly cracked a tooth, and he'd smiled and said it was perfect, and you'd laughed at him, head thrown back, and he'd known in that moment that he was done for.
He arrived at 1:45. The café was nearly empty, just a student with headphones in the corner and an elderly couple sharing a pastry by the window. He ordered a black coffee and a hot chocolate for Maekar, who was strapped into a high chair and trying to grab the sugar packets.
"Those are not toys," Aerion said, detaching a packet from his son's surprisingly strong grip.
"No," Maekar agreed, and grabbed another one.
At 1:58, the door opened.
He knew it was you before he looked up. He felt it, a shift in the air, some gravitational pull he'd been orbiting around for the past nine months. Nine months and thirteen days, to be precise. He'd counted.
You stood in the doorway, silhouetted against the autumn sunlight. You looked different. Not in any dramatic way, your hair was a little shorter, your face a little thinner, the shadows under your eyes a little lighter. But you held yourself straighter, steadier.
Your eyes found him immediately. Then they dropped to the high chair, to the silver-haired toddler who was now chewing on a sugar packet with great concentration.
Your hand went to your mouth. Your shoulders began to shake.
Aerion stood up. He didn't remember deciding to stand up. His legs just moved, carrying him across the café until he was standing in front of you, close enough to touch, not touching, terrified that if he reached out you would vanish like smoke.
"You came," he said. It was the only thing his brain could produce.
"I came," you said. Your voice was hoarse. Your eyes hadn't left Maekar. "Is that...he's so big. He's so big, Aerion. I missed...I missed so much..."
"Hey," Aerion said, and now he did reach out, his hand hovering near your elbow, not quite landing. "Hey. It's okay. You're here now. That's what matters."
You looked at him then, and he watched your face crumple in a way he'd never seen before. You'd always been so controlled, so careful, keeping your cracks hidden behind walls he hadn't known how to scale.
"Is it?" you whispered. "Is it okay? After what I did?"
"We have time," he said. "We have time to talk about all of it. But right now, there's a small person over there who would very much like to meet you. If you're ready. Only if you're ready."
You drew in a shaky breath. Nodded. He let his hand settle on your elbow, and walked with you to the table.
Maekar looked up as you approached. The sugar packet fell from his mouth. His head tilted, the way it always did when he encountered something new and interesting and potentially edible.
"Maekar," Aerion said, his voice rough. "This is your mama."
You knelt down beside the high chair, bringing yourself to eye level. Tears were streaming down your face, but you didn't seem to notice. "Hi," you said, barely a whisper. "Hi, baby. I'm your mom. I'm your mom, and I'm so sorry I was gone. I'm so, so sorry."
Maekar studied you with the intensity of a tiny scientist examining a particularly fascinating specimen. Then, slowly, he held out the soggy sugar packet.
The laugh that burst out of you was half-sob. "Thank you. That's...thank you, that's very generous."
"He's a generous soul," Aerion said. "He also tried to give me a half-eaten cracker this morning. You're in good company."
You looked up at him, and something passed between you. Something fragile and trembling and alive. He wanted to gather you up, to fold you into his arms, to take you home and never let you leave again. But that was the old Aerion, the one who grabbed and held and didn't ask. The new Aerion, the one who had spent nine months and thirteen days learning how to wait, stayed where he was.
"Do you want to hold him?" he asked.
"I don't know if I should," you said. "I don't know if I've earned..."
"It's not about earning," Aerion said. "It's about whether you want to. And if you do, if you're ready, he's right here."
You nodded, a tiny, terrified movement. Aerion unbuckled Maekar from the high chair, lifting him into his arms. The baby, toddler now, he had to stop thinking of him as a baby, immediately grabbed for his watch.
"We've talked about this," Aerion told him. "Not a toy."
"No," Maekar said, with great satisfaction.
"Yes, exactly." Aerion turned to you. "Ready?"
