#pull myself apart

[darkartfinds]

Pull Myself Apart by Emi Boz

[songquota]

All of us are searching for an open arm Well, it's a shame how I pull myself apart When it's the same words making me run for cover to Your arms.

Blindside - All Of Us

[lazyscience]

success in adulting: day 14

- got away from the desk for lunch and took a walk. which, only sort of a success because I did still stay late. I just, I don’t, I...yeah. little bits at a time

- talked about feelings with the folks in the social work office, about the horrible crappy ambivalence of waiting and trying not to imagine the worst; that something will happen that the offer will fall through at the last second, that everyone will hate me for bailing (ok, some of them get the Kate Beaton smoking-lady-on-a-velocipede ain’t-give-a-damn, but other people I’m really upset about leaving to deal with stuff), about imposter syndrome. asking for help sucks. i am trying to get better at it.

- examining the tug of war between “you did this to yourself you lazy fearful shit, you should have gotten out years ago” and “well great now you’ve trashed your seniority and job security so your inevitable failure will fuck you now” and having to laugh. Because wow brain, pick a side, either you’re self-defeating or wildly overconfident, you can’t be both? that’s just SILLY.

- resisted the skeem sale. no more goddamn candles the house is already a fire hazard.

- going to bed and ACTUALLY SLEEPING YES DO THE THING DRE.