I may or may not delete this, I just want it out of my brain right now. I’ve been chronically ill for over 16 years, and some days are too much. Today is one of them.
I’m worried one of these infections is going to be the one to kill me. I’m worried about having sepsis again, I’m worried about one of them doing serious damage to my graft, I’m worried about getting another resistant bug. I’m worried about the additional risk if I need another hickman line.
I’m hungry but I can’t keep food in my stomach. My joints hurt, my bones hurt, my muscles hurt, my skin hurts, my hair follicles hurt. I’m hot and cold at the same time, and my eyeballs feel like they’re going to burn through my eyelids.
People get tired of you when you can’t function normally. You lose friends, people stop believing you because it seems outlandish that you have medical issue after medical issue. People don’t want to take the necessary precautions to keep you safe, to keep you in their life, but everyone will assure you that they don’t consider you a burden. They mistake having a healthy relationship with your mortality with being pessimistic. They try to convince you it’s not actually as bad as it seems.
I’m 16 years worth of tired today. Here’s my face because very few people will pay attention otherwise. Have you checked on your sick friends today?


















