#poly negativity

[polyamorousmood]

"I just don't understand how it could possibly work dating two people at once" watch your fucking tone or I'll make it four. Do not test me.

[polyamorousmood]

When I fantasize about coming out as polyamorous to my family, sometimes I explain and they laugh. "That's just like you," they tease, "you always wanted so much affection. Glad you're getting it somewhere other than me!"

But I know better.

If I explained, they'd roll their eyes. "That's just like you," they'd sneer. "You were always so clingy, always wanted to be everyone's favorite. We should have made you spend more time alone as a child, maybe you wouldn't feel like you needed to cheat now. To be cheated on, have you no self respect?" And I would be the one to laugh instead, bitterly, at being lectured about love by someone with three failed marriages.

[polyamorousmood]

The 3am search history of a polyam in denial

How to tell romantic from platonic love

Romantic vs platonic love differences between

Am I in love with my friend

Can you be in love with two people at once

Advice in love with friend

Advice in love with friend reddit

Advice in love with friend reddit already have a girlfriend

In love with two people how to choose

in love with two people what is wrong with me

how to stop falling in love

how to be content in a relationship

How to delete search history

[polyamorousmood]

accidentally stepped outside my curated tumblr bubble and was reminded some people fr think they're hot shit for ragging on us for loving too much. Bro get a HOBBY lmao you ain't a part of this conversation

[polyamorousmood]

sorry for bothering but im at a crossroads rn, and you seem like the safest place i have rn so im just wondering, theres this friend of mine and whenever polyamory is mentioned is always "i hate poly"

i found this out when we were playing a game of never have i ever and the question "would you ever marry more than one person?" came up, i answered yes, another answered no due to not being interested in it and then my friend (whom well refer to as O) immediately shuts it down in a really hostile way, saying "ew, no i hate poly" which just really messed with me because they've always agreed with me on the fact that love is love and that so long as it's healthy and doesnt have a drastic age/maturity difference that it's alright.

i'm now unsure if i come out to them or not since i thought that (prior to all of this) since they're bi (or pan? i cant remember, sorry.) that they'd be accepting but after playing that game i cant help but think otherwise ☹️

if anyone has any advice, please give me some! i have no idea what to do now since i've been meaning to come out to my friends today.

Okay so I can't advise you because I don't know your friend or your relationship, and much of what you should do hinges on that. But I will give you some options:

Direct communication🗨. You explicitly say something to the friend: "hey can we talk about something that kind of bothered me?... okay so the other day when we were doing never-have-I-ever, you said 'ew I hate poly' like, right after I said I would potentially marry multiple people, and its kind of hard to feel like thay wasn't pointed. Can you explain where you're coming from there?" Maybe they just meant they hate the idea of doing it themselves. Maybe they do have some unfairly bad opinion but would be willing to hear you out. Maybe they really do unilaterally hate it no matter what, and at least you have a clear answer.

Passive aggression 💅 (or, like, indirect signaling). You go out of your way to show your support for the idea of multiple loves, without directly outing yourself. You bring it up a lot, fully supportive, and gauge your friend's reaction. Eventually, they'll probably either be forced to cave or double down. And then you have an answer.

Just drop them👋. Just stop talking to them. Assume they mean bad, and regardless they ruined your comfort with them, so stop all communication.

Out yourself🏳️‍🌈. Maybe they would backpeddle (or quietly stop saying shit like that without formally apoligizing) seeing someone they value is in the demographic of those comments. All the same considerations from 1 apply. I personally wouldn't do this without doing option 1 first, but maybe you wanna pull the big guns right away, or if you out yourself in a group, this may help you avoid a direct 1:1 confrontation.

Ignore it🙈. It was a one-off comment in a game. Just continue to feel slightly less comfortable with this friend, don't out yourself, but otherwise carry on as usual. Not every person I'm on good terms with knows about my polyamory. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Good news is, this is something you can always change your mind on later.

A lot of this hinges on how important this person is to you, how much you trust they'll value your opinion, how much they'll hold their ground, and how capable you are of hearing those comments.

I assume they're pretty important since you described it as a "crossroads", and I can't imagine that dramatic of language for someone only in your periphery. For that reason, I hope you do feel comfortable having a discussion about it with them.

I'm sorry its causing you so much strife. But, if you'll allow me a silver lining🌥: hate can only rise from some amount of awareness. 50 years ago (and even now, depending on where you live), I don't think the response would have been to see it as polyamory, but as cult shit, because no one knew the word poly. Backlash only happens once a critical mass has been reached. There's no reason - and perhaps, no way - to make your identity hating something no one knows exists, or that is seen as "one freak doing freak shit, idk, just ignore it". People using the term, even,disparagingly, is a sign of progress.