...was a garbage year for me. It started right off with a medical school rejection. I got permanent nerve damage in my dominant wrist early in the year due to a job. Then I had to leave that said job, which of course was well paying, because I had numerous health issues that were borderline put-you-in-the-hospital serious. And my mental health took a nose dive -- probably the worst it’s ever been and that’s saying something, considering my early life events. Illness and lack of agency/independence of course amplified mental health issues too.
I spent a lot of time in clinics, ERs, and rehabilitation massage-type places. I was constantly either in a ton of pain or sick or both, and there were very few days where I was strong enough to meet up with friends or do anything personal. Months went by where there were many days where I couldn’t even get up. For someone who needs to be busy for their mental health, this perceived “waste of time” was devastating.
My relationships with people started to boil down to: Do I physically have the energy to engage with this person? And as horrible, divisive international events started to mount, I started to notice how little energy I had for putting up with people’s shitty attitudes in general. Add to that not getting any sleep consistently, high stress situations, my intimate relationships falling apart -- I’m honestly surprised I even made it to the end of the year.
I did do some good this year, like camping in new places when I was starting to recover, participating in Inktober even if the art was nowhere near my general skill level, becoming more engaged in acts of resistance, getting a job again, learning about child protection services and social work (for work), practicing lots with Copic markers, playing video games again, etc. But the bad was overwhelmingly bad.
I can say though that 2018 is going to be interesting; if there’s one thing I learned this year, it’s that I should prioritize my needs more than ever. I’ve spent too long putting up with shitty people, giving away my kindness freely only to receive terrible treatment in return, and not paying enough attention to my personal needs. I’ve already started spending more time with worthwhile people and cutting off those who siphon away my ability to live authentically. I’ve started spending more time reclaiming who I was before the last 4 years. And there’s still so much more I’m going to do, because life is short and it doesn’t need to be spent on terrible people and terrible experiences.
Here’s to a better year full of huge life changes!
