IT’S CURRENTLY 3AM
NO I DON’T KNOW WHAT SLEEP IS I DO THIS EVERY NIGHT
GEUSS WHO’S STILL GONNA GO TO SCHOOL WITH ALL THE ENERGY IN THE WORLD REGARDLESS AND THEY DON’T EVEN NEED COFFEE
ME.
TW Big vent under the gif (cause I’m on my phone and have no idea how to put a cut on my phone-) so you have been warned and if you don’t wanna see it, scroll now :D
So pretty much the thing abt going back isn’t just cause I haven’t shown up to other classes. My friend group is also pretty toxic and have done a lot of shit to me that I don’t wanna get into. They don’t care about me when I care about them all the time. They cry? I listen and comfort them. Someone’s bullying them? I speak up and do something about it if they want me to. But when I cry? A shrug of the shoulders. “Oh.” “Oof”. I say Oof sometimes too yea, but in situations where I don’t know what to say, or when it’s okay for me to react that way. Every time though I give them lots of hugs and reassurance that it’ll work out and that I’m always here for them and that they are amazing and anything else I can do and say to make them feel better. But with me it’s like “oh okay.” *Continues to talk to everyone else like I’m not there.* They only act like I exist when it’s for their benefit or when I get to the point of sh stuff. And even then they would make me show them my arms in front of everyone in the main area at school. I miss when they used to care two years ago. When I felt like I really was important and not just the therapist. I dunno how long I can stay with them anymore. They’ve hurt me physically too but I won’t go into that today. I would leave but I can’t cause I don’t wanna be alone again cause every good person I had left either moved or left me or became toxic too. Plus I wanna help them and everyone sees me as the super bubbly and happy and nice person who is kinda sorta friends with everyone and so what’s gonna happen when I’m alone and quiet again (I used to read comics alone outside the classroom and had no friends :<). I just wish they cared more ig. They used to until two years ago anyway. Hopefully it ends soon cause idk if I can do this anymore I mean I’ve been crying almost every night about them and other stuff too for ages now and it’s not getting easier no matter how many times I wish and ask for things to get better. :) that’s it.