Problem gambling addiction help
Hello there to any problem gambling addicts who are aware or not aware of the troubles that they have been facing or might be bracing up to face in future!! I decided to write this as I have for the first time in last 7 plus years decided to really admit that I have this deep rooted trouble that I consciously need to make efforts to face and conquer for the rest of my life....It started (as it does in most cases) pretty inadvertently and i really don't recall when and how did it started apart from the fact that when i really pondered over to recall that perhaps one of my past job changes led me to a company that i didn't enjoy working in and i was sub-consciously looking for perhaps some escape and i ventured into some environments that exposed my vulnerable genes to this addiction that was about to consume my good senses in years ahead...I started my career as a tax accountant in 2005 and what looked like a wonderful opportunity for me hailing from a small town in India getting this opportunity to work in a culture never had i seen in Delhi...It started with home sickness...eventually making lot of lovely friends in consulting...joining a BIG4 and then marrying to the most lovely lady and moving to industry in my career and perhaps that's where it all inadvertently started...I loved consulting..challenges..and there i was in industry..totally different world...and deep inside i started escaping by playing video games..facebook n all..it was all very harmless then..
In 2010..a colleague of mine introduced me to day trading in stock market and before that time i was a critic of never doing stock market as it was all speculative and believe me i have been able to stay away from smoking and drinking all through my life even till now...i experimented with margin trading and gradually started getting hooked....in 2012..i changed my job again..got a private cabin and there was a huge environment change conducive to gambling behavior of mine that i didn't have any clue of...i started more and more bets on day trading and along side started poker on facebook...again that was classic gambling trap and i started betting big and big..billion tables and low stakes won't excite me at all...i kept taking loans..maxing cards in the interim squeezing me and constant guilt and repent feeling that all problem gamblers face...in 2013..i stumbled upon some articles and realized i am problem gambler and i needed to share the same with my family..friends and take help..i did it partially and closed my stock market account as that was only way that could have worked at that stage..i did all that..stopped and inadvertently after some months to fill the void (which i was so ill informed to not know will come) started playing a mobile community based game which consumed my next 3 years and thousands of dollars having that crystal system..again cycle of maxing cards..taking loans and in between till date i had two relapses of stock market trading where i opened accounts again and closed loosing thousands of dollars again and loans again..Story is no different and some of you might have worse stories and experiences as we all miss some facts that :
— Addiction is a disease that is hard wired in the brain and will remain for ever
— For overcoming addiction, there is no moderation and total abstinence is the key
— It is important to not just stop but create a new life / substitute and use opportunity to make changes which are positive and this is the most difficult one and critical one..
I finally have realized that i needed help and i have started my behavior therapy and in no time noticed that my compulsive behavior came there too as i was talking to multiple therapist and i took note and stopped that but there is lot of void and hard road ahead to detoxify myself...I have started a journal..many notes to share with all of you who would like to share their story and we can all sail through our troubles...help each other together...i have had last 1 month totally any instance / relapse free and haven't indulged into the game..stock market or poker...but i am aware now that not to start again is the key because each relapse will keep getting worse being a chronic disease this addiction is...
Please excuse me for being too detailed and some errors that might be above as this is my first piece of writing and some powerful messages from my journal that i have noted from some readings off late:
— We should ask self every day is today a good day or bad day and why and would we rather have a good day or bad day tomorrow / day after and after
— Most of the time, mind is like a balloon flowing into air with the winds flowing that depict other people / external impact and as long as our good day/ bad day depends on external circumstances — we won't reach there and we should stop outsourcing our happiness to external people / circumstances— Happiness and unhappiness are states of mind and their causes can't be found outside of mind
— Addiction doesn't mean weakness..some of most renowned people had it..it is a combination of genetic mutation and the environment factor. While we can't change our genes
— we can be more aware and try to manipulate / work on the environment influences..
----To continue as I keep walking on my journey to redeem self of this addiction that I chose or was destined to (haven't found answers to this yet...)
