Observationalism
I couldn't think about what to write for my first post so I took a second on the toilet and realized that it really all just boils down to how I think about my ability to participate. I think I've always just felt like an observer, like there isn't a place for me in the line-up. Maybe it comes from my upbringing or homeschooled-ness, but there's a certain detachment I've always felt from the world which sounds very emo and tryhard and wannabe mysterious of me when I type it out. What's funny about it, though, is that I've mostly felt that way online and I don't think it carries true in my everyday life. I feel like because everything is so curated on platforms that I have to get it right 100% of the time or I risk showing my shitty ass to the audience and they all get to see how uncool and poser-ish I am.
I lost my train of thought so the end... maybe I'll come back to this.