#queerhabesha

[thelunarnaut]

I mish you

Come back from Australia then. 

[habeshahomo]

Straight Dudes, it isn't always about you.

"Did I do something? Why are you looking crazy babe?" 

I asked my boo to give me a moment. Internally I was regretting the plastic cup of alcohol in my hands. Why couldn't it be glass? Why didn't the bartender give me glass?! I imagined myself gazing in his eyes right before I wasted $8 of liquor on his pathetic face. 

I overheard him mocking my existence. His entire manhood questioned because he realized the woman I was with was MY woman, not only my friend, but my lover, my safety. He and his friends snickered and giggled like little insecure dicks about "giving us the D".

When in the fuck did men become such assholes? I've always used my femininity to my benefit, but I didn't realize it until now - when the word lesbian neutralizes those benefits. They're dismissive, angry, hurtful and take my love of women as some sort of mark against them-PERSONALLY.

PSA: IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU. I DO NOT WANT YOUR "D". NO LESBIAN WANTS YOUR "D"....ON THE OFF CHANCE THAT I DO WANT SOME DICK, IT WON'T BE FROM A SHITBAG THAT REFERS TO IT AS "THE D". 

[habeshahomo]

I've had so much on my mind lately, that I can't even cum.

I nearly broke my vagina trying to distract my mind, stop myself from thinking. 

I always struggled through my heterosexual relationships, with the assumption that things would always be fucked up, ill fitting. 

Then, I found pussy. I found love, the quiet I had never known existed and it was wrapped in women. Lately, I’ve begun to hate the finality of my own gayness. I’m mourning the “normal” life I never actually thought I would have. 

Will my children not have a father, will I find a habesha band willing to sing at my wedding or family members to attend, at all?? It’s strange, suddenly I’m mourning everything. I thought after coming out and settling into this space, it would be roses and rainbows. It is not. 

I’m pushing away an incredible woman, who I am emotionally fighting, with a ferocity even I am disgusted by. I will not commit to her, admit that I’m falling in love with her, nothing. I apparently would rather spend my emotional energy dating women I could only have meaningless sex with or assholes that will break my heart so I don’t have to face my version of forever. 

[habeshahomo]

I've wanted to start writing, to have somewhere for other gay, lesbian, queer, bi, trans, etc, Habesha's to find a familiar voice. The same outlet I was searching for when I first came out. Feverishly searching through the internet for someone who looked like me and understood. 

Today, DOMA was struck down and I knew it was the perfect time to start. I'm not sure what direction it will take, but here it is. 

As I start this blog, I'll share a bit of why this is so important to me. Some time after coming out to my sister, we were having one of our usual coffee sessions. Our excuse to giggle, gossip and relax in the safe comfort of our love for one another. She told me the story of a gay habesha man that her friends had encountered and how they laughed at him, openly mocking his "girlyness". Telling and retelling how they spotted a gay habesha, bold enough to not "cover it up". She laughed and laughed, until she noticed my despair.

"Don't you see, I'm him, other Habesha's do that to me. Other people in general have treated me like that. Made me feel less than". Her only response? 

"But you're different, you're not gay like THAT". 

My point is this, I am gay like THAT. Your cousin, the guy you buy injera from, the lady your mom has boona with. They're gay. We're everywhere, and we're your family.