(1) So I accidentally befriended an anti. It was over a really small fandom that we both liked, but then I checked their other stuff and they're quite a vehement anti for a different fandom - thankfully, one that I'm not a member of. However, I still don't feel comfortable interacting with them anymore, lest I become the next "disgusting sociopath".
(2) Before I found out, I had gifted them a couple fics on AO3 and commented on their work. I deleted the comments and de-gifted the fics, but I know they still know my username. I am also reluctant to interact with the small fandom again because they're basically the only other person in it, and my tastes there are certainly what tumblr would call "problematic".
(3) Do you think that I have removed myself appropriately from the situation, or should I go further and delete my AO3 entirely? Or could I re-engage with the small fandom? Or am I being too uncharitable to not want any interaction with them anymore, because, after all, they never said anything hateful to or about me personally, just other people.
sorry for the late reply on this.
You know how people say that you should go out to dinner with a potential SO/life partner and see how they treat the waitstaff, especially when something goes wrong? and if they behave like an ass, you should cut ties and run* because people who are jerks to anyone they have a modicrum of power over are showing their lack of respect for other human beings?
IMO, this is a similar situation. Everyone has the potential to be kind and cruel. Everyone has things that piss them off. The only difference between a person who treats others with respect and a person who doesn’t is a choice: do I consider people with opinions I consider terrible to still be human beings and treat them accordingly ... or not? (and of course things like mental illness can make it harder to be decent to others and there are many possible extenuating circumstances, but this central question is still key.)
If you see this person be a jerk to people they hate, that means that they’ll treat you the same way if they ever decide they hate you. If that makes you uncomfortable, stay away from them; from personal experience, I believe that’s the best way to protect yourself.
Going forward, I think you should do whatever makes you feel most comfortable and safe. If you feel like you need to start over with a fresh slate, do that! it’s about creating a space that’s good for you, so go to whatever lengths makes you feel the most satisfied/gives you the least regrets. Maybe you could re-engage with the small fandom under a different username without changing it for any other fandom? It’s up to you.
*if you’re sufficiently close to a person who can be a butt to others you might feel comfortable enough to call them out on it; you might find out there’s a reason for the behavior, and maybe they want to change. People who want to grow do want (kind, personalized) correction ime, so like. obviously apply nuance as appropriate.
