#polyamoury

[camellia-thea]

i don't think there's anything inherently wrong with monogamy, nor anything inherently better about polyamory, BUT i think there's a super super concerning pattern in the monogamous response to polyamoury which is super closely linked to feeling incredibly entitled to your partner's body and their autonomy.

the pattern of people who say "if my partner was polyam i think i'd kill them and myself" is a real and deeply deeply concerning thing to see. i've heard it online but i've also mentioned being polyam and been told things along similar lines in person. it's seen as "a free pass to cheat" (incorrect), and it's seen as an inherent betrayal of a partner (also... incorrect).

but the dislike of polyamoury and this specific gut reaction points to something else entirely; the belief to the right to decide what your partner can do with their body. i think that the … encouragement (which i think is often unintentional and societal) of possessiveness and jealousy within relationships is deeply deeply concerning and incredibly linked to this.

if you get jealous rages when your partner talks to someone else, that is a problem. if you see threats in other people being around your partner, that is a problem. if your partner having friends of the gender they are attracted to is bad for you, that is a problem. these are things you need to be talking to your partner about and addressing why. polyam or mono, these things are huge red flags about your relationship.

you are allowed to want your partner to be mono, and you are allowed to want to be in a monogamous relationship. you are allowed to establish that as a boundary. but the second that you start talking about how you hate polyamory or the idea of having a polyam partner because you see it as a persistent threat to your relationship or as an inherent violation of your person, you are the red flag.

not only that, but if someone comes out to you as polyam, and let me be clear, it is coming out, and you spit shit like "i could never be with a polyamorous partner, i'd kill myself" or "if my partner suggested polyamory i think i'd hurt them", that is just another type of queerphobia. that's literally it. we are queer. it is just another type of relationship. it is not hurting you.

[verdantburner]

whats garden party poly

Fun question! Different definitions abound. To me, Garden Party Polyamoury prioritises collective ease, enjoyment and openness. I've found it be the spacious, choiceful and easeful version of Kitchen Table Polyam (KTP). Garden Party Polyam is about being open to connecting with metamours, in ways that flow for everyone's enjoyment. It could be playing games and having breakfast around the same table, it could be sharing events or hobbies. It could be only sharing time while the hinge partner is present, or it could be metamours kicking it off and having a grand ol' party while their partner is elsewhere (any of which could also be true of KTP). The point is - in GPP everyone gets to do what they want, with consideration the experience of the other party attendees, without having to set stringent rules to make that happen. Be a good guest, be a kind host, reach towards others with friendship and trust in the best intent.

I orient towards Garden Party Polyamoury because I've had experiences of KTP where metamour's anxiety was leveraged to set rules and secure control. I find rules tend to suck. Changing behaviour for someone elses anxiety generally positively reinforces the anxiety - oh, being loud about being anxious meant I didn't have to deal with the uncomfortable thing, guess I can repeat that infinitum. Other people have had better KTP experiences and still like the term. Some people have apparently interpreted GPP to mean only cross over with metamours at events and being parallel otherwise??? To which I ask, why are you partying with people you don't want to hang out with otherwise?

GPP gives me a sense of freedom and agency to maneuver and partake in the vibes I enjoy. If the music is too loud in one part of the garden, I can float over to a different portion. The second that I "must" sit at the kitchen table, share a calendar, or report in my time balances and new dates, I'm out. I have persistent desire for autonomy, and my experiences of KTP didn't fit. I hold emotional space professionally and am resistant to offering that to new ppl in my life. I'm Garden Party Polyam cause I'm committed to offering a good vibe, and I wanna share life with people who are far enough along with non-monogamy that they're ready to party too.

[idk-charles]

I love when people write yaoi fanfiction and cut out the girlfriend, like they were cool enough to let them be gay but we must stay monogamous. Like fuck it write a story with the girlfriend still there, why can't the MC have a girlfriend and a boyfriend!?

That's my two sense, Charles out

[yeow-ch]

Edgar,, my loveeee,, my heart aches!!!

[your-ships-are-queer]

max mayfield from stranger things is in a romantic relationship with both eleven and lucas sinclair (headcanon)

max is bisexual and polyamorous (headcanon) eleven is lesbian, asexual, genderqueer, and uses they/she pronouns (headcanon) lucas is bisexual (headcanon)

submitted by anonymous

[lesbxdyke]

I love being Polyam.

I love that my new romantic relationship does not come with the expectation that I will have to stop being affectionate with my friends.

I love that my partner understands that my QPR is just as important to me as our new romantic relationship.

I love that the needs I cannot meet for my partner can be met by someone else and they are free to pursue that.

I love that the needs my partner cannot meet for me can be met by someone else and I am free to pursue that.

I love that my life is full of every kind of love and yet still more can and could be added in the future!

[bellaexclamation]

Wedding/Business Photo

[raynilikescats]

My Love Mine All Mine but its polygamy.

But its talking about how infinite your love is. You have so much to give out to people who deserve it. You have the capabilities to love multiple people at once, and isn't that such a beautiful thing? You have so much love in your heart that you get to share with other wonderful beings.