Oh honey, I know that no matter what I say will change your mind, as this mindset is like a parasite.. but I am strongly advising how to talk to someone around you, and I do not mean the world of the internet. Family, a doctor even. I know it can feel humiliating, embarrassing or all sorts of emotions you are avoiding but trust me, you will feel so much better. It is easier to take steps towards recovery together. It is just as addicting as smoking or drinking.
I had this friend when I was in school, Alexandra,she did competitive ballet since she was only three years old. We became friends immediately after she transferred to our school. She was incredibly thin, looked much younger than the majority, her hair and fingernails where always brittle, she looked tired, exhausted. We were oblivious children, no one would suspect such a terrible thing possessing Alexandra's mind at that age. Our teachers paid close attention to her. Sometimes she passed out during exams, or while running, she always blamed the ballet training from the night before. She practiced seven days a week. I believed her. A few months later Alexandra stopped coming to school. Nobody knew a thing, until our teacher informed us that she was in a hospital, but couldn’t tell us why. I begged mother to visit her. Alexandra had been struggling with disordered eating and was in and out of hospitals since she was only ten years old. She promised me that this time, she tried to actually get better, that it would be her last stay at the hospital. In turn I promised to take her to the Hampton’s with me in the summer, so we could celebrate her recovery. Two weeks later my mother got a call from Alexandra's mother, she had passed away the night before. Alexandra had damaged her body beyond repair and she was only fifteen. Yes, the ballet school taught Alexandra these unhealthy eating habits, but everyone has a different, factor, trigger, but in the end, the illness wins. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. It was a long time ago but if Alexandra had seeked help, or I would have offered help, she might have been alive still. So please don’t feel embarrassed for asking help, your feelings are just as valid as someone who broke their leg, or has another illness. It’s too late too soon, trust me.
