“For I know the plans I have for you,“ declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
I believe there is good in the world, even that the world is mostly good. I like to marvel at the wonderful things around me. I like to make other people marvel at the things they might not have been looking at. I believe that God is at work making things better in crazy ways that I can’t see.
But a month ago my dad lost his job.
He’s worked there for just about 19 years and the financial safety that my family felt was gone in an instant.
And last week someone broke into the apartment I share with 6 other people, and stole my Macbook, another girl’s Macbook, and $150 in cash meant for staff training.
Another human being, that Jesus died for, that Jesus loves, entered a place I am trying to call home, without any regard to the worth of the people living here.
And a few days ago, someone opened fire in downtown Oakland, 14 blocks from where I live.
Three people remain in the hospital with injuries, and a 17 year old girl was killed.
None of that sounds likely a mostly good world.
And in all of these circumstances, I was upset. Like the kind of upset where you’re not sure if your angry or sad or scared, but you can feel it in the inside of your elbows and you feel weak, and helpless. I’m not getting that computer back, and I can’t stop that person from stealing from other people. I can’t provide help for my family, while my dad looks for a job. I can’t stop shootings from happening right around the corner from me. I have problems and no solutions.
Somehow in those moments, it’s hard to look someone in the eyes and say that God has a hand in this. That God is going to use these situations for something bigger. It doesn’t make sense that the things that hurt us can be used in God’s story. How could he possibly use this?
But I know that he is using it.
My dad has the opportunity to find a job doing something he actually loves. And he doesn’t have to commute multiple hours of the day and he gets to spend that time with my mom and my siblings. God shut the door so that my dad could turn around and see dozens of doors open behind him.
As for the other things- my laptop, my lowered sense of safety, etc.- I don’t know yet. I’m waiting to see where God leads me. I still have questions and a lack of answers and I still don’t feel safe in my own neighborhood.
But I believe that God is allowing me to live in the tension for a moment so I may be a part of something greater of the other side.
There’s hope in this situation and I just need to trust in him.