Yeah, it’s just that. A cs one shot full of angst haha It’s based on @itsfabianadocarmo post made some times ago now. Prompt all hers, just developped the feels created by the edit she made. Big thanks to @pirateherokillian for the quick beta ♥
Soooo here you go for a ton of angst and then some happy ending lol Enjoy and don't blame me for the pain, i was just following the prompt... 😇
Also on AO3 - 1.5K
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“Don't you get it?”
His voice is so cold, so harsh.
“I don’t love you anymore.”
His face is like marble, it doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move. And suddenly it hits her.
“Wh-What?” She doesn’t know how the words have formed on her tongue. She feels empty, numb, like she’s dead.
“Goodbye, love.”
The endearing word that used to be music to her ears is now tarnished, stripped of life. It’s emotionless. Just four letters put together.
She watches him turn around, not even looking back at her one last time. And it hurts. It hurts so much, she can’t stand it. So she breaks. It’s slow and she thinks she would feel the pain but she doesn’t feel anything.
And it’s so much worse.
The door closes and the sound of it echoes in the now empty house. Her knees hit the hard floor, and finally her heart starts beating again. And it feels like a hurricane has been unleashed in her body as she begins to sob. The tears burn her eyes, carving her pallid skin as they fall down her cheeks.
-~-
The door closes behind him and it’s like the whole house has been the one to shut him out for what he’s just said. He blinks, staring at nothing.
What have I done?
And it goes on and on and on. Until his ears pick up the sound of her falling to the floor, followed by the broken sobs. His eyes are burning and he blinks again, forcing himself to move away. To escape what he’s just done. But his guilt catches up in a blink of an eye and he barely has the time to make it out of the garden and into the middle of the street before his knees buckle under the weight and his hand and hook hit the ground to support him as his belly clenches hard. He can’t stop it, can’t stop the physical repulsion of the filth he’s just committed. He empties himself onto the silent street, tears burning his eyes for what he told her. And it’s like his heart is connected to hers as it breaks the same, if not more.
He doesn’t know how he manages to run to his ship, trying to avoid suspicious looks from the townspeople on his way, trying to escape the voice inside his skull screaming at him. Coward... it says on repeat. And he can’t help but stumble and collapse onto the wood of the Jolly as soon as his feet touch the deck. His breath hitches as his hand grips his shirt above his heart, wanting to feel another kind of pain than the one raging inside of him. But it’s too much. Too much for his body. Even the motto he’d been repeating to strengthen his will isn’t working anymore.
“It’s the right thing to do to save her, to protect her from the Evil Queen’s plan.”
Bullshit. Easy choice. ‘A man unwilling to fight for what he wants, deserves what he gets!’
He should have taken another path. A braver one. He deserves the pain he’s created with his own hand. He deserves to lay on the floor as it begins to rain, to be drenched to the bone, for the tears to empty his heart, for his strength to leave him. Because it’s exactly what he’s done to her.
He is the reason she is curled up on the floor, trembling, alone and cold, not able to move from her position.
They won. Of course they won! It shouldn’t have even been a question in the first place. But now that they are all reunited, Killian can’t postpone the inevitable. So he faces her. He faces Emma. And she looks at him in return.
She’s learned about the deal he made, something about sparing her life and her family if in exchange he broke her heart. She now knew the truth. And also the masquerade, the lies he’s carried for her sake.
How could she trust him unquestioningly again after what he’d done?
So when she walks and stops right in front of him, she just stares. She doesn’t say a word, doesn’t show a thing. She just stares until she sees his shield crack from the pressure of her presence. His lips begin to move, his eyebrows curving before he tries to say her name. But it doesn’t feel right. It’s like he has been reduced to a ghost in a shell, by how this fight has broken him.
She hurt so much. She has never stopped hurting from the day he’d spoken those vile words. And yet, seeing him hurt right now while he is standing in front of her, it hurts her too. But she can’t deal with the duality. She lifts her hand and acts. It’s a swift move, sharp, throbbing. She punches him in front of her parents. And she doesn’t care the way her mother gasps.
Killian thinks this is it. It is the final blow, the final act. It is over and he won’t be able to fix it. To fix anything. The only solution left for him is to run to his ship and sail. Sail far, far, far away and never cross paths with the Charming family again if he ever wanted to live. Maybe it wasn't even worth living anymore.
Emma begins to cry. Hot tears flowing down her face. It’s angry, hateful, painful. As she watches him stay still, not doing anything. He doesn’t even turn red by the humiliation the punch cost him. He is just waiting for her to pronounce her sentence. And she realizes this whole mess has killed him just like her heart has been reduced to ashes by his words. And it is still eating him alive.
So she grabs him by the shirt and pulls him to her. And she kisses him. It’s violent. Forceful. It’s not even pleasant and perhaps there’s still hate in it at first but then it softens, even if it’s just a bit. But it has the merit to drag him out of the punch stupor...only to put him back into the same state because he doesn’t understand. So she uses her voice.
“You’re the most incredible, gigantic, insufferable, idiot!” She’s breathless at the end of it.
And Killian blinks at her. He still doesn’t get it. He thought she was paying him back for his ‘Don’t you get it?’ speech, giving him one last meaningless kiss before dumping him, insulting him. He had thought she would say ‘asshole’, ‘bastard’ or any other colorful word. But no, she just calls him ‘idiot’.
“S-Swan, I- I don’t understand.”
“You should have just told me, Jones!” Emma roars back, furry flashing in her eyes. But she doesn’t step back, doesn’t let go of him. “Yes, it would have been hard. Yes, it would have been a dangerous road. But Killian, I love you and you love me. It should have been enough! We should be enough!”
“I-” He can’t answer that. She is right goddamn it. He was a fool and doesn't deserve her, her kindness, or her forgiveness.
“Now Killian,” Emma speaks, not giving him the opportunity to continue. She takes one step back to look at him fully. “Do you still love me?”
The question holds way more weight than it ever did before. But it should be the easiest answer he’s ever had to give. And yet the words aren’t rolling off his tongue like they should.
“I-” He suddenly can't draw air into his lungs. “I-” It blocks right there, the word stuttering out of him as all the self loathing is coming back, flooding him, forcing him to drown in doubt that he is worthy of her love. “I-I Ilov-v”
He can't finish the words, instead gasping as he falls to his knees. His hand grips his middle, tearing at his clothes as he gags from the flood of emotions stopping him from saying it back to her. Why can’t he say it back?!
“Killian?” The second she realizes something is wrong, all her previous anger disappears as worry takes its place. “Killian! What’s happening?” Her hands grab him by the shoulders, shaking him firmly. But he continues to fight to draw breath. “Killian! Killian, say something!”
But it isn’t working. He’s losing his grip on reality, his eyes fluttering as he begins to fall unconscious. He has stopped breathing and can’t control his own body over the panic. Next thing he knows, Emma is slapping him. But her hands quickly come to rest on his cheeks until he meets her gaze, finally able to fill his lungs again.
“I- I love you, Swan.” It’s out. He’s said it back. And all the weight previously pressing down his chest is gone. Though his voice is still wavering “I- I’m ss- I’m so sorry, Emma.”
She remains frozen in front of him before finally, finally gracing him with a smile. It is still shy and pained, but it’s sincere. Because she understands just how bad he's been going through it. So she kisses him. It’s more gentle, a little sloppy, and Killian can’t stop the tears, mixing with hers.
