The further away time takes me from you
The more I fear our memories are turning into haze
Each passing day our interactions become more distorted
Your voice falls underwater, your face blurs in my psyche
All but the warmth and safety you provided–
That I could never forget in all its vivid color.
Regardless of how removed from the moment
My memories of you have become,
Those very memories fill my mind to its brim,
They play like reruns of a favorite classic sitcom
And in me they elicit the very same laughter and melancholy.
What a pleasure it is to rejoice in these stories and characters,
What a shame it is that the network stopped producing new episodes.
No matter how grainy our bodies appear
I will not cease daydreaming of memories aired moons ago.
I dwell on season one shenanigans
Names forgotten and new ones formed,
Our innocent crushes and benevolent flirting
Never seemed capable of transcending the realm of ‘friend’.
I instantly found comfort in you every time we met.
The first time I saw you in every dimension,
Inhaled the same air as you and felt your flesh with my own,
Nothing was as easy as sinking into your side
Or wrapping my arms around you
As you piggy-backed me across the campus.
We disappeared for months at a time
But we always returned as if no time had passed
With the same rhythms and names and benevolent flirting.
Oh and I spoke of you in your absence,
I’d say “you remind me of this friend I had”
“He was always there for me, always kind”
“And I had a crush on him, and I think he liked me too”
“But he was so respectful and I’m rambling”
One could hardly call it a plot twist–
It made perfect sense, did it not? –
That I would tell you I’d love nothing more
Than to be your one and only,
That you would cry from sheer joy,
That we would fall in love.
— google docs, June ‘24 I think