022. ‘If you want to talk about it then say so. Don’t lie and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t.’
This was prompted by an awesome anon! Just to be clear, I am not trans myself and I can’t possibly know what you are going through. This is written based on research and what trans people shared online, so if anything I wrote here is wrong or offending, please tell me!
Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900
(Warning: trans character written by a non-trans person, body/gender disphoria, accidental misgendering (that is corrected), person misunderstanding body disphoria as mysogyny, dealing with past trauma, mentioned suicide attempt of minor character)
[part2]
‘Ya goddamn lunatic, we didn’t sign up for this shit, this is dangerous!’
Gavin would have chosen some other words, but other than Hank, Connor and Nines, he was phcking coughing around a gag he had gotten for some of these carefully chosen words. They were kicked into a chamber together that was promptly closed and even a strong punch from either RK couldn’t make the frame budge. How they had gotten themselves was easy: A damn rookie mistake from Detroit’s best. They had acted on a hunch and had suffered the consequences as they ended up being kidnapped by someone who considered himself the next big brain in science. Well, maybe the idiot was, Gavin wouldn’t know, maybe this machine would work and revolutionise society. But even if what their kidnapper told them was right, they hadn’t signed up for being the damn lab rats to go through it!
It had been so close, too. The room they had been held captive in the last few days had kept them isolated, but as soon as they were outside the androids could send a distress call. Unfortunately, the police roughly took thirteen minutes to respond to high priority calls and an average of thirty-three to second priority calls. So somewhere in between they could be rescued. The small house the lunatic used for these science experiments was traversable in less than two. And there was only so much resistance you could put up before landing in a phcking chamber that would phck your complete life over.
Seven minutes in, the chamber was powered up and it felt like being burned for the few seconds it lasted. Gavin and Hank screamed as every cell of their body was changed. Connor and Nines felt it too, but it didn’t hurt for them, it was more of a dull throb as their hull-pieces changed form and biocomponents changed functions. The more terrifying it was for them to watch their humans as they had the spare processing power to realise what was happening. As Hank and Gavin fell to the floor once the chamber had powered down their android’s managed to catch them.
‘Gavin! Hey, Gavin, say something!’, Nines demanded, hearing his brother do the same. Only as Gavin opened his eyes and locked them with his looking exhausted, Nines allowed his stress levels to settle a bit.
It was nine and a half minutes in, that there was noise outside. Nines rested Gavin against the wall before reassuring his human he would be back soon. Then he stood up and walked to the small window on the door. From there he could see the scientist still triumphantly grinning, telling members of Allen’s SWAT team he was victorious and that it worked, before lifting the pistol he had threatened them with to his head and pulling the trigger. Nines stared in shock as the body sunk to the floor and SWAT surrounded the man. Nines knocked at the chamber again to draw attention and an officer quickly figured out how to open the door via the terminal the scientist had stood behind before.
‘You got to be kidding me’, Sixty cursed shocked, while the rest of the team that wasn’t busy getting the scientist to the waiting ambulance stared with open mouths. Even Allen didn’t know what to say, as four women stepped out of the chamber.
-
Nines studied his human closely over the desk. There were a few changes that were difficult to overlook. His shoulders were a bit narrower now, his hips slightly wider and a change in posture due to the added weight in the front. What did he himself looked like? Most likely similar to Connor, if his brother’s change was anything to go by.
‘Would you quit staring for phck’s sake!’, Gavin hissed louder than he would like. ‘Everyone else does so already, don’t need your phcking judgement too!’
‘I’m sorry’, Nines mumbled. ‘I wasn’t judging you.’
‘Yeah sure you wasn’t.’
‘Are you alright?’, Nines asked concerned. He knew this would be even harder for his partner than for the rest of them, but he had hoped to keep those words unspoken until they were home in private.
‘I’m fine!’, Gavin hearusfordern. ‘I’m better than ever!’
‘Gavin.’
‘No, don’t you Gavin me! Mind your own business!’
‘If you want to talk about it then say so’, Nines whispered gently. ‘Don’t lie and pretend to be fine when you clearly aren’t. I’m here for you.’
But his human wasn’t having any of it. ‘we have work to do, Toaster!’
He sighed, hoping to get to talk with his husband once they were home.
The fact that Gavin went straight to the bathroom and stayed there for a while was enough for Nines to know chances would be slim. He walked over to knock on the door, when Gavin came storming out and made a beeline for the kitchen. Nines sighed and entered the now empty bathroom to figure out a few things about his own body too.
Gavin knew the android would plan to talk with him about everything, he also knew that he needed it dearly. But he didn’t want to. So, he had locked himself inside the bathroom and refused to look in the mirror. As Nines had come to check on him he darted for the kitchen. He needed something. Who knew what he needed, but he had to busy his hands. What had helped him in his youth? He tried to remember what he had done when people kept bothering him, kept staring and staring and… His hands flew to the cupboard, then to the fridge. Hot chocolate was the only thing he would be able to easily make and he knew coffee would only make it worse. But something sweet enough to keep the bile at bay and something warm and comforting? Maybe he would at least calm down enough to actually use his brain again and talk to the one goddamn person he had ever really opened up to. The damn person that was stuck in the same situation. Well, not the same, but…
The microwave plinged him from his thoughts and he took the cup that was burning hot. ‘Shit!’, he cursed and hated how his voice had changed. It sounded higher. Maybe that was only his imagination, but that was enough to send him to the edge again. He gulped down the first mouthful of the sweet drink that was way too hot and burned enough to push tears to his eyes. Of course, that was the moment the toaster decided to come out of the bathroom and look at him. Phck. Gavin stormed towards the bedroom, leaving his cup behind and slamming the door. He needed to be alone, he needed to forget everything and just phcking let it all out.
It near physically hurt Nines to see Gavin avoid him and struggle with this alone, but he let him. The man wasn’t ready yet to accept help. Also, Nines didn’t know he could provide it. He wasn’t there when Gavin had gone through it the first time, he didn’t know what he needed. He looked at the cup of hot chocolate and took it into his hands. He would give him some more time.
As it was at a drinkable temperature, he made his way over to the bedroom. He gently knocked at the door before entering, deliberately avoiding looking at the man that was lying on his front.
‘Don’t even try to phcking talk to me, alright?’, he threatened quietly, tired.
Nines nodded, putting the cup on his bedside table and sitting on the edge of the bed. He waited for any other reaction and got it, when Gavin sat up groaning and took the cup, scooting closer. ‘I’m sorry. I’ll go to sleep now, okay?’
Nines nodded, taking refuge in the others weight against his side. Gavin still trusted him. That was all he needed to know for now. There would come the time to talk.
-
The next morning unfortunately, everything had changed again.
‘Where the phck is the goddamn mirror, tin-can?!’
Nines flinched in the kitchen while making breakfast.
He looked over to where Gavin was standing in the doorframe. ‘I put it away’, he admitted.
‘Hey, toaster, if this is some kind of sympathy trip, then-‘
‘It’s not!’, Nines was quickly defending himself, hoping to diffuse the situation. ‘I didn’t want to see me like this yesterday. I should have put it back up. You can of course take it if you are fine with it. I just didn’t want it.’
‘If I’m fine?’ The android immediately knew he had said the wrong thing. ‘Nines, you don’t believe how not-fine I am with this. I am a woman again for phcks sake! Do you know how much effort I put into passing as a man? All that for nothing. I’m a phcking woman again!’
‘Gavin, please, I-’
‘No, I don’t want to hear it. Don’t come at me with the trapped in the wrong body bullshit. I’m fine with my body. I’m not fine with how people stare at me. How there is the need to know what I have between my legs. How they decide my pronouns for me instead of just asking. So, don’t you even try telling me how everything is good or will be good again, because right now, it just isn’t!’
Nines took a deep breath. ‘Gavin, I wasn’t going to say any of that. It is not for me to voice these thoughts even if I had them.’
‘Good!’, the human near shouted. ‘Good.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Let’s get the phck to work then, this shit is only temporarily until we get this machine to work again and time flies when I’m knees deep in a murder investigation. Get a phcking move on!’
-
‘Hey, do you know where Reed is?’
‘Hmm? Right there, why do you ask?’
‘Oh, the new girl?’
‘Hey, don’t say that! Didn’t you hear? He got caught up in some crazy shit, they are all turned. Nines, Connor, Hank…’
‘Oh shit, my bad. Did they say something about how they want to be addressed?’
‘Dunno, man.’
‘Hey, Gavin, do you have the SWAT report somewhere?’, Nines asked maybe a tick to loud to tune out their co-worker’s conversation. He didn’t know whether his partner could hear them, but he wanted to make sure none of that reached his ears.
‘Hmm? Yeah, has to be somewhere… Here you go.’
‘Thanks.’
That was that navigated around, Nines thought, but his mood plummeted as he saw Hank and Connor walking over, a big smile on their faces.
‘And, how are you two faring?’, Hank asked, planting himself on Gavin’s table.
The man just scrunched up his face in disgust. It made the Lieutenant laugh. Gavin tensed even more what made Nines take over quickly.
‘Well, how are you? I can’t believe you are taking it too well.’
Connor shrugged. ‘Well, gender has always been a bit weird for androids, hasn’t it? I don’t really mind it once you accommodated to it. I liked my old body better but I could live with it, should it be irreversible.’
‘Well, I can’t’, Gavin spat at the other android.
