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Dr. Clemens - Der unfreundliche Poltergeist von nebenan

my boyfriend and I just watched a movie with a twist ending SO bad i started wheeze-laughing on the spot. whatever the fuck Psych:9 is, it was NOT good

to vaguely plot-summarize this trainwreck of a movie, this woman is hired by a hospital to organize records because its shut down and they need to clean up. Cary Elwes is there. Cary Elwes starts psychoanalyzing this woman. The woman wants a baby. The woman was abused. The woman sees ghosts, we think, but we’re not sure, but maybe this other woman also sees ghosts? But our main character woman, Roslyn, was institutionalized so maybe she’s just nuts (but Cary Elwes says don’t say nuts!). But maybe its ghosts. ALSO there’s a murderer and Ros thinks maybe her boyfriend is the murderer, but he’s not, and did I mention she REALLY wants a baby? She REALLY fucking wants a baby. I swear to god I’m giving you the best summary I possibly can. Michael Biehn is a mostly-useless cop who’s trying to quit smoking. Nothing in this movie makes sense.

Mr. Elwes, who is INCREDIBLY sexy in this movie (and therefore the only saving grace) turns out to be an angry ghost who can kill people with a hammer, which means HE is the murderer, and he’s murdering bc HE was ALSO murdered. By a patient, who stabbed him in the head with a scalpel and left him “fighting for his life for days.” So like, not to be that bitch, but getting brain-stabbed with a scalpel by your own patient seems like a pretty good reason to become an angry murder ghost. BUT Roslyn discovers the reason Mr. Murder Ghost is murdering: he’s trying to kill the specific patient who killed him, but cannot find her record, so he’s just murdering every ex-patient he can in a fit of blind ghost-rage. Yet, instead of giving the ghost the information that would inevitably put him at peace, Roslyn blows the fucking building up, therefore 1) angering the ghost MORE and 2) only allowing him to continue his random murder spree because she destroyed any chance of him discovering the ONE person he actually wants to target. Not to be a murder ghost apologist, but I feel like one death is inevitably better than multiple violent deaths when faced with a lose-lose scenario. Minimal damage, right?

However, in perhaps the most ridiculous double-twist, the movie seems to imply that Roslyn is, in fact, the patient who murdered Cary Elwes (DUH DUH DUH!!!!)

This raises multiple questions, such as:

If SHE is the patient who killed him, why did she react to meeting him as if he was a completely new person?

Following that, why was the news that he was ~actually dead~ a surprise to her?

If the implication is that she never knew he died (since he “fought for his life for days,” presumably in a coma because he was STABBED in the BRAIN), wouldn’t she remember doing that previously mentioned brain-stabbing?

Though she has dark hair now and we, the viewer, are never shown the patient’s face, SURELY Mr. Elwes had seen his patient’s face and would remember her face even if she changed her hair color, so HOW does he not recognize her?

And if he DOES recognize her and is just toying with her, WHY is he not killing her? Why does he not react differently to Roslyn telling him he’d never find the information he wants before dropping a lighter down a vent? Which I find hilarious, because

HOW THE FUCK DOES ROSLYN KNOW THAT THAT SPECIFIC VENT WILL LEAD TO THE PILE OF FILES AND AIR TANKS SHE CREATED????

This movie tries SOOOO hard to be a spooky ghost psychological thriller but it is, in fact, a mess. A really big mess. A really big, really BAD mess.

Watch this movie. Watch it with friends, and laugh about it, because you will have NO idea what the fuck is happening at any point, and it’s hilariously underacted because it takes itself 110% too seriously. If you can track it down online, watch Psych:9, but for the love of GOD don’t pay money for it. The laughs aren’t worth shelling out for a physical copy for one of the most confused, over-dramatic movies I’ve EVER watched.

#psych:9 #psych 9 #psych9 #dear GOD this movie was a mess