#queergirlproblems

[whistlingatnight]

I really don’t want to be your boyfriend’s kink.

[queethoughtsqueerlady-blog]

PSA(2)

or better yet, just don’t get crushes at all. it will save you a lot of time and hurt feelings. like...when you feel yourself starting to like someone JUST DON’T DO IT!!!!!!!

[queethoughtsqueerlady-blog]

PSA

don’t like girls who are probably straight.

like, just don’t do it.

[ariadnegetswise-blog]

Blue Sunday

You'd think having a job in your field and decent benefits would be enough to get you cartwheeling as the workweek approaches. You'd think. Monday means wondering if my assignments will come in on time or I'll have to artfully thumb-twiddle as I do my best to not be seen and, when seen, appear as if my existence there is justified (I used to work in an environment with a constant stream of one-day turn arounds) because my workload feels so light. It means hoping I sleep well and can get to work by 8ish with a proper lunch packed and remember to eat breakfast even though I forget to eat unless I'm dizzy or my stomach growls. It means not having a door to close or a truly private space for nine hours, and constantly feeling paranoid and watched and exposed. It means dealing with IT hundreds of miles away to unlock my laptop for me because I didn't update my password in time, then dealing with a similarly distant HR department because no password access means no time sheet was filled out. It means being afraid to enter the kitchen or public rooms because since the first week, when I politely and casually outed myself with a sentence that included the words "my partner" and "she," I've been told one staff member went to my onsite supervisor ranting about what a freak I was and also told I would make multiple people uncomfortable and despite anti-discrimination laws if people banded together I could probably get ousted on some pretext so don't mention your partner or being queer again, for your own sake, OK? --Which means never feeling honest, never feeling trusting, never able to be open when other people discuss their own families. It means faking normal in all kinds of painful ways, and doing that for five days straight, and calling it making a living, and feeling like I've got less than a half-life going when I get home -- needing to use most nights as recharge times instead of art/accomplishment/quality time. Good things happen during the week, too, but lately I've been so burned out it's hard to remember that.

[thewickedwitchofohio]

Letting an old friend from high school cut my hair today. At the Sport Clips she now manages. I'm the only girl customer in here hahaha.

[faerygirls-blog]

"Last night I dreamt I went to Manderley again"

--Just kidding. Last night I dreamed I was Dean Winchester and it fucking rocked. Because I was Dean fucking Winchester.

Also I was in love with this sweet, lovely red-headed girl and we were not in the Supernatural universe, exactly, but hiding from some massive unnatural evil. I snuck back to see her, once, but I was worried about being found out. There were spies for the evil one who would track me, I guess.

So I sent her a postcard, without my name, with a number. I don't know, I was Dean Winchester, maybe I figured one disposable cellphone, then another postcard, with another number.

I wasn't afraid for her. I was afraid for me.

I woke up, and thought about it, and thought, besides being Dean Winchester (awesome), the red-headed girl was my sexuality.

I'm only half-out with it, really. I keep sending it love notes by talking to co-workers and friends about it, and posting super-pro-gay stuff on all my social media, including the networks I use with my name attached.

I have queer friends and my mom knows, but it's just . . .I keep dating guys because they're more prevalent, and I don't give myself time to find women to date, and I don't think that's fair to me or healthy. I think maybe I need some more experience in the dating as an out-bi-girl scene. I think I need to be sure I know who I am or what I want, because out of the people I've been intimate with in the last year or so, I do not remember ever seeing and touching something as close to a miracle as my ex-girlfriend's body.

I still get a headrush thinking about how beautiful she was, so I mostly try not to.

I'm a different person when I embrace my sexuality. I'm more confident, more tender, more vulnerable, more myself. And liking women is part of that.

And maybe that's something I need to sit with and think about, because when you ask me who I'd like to date from most of my favorite TV shows, it's usually one of the female leads. --Except I'd take Spike over Buffy. I mean, Buffy has way more issues.