You held out your arms. Your hands were trembling. Aerion settled Maekar against your chest, and you gathered him in with a care that broke something open in his chest, something that had been locked tight for nine months and thirteen days.
"Hi," you breathed, your cheek against the silver-gold hair. "Hi, Maekar. I'm here now. I'm going to stay. I'm going to stay."
Maekar tolerated this for approximately thirty seconds before he began to squirm, reaching back for Aerion. Aerion saw the flash of hurt cross your face, quickly suppressed.
"He does that to everyone," Aerion said. "Yesterday he tried to escape Elena by climbing over her shoulder. We're working on stranger danger, but he seems to have interpreted it as 'strangers are fascinating and I must touch their faces.'"
You laughed, a wet, shaky sound. "He doesn't know me."
"No," Aerion agreed. "Not yet. But he will. If you want. If you're staying." He paused. "Are you staying?"
You settled Maekar on your hip with a naturalness that suggested muscle memory, some instinct that nine months of absence hadn't erased. He squirmed less this time. "I want to. If you'll have me. I know I don't deserve...I know I left, I know I walked out and left you both, and I wouldn't blame you if you hated me..."
"I don't hate you," Aerion said. "I've never hated you. I was scared, and I was angry, and I was so fucking sad I couldn't breathe, but I never hated you. I read the brochure. The one about postpartum depression. I found it in the nursery."
Your face went stony. "You found that."
"I found it. I didn't understand, before. I didn't see how much you were suffering. I kept leaving, kept going on business trips, kept assuming you were fine because you said you were fine. I should have looked closer. I should have asked harder questions. I'm sorry."
"Aerion..."
"Let me finish." He was shaking now too, he realized. "You left because you were drowning, and I didn't throw you a lifeline. I just stood on the shore and offered to buy you a better boat. That's on me. Some of it. Not all of it, I know, but some of it. And I've had nine months to think about it, and I've been working on…on being someone who listens. Someone who stays. I've been here, in the apartment, this whole time. I didn't go back to the estate. I didn't tell my family what happened. I've been waiting. For you. However long it took."
You stared at him. Maekar, sensing the emotional weight of the moment, chose this exact time to grab a fistful of your hair and yank.
"Ow," you said, startled.
"Sorry, he does that too. Here, let me..." Aerion reached out, gently untangling the tiny fingers. For a moment, his hand covered yours, both of them resting against the back of Maekar's head. Your skin was warm, familiar.
"Can we sit down?" you asked, your voice small. "I think I need to sit down."
He ordered more coffee. You didn't touch your scone, which was probably for the best. Aerion told you about the past nine months: the sleepless nights, the first steps, the first word, the first birthday. He told you about the nights he'd sat on the kitchen floor and called your voicemail just to hear your voice. He told you about the email, how it had been a lifeline, how he'd read it so many times the words had worn grooves in his brain.
You listened. You cried, silently, tears tracking down your face and dripping onto the table. When he was finished, you took a deep breath and started talking.
You told him about the clinic, the one from the brochure. You'd gone, once, before you left, but you'd been too scared to walk through the doors. After you disappeared, you'd found another one, in another city, and this time you'd gone in. You'd been diagnosed with severe postpartum anxiety, with a side of PTSD from the traumatic birth. You'd done inpatient treatment. You'd done outpatient treatment. You'd done therapy three times a week, group therapy, medication, the whole brutal, exhausting gauntlet of putting a shattered mind back together.
"I wanted to call," you said, your voice breaking. "Every day. I wanted to call and hear his voice and hear your voice, but I was so ashamed. I'd left my son. I'd left my husband. What kind of person does that? What kind of mother does that?"
"A sick one," Aerion said quietly. "A sick one who needed help. You got help. You're here now. That's what matters."
"That's what my therapist says." You laughed, a hollow sound. "You sound like my therapist."
"I'll take that as a compliment. She sounds like a smart woman."
