#queenofbaras

[lunelu-blog]

Look out I’m makin some gay shit over here. (THIS IS A WIP OF A COLLAB TWEEN ME AND queenofbaras! ) I love these two so much, sorry not sorry.  Vik (right) and Lul (left) are queenofbaras and my Tera Characters and they can’t help it. 

[s0mehorror]

I didn't get the closure I needed so this is for myself. Don't mistake this for an invitation back into my life, because that is the exact opposite of what it is.

Allyson / Snow / queenofbaras / ra1ny-daize

You don't know what you did wrong, for me to cut you out of my life.

You lied to me, i don't know the extent of it, but you lied to me and you lied to everyone around you.

You're right that i told you to take the out when it got too much. I accept that.

Maybe you never told me any outright lies, maybe you meant everything you said. I'm not contesting that. But not telling me things is lying by omission and it's a lie all the same.

Lucifer knows if i'll be able to get everything i wish i could say sorted in my head and on screen, but whatever, here goes.

Because I was so in love with you, I did not see a lot of the warning signs, and i refuse to waste time kicking myself over it. I doubt that anyone would, but if they doubt this, they should look at the tag I had for you. I considered purging it, but i'm leaving it as a record.

Which brings us to the first point, i guess. You neglected to mention the fact we got back together again, to the person you said was your best friend. And then when she found out, you said it was one sided and you let me call you my girlf because it was easier for me. So you either lied to her or me, and i don't actually care which it is.

If you lied to me about our whole second attempt at a relationship, i don't care. the whole six months, minus a day, plus all the two months before it was "official". If every 'i love you' and sweet word was a lie, I don't care. What I felt was real, and I was very deeply in love with you.

You kept me a secret, and did backflips to try and convince someone it was one sided. You were so afraid we would get to talking, and i think it was inevitable that we did get to talking.

I should have listened to my cousin because i hate so much to admit she was right, but she was right that someone afraid to announce publicly our relationship was going to get me hurt in the end.

I accepted your reasons of anxiety and whatever things, and didn't dig too much into the reasons and that was my fault, that was my failure.

Do you know what it does to someone though? Being told in so many words that you're not important enough to fight for? That fear of judgement from friends and family is greater than the happiness you bring your partner. Relationships are hard work, and theres uncertainty and fear and you can't just dip your toes in, and say you tried your hardest.

dont say distance killed us, tell the truth. Fear killed us.

You took a year of my life, and i don't regret it because I learned from it and came out stronger.

When you casually mentioned, in such an offhand fashion, that a guy confessed to you. And you didn't know how too react. I told you what seemed like the most obvious thing in the world. "Just tell him you're taken."

I didn't know then what I know now. You told him, you weren't emotionally in a place for a relationship. I didn't know about him, but now I do. And all i can say is he saw in your the same things i did probably. It hurt me every time it came up that you neglected to mention our relationship to an outside party, but i said nothing. It was needles, a hundred needles digging into my chest every time.

i was always completely upfront with you, i bared my heart and my soft underside. i meant every word i said.

Once, i told you " I love you so much and maybe i won't always love you but in this moment, right now i love you so deeply."

These last few days I have ripped open old wounds, to get closure, to sew them up correctly and it hurts.

I was so angry for a time, I was livid, how dare you miss me (yeah, I saw that post you made 9 months after we stopped speaking.) how dare you break it off and expect anything less than the truth coming out. But you are allowed to mourn just as much as I have the right to mourn. And I suppose I cant do anything to stop you from missing me.

I don't hate you at all. Hate is too strong of an emotion to waste on someone no longer in my life. As time passes, I find myself thinking of you less and less, and when I thought I had gotten over it, I learned the extent of things i did not know when we dated.

I do not want a reply, or an explanation. Hell, i would be surprised if you even acknowledged this because then you'd have to admit we had a relationship.

[floofybombusarchive-blog]

queenofbaras

[rizzajax]

queenofbaras replied to your post:queenofbaras replied to your post:I was tagged by...

AH YES that must be it.

obviously.

[rizzajax]

queenofbaras replied to your post:I was tagged by queenofbaras LIST 15 THINGS THAT...

im laughing so hard over pietro getting his own spot thats perfect why didnt i give remy his own spot

You were too busy thinking about Remy to give Remy his own spot, obviously.

[rizzajax]

queenofbaras replied to your post:queenofbaras replied to your post:I just can’t get...

ITS PERFECT BUT ILL NEVER WATCH THE SIMPSONS THE SAME AGAIN……… thinking about jax will be 10x funnier tho oh my god

yesss feel my pain and joy!

[rizzajax]

queenofbaras replied to your post:I just can’t get over how much Homer Simpson...

Oh my god ill never unsee him as homer now

I KNOW RIGHT!? I was just watching one day and was like oh my god...Jax is just like Homer and now I can't stop seeing it and I love the Simpsons even more than I already did before

[neon-mace]

quick doodle of Kure for QueenOfBaras because she's a super sweetie cries