‘What? Jeez, Gav, it’s 2039…’ Hank said, elbowing the man. ‘Or aren’t you not only anti-android but a fucking misogynist too?’
‘I’m not-‘ Gavin gasped for air at it, but Nines was standing already. ‘Hank. Say another word and I will forcefully remove you from that table.’
‘Alright, alright, fine. Just wanted to ask how it was going along.’
‘Tech’s still working on figuring out how to make the chamber work. The scientist survived, but I don’t think he will ever be in the condition to explain anything higher than basic multiplication.’
‘Shit. And any progress?’
‘Turned a few mice to slush, don’t really want to call it progress yet’, Gavin mumbled.
‘Shit. Well, keep me updated. Me an’ Connor will head out for a new case.’
‘Have fun.’
-
‘Phck Hank, seriously! Right when I thought the guy grew on me he says something like that.’
‘I’m sure he meant it as a joke’, Nines tried to console Gavin walking up and down their living room.
‘Well, then it wasn’t funny at all.’
‘I have to agree’, Nines sighed.
Gavin flopped down next to him.
‘Phck, I really hope they get the damn thing working again’, Gavin breathed. ‘And I’m sorry I yelled at you so much, this all is just… It’s too much all over again.’
‘I understand you’, Nines muttered. ‘I… err…’
‘What?’
‘Can I touch you? Or does it make things worse?’
‘I don’t know’, Gavin answered on all honesty.
‘Can I try?’
‘Yes, please.’
Nines leaned closer and laid his arms around the man. If he was being honest it wasn’t solely to comfort Gavin but also himself. This really wasn’t what he wanted. He felt uncomfortable as well, but with his feelings he only managed to catch a glimpse of what Gavin had to go through his entire youth and now again.
‘You are what you say you are’, he whispered into his ear. ‘I love you. I don’t know how to make this any better, but we will get through this together, okay? I’m sure they will figure things out soon.’
‘Thank you. I know. It’s just… I feel extremely anxious about it. Well, it feels like anxiety, I’m more than just anxious about it. You know what I’ve been through before, you saw all of me already. You saw the-‘
‘I saw you’, Nines confirmed. ‘But I still see you now. You are not only your body Gavin. To me your appearance only matters because it matters to you. And we will change it back I promise. You can trust me.’
Gavin relaxed in his arms and Nines held him. It felt good to have Gavin confiding in him again. They spent most of the evening like that, cuddled together, comforting each other. Nines had made him his hot chocolate again and as it became dark outside, they had relocated to their bedroom, staying connected all the time. Holding a hand, brushing against a hip. Gavin had become sleepy in his embrace and Nines was breathing slow against his neck. Although both were tired, sleep didn’t come easy and they stayed awake far beyond their normal time, together and still alone with their thoughts.
Until at four o’clock Nines huffed out a small laugh and pressed Gavin close.
‘What happened?’, Gavin asked confused, slurring the words.
‘Gavin? I just got a message from Connor. The mice survived.’
Immediately Gavin was awake. ‘What means?’ He turned around looking at Nines full of hope.
The android smiled and kissed Gavin’s forehead. ‘That means it’s time for the lab rats to try it. Come on, get dressed!’
NOW DO PEOPLE UNDERSTAND????????? “YOU AND SAM HAVE EACH OTHER”???? THAT SOUNDS SO OUT OF PLACE 15 SEASONS IN !!!! IT’S NOT TRUE ANYMORE, NOT AFTER EVERYTHING, AND DEAN BETTER FEEL THE WEIGHT OF THOSE WORDS-- HE KNOWS ITS NOT TRUE ANYMORE, HE KNOWS ITS ALL OF THEM AS ONE FAMILY.
oh god the thing is that i hate my native country so much, well the people and the mentality. I literally can find non of the jokes on some of their shows funny. Like this summer when i went, my cousin showed me some 'comedy' show but really it was this guy beating up his wife and raping people and making jokes about it, in addition to being homophobic as fuck. People irl always ask me why i'm not patriotic and i should be especially since i kinda live in an area that seems infested with them i just like fuck off it's not a good thing to be patriotic about a culture that perpetuates abuse and rape.
ALSO basically all the guys are violent as fuck and are super controlling and perverts and the majority of them are in gangs and shit. like fuck i have a friend whose brother and dad are mad controlling, they control who she talks to, who she sees, what she wears etc. pls i am not about this shitty culture. The place is nice and all but it's tainted with these poisonous beliefs. I just feel sorry for people who embrace it tbh.
oH and oh god there was a homosexual guy in the shows big brother and when he came out on air, they were calling for his fucking blood. They actually couldn't evict him bc it would be too dangerous. Where do they get the audacity to hold a gay parade just because they want to be seen as accepting to enter the EU. God, my heart goes out for the minorities that live in that godforsaken land.