"She is. She helped me understand why I left. Not just the depression, but…everything. The loss of control. The way my entire identity got swallowed up by being a Targaryen wife and a mother. I didn't know who I was anymore. All my boundaries were gone. My job, my apartment, my body, my time. It all belonged to someone else. And I didn't know how to ask for it back. I just…ran."
Aerion was quiet for a moment. Maekar had fallen asleep against your chest, his face slack and peaceful, one hand still gripping your collar. "Your apartment," he said finally. "The one you kept. I never went there. I don't have a key. But I thought about it a lot. About why you needed it. About what I'd done to make you feel like you needed an escape hatch."
"It wasn't you," you said. "Not just you. It was everything. The whole world telling me that I should be grateful, that I should be happy, that I had everything a woman could want, and I was just…empty. Hollow. I couldn't feel anything except this grinding exhaustion and this terrible fear that I was going to break my son. Hurt him. Not on purpose, but just…through being broken myself. I didn't trust myself. And I couldn't tell you. I couldn't tell anyone. So I left."
"I wish you'd told me."
"I know. Me too. I'm trying to learn how to tell people things now. It's harder than it sounds."
Aerion reached across the table and took your hand. Slowly, carefully, giving you time to pull away. You didn't. "I'm not going to pretend the past nine months didn't happen," he said. "I'm not going to pretend I'm not hurt, or that I'm not scared you'll leave again. But I'm also not going to pretend I don't want you back. I do. I've been half a person since you left. Maekar needs his mother. I need my wife. But I need you to be well more than I need you to be here. Do you understand? If you need more time, take more time. If you need to go slow, we'll go slow. Whatever you need."
"You've gotten better at this," you said, and a ghost of your old smile flickered across your face. "The whole listening thing."
"I've had a lot of time to practice. Maekar is an excellent conversationalist, but his feedback is somewhat limited."
"No," said Maekar, without opening his eyes.
"See? Criticism, but no constructive suggestions."
You laughed, a real laugh this time, and it was the most beautiful sound Aerion had ever heard. He wanted to bottle it. He wanted to wrap himself in it and never let go.
"I missed you," you said. "I missed you so much. Both of you. Every day. Every minute. Even when I couldn't face you, I missed you."
"We missed you too." He squeezed your hand. "We talked about you constantly. Well, I talked. Maekar mostly drooled. But the sentiment was there."
"What did you tell him?"
"Everything. About how we met. About the wedding. About how you wore a suit instead of a dress and my father almost had a coronary. About how you argued with me about financial regulations on our third date and I knew I was going to marry you. About how you're the bravest person I've ever met, because you walked away from everything to save yourself, and that takes more courage than anything I've ever done in a boardroom."
You were crying again. "Aerion."
"I told him his mother loves him. Every day. Even when she couldn't be here. I told him she was getting better, and she was coming back, and when she did, we were going to be a family again. I've been telling him that for nine months. Please don't make me a liar."
You lifted his hand to your lips and kissed his knuckles. Your lips were chapped, and your hand was still trembling, and you were crying and laughing at the same time, and Aerion thought he had never seen anything so beautiful in his entire life.
"I'm not going anywhere," you said. "I'm going to stay. I'm going to be here. We're going to figure this out. Together. If you'll have me."
"Always," Aerion said. "As long as it takes. However hard it is. I'm not going anywhere either."
They stayed at the café until the sun began to set and the barista started giving them meaningful looks. Maekar woke up, cranky and hungry, and you watched Aerion produce a pouch of apple sauce from the diaper bag with the efficiency of a man who had done this a thousand times.
"You're good at this," you said, a note of wonder in your voice.
"I've had practice. Also, the first time I tried to feed him, I got formula all over the ceiling. I'm still not sure how that happened. Physics-defying. Truly impressive."
"I missed all of that. The messy parts."
"There are plenty of messy parts left. He's entering a throwing phase. Every meal is an adventure. You'll get your chance."
You watched him coax the apple sauce into Maekar's mouth, dodging the grabby hands with the grace of long experience. Your expression shifted, softened.
"I'm scared," you said. "I'm scared I won't be good at this. At being a mother."
"Nobody's good at it at first. I certainly wasn't. I'm still not, half the time. Elenaa has to remind me which end the diaper goes on."
"That's not reassuring."
"It's not meant to be reassuring. It's meant to be true. You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be here. Show up. Try. Fail. Get up and try again. That's what parenting is. That's what marriage is, I think. I didn't understand that before. I thought it was about providing. About fixing things. About being the big important Targaryen who could solve any problem with money and influence. But it's not. It's about showing up. Every day. Even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard."
You were quiet for a long moment. Then you said, "Can I come home?"
Aerion looked at you. His wife. His exhausted, trembling, impossibly brave wife, who had walked into the abyss and fought her way back out again.
"The apartment's still there," he said. "I never left. I couldn't. It wouldn't have felt right, going anywhere else. I kept waiting for you."
"You kept it."
"It's ours. It's always been ours, I was just too stupid to realize it."
You reached out and touched his face, your fingers tracing the line of his jaw. "You're not stupid."
"I have my moments. This isn't one of them. Come home. Please. Come home."
You nodded, and Aerion felt something crack open in his chest, something that had been frozen solid for nine months and thirteen days, and warmth flooded through him like spring after a long, brutal winter.
"Okay," you said. "Okay. Let's go home."
The apartment looked the same. That was the first thing you noticed, standing in the doorway with Maekar on your hip. The same grey sectional, the same glass coffee table, the same stack of baby books on the end table. But there were differences, too. A play mat spread across the living room floor. A basket of toys in the corner. Pictures on the wall that hadn't been there before: Maekar's newborn photos, his first smile, the two of them at the park, Aerion looking exhausted and proud.
"You redecorated," you said.
"I had a lot of time on my hands. Also, the walls were very bare. It was starting to feel like a hospital waiting room. I needed something to look at during the 3am feedings."
"It looks like a home."
"It is a home. It's been waiting for you to come back to it."
You set Maekar down, and he immediately crawled toward the basket of toys with the single-minded determination of a heat-seeking missile. You watched him go, your face unreadable.
"Where will I sleep?" you asked. "I don't want to assume..."
"The bedroom," Aerion said. "Our bedroom. I've been sleeping in the nursery half the time anyway. Maekar still doesn't sleep through the night consistently, so..."
"No," you said. "No, I mean...I don't want to kick you out. That's not what I'm trying to do. I just...we haven't...it's been so long, and I don't know what we are right now, and I don't want to push..."
Aerion took your hands. "We're married. We're still married. I'm still your husband. You're still my wife. That hasn't changed. Nothing fundamental has changed. We've both been through hell, and we're both still standing, and we're going to figure out the rest of it. But you are not a guest in your own home. You are not sleeping on the couch. You are going to sleep in our bed, and I am going to sleep next to you, whether or not clothes are involved or anything happens at all. Because we've had nine months of sleeping apart, and I am not spending one more night without you next to me."
You stared at him. "That was very romantic. Also slightly intense."
"I'm a Targaryen. We don't do anything by halves."
You laughed, and then you were crying again, and then you were in his arms, and he was holding you, for the first time in nine months and thirteen days. You felt smaller than he remembered. More fragile. But also more solid, more real, more present than you'd been in the months before you left.
"I'm sorry," you sobbed into his shoulder. "I'm so sorry."
"I know. I'm sorry too. We're both sorry. Now we can stop being sorry and start being here. Together. That's the deal. That's the whole deal."
You pulled back just enough to look at him, your face blotchy and tear-streaked and beautiful. "I love you. I never stopped loving you. Even when I couldn't be here, I loved you."
