Although it would be nice if all of the plural community was a kind and welcoming place, unfortunately the reality is that this is not always the case. Like any large community filled with a variety of people, there are those who are good to be around, and those who may be volatile. We have a list of things to look for and avoid to stay safe in the community, especially for those who are new to certain subsets, or are questioning whether they’re part of a plural system.
Check to see what a group’s stance on various system types are before joining. Are they inclusive or only feel systems of certain types are real? If they’re restrictive, is it because they only want to focus on one subset of the community, or is it because they believe other subsets are inherently lesser or “fake”? Not all groups are comfortable with those of other origins, and if you are exploring your origins it may be best to find inclusive or open-minded communities. Knowing this can save a system time and energy when interacting with others, and eliminate discomfort.
Be very wary of blogs or communities that pop up one day advertising or offering their services to the community. Yes, on places like tumblr blogs often pop up from time to time, but be wary of a blog that seems to appear out of the blue, advertise only a server or community and nothing else, has no further interaction with the wider plural community, or seems too good to be true/poorly designed. Often these places will be easy for trolls and others to infiltrate, or not designed with the inhabitants in mind. If the system behind these projects is not well known or can’t be vetted by other members, this may be a red flag as well (although it may also be the case that they’re new to the community in general).
We mainly give this warning because of a honeypot server that appeared not too long ago, attacking anyone who didn’t fit a particular notion of traumagenic, and similar attacks on plural spaces. These things rarely happen, but when they do they can be devastating to those involved.
Be very wary of those who claim they can tell whether you’re plural or not. Unless a person is a licensed psychologist or therapist, they have no business diagnosing or telling you definitively whether you’re part of a system or not, and they have no business trying to treat you for anything, especially if they’re on the internet. A person can give advice, offer help and assistance, but they cannot tell you conclusively whether you’re plural or not, or what was a traumatic event to you. They can only offer their own knowledge and beliefs on the subject. Keep away from those who want to force plurality, an origin, or any other belief upon you without your consent.
Does your mental health decline when in the presence of a specific group or person? Some people may actually experience more dissociation, splitting, or dysfunction than usual when with people who are toxic. This is a reaction to a stressful environment, and is a sign a person or group is unhealthy to be around.
If you’re working with someone, what is their behavior like? Are they understanding and try to be kind, or do they try to constantly dominate you and others around you? Do they allow you time to rest and build back yourself, or are they fast and never want you to have a moment alone? Do they like and welcome disagreements and contrary opinions, or do they turn angry and unusually hostile when people, even friends have a different viewpoint?
You do not have to agree on every single topic with a person, but if they’re constantly asserting a “my way or the highway” mentality, blowing up over simple or minor mistakes, and acting very erratic or aggressive towards other people, it’s best to keep away from them, at least until they calm down.
System-hopping: We are aware that this is a controversial topic in the plural community, with some people believing and some people disbelieving in it, regardless of system origin or beliefs on the metaphysical. We feel is it necessary to say this about it however: Don’t trust someone who claims right upon meeting you that they can just jump into your headspace, or who tries to use it as a bargaining chip in a relationship. These types of people want to control and abuse you, and often times a system may psychologically react accordingly, blocking out a member who is present, as they believe they are gone from the system. Usually separating from the abuser and finding safety is enough for connections to reestablish and for the “lost” system member to be found once more.
Be wary of those claiming extravagant abilities, or talking about controversial topics openly and unabashedly. There are some people who will try to strike up a conversation or lure others in claiming magical or mystical abilities, often not looking for understanding and help but for victims to take advantage of. They may claim they have the secrets of a special ability or power and that only they can wield it, but if you give up money, or become their underling (and take all of their abuse) they may teach it to you. In groups these types of people can actually form cults and do great harm to people. There are also those who come into a space openly trying to create confusion using sensitive or controversial topics in the plural community (such as talking about destroying their systemmates or those in other systems, system-hopping, etc) in order to find people to attack and troll. This has happened many times over, so please be careful.
Keep away from people who seem poised to outdo you or your system. These people often claim they’ve gotten systemmates just like yours, except better somehow, or that they have system members who are better than yours, so you should revere them. These people do not want friends, they want admiration, and to look better than everyone else.
Many of these are situational and depend on the context, as well as how many red flags a person tips off (ex. a server may be poorly made and accidentally allow trolls but the system is well-known and has good intentions, a person may claim extravagant abilities but not use it to gain power over someone, etc.) but these are common paths that abusers and trolls take to attack other people. We urge younger systems as well as older ones to be on the lookout, and keep themselves and others safe from dangerous people.
