#questionin

[youredoingkinwrong]

Hey, I'm currently questioning as fictionkin. The thing is, I am a very very nonspiritual person--I don't believe I was this character in a past life or anything. Whatever sort of attachment or relationship I have, I blame as being the result of trauma and neurodivergence. Most fictionkin stuff I can find resources on are for the more spiritual side of things, so I wasn't sure where to turn for this advice.

(That being said, I think the spiritual explanation is perfectly valid--just as I won't argue with religious beliefs as an atheist, I won't force alternatives upon that side!)

I hope you can help despite that, since I've been having trouble finding active blogs for answering these questions. If you could point me to any other blogs, I'd appreciate it.

I don't believe that I am somehow this character in a literal or spiritual way. She's more like a part of myself instead of the entirety of me, but much more so than just a comfort character would be. (Not sure how well I explained that? But because I default to a scientific reason, I know I'm not the type to embrace fully believing I am her.)

My girlfriend is a fictive of a character shipped with the character I think I kin, but wasn't originally a fictive--she thinks she may have become a fictive in the same way that I came to kin this character.

In fact, some of the fictives in my gf's system describe their relationships to their canon much more similarly to how I feel about this character than a lot of fictionkin resources I can find describe it. I am 100% certain I am a singlet, however, and so I know that that isn't the explanation.

Things that make me thing that I may be fictionkin:

I sometimes have memories of the character from her point of view, which are frequently distressing (intrusive thoughts related to her trauma, that sort of thing).

On several occasions, I forgot I wasn't her (I woke up thinking "wow, I went through that and it didn't hurt me as much as in this fanfic about her that I wrote," then remembered I didn't actually go through it; similar things a few times while fully awake sometimes).

I get a similar sort of euphoria to cosplaying her that I do from gender euphoria, feeling like it's more right than whatever I usually wear.

I go by her name at times.

I know I'm not voluntarily choosing to do this--why would I want a fictional character's trauma on top of my own?

It is definitely more significant than the "heavily relating to her/identifying with instead of as" thing that the word "kin" is frequently misused for.

Sorry for the long ask, I've just been thinking about this a lot lately. Do you have any thoughts one way or the other?

-- Lore

(signing in case you have anything further you'd like me to clarify in another ask)

Hello Lore,

While I am comfortable in my identity as a spiritually-identifying fictionkin, I heartily support all psychological 'kin, so I hope I will be able to be of some help to you.

Psychologically-identifying 'kin simply have a different reasoning for their identities. You can absolutely say you are 'kin with a character for reasons other than spiritual ones. It's just one explanation of many, and though it is perhaps the most popular explanation, it is by no means the only one.

What you want to do with that identity is up to you. If you want to call yourself fictionkin, you are more than welcome to. If you don't, that's fine too. It really is up to you, since it's your life that's being lived. The only really thoughts or notes I have for you are that you would not be the first person to potentially identify as a fictional character for non-spiritual reasons, and you would not be the last. And that you are of course welcome to be whoever you are.

[all-about-thoughts]

Lesbians,queer, bi sapphic ,wlw heeeeeeeelp

Ok have you ever through this questioning your sexuality about men and woman, let me be clear. Sometimes I still get confuse if I found that male person handsome, attractive or if I'll go beyond than admiration.

This happens naturally when I try to imagine whatever type of the touch between me and man especifically if is sexual i automatically turn my face away doesn't seem right or it's not for me. I can find him cute but i never (that i remember) felt sexually attracted by a man or feel embarrassing bc i liked a sexy or whatever demonstration from them. BUT DAMN with woman ...i don't have to explain like i feel the shivers or feel embarrassing but bc deeply i liked that kind of contact. I'm fuckin gay or i should give men a chance?(i fucking don't wanna it)

[sameens-shaw]

how did you realise that you are a lesbian and not bi? I'm questioning at the moment and idk what to do