"I know," he said. "I've always known. Come on. Let's order dinner. You must be hungry, and I have approximately three edible things in the refrigerator."
"That bad?"
"I've gotten better at cooking, but I'm still not good. Baby food is easier. Maekar doesn't know the difference between puréed carrots and puréed sweet potatoes. I could probably feed him either and he'd just..."
"No," said Maekar, who had found a stuffed dragon and was attempting to remove its wings.
"Exactly," Aerion said. "No complaints from the peanut gallery."
The first night was strange. He ordered Thai food, and you ate like someone who had forgotten what food tasted like, closing your eyes at the first bite of pad thai. Aerion gave Maekar his bath, narrating the process for your benefit: "this is the part where he tries to drink the bathwater, I recommend discouraging it", and you watched from the doorway, learning the bedtime routine you'd missed.
After Maekar was asleep, you sat on the couch together, not quite touching, a careful foot of space between. The television was on, some mindless reality show, but neither of you were watching it.
"Can I ask you something?" you said.
"Anything."
"Did you think about giving up? On me? On us?"
Aerion considered the question. It deserved an honest answer. "I thought about it. In the beginning, especially. I was angry. I was hurt. I didn't understand why you'd left, and the not knowing was worse than anything. But every time I thought about filing papers, about making it official, I couldn't do it. Because that would mean admitting you weren't coming back. And I wasn't ready to do that. Now I'm glad I didn't. Now you're here. Now we're going to be okay."
"You sound so sure."
"I'm not sure at all," Aerion said. "I'm terrified. I'm terrified I'm going to mess this up, that I'm going to fall back into old patterns, that I'm going to miss the signs again. But I'm also hopeful. Because you're here, and you're getting help, and I've been working on myself too, I've been reading books, actual books, about postpartum depression and communication and how to be a supportive partner, and I think we can do this. Together. Properly, this time."
"You've been reading books?"
"Shocking, I know. I had to order them online. I don't think the Targaryen library has a section on maternal mental health."
You leaned over and rested your head on his shoulder. It was such a small gesture, so achingly normal that Aerion's breath caught in his throat.
"Thank you," you said. "For waiting. For not giving up. For being here."
"Thank you for coming back."
Eventually, you fell asleep against his shoulder, your breathing slow and even. Aerion didn't move. He was too afraid of waking you, of breaking the spell, of losing this moment.
When he finally carried you to bed, you barely stirred, mumbling something incomprehensible and burrowing into the pillows. He lay next to you in the dark, listening to you breathe. Maekar made a small sound through the baby monitor, a dream-sound, and then went quiet again.
His family. His whole family. Under one roof, for the first time in nine months and thirteen days.
He didn't sleep for a long time. He was too busy being grateful.
The weeks that followed were not a fairy tale. Nothing was magically fixed. You still had bad days, days when you couldn't get out of bed, days when you looked at Maekar and felt nothing but that hollow, terrifying emptiness. But now you told Aerion when it happened. Now he sat with you, brought you tea, took over childcare without being asked. Now you had a therapist in the city who you saw twice a week, and a psychiatrist who adjusted your medication, and a support group full of other mothers who had been through the same darkness.
Aerion went with you to some of your appointments, at your invitation. He sat in the waiting room and read outdated magazines and thought about how many ways he had failed you before, and how many ways he was trying to do better now.
He cut back his hours at work. He delegated. He refused business trips unless they were absolutely essential, and even then, he called every night. He stopped trying to fix things and started trying to listen. It was harder than any hostile takeover he'd ever executed, but it was also more important.
Slowly, painstakingly, you rebuilt. Your relationship with Maekar was the hardest part. He was a toddler now, with strong opinions and stronger preferences, and his preference was firmly for Aerion. You took it with a grace that broke Aerion's heart a little.
"He doesn't know me yet," you said one night, after Maekar had screamed for twenty minutes rather than let you put him to bed. "It's okay. We have time. I'll earn his trust back."
