#ramts

[rainedtoohard]

TUMBLR IS BACK ITS BACK AAAAGGGGHHHHH

[simply-darito]

You complain a lot about how no one believes that you cook. You say you do a lot but I have hardly seen it. Sure you cook the meat, but you don’t drain the grease, season it, or cook the pasta. You say that you could cook without me but I’m always stuck doing the shit you don’t want to do. You can make yourself a fucking steak. Will you? No, I’ll end up doing it. To be 100% honest I do not feel well at all and I am not up to making your food, I don’t even feel like making my own.

[contributetomychaos]

It finally came to me Being with him is like lighting a menthol next to a gas pump I'm scared it might slip through my fingers And my heart is racing Adrenaline is sky fucking high I know I should take my cigarette and walk away But I can already feel flames kiss my neck It's warm against my skin I can smell my flesh starting to burn So we dance for a little while His hands burn welts into my hips When he stays high, I whisper low And when I scream please, he goes slow My mother always warned me to never play with fire But when it feels this good How can I say no?

[contributetomychaos]

One of my most favorite things about Chris is when I'm at work he'll text me to come home. He'll say, "Come home to me" As if home is wherever he is Maybe it is

[contributetomychaos]

You would hate me if you really know who I am now. I smoke cigs when I drink. I drink whenever I can. I have sex a lot. I don't really eat. But I still love you.

[contributetomychaos]

In the military there is an abundance of cheating going on between engaged, married, and people in relationships. It honestly disgusts me. I dare someone to cheat on me again. I actually laugh about it because if someone ever gets by me and cheats on me then there will be hell to pay. I will literally make their lives unbearable. Fuck cheaters.

[contributetomychaos]

He kept looking across the table at me all night. I couldn't tell if it was the margarita running through his veins or if he saw a light in my eyes. What could he be staring at? We walked out to his car and he dropped his arm over my shoulder. My hand slipped through his jacket and around his waist. Up the elevator we go.. But first he kisses me. And he kisses me. And he keeps kissing me until I finally break away. That was enough excitement for one wednesday.

[contributetomychaos]

Life

I have been feeling sad lately and I don't know if it's because I'm on my period or if my heavy emotions are actually valid. Anthony has been on my mind like crazy just like he said he would be. I can't do anything without his sweet smile popping into my head. These past few days have been eventful and he would have been the first person to tell. And my baby would have been jumping over the moon with joy and pride at all that I'm accomplishing. I can hear him now, "babe look at you killing it! I'm so proud of my little sailor. I'm right there with you." And the last part will break my heart forever because he is farther away than he has ever been. I have a big transition coming up in a few weeks and I'm a bit scared to say the least. Every drastic change I've had in the past 6 months there was a hand holding mine the whole way through it. Now I leave empty handed and I feel cold. If Anthony moved to California, although I would never let him because that kind of commitment scares the shit out of me, wouldn't that show that he's ready to leave the nest and make a new life with me? Wouldn't that prove to me and everyone else that he is man enough to change his whole life around for the woman he loves? We could leave everyone and everything behind. I don't know. Too many thoughts. My heart aches for the smile that took it. When I'm not thinking about Anthony..I'm swarming with thoughts of Josh. His face, so beautiful and innocent, is the screen savor on my phone. It's been that way since the day that he left. And every time, every day that I look at it makes me want to walk away from all the logic I've ever known. Because his soul was pure and so ready for life. Now he has no life to continue on with. It breaks my heart is two, splits my lungs in half and reduces me to pieces on the floor knowing that I can keeping walking this earth and he can't. The only way I keep my head on my shoulders is imagining that his heaven is better than this. That's the only thing that can pacify me but not even for very long. I love him and I miss him and I'll never stop for as long as I live. Leaving ally weighs heavily on my shoulders. I try not to think about it and I try to make light of the situation whenever it's the elephant in our room. She is the reason that I'm happy here. The cosmos recognized the lack of spirit in my bones and blessed me with this girl who quickly became one of the best friends I've ever had. You meet people in the navy, a sorts of people, who impact your life either negatively or positively. And you try to hold on as long as you can until your forced to let go and move onto the next. I don't want to leave ally. If I could pack her up with my toothbrush and shampoo and fly her to Cali with me I would. But her path doesn't cross mine anymore. As sad as it makes me, I must pack up myself and leave for new adventures. I will keep in touch, obviously, since I was asked to come to her wedding in June. She is a beautiful person inside and out, I am so lucky to have met her when I did. The mind and the heart are taking blow after blow recently. Like I stated before, I don't know if it's just my hormones running rapid or if these feelings of emptiness will stick for some time to come. Empty. Of love. Of friendship. It comes in waves. Will I ride it out or get caught in the currents?