Furthest thing from perfect like everyone I know.
I can't believe I'm graduating from college in less than a month. The second semester of my senior year is nearly over. I can't believe it. Yes, at least I know what I am doing after graduation. It sucks that I have to move home back to Baltimore, but it's what I need to do in order to further my education. Half of me is so glad I never have to come back to this school ever again if I don't want to. And then half of me gets depressed. I think about all the friends I will be leaving. I think about how I won't see half of them more than once a year, if that. I think about not seeing my professors every semester, and how I will have to adjust to a new school. I think about leaving my fuck buddy and realizing I probably, realistically, won't ever see him again. Is this how you felt..? Terrified, excited, sad, and nervous all at the same time? When we were together, yo u were as old as I am now; you were a second semester senior and I was just a sophomore with more than 2 whole years left of undergraduate. You knew you were moving home to Connecticut for law school and you knew you probably weren't coming back..that there was a good chance you wouldn't ever see me again. I hated you after you broke up with me. I hated you, I hated you, I hated you. I mean, I loved you too, but oh god, I hated you. Now I know why. I understand. I know why you broke up with me. Because graduating from college and moving into the real world is fucking terrifying as shit and you've got so much on your plate: loans, graduate school, employment, starting your life over, or rather, for the first time. You felt the way I feel now and you knew you couldn't drag me down with you. When you said you were scared of graduating I didn't believe you, but I do now. You were knee deep in our relationship--right at the point when you knew it wasn't just a casual thing anymore. You had one chance to leave and you took it. You said you didn't just end it for yourself...you did it for me as well. I used to think there was nothing in this world that would make me want to break up with you. I held you in such high regard that even the roughest storm couldn't force me to abandon you. But now I know...if the roles were reversed, I would have broken your heart to save both of us too. I'm sorry it took me two years to forgive you.