Drawing tears is very important to me. Especially on Evie. She is autistic, like me, and I use her to explore and normalize a lot of my own neurodivergent experiences. I grew sick of constantly see autistic ppl depicted as emotionless, calculating individuals who's way of thinking is always seen as strange, alien or some magic power. This isn't what it's like for me, or most ppl with autism. We feel emotions incredibly strong. Sometimes so much my brain can't process it, bc it's so overwhelming. And I don't have the instinctive understanding of that feeling. More so, I don't know how to convey those feelings in words. It seems so impossible to sort through all the twisted emotions and sort them into "sad", "anger" "guilt". I care so much abt visually conveying emotion in my art for this reason. I want to understand the emotion. I want to give it a face so even if the words allude me, my heart knows exactly in the scrunch of the face and eyes and the little twitch there that this feeling is pain...
Because of stigma and the stress of trying to connect to others, many autistc ppl hide their feelings, like I used to. Until things get too much and we have an explosive meltdown. Now that I am older, I cry, so much. And I love it. It makes me feel powerful to own this expression, so raw and intimate. It feels good, like a release, to cry sometimes. I highly suggest it, especially in these trying times. To cry is not to be weak. It is to be one with your emotions and simply feel them. Don't overthink or try to question. Just let it happen. Let yourself be vulnerable and intiminating to others all at once. I think there is streangth in crying. Letting go of all the negative associations and shame and of society... just be a human who feels. It doesn't matter if they don't understand you. It's OK.
