#prsnal

[cr3v]

Skskksks endless rebagelling because I turn 37 tmr and I feel emptier than usual about myself.

[hebabutterfly]

‏أعرف تماماً ما معنى أن تواجه موجة ضخمة بداخلك، ولا تستطيع إخبار أحد عنها لينقذك.

[coldbrewplss]

My anchors  ♡

I've never felt so alive after almost three months of staying at home. Lately, I've had a lot on my plate and I've been feeling tons of emotions (to the point na I was crying in front of my laptop habang may meeting, the speaker was on mute naman and no need para mag-video). Ganoon na kalala yung stress level ko mumsh, skl. Kaya nga catching up with 'em was the best idea I did. From zodiac signs, toxic family members, stocks, relationships, politics, sex, to high school ka-bullshitan....name it siz, lahat 'yon napag usapan namin until 4 AM and parang hindi kami nauubusan ng kwento. 

And the reason why I created a post for them was because nami-miss ko na sila agad and how I wish na sana madalas kaming nakakapag hang out and sana hindi nalang kami adult haha lol. Btw, 12 years na kaming magkakaibigan. A lot of things have changed but not our friendship! 

I am just incredibly proud of the woman they have grown to be and they will always have my respect. I love these girls so much and I can't wait to see them on my wedding day... SOON!

[jajababes]

Dear self,

Stop acting like you own all the pain in this fucking world.

[asdfghjmcuevas]

Tang ina ang ganda ng surprise eh minsan lang mangyayari sa buhay mo yun pero tang ina lang kasi tang ina lang talaga bow

[cr3v]

Mnn just want someone to hold my head so it won't hurt anymore.

And also hold my body in a way I can actually get some sleep. I miss the kind of sleep where waking up doesn't mean I've acquired 3 new aches in places I didn't know could hurt.

[cr3v]

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Sksksks it went well!! It was a video call and I was so worried and ahhhhhh

I really missed this group of folks.

It's a start? Something away from the self-critical bashing and low self-esteem I've had going for the past few years. To hear I am missed and what i did was valuable was kinda nice 😢.

I dropped out of a major part of my life huh.

[cr3v]

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🤔 the examined life means realizing I'm an idiot over and over again and learning and fucking up again and trying to fix it and failing shsjjsjsjs godddd why am I like this 🤖.

Now I gotta be business!cr3v irl for a while because I agreed to meet someone and I can't fathom how much that will upset me 🤖 or what kind of mental state that would put me in. They should teach this in school ahah. How to people.

I was trying until I couldn't and now it's time for me to try again. I've grown too comfortable in my roles and it's painful to be in this shell, to borrow a hermit crab metaphor.

I kinda need to pray, something I've not done in ages. this kinda needs a higher power and a place to put the faith I can't put in myself right now 😰.