"You don't have to earn it," Aerion said. "You're his mother."
"I'm a stranger who looks like his mother. There's a difference. But I'll keep showing up. That's what you said, right? Show up. Try. Fail. Get up and try again."
"I'm very wise sometimes. It's a burden."
You laughed. You were laughing more now. It was still tentative, still fragile, but it was there. A flame that had almost gone out, carefully nursed back to life.
The breakthrough came on a rainy Sunday afternoon, two months after you'd come home.
Aerion was in the kitchen, attempting to make pancakes, when he heard a sound from the living room that made him freeze. It was Maekar, laughing. Not his usual giggle, the one he gave when Aerion made funny faces or blew raspberries on his stomach. This was a deep, belly-shaking laugh.
Aerion crept to the doorway and looked in.
You were on the floor, cross-legged, and Maekar was in your lap. You were playing some kind of game, pat-a-cake, maybe, or something like it, and every time you clapped your hands together, Maekar shrieked with joy and grabbed at your fingers.
"Again?" you said, and he nodded vigorously. "Again. Okay, again."
You clapped. He laughed. His whole face was lit up, his purple eyes bright, his mouth wide open. He looked at you the way he looked at Aerion, with complete trust, complete delight, complete love.
Aerion stood in the doorway and watched, his heart painfully full. You looked up and saw him. Your face was wet with tears, but you were smiling. "He laughed," you said. "He really laughed. At me. With me."
"I saw," Aerion said. His voice was hoarse. "I saw."
You held out a hand toward him, and he came and sat beside you on the floor, close enough that your shoulders touched. Maekar looked between the two of you, and then he grabbed one of Aerion's fingers and one of yours and tried to put them both in his mouth at the same time.
"Coordinated assault," Aerion said. "He's getting smarter."
"He gets it from me," you said.
"Undoubtedly."
You leaned your head against his shoulder, and the three of you sat there on the living room floor, the pancakes left unbaked in the kitchen, the rain drumming against the windows, a family.
An imperfect family, not an unbroken family. But a family nonetheless.
That night, after Maekar was asleep, you sat on the couch with Aerion, your legs draped over his lap. This had become a ritual, this quiet time after the baby was down, when you could just be two people instead of two parents.
"I want to show you something," you said.
"What is it?"
You handed him your phone. On the screen was an email, professional, with a letterhead from a company he didn't recognize. It took him a moment to parse what he was reading, and then his eyebrows shot up.
"A job offer?"
"A consulting project," you said. "Remote work. Part-time to start. Fintech. They liked my resume, and they were willing to work around...around everything. My schedule. My needs. I've been looking for months. They're the first ones to agree."
"Darling, that's wonderful." He meant it. He meant it with every fiber of his being.
"I'm scared," you admitted. "It's been so long since I worked. What if I've forgotten how? What if I can't handle it? What if it's too much, with Maekar and therapy and everything else?"
"Then you quit," Aerion said simply. "Or you scale back. Or you adjust. It's not all or nothing. It doesn't have to be all or nothing."
"Since when do you understand nuance?"
"I've been practicing. I'm very proud of myself."
You laughed. It was becoming easier to make you laugh. "I want to try. I want to have something that's mine again. Something I built. Not because I don't love you and Maekar, but because..."
"Because you need to be your own person," Aerion finished. "I know. I understand. Probably better now than I did before. Take the job. Take it, and if it doesn't work out, we'll figure something else out. But you should have something that's yours. You've always needed that."
You looked at him for a long moment. Then you kissed him. A kiss that tasted like tears and the faintest hint of hope.
"I love you," you said.
"I love you too," he said. "More than I know how to say."
"You're saying it just fine."
"I'm trying. That's the whole secret. I'm just trying."
You curled against him, your head on his chest, and Aerion wrapped his arms around you and held on. Just holding instead of grasping, just being. That was the whole deal.
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