Terminology Reid Mihalko and Allison Moon use to describe their relationships. -- More at: https://www.theopenphotoproject.com/r...
-- Allison: I think for me the word primary just means the household stuff, the life decision stuff. Like I wouldn't ever make a decision or changed my life drastically without talking to all the people in my life that matter. But for me, it's like, if I were to want to move Reid would really need to be on board with that, you know?
Reid: And ultimately to you can do whatever you want with your life. I kind of submit to that piece. And if you wanted to move, I would be figuring out how to make that work for me; for me to be getting what I needed from our relationship.
Allison: Most people misunderstand primary as being, you know, more important. And I guess I could see it that way, but at the same time the way I use it is, we share finances, we share a home, we share the electric bill. So that to me is what primary means: that you're just primary in my life in terms of the practical stuff. The difficulty extricating yourself creates a primacy
Interviewer: Are there other times you feel close to using?
Allison: We use my partner.
Reid: which is only confusing to people don't know us when Allie and I are at a business conference. People are like, “business partner?”
Allison: I think people in the straight world think that too. Because marriage is still the default for most of the world. So if I introduced him as my partner, people assume business partner unless were in a queer space. In Urban space it looks a little bit more acceptable. But when we visit my folks in North Carolina this definitely a moment of "Wait wait who? What?"
Reid: Yeah. And it feels weird to use girlfriend. And you're not my fiancé. Fiance is not really the word for that.
Allison: Honestly, usually if I'm talking to super normals, I call you my husband.
Reid: Really? I'm never call you my wife. Should I? Allison: You have. You've done it before.
Reid: In my sleep? Allison: On road trips and stuff. When we're driving to the south. Reid: Oh! Yeah yeah yeah “this is my wife”. Or “I'm waiting for my wife”. It just makes more sense.
Allison: Yeah. They understand what that means and we won't be getting separate beds in a hotel. Introduce you as my partner its just like “oh you're on a business trip?". It's like “no, we’re on a sexy trip”.
Reid: What if I introduced you as my parole officer?
Allison: That's funny. Kind of.
Allison: More trouble than it's worth!
Reid: And we're in! It's on!
Interviewer: do you consider yourselves polyamorous, consensual non-monogamy, open, something else?
Allison: I use the term ‘open’. I hang out with poly people and I feel like people who identify as polyamorous tend to, in my experience have a slightly more activist leanings. Or it seems like in polyamory they're actively looking for more relationships. They want multiple relationships and don't feel fulfilled unless they have them. And again, that's just my own personal experience of people. For me I feel like I could be perfectly comfortable with one partner. Again, Reid and I were monogamish from the outside for a very long time, before I started seeing my girlfriend.
Reid: I guess “monogamish” is a good term. We were still having threesomes and stuff. And I never stopped sleeping with all my friends.
Allison: Yeah but I feel like “in love” part of that is the difference between polyamory and other kinds of non-monogamy. Whether or not you’re actively “in love” with somebody else. And I don't feel that was the case for a number of years in our relationship. Any that felt fine for me, which is why I don't identify as polyamorous. I didn't need to be in love with other people and I didn't want necessarily to be in love with other people unless it was the right thing. So that's why that word doesn't work for me I just say I'm “open” or "I'm in a open relationship".
