The Sun and Moon both transited the sign of Taurus last night. What's so special about this transit is for me, it is close to my #SolarReturn which is the moment the sun makes its yearly return to the exact position in the sky at the time of your birth. Basically, a solar return is like a big cosmic wiping of your slate or your own personal New Year's celebration. Less than 3 weeks ago, I was praying and begging God from the hospital bed to not let me die before my birthday. #CoronaVirus #COVID19 was running amok on my immune system. The doctor at the hospital told me that my CD4 blood work, which measuring the amount of immune cells in your blood, was so low, he compared it to #AIDS patients back in the 1980s who were dying of pneumonia. Miraculously, I survived the Corona to be here in this moment, writing this reflection. I have just been so full of gratitude for my life since I recovered. I have completely reconsidered how I feel about my body and feelings of self worth. I feel like it took me nearly losing my physical body (dying) to appreciate its purpose as a vehicle for my spirit to navigate and experience the beautiful Earth. I used to have such negative self talk and hate towards my body and myself. "You're too fat." "You're not light enough" "You're not good enough." "You're ugly." "You're too black." "You look so stupid." "Everyone's just going to laugh at how ridiculous you look and sound." It was a broken record of negative self talk and demons on repeat and I constantly battled against them in silence while putting on the "Im fine" face. My late mother used to tell me "FINE stands for Fucked Up, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional". Men aren't allowed to be vulnerable in our society, show any emotions except anger or violence, so I'm walking on the Earth looking "fine" on the outside but inside I'm F-I-N-E and trying not to fall apart. After damn near dying recently, I don't really feel F-I-N-E on the inside anymore. I feel very connected and appreciative of this body and life I have. Damn near dying really puts a lot of things you worry and stress about into perspective. #PicRepost from @law_of_positivism @the.heart.alchemist @golden_glow_sam (at Plainfield, New Jersey) https://www.instagram.com/p/B_UfV7aHNup/?igshid=17qlyy9q0cmz8