So I don’t know if any of you noticed or cared but I’ve taken a lengthy time off from writing in this fandom. I don’t wanna make up excuses so I’m just gonna be truthfully honest.
A little while ago I decided to tell who I thought was a good friend that I write Starker fanfic... they were cool with it didn’t see why I was into it but they respected it. About a month later I was out with some other friends and one of them said ‘oh so you’re the one who likes that ship’ and I felt my hole stomach drop out of my body. I felt ashamed, guilty, betrayed because I told this person that I liked Starker in confidence that they wouldn’t tell anyone. I was sorely mistaken. That was the first time that I’ve ever felt like that over this ship and I let it get to me because it’s one thing to get abuse online about it where no one knows who I am in real life and it’s another thing to see the disgust on the faces of people you know and hang out with every day. I had to justify it to them even though I didn’t have to, because I was scared they’d think differently of me.
I guess I didn’t think it would get bad because I’ve told another person and they took it really well and never told anyone. I assumed it would be fine and it wasn’t. So I stopped writing. I even thought about deleting my profile because it got in my head that it was wrong. That I’m wrong.... but I’ve decided that I’m not going to let this go on any longer and I’m gonna stop feeling bad for myself because I don’t have anything to feel bad about. I’m a writer. I write fan fiction, I do what I do because I have a passion for story telling.
I want to get back into the swing of things and start writing Starker again. I posted something a couple of weeks ago in hopes that it would kick start this path I’ve chosen and it kinda did but I’m gonna make an actual effort. I’m not gonna let it stop me. So please enjoy what is hopefully a few one shots over the next couple of weeks!