#rampage rant

[eddiemunsonspantschain]

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That birthday post just made me dread the fact that my birthday is coming. I haven’t had a good birthday in years. On my birthday I never do anything,no one ever tries to do anything with me (only my family for a dinner. That’s as far as it goes). So I just end up depressed and lonely feeling on my birthday. The last time I felt remotely special on my birthday was my Sweet 16 and even that had been ruined by an ongoing divorce and my older sister running away from home (more shit followed after that day thus my period of ongoing depression for about 2+ years). Last year I had the flu on my birthday. My dad got me a card with a giftcard and that at least made me happy bc someone gave me something. When I got better I made myself a cake bc I didn’t have one at all. I just hung out with myself. I don’t have a lot of friends. I had close friends but...dunno. They’d probably never try and throw me a party or any kind of get together. Even just a dinner together. My birth is always depressing. If I had the money,I’d take myself to New Orleans. By myself. Idc. It’s my happy place away from home. If I really could afford it I’d honestly bring my mom. I can’t even go see her for my birthday. I dunno. I just haven’t looked forward to my birthday in years. The one day I just wanna feel special? Is it wrong or stupid? Yeah. It is. But it’s what I want bc I never feel special to anyone,ever. Just a second fiddle. I’ll probably spend my birthday as I have been for years: making myself a birthday cake,watching my favorite movies and basically having a normal ass day. 

[eddiemunsonspantschain]

Ima get up on my makeup artist high horse and just issue a PSA that I really thought wasn’t needed but apparently it is: DO NOT OPEN A MAKEUP PRODUCT TO TRY IT ON AND THEN PUT IT BACK IN THE PACKAGING AND LEAVE IT FOR SOMEONE ELSE TO STUMBLE UPON.

It’s unsanitary. You could get someone sick or if you have a little funky thing happenin with your mouth (you know what I mean) you could spread it to someone else. Pink Eye. Breakouts. Other infections can occur and breed bacteria in the makeup product.

I might seem dramatic but seriously it’s overall fucking disgusting. I just watched a woman in TJMaxx open a lipgloss,put it on and put it back in the package then run off when she saw me staring her down. I gave the product to the staff afterwards.

It’s nasty. I understand in department stores it can be a hit or miss buying something without being able to test it but c’mon. This is why places like MAC and Sephora are nice bc you can get samples. And guess what? If you think something is too expensive and you want it just for like a job interview or something a sample works just fine. No need to go and buy something. Samples are free!

Number 1 concern of a makeup artist isn’t to make you look good tbh. It’s to make sure everything is sanitary. Makeup can breed bacteria if it gets contaminated. There’s tons of videos talking about it.

Pls,just fucking stop.

[eddiemunsonspantschain]

Imma just scream into the void for a second since I did it yesterday. 

I e-mailed the makeup school I wanna go to about helping me. My father wants me to apply with FAFSA as an Independent student meaning I take care of myself,etc. He is adamant about this. I e-mailed the school’s financial aid office since they don’t seem to do in person meetings unless I do a tour (which I did like a few years ago). They said they can’t help me bc I don’t fit the requirements for being an Independent student (not 23/24 since I saw either,not married,no kids,not a veteran or active military) soooo now idk what to do bc my dad will just blame me and say I ‘didn’t try hard enough’ bc it’s my dad’s way or nothing. My mom (who’s been a student more recently than my father ever has and also did FAFSA for me and my older sis previously) knows how hard they make it so she gets it. My dad? Nah. It’s just my fault. Bc I have to figure out a way to beat the government system. So I just wanna cry bc I know he’s just gonna blame me for something I can’t change.

[eddiemunsonspantschain]

Why does family need to follow my social media? Like...no. I don’t need you seeing the organic me and reporting the things you don’t like about me to my parents. For context...my uncles,aunts,etc...don’t like a lot of things about me. What I like,how I dress,my personality,political views,my tattoos,my body (weight) and pretty much everything. They love me bc I’m blood but as far as I’m concerned that’s where the line ends. 

[daehyungslips]

I had a mental breakdown at the worst possible time. I always avoid crying in front of others, so I guess that's why I ran off. It's so embarrassing having someone see that sort of side of me. Even if that person is very important to me. 

On another note: my icon is no Daehyun, my baby. 

[paryza]

Can I just not go to school tomorrow?

I'm in shreds right now and can't handle what I've put myself through right now.

fneabchs hbvhbw