I had time to think about my social life a little bit
It's kind of venty (maybe) so readmore it is
Soooo about five years later... And there isn't a lot of progress on my social burnout
I realize now it's also how I handle the social energy I do have for the day while I'm online
I love my online friends and mutuals and acquaintances I get to chat with almost every day
I never mind a message or a ping or such and I am sorry I don't always reply to them when someone decides to check on me and send me stuff they know I'll love to see. They take time of their day to reach out
And I reach back when I can and it just never feels enough because I want to reach back to folks
And the energy I have is then torn in bits and spread like crumbs for each message or social place and such as well as reaching out to family and folks irl
And a lot of the energy goes to personal stuff at home...
And just. I haven't. Had a lot of peace for my mind for a while. But I also don't want it because I don't want to feel lonely. Even if it draws me thin.
But I realized I've become more jaded and snappy at people at home because I am still without a room, without quiet, without personal time for myself aside from when I "work" and people actually try to leave me alone. Not the cat tho...
And that window is so small...
And this year was a lot so far. And now that things are calmer I am more desperate to run away for a little while.
Which sucks because, again, my social life is reduced to crumbs. And I want to be around people!
The constant social exhaustion is so... Exhausting.
But I still want to be around. I'm sorry if I'm just not around enough.
I haven't been around for myself either.