Hi!Well, what I did was mostly just read and read and read, most of it on here tbh. I once stumbeled upon a post that was like “signs that you might be a lesbian” which got me wondering initially. For that, what has been incredibly helpful to me, were the blogs @hate2breakittoya @platovevo and @closet-keys but there are many more! H2B has tags called “am i gay” and “compulsory heterosexuality” and platovevo has a tag called “bi vs lesbian”. (I have a tag on that too called “questioning”) They are full of informative posts and asks of people asking about things, so you can get a good idea of lesbians’ and bi girls’ experiences (I’m assuming you’re a woman/woman aligned here cause you said you’re questioning whether you’re a lesbian, which is a term only for women (/-aligned people)) For good blogs by bi women that might help, there’s @brownbitchbisexual or @tomcats-and-tophats but I’m sure there are more!Other than that, what I thought was really helpful to know, is that the differences between being bi and lesbian are not as big as you might think and that in the end, it’s often just about what label feels better to you (don’t be afraid to try out a label for a while and see how it feels! That helps immensly, believe me!). And you don’t have to worry about men so much, what’s important is that you love women! They’re the focus here, not men and it’s totally ok if you just focus on that! The rest will resolve itself eventually. You can take your time! Just think about it for a while, a lot can get clearer with time.That being said, it’s worth noting that the whole “am I into men” question often comes down to “do I want to be with men” or “do I want to acknowledge my attraction to men”. You can be bi and only date women/women aligned people. You can be a lesbian. (that’s what I meant above, it’s important what label feels good to you)And important: Feeling like you could be with a man doesn’t mean you want to! I could be with a man theoretically, but do I want to? No!And related: Fantasies don’t equal real life, meaning that even if you have romantic/sexual fantasies (e.g. a common experience is having crushes on fictional male characters) don’t mean that you’d want it in real life. I can only tell from my experience, but I do still sometimes get crushes on fictional men, but the second a real relationship (irl) with a real man even becomes a plausible posibillity I get really uncomfortable and I just know that that’s not what I want (but it took me a while to realise that, only after a while of knowing that I am a lesbian I actively noticed it). Of course if it turns out you’re bi, and into men, you’ll experience it differently! But I think it’s really helpful to think about that.What I definitely would not recommend is getting together with a man “just to see if you like it”, because that can be really harmful!

But yeah, take your time, read some stuff about it and then think about it and you should be okay. And if you know/can meet any other wlw in real life and talk to them about it. Or maybe there are support groups? (I know there’s a group in Munich where you can go to as a wlw to talk about coming out or stuff like questioning your identity, maybe there is one wherever you live?).

I really hope I could help and I wish you the best of luck for figuring things out!

(I just remembered that you asked more abt my personal experience I think? I’m on mobile so I don’t see the original ask this app is awful… So sorry if I got off point and if you want to hear more about my personal experience and questioning process just send another ask, I’m happy to help!)

[reitrill]

I ate something a couple of forties made me hate somethin' I did some now I'm ready to take something 3 years later showing signs of stress Didn't keep my hair cut or give a how I dressed I'm possessed by the darker side livin' the cruddy life Like this kept a nigga with a bloody knife Wanna make records but I'm fuckin' up I'm slippin' I'm fallin' I can't get up

[glitterdyke]

This Gender Shit is Ridiculous

[lgbt-advise]

I identify as bi but now I'm questioning weather I'm lesbian but I don't know if it is because all the guys i know are about pictures and sex or if it's because I genually are not attracted to them. How do I know?

It’s kind of lame but hypothetical thinking is great for this. Just try to imagine yourself dating a guy and having a future with a guy, if you can see yourself being attracted to that sort of future then there is a chance you’re bi. If you can’t, there is chance you’re not bi.

Here’s something to think about, are you attracted to men in general? Do they draw you in? What about men is making you go back and forth between bisexuality and homosexuality?

This was poorly written but I hope it helped!

-M xxx

[unpackingqueer]

Adopt-a-Diva

Did you know that One N Ten (Phoenix-based org for queer and questioning youth and allies) has an Adopt-a-Diva program for Christmas and holiday gifting? Consider picking up an Adopt-a-diva card at local Phoenix-Area coffee shops, and give a gift to a queer/questioning/underprivileged youth who may not otherwise receive any gifts this holiday! Adopt-a-Diva Cards are available at Urban Beans on 7th & Osborne, among other places. Look for the little pink Christmas tree! Drop off *unwrapped* gifts to One N Ten Admin Offices 2700 N. 3rd St, Suite 2011 by Dec. 19th (Location printed on the back of